I've come to realize I'm nowhere near as close to my goals with women as I want to be.
Sure, I've taken girls home from the club, bars, social events, daygame etc but I don't meet new girls as consistently as I'd like.
So I'm starting a new journal for accountability.
I'm rusty as it's been a while - I've been in a relationship, had health issues, and recently been all in on business. So we'll see.
Today I checked out a nice park where the demographics were just too old. Pinged one girl who responded yellow and I didn't pursue cause it felt awkward - maybe tonight I'll scope out another area or two.
Finally poked my head up from business for the first time in a while.
Fundamentals first: Got a new haircut and losing fat by the minute. Next to go are the circles under my eyes.
I started pinging girls again when out and about and wow am I rusty. Had a few good convos and asked one girl out to no avail:
I go into a vintage shop, the cute bubbly girl informs me of a sale. The other customers leave and I tell her to pick me a jacket so she can be my stylist. She doesn't really speak english but happily complies and we have some back and forth. She's a gamer girl with rockstar tattoos and a great sense of style. I ask if she wants to hang out sometime she says "no, i have work" i say "after work" she says "after work (points to the right) game (points to the left) boyfriend". Shoot. I asked like a chump but it's been a while so I'm not mad about it.
Next time: have a specific date rather than simply ask to hang out.
I'm not getting the IOIs I'm used to. Could be cultural, could be the demographic, could be how I'm dressed.
Either way it's weird to not get much in return from my eye contact.
For example a girl yesterday I met while out getting food - made it obvious I was looking at her, could tell she was watching me but she didn't do anything. Once I actually started talking to her she was receptive and compliant but before that, nothing. Happily agreed to meet again then ghosted.
Same thing I've found on the street/public transport where I can tell they're looking yet won't respond to anything except a super clear direct conversation.
This lack of buy in is making me feel awkward, and my approaches come off timid. "Foreign guy trying to talk to me" frame which obviously leads nowhere good.
I guess the move is to be more shameless.
I set up online again with some old pictures. Tinder isn't showing me, got maybe 10 bumble matches so far no dates.
Not getting IOIs was only happening in one specific area where gen z girls are just busy going about their day. In this city the IOIs tend to be more subtle so it's not really a problem.
I went on a date yesterday with a girl I met in the mall.
Met a girl in the mall - she was sitting on a bench and I went and opened indirect like a bitch. She was hesitant and didn't speak much english but open to chat. Attraction was there so I kept talking, moved her a little, and we decided to meet up the next day. I would've gone for same day but she lives an hour away and had to leave soon.
Fast forward to yesterday. First of all I didn't have much of a plan ahead of time. Logistics got screwed up and we meet at a different time/place than intended, but it's still near where I live. I was starving so I got some food and ate, we sit outside and walk around for a little. Take her to the workout park because I want to get some reps in.
The whole time she's compliant but hesitant. I decide to take her back to the crib because I might as well, and even before we get there it's tons of resistance. Once she realizes where we're going she's objecting left and right but stays compliant, same deal once we get inside.
I just keep persisting and slowly building closer towards the lay. Go from her not wanting to touch to eventually we're lying together, kissing, some touching, some clothes off. Turns out she's a virgin (supposedly), it's been a long time, her culture is not very open, goes from saying she wants to wait for The One to saying she would do it tomorrow so she can prepare.
It's hours of this that eventually I don't get past and she has to leave.
Her main objections were:
1. too fast/doesn't know me
2. doesn't know why I like her specifically/you do this with every girl
3. culture/lack of experience
So. Yes it's cool to persist through all her objections to pull, but it would be way cooler to handle them ahead of time.
Which should've been done on an actual date. Build comfort (what's missing), get to know each other, set the right frames.
Besides fixing the obvious errors here my next step is to be more direct and sexual on the approach.
Setbacks with OLD - tinder shadowbanned me. Set up one date I flaked on and set up a hinge date who turned out a catfish. Ditched her within 30sec.
Still haven't gotten good new pictures.
I've noticed that with daygame I see plenty of opportunities and take them if I feel good. If I'm stressed I go too quickly and miss them or just don't even think about it.
Couple style tweaks to make - I feel as if I'm a little too 'generic good' looking. Even as a foreigner blatant IOIs are rare and mostly only from other foreigners. On top of that, 'nice guy' really isn't my personality.
Going to trade the polo for a hoodie, probably chop the hair, and maybe pierce my ears again. Haven't worn accessories in a long time so it may be time for a change.
I haven't really approached without IOIs except for pings. That'll come soon.
The pings have been lame and low intent and I haven't plowed the way I need to. Again, soon.
Switching rooms in the coming week and excited to have that pull in the back of my mind.
Met a girl from bumble last night who turned out to be average looking. I left quickly - I want it, but I don't want it that bad.
Deleted my banned tinder account with plans to make a new one in the next couple days.
Lately I've been showing intent more obviously. Stronger eye contact and more sexual vibe in general. Feels good on my end but the best response I seem to get so far is that the girls look away. Not getting much in the way of openings.
this has helped some.
Case in point - yesterday saw a hot chinese girl waiting outside the drugstore. She was REALLY NERVOUS when I said hi. But I kept it laid back, body turned sideways (less confrontational) and she started to open up.
With enough time I would've gotten her out but sadly her friend came to get her.
If I open with a compliment and a smile I bet I can move faster.
The issue before wasn't attraction, it was attention. I was mostly in busy walking streets and uni areas where everyone's on their phone. The girls weren't even noticing me. Got many more eyeballs in malls, smaller streets, subways, etc. Still no obvious 'planting themselves near me' IOIs but definitely a change.
Moved neighborhoods to an excellent area with lots of hot girls not too far away.
Was sick for a day or two which surprisingly made it easier to focus on my sexual energy. All I have to do is relax and sometimes think sexual things. Realized that I may be good looking but I'm not 'sexy' right now.
I can change this. More manly vibe first, hair second, clothes third. Throw in a new walk as well. Keep building muscle.
Haven't fully cracked channeling this energy but it's gotten much better than the 'awkward small talk' situational approaches.
Today:
Walked past an empty glasses shop with a hot girl behind the counter.
Walked in, asked some generic question she didn't understand. Good old indirect direct.
"actually I just came in because I like your style. I think it's cool"
"thank you!"
and we vibe for a couple minutes. I try on some glasses.
she asks what size:
"A little bigger than normal but nothing special"
I crack myself up but she barely speaks english. Best I can do is some loaded eye contact and lip gazing.
:: my sexual energy flares up in these moments. With practice I believe I can hold it at a high level throughout the approach ::
So it's mostly small talk, she lives around here, seems receptive. And did I say hot? At least a high 8 so far.
I ask if she's down to get together sometime just her and me. She give me a thumbs up: "good!"
Which I take as a green light obviously and continue to build the vibe before setting a date. She's a dancer and I make a joke about stripping she doesn't understand, and at the same time someone walks into the store so the smoothness is broken.
But I continue, she just agreed to the idea of hanging out so I ask her schedule. She says she's completely full because she has a performance to do with no suggestion of any time we can meet.
I gesture to her phone to translate something and she starts texting, says sorry I have a call and walks away.
She is at work after all so I give her the benefit of the doubt. But I can tell that's probably it. Another staff comes out and they do something with the glasses for a min. I just try on a few pairs and when she's back nearby I ask to type again.
'hanging out with a handsome guy boost dance perfomance. It's proven'
she laughs hard. 'you mean you!'
but then gets really really nervous/uncomfortable when I wait for her to respond. Says she has a boyfriend. looks at her co worker (for translation I assume), I say its okay to say no. they say no. I leave. shit.
I think I just wasn't smooth enough. She was definitely interested.
Maaaybe should've taken the number earlier and continued the convo over text w/o a date set yet.
If I had banged her this would've changed the game. She was really fucking hot, maybe the hottest I've seen in this city so far.
And if I were a bit smoother, a bit more unashamedly sexual, a bit better in general... girls like that would be part of my life.
Chopped the hair and it nerfed my style. Or maybe I was just hiding.
Felt like a no style again. One girl described it as "cozy".
I popped in a piercing studio on a whim and bantered with the girl there. Told her I'm going back to 'hot guy' style and it's been a while. I'm not in a sexual state at all, just having fun.
She tells me I look good and starts asking about my plans. Where I live, how long I'm in town, if I'm traveling alone & I realize there's a possibility here. She's decent looking but has a great body I didn't even notice before.
I leave and come back later for the piercing. Flirt a bit too gamey. A little too obvious about saying she looks young. A couple dumb comments like 'ok we'll go to hawaii' that she laughs at but are counterproductive. I ask her out for a drink when she's off - she says she's too tired, scheduling, yada yada excuses even though she wanted me earlier.
In my mind: 'oh, she likes me, I’m available, guess I should ask her out' rather than 'you're hot, let's bang'.
My sexual intent was too little too late. She had absolutely no clue I would've taken her to pound town.
Manly vibe was off as well. Acted too indecisive and agreeable rather than assertive.
I'm introducing a 100 or 0 policy. 100, I definitely want to make things happen, or 0, I don't give a fuck whatsoever.
Half ass approaches kill momentum; in this case it'd be better to just screen hard.
Missing element right now is that sexual feeling to change the vibe from 'fun flirting' to 'I want you.'
Yeah that's what I mean by 100 or 0. Sexual intent instead of situational.
(which i did not follow below)
Went to a party for halloween, my first in a while. Flirted with a few girls, pulled one home who refused to come inside because ... massive resistance
A lot were hot but there was only one girl that truly turned me on. Beautiful nurse, few years older than me, however her english was horrible and she pulled her sister in to translate every time we tried to talk. Attracted but went to nothing cause of the awkward vibe. Thought I'd reengage later but those two left way early and I didn't even get a number. Sucks.
met and flirted with others, whatever, no one I'm really interested in. walked around outside cause I got bored.
Came back just before closing time and saw a fellow white guy talking to two cute girls. I swoop in and they all happily welcome me. I talk mainly to one of the girls. Few minutes later the party closes and as I'm outside starting to walk home, her friend opens me. We're headed in the same direction, so naturally I suggest we all continue together. We pair off and I probe for plans; my girl could stay up later. I suggest we stay together longer and she's open to the idea.
My thought at this time is simple baby step pull.
I first get her to take my subway line and maybe agree to get off at my station.
At the station, the other two go the opposite direction and I think it's a done deal. The first flash of 'this is actually going to happen' hits. We do some basic vibe building chitchat with flirting mixed in so I make sure she knows what's up.
She's looking at all the maps because the last train comes soon and still isn't 100% on staying with me.
She asks what we're going to do and I say we'll chill and language exchange. She says she's tired and doesn't want to drink more. Says she's a little drunk and asks if that's okay with me. I say yes I am too.
Circumstances are a huge green light. But she's not very receptive to touch at all, which is weird.
She's on the fence so I baby step further by saying she'll just walk me home, joking about safety. Still looking at maps and even makes a comment about taking a taxi home later. I agree. We get off together.
As we walk back she tells me a story about how she got matched with a language partner who didn't want to exchange language, "only wanted love" and she blocked him because of bad vibes.
When we get to the door, she refuses to come in. I persist to no avail "we'll just talk for a few more minutes" "we won't do anything we're not comfortable with" "We have a good vibe, let's continue"
But it was a hard no I couldn't get around.
"I just met you 1 hr ago" "your home is a private space" "it's my rule" "I have to work tomorrow" -she's now saying we can meet another time somewhere else.
She leaves to take the last train so we exchange contacts and names.
I text her "get home safe" to open the convo
she says "yes I get home now"
Where I possibly went wrong:
- handling logistics before she actually wanted to fuck me (not sure)
- giving more of a short term relationship vibe rather than a hookup
- too focused on logistics (getting off at my stop) rather than vibe (stay up together)
Thoughts:
I feel like stronger sexual intent would've pushed her away.
Could have given her space to decide instead of persisting
- but again, feel like she wouldn't have gone my way
- felt like I had to baby step her wanting to stay with me instead of just baby step getting there
I have a hard time believing she didn't want to get laid. This was annoying.
