A Lover's Adventures

Lover

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Jan 7, 2015
Messages
419
Location
Europe
What's up?
I didn't really get anywhere with my first journal. Too much unnecessary thinking and analyzing, too little doing. Too much ego, pride and facade, not so much authenticity.

At this point I have realized that it doesn't really matter what I think when I'm overthinking. I must take action to get anywhere. And the action I take must challenge my comfort zone. I can't play it safe all the time. Not just in the matter of seduction, but every other area of my life as well.

The last two weeks have been awesome because I'm challenging myself more and more. I can feel my long-lost drive back in me. I want to get better in every area, and I am getting better. I love it.

I'm still fighting my demons (ego, pride and facade) every day, and I still miss my fwb. We have a lot of good and sexy memories =) BUT! She is replaceable after all. I can find someone else to get new memories with, and maybe even better. But I will miss her and adore her till the end of my life.

No more analyzing feelings and thoughts.

Sticking point
I need to approach more women than I do now for reference points. When I do approach, I rarely approach more than 2 women per day. That's an awefully low number to approach on a daily basis. On the other hand, the approaches I have done until now, have taught me two things: 1. rejection doesn't matter at all, 2. my openers can be better. I'm erring on the lazy side of law of least effort. Examples:

Girl walking the opposite direction of me. Almost three steps before we were bumping into each other I open "hey! Nice style"
And she just keeps walking until she has walked two steps pass me and says "thank you" in a sceptical tone. I neither looked back nor reengaged.

An almost identical scenario happened five minutes after. "Hey! that's a gorgeous dress". No respons, no looking up. It's like she ignored my whole presence =)

Action-wise, I didn't try to stop them from walking, and I didn't reengage when they had passed me.

On the verbal side of things, well, my openers are too generic. Anyone can give a generic compliment.

But my openers has worked fine on women who were either sitting or walking the same direction as me (if they were walking faster than me and suddenly began to walk in front of me).

Keep on approaching =)
 

Lover

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Jan 7, 2015
Messages
419
Location
Europe
Re: a-jay's journal 2.0

As I'm attending a 6-hour long exam next week, I've been busy preparing myself for this. But I might get a vist from a coworker tomorrow. Let's see how this one pans out =)
 

Lover

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
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Messages
419
Location
Europe
Re: a-jay's journal 2.0

My coworker neither responded to my text nor my call lol. I feel I should be mad, but I don't really give a damn. I'll get more opportunities like this, and I didn't really invest that much. But what happened?

When we were at work at the same time, we found out we had both become single recently. After that we had a lot of weird conversation topics going on, but it was in a flirting and exciting manner. We built up tension with prolonged eye contact, and she would break eye contact first. The frame was sexual, no doubt about that. It was so natural, I can't even describe it. It just flowed.

I'm taking salsa classes again, and I used this as a "plausible deniability" to invite her over to my place. She sounded excited, but I did two major things wrong: 1. I didn't ask on a high note. I should have asked when we were having those flirtatious conversations instead when we were having casual talk, and 2. I tried to make it work for my schedule with little regard to hers. She's physically attractive, but not my type. I was just surprised when we began those conversation with sexual frame and innuendo, and suddenly I was thinking sexual thoughts about her. No girl has ever done this to me prior to sleeping with her :D But I do think I had the same effect on her as I was implying it, and she was at one weird point implying that she used a lot of spit (which made me think sexually about her).

I tried to move things forward, and I'm proud of that. I don't know if this one is over, but I don't have time to wonder as my exam is coming up, and my schedule is full until mid July. But my workplace and I are going to an expo next week with a party in the night, we'll see what happens there.
 

Lover

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Jan 7, 2015
Messages
419
Location
Europe
Re: a-jay's journal 2.0

Salsa girl, Lithuanian Lina

Strong eye contact (I could look into her green days all day and all night) ✓

Lot of touching (besides dancing) ✓

Flirting ✓

"us vs. world" frame ✓

Social proof by the others ✓

We have two lessons left before the salsa school goes on vacation. Plan is to get her contact info at the next lesson (Monday), so we can schedule something soon. All I need to do is isolate her, or tell her during a dance that we should meet up after the lesson for a minute. Since she's a foreigner, I might have to consider the fact that she's travelling back to her family. I don't even know if she's here on exchange.. Find out her future plans fast. Otherwise this could become a bad screw up.
 

Lover

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
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Messages
419
Location
Europe
Re: a-jay's journal 2.0

Nothing happened with the salsa girl as it turned out she had a boyfriend. Oh well, moving on :)

I was busy most of July because of study and work, so nothing really happened besides a little repitition of good ol' fundamentals, mostly posture, voice tonality and social awareness. Also I've got a cool necklace and watch, both from family members. With my earring, these jewelry make an awesome combination.

I attented a training camp last month and suffered a serious injury. I might need surgery for that, but we'll see :(

I met a girl on the camp, and she was waaaay to young (still legal here though). We were connecting just fine as we were both really ambitious people. She shared a couple of her secrets with me, and when I asked her why she would tell me, she said "you actually listen and seem like you can keep secrets". All true, and I can understand what it's like to be young and ambitious around teens who are just living as if there is no tomorrow. I teased her, made some self-deprecating remarks and were not afraid of incidental touches. She seemed to like me. However, we reached a certain point in our connection where I regretted us reaching it because of certain circumstances I don't want to mention here. You could say that I auto-rejected, but in the big picture it seemed like I led her on and then she auto-rejected. Or maybe something else happened, who knows. I'm fine with the outcome; we are friends now. The only thing I really learned from this lesson was: know what I'm seeking, and early in the conversation find out whether the girl I'm talking to can give it to me or not.

And then this weekend happened, lol! First I met this 21-year old girl from Okcupid, and then I happened to bang with the 18-year old from this LR from what I'll consider a very strange way to meet other people, but it happened nonetheless. I'll call the 18-year old Mary. The aftermath of meeting with Mary and our mutual friend was that I got her number when we separated Saturday. We were attending different birthdays the very same night, and the locations were only 10 minutes away by car. We texted a little more and realized both parties were dead around 00:30 (or used this as an excuse to meet up again ;)). I picked her up, we got back to my place around 1, got ready and FINALLY fucked her on my bed instead of the bathroom floor. We banged for one long round that night and two more times the next morning.

Damn, I was sexually stuffed yesterday! All that sex was driving me crazy, glad I can finally take a few days off to focus on my studies again lol. These girls screamed loud as fuck once they got the D, and they were fucking wet. And experienced. I loved it.

I know that none of this is personal - I am used to my sexual relationship being something personal between me and a girl, one way or another. Here's what I mean

First: With the girl from Okc, she happened to be in an open relationship, and the relationship status even linked to her boyfriend. I liked that she was honest about this in her profile because I instantly knew she was in it for sex + her boyfriend would have no problem with this. A little "who are you"-kind of questions, number close and set up a date. It was weird for me because this is the first time I'm in it only for sex, and I knew she did it because she loves sex so much. We ended up as FWB because we happened to connect on a platonic level as well, luckily not too much! Hopefully she can separate the sex-me and friend-me because of her relationship.

When she got home, she texted me that her bf didn't have any problem with the sex or the FWB-setting. And the only thing I could think was "Really? I didn't expect anything else for people in an open relationship" :)

Second: with Mary, I took a chance and got a lay from it. Even though she knows what I study (which is the number one thing that raise my provider value a trillion), she doesn't give a damn about it. She doesn't really care about my ambitions either (yet anyway). I don't even think I'm her "physical type", but she wanted sex and got it from someone who could give it to her right there (me). We have not deep dived each other at any point yet. As far as I'm aware all conversations have been superficial. We have yet to discuss the "what are we"-question, which I'll let her initiate. But we have mentioned that neither of us are in hunt for a bf or gf, which is the perfect set up, should this continue into a sexual relationship for some time. She has actually texted me right now that her jaw is sore which is proof of my dick being above average - and yeah, she did mention that in-person as well. It's definitely on ;)

What have I learned from these girls?
- Sex can happen really fast once you meet
- Sex doesn't have to be personal at all - neither for me nor them. I don't have to be that sexy, rather I shall show social awareness and keep things simple (especially if all they want is sex)
- Taking chances or making a move can seem hard, but they don't hurt you at all

In the big picture, I have better idea of what I want now
- As long as I'm studying, I will only pursue sexual relationships and find the right and wrong ways to do this. I have an okay idea how romantic relationships work and don't see any reason to improve on that for now.

- Regarding abovesaid; If I meet a girl who wants a relationship with me, I will tell her either that I'm not looking for a serious relationship, or that I don't do monogamous relationships (the latter if I like her enough - you never know). If the latter happens, I might be reading a little more Blackdragon Blog about the open relationships setting.

- I will look into online gaming and use GC forum as inspiration (such as FR's/LR's from Bboy and Oh Pry, theirs are the most inspirational for my age)

- I don't really do nightgame because I hate being out too late too often and love to sleep, and I don't do daygame either because I still don't have the balls to do this consistenly. BUT my two lays from this weekend learned me that whatever chance I take, I might win sometimes. I might follow a piece of advice Bboy gave right here. More about that later.

What else
There's a girl I met during the last term, and she happens to go to the same lectures as me on this term. I'll write about her in the upcoming days as I see some potential.

I also met an old classmate from high school as we both attend lectures at the same location right now. The one thing I have loved about this girl is that she didn't hide her sexuality AT ALL in high school. She's probably what most people would have called a slut back then, but I think she's sexy. Next time I see her, I will try a number close.

I ALSO saw my former FWB once again at the local library. Initially, I got scared because I thought she saw me too, but seems like she didn't. Once I calmed down, I realized that my initial feeling was, of course, irrational but understandable. I thought of what happened this weekend and completely forgot about her until now. And now it doesn't even faze me. Seems like I'm over her :)
 

Lover

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
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Messages
419
Location
Europe
Re: a-jay's journal 2.0

If I am to follow the Seduction Triangle model by TheDoctor, I can see what is going on. When I found GC, I began working on my fundamentals right away. Mostly body language, walk, posture, social calibration and so on. Later I focused clothes and voice. Then I reached a plateau where I didn't get better, but I didn't get worse either. I just focused on my fundamentals. I tried to focus on my seduction skill for some time, but I should have worked on my mindset. And THAT is what I have been doing the last couple of months. And I can see how that has been paying off these days.

I am realizing this mindset shift within me. What could I probably mean? Well... I am slowly but steady becoming the man I have been aiming for the last year and a half. But only recently have I really put in the effort to become this man more. This is also the person I was back in high school; the person with good vibes and making people's days by sharing a good amount of laughter here and there. A carefree person who truly cares about the people around him and helps those he can help. I also see it now between lectures where I am building up social momentum with the girls mostly. I have never been more out of my head than these last couple of days. I am not afraid of talking to or touching girls (and even some of my closest guys for that matter - but that's just platonic, I promise ;)). I honestly can't remember when I've felt this good and carefree. I feel a better genunine connection with the girls for some reason, and I can sense that some of them feel it too. I think what I really have realized is that talking to girls in order to get sexual (or otherwise non-platonic) with them doesn't really matter. I should just take chances because that's life, and I have really nothing to lose. Another girl will be around the corner, waiting for me :))

I'll be honest though: initiating conversations can be hard, and finding something to relate to can also be hard. But if I reach that god damn hook point, it's a smooth ride from there.

Okay, so on to the girls..

Mary, the 18 year old from my last post came over Friday and stayed the night. Not even 2 minutes passed before we began to wrestle a little bit and fuck shortly after. We fucked twice in the evening and once in the morning before I had to go study. I felt that overall I performed worse than our first days of fucking. Yet, once we 69'ed, it was on. I hate foreplaying too much with her because I only see her as a casual partner. But maybe I have to forget about that and prolong the foreplay. During this session I discovered that she can't handle being teased that much. I love teasing her, but might have to tone that down a little.

The next girl: I mentioned her in my last post

a-jay said:
There's a girl I met during the last term, and she happens to go to the same lectures as me on this term. I'll write about her in the upcoming days as I see some potential.
We happened to be seated next to each other during a couple of lectures last Monday or Tuesday. And because I have been too much out of my head since last week, I only remember one thing that happened: the teacher's mic was turned down, and I asked if he could turn it up. She said to me in that partly annoyed and partly playful way: "you're so demanding!", I say "yes" and look at her afterwards, don't remember what face, but it was most likely a sexy one. She was smiling her usual huge smile which is the most attractive thing I know about her. But that's about what I remember. Everything else we talked about is a blur right now. I remember some touching here and there between the lectures. I'm only assuming attraction with her so it must be time to move things forward when the chance occurs.

I have met a couple of other girls during these lectures. Today I clicked so good with one of them, it even amazed me. I thought there must be a catch. And was I right: this girl, 23 year old like myself, got married last winter. Too bad. I don't want a reputation as a marriage destroyer, yet I feel I have put myself out there and can't retreat from that now. But I have to. So I'll keep conversation platonic with her, but I'll maintain those good vibes and touches like nothing has happened. One thing that just distracts me from those thoughts is that I asked her "how do you stay together for all those years?" and I could tell she quickly thought of the right respons "You meet the right person". On the outside I was happy for her, but on the inside I felt something was off about the way she answered. She didn't seem genuinely happy about it. I better take precautions about letting her too close (even if she wants this). I could be misinterpretating things, but my instincts are usually right in these cases.

Later today I met yet another girl, a complete stranger, who was a promoter. I wrote about her here. I regard this one as a huge victory because I didn't try to hide anything. I wanted to meet her again and thought I should get her number. So I did.

Earlier in this pos I wrote that I should just take chances because I really have nothing to lose. And that is what I did. The connection was there, the feelings were there, so why not give it a shot? It might lead to something, or it might lead to nothing.

Either way, I'm satisfied with how the big picture looks right now. My fundamentals are way better than they were two years ago, and my mindset has changed for something better for the last couple of months. Now it might be time to work on some actual skills. I will think about that for my next post. Time to sleep zZz
 

Lover

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
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Messages
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Re: a-jay's journal 2.0

A quick update.

I have only been seing the now 22-year old OkCupid girl two times now as she is busy with her studies and all that other stuff which musician students do. She is the kind of girl I might only see one or two times at month, but I'm totally fine with it. She's much of a teaser like myself ;))

I also see the 18-year old once every week. Totally cool with her. But she hates my hairy body hahaha. She has only four spots she touches on me: my neck, my back, my dick and my balls - all my hairless spots :p

Tinder isn't going that great. I matched with like 15 girls over a one month period (damn, I'm unattractive lol). Two of them unmatched immediately, a couple of them didn't answer my opener, another couple did answer my opener, but stop answering later. Some of them, I didn't even bother to open.

I am dating one of the Tinder-girls right now. She's 20 or 21, very cultural and in search of events that can make her feel a very particular atmosphere. First date was a spontaneous one in a coffee shop a week ago. The physical barrier got broken down little by little, and we seemed to connect just fine. The second date was yesterday in downtown area and around it. (Note to self: The set-ups for both dates were tricky, remember it for now). We met close to a tall church, and I suggested we entered it to see if we could get on top of it. The touches were getting more frequent. I had to get home to relax before a meeting in the evening, so I made her walk with me to the bus - which was the opposite way of what she had wanted to go lol. We sat waiting for it, still a lot of touching. I noticed I got in my head for the first time with her because I felt like kissing her, and thought "it's not a big deal". When I saw my bus was about to arrive, I looked her in the eyes and gave her a quick kiss on the lips. She will be leaving for a one-month holiday Sunday morning, and I might not get a chance to bang her before that. But she's not letting me either. So I'm thinking I'm doing something very wrong by kissing her. Whatever.. I can always end things if I'm not getting what I want. Besides that kiss, I have set the right frame to her: I have my own things to do, I'm not her shopping guy, I am a sinner religiously speaking (remember the church), I'm not afraid of touching her, I've made it clear that I want her to come visit me and even used plausible deniability to do that. Yet, I don't think she's gonna visit me, so I should seriously consider ending things before they get out of hands. Proceed with caution.
 

Lover

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
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Messages
419
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Re: a-jay's journal 2.0

Am I the only one that hates making up names for girls?

Anyway.. Mary told me she banged a guy last month without protection, and the guy told her today that he was infected with chlamydia. Good thing I already had scheduled an appointment to get checked for STD's even though I only fuck her with condoms. Besides that, we have had great sex as usual. But she told me she needed a "sex-break". First she asked if I felt she was as tight as usual. Tbh I don't remember if she was tighter or looser than usual, so I just said it feels the same to me. However, she doesn't get the same physical sensations during sex like she got the first month we fucked. The pleasure is completely the same, but the butterflies in her stomach and the shaking fingers she felt before, have all disapperead. So she wanted that "sex-break" to explore if it was because we had sex too often (once every week), and instead of intercourse we could do oral and other stuff. No problem. She just left for another country today and will return next weekend.

The girl from Okcupid will now go by the name Paula. We met yet again yesterday and had the greatest sex I can possibly remember. After I ejaculated which she knew, she said it was impressive how I moved so fluent during intercourse - and yeah, I made her tight pussy feel just how great I am at that even if the sensation was unbearable for my oversensitive penis ;)

The girl from Tinder in my last post.. let's call her Anna. She returned from her holiday sooner than expected, and we set up a new meeting almost immediately on Monday. Her tone in her texts has changed since yesterday, and the dynamic is set: she is the chaser, I am the chased. I actually love texting her, can't remember the when I had such a fun time texting a girl :) She might know what's coming next, and she seems insecure about it. I will deal with that, should it be necessary.

And then something surprising happened.. guess who I ended up matching on Tinder? It's someone I mentioned in another post in my journal

a-jay said:
The next girl: I mentioned her in my last post

a-jay wrote:
There's a girl I met during the last term, and she happens to go to the same lectures as me on this term. I'll write about her in the upcoming days as I see some potential.
We happened to be seated next to each other during a couple of lectures last Monday or Tuesday. And because I have been too much out of my head since last week, I only remember one thing that happened: the teacher's mic was turned down, and I asked if he could turn it up. She said to me in that partly annoyed and partly playful way: "you're so demanding!", I say "yes" and look at her afterwards, don't remember what face, but it was most likely a sexy one. She was smiling her usual huge smile which is the most attractive thing I know about her. But that's about what I remember. Everything else we talked about is a blur right now. I remember some touching here and there between the lectures. I'm only assuming attraction with her so it must be time to move things forward when the chance occurs.
So what should I call this one? Let's just call her Juliet for fun's sake, even though things are no way as romantic as Shakespeare's novel. Well... we matched on Tinder, and I am actually ashamed that we end up moving things forward because of a god damn dating app. But opportunities should be taken advantage of. And for the sake of experimenting, I asked for whether coffee or hot chocolate, and once she answered hot chocolate, I told her to text me on my phone number. And she did... after 5 days which was Tuesday or Wednesday last week. But I was so busy, I told her to wait for me to text her this week. And I did, but she only has time next week. So I suggested two days: Tuesday or Saturday, and she agreed to Tuesday. I asked her if she knew a certain coffee shop. "No, but I can feel that I will get to know it ;)". Oh my dear, that is definitely the plan.

And lastly, I approached a woman today during university bar event. No number this time, but a rejection that did not hurt. Didn't state my interest at all, I was actually just enjoying the conversation. But enjoying a conversation doesn't equal anything really.
 

Lover

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
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Re: a-jay's journal 2.0

I have been sick for almost a week, and I'm waiting for results on my STD test since I might have caught some STD I'm not aware of. I know Mary fucked one of her recent partners without protection, and he was recently diagnosed with chlamydia. I'm avoiding sexual activities for the moment. I had to cancel the two dates I had set up this week.

It affected my date with Anna that was scheduled last Monday - I cancelled it. We have been texting back and forth to find a new date,but damn we're two stubborn people. It seems we won't able to meet until Tuesday 9 days from now. We had a plan for today, but luckily she had to cancel because of assignments she was late to get done. I persisted a couple of times, but no effect. I remembered I was waiting for my STD test results - and now I was glad she cancelled. She threw a test my way today, and the timing was so bad because I was so tired, and I was literally about to get more sick by reading the first message which took over an hour to reply to

Her: I want to take it nice and slow so we get to know each other. If you understand what I mean by that
Me: We can wait to meet again for 3-4 months then. That is nice and slow to me ;)
Her: You wanna get to know me that way?
Me: Not sure which way you mean? (I see now this is the baddest respons I can come up with when I was joking before lol)
Her: One can't get to know one another by meeting up again 3-4 months from now
Me: Right. But I think things are happening with the right speed. We know each other very well, and I don't doubt anything ("I don't doubt anything"? lol mate)
Her: Okay *heart*
I had no clever line to bring up to the table, and my respons is so clumsy haha. But it seems like a "passed test", though it was way more different that I expected it to be

Right now, we were just texting about our next meeting, and she added how she is patient around me and likes it (well, we are not giving each other much choice, are we now?). I threw in a classic here:

Me: I hope you don't say that to get in my pants ;) Sleep tight *kiss-smiley*
Her: Haha I do ;) Sweet dreams *heart*
Maybe the vibe is eering a little too much on the boyfriend-end rather than the lover-end, but I should keep the texting to a minimum until we are going to plan our next date.

Juliet - the second date I had to cancel this week. I told her I would text her again once I was cured. And nothing has happened since then. Will text her once I know my schedule for the next week.

Mary got back yesterday, hornier than ever. The "sex-break" was apparantly the baddest idea she ever did, and she made sure I knew she would explode like a bomb once I touched her. I mean, yeah, that's what I do.. make people explode like a bomb when I touch them.

The disease + lack of sex and women have admittedly made my ego take a hit, it feels like I'm back to square one. But once I get back, it'll be better ;)

No new girls. Or, there might be one from my new job even though I don't know the policy of dating coworkers.. maybe she'll qualify herself to get some space in this journal :)
 

Lover

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
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Re: a-jay's journal 2.0

So I made a long ass post about 2016, but I decidede to save it as a draft because I didn't want to look at it afterwards, it's too fucking long and boring.. so made a tldr instead. Here it is:

- Generally, I have to be better to manage my time for both big stones (education, work, friends, family, workout) and small stones (girls, parties, creative stuff etc.) Work efficiently and balanced.

- On the same note, stop thinking anything can go 100 % as planned. Rest when needed. Don't chase perfectionism, but have fun.

- I should let girls break up with me without being butthurt in the end just because things didn't go my way. I might meet them on the streets again, but not on good terms.. that sucks, to be honest

- I have no clue how girls in a sexual or romantic for that matter make my life better, but they don't make it worse at the same time. Maybe they are just not the right women in my life?

- Like any other skill.. once you've done sex enough times, and you can't or won't think of other ways to take it to new heights.. it becomes trivial and boring. But I won't deny the fact that it is nice, and it helps to have someone(s) confirm you're doing a good job.. but that's pretty much it

- Regardless, I'm still going to take chances with girls if I meet some interesting ones. I have nothing to lose. Ask questions on GC when needed.

- Extra: focus mostly on feeling good and to some level on fundamentals (especially body language, voice and eye contact). Let the intuition do the actual gaming.

Happy new year, guys!
 

Hue

Chieftan
tribal-elder
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Re: a-jay's journal 2.0

Yo, great to see you're getting a better picture of what you want.. I think that's huge.

I saw you've been meeting up with some Tinder / okCupid girls.

When you go from matches --> numbers --> meeting up, what's your game plan?

I'm currently using somewhat of a "system" of screens to throw them to see if they're a good candidate for hooking up, and keep it pretty direct.
I never have to do this if the girl actually shows some energy / initiative to engage in the convo, but a lot of the matches send SUPER cold texts.
A lot of times I'll ask why their on Tinder, gauge from there, and usually flat out respond that "I'm trying to hook up with girls who seem worth the time" unless they're engaged, in which case it's easy to flirt with them and make things about sex.

I've noticed when it comes down to actually meeting up, a lot of girls simply aren't down.

The vibe I get from their texts so far is that
a. They're scared I'm a crazy person
b. They don't want to go fuck some random dude
c. They want to fuck but not enough to accept the logistics (one of these girls is 10 miles away, car-less, and her parents allegedly watch her like a hawk. I'd have to bang her in mine)


If you have a general sense of how you go about it, I'd like to hear it.


Hueman
 

Lover

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
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Messages
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Location
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Re: a-jay's journal 2.0

Hey Hueman, and happy new year bro :)

I'm not experienced in online dating at all.. I'm using my intuition in most cases. And when I don't use it, I read some GC articles or forum posts to get some ideas. Those girls you have read about since September, are the only ones I have met, so they are the ones I can draw any similarities from.

Hueman said:
When you go from matches --> numbers --> meeting up, what's your game plan?
As I said, I'm using my intuition in most cases because no girls are completely alike. But when I think about it, I have some kind game plan;

Opening, small talk, number close, date set up, date.

One thing I'm a big fan of is opening with something that is related to her. Besides Drexel's "Oh oh here comes trouble" and a random one "Insert creative opening line here", the personal openings are by far those that give me responses back. Examples:

With Paula, the OkCupid girl, something along the lines of "I couldn't believe we were a match at first, but now that I've read your profile, I see why we have a match percent over 80 ;)" This caught her attention. I somewhat qualified her with that opener, and she asked me to elaborate why I thought so. My respons was long and probably way below GC standards. In short, I said what we had in common judging from what I had read in her profile. She bought it anyway.

I think the opener is definitely the most important thing because this is usually where you have the best chance of reaching the hook point online.

You won't lose anything by a little small talk, but keep it on a minimum to feel her out. If you feel anything that resembles a good vibe, initiate number close. It may take many messages to reach that vibe, it may take a few. Don't be surprised if it takes a couple of days.

If she's still giving you the chills, just move things forward for fun or move on to another one.

When closing I split it in two.

  • Message 1: You seem nice (personal reason), I'd like to meet you sometime soon. What are you into during the winter, ice creams or hot drinks? (invitation)"

    She answers one of the options or something else.

    Message 2: "ay, that's cool. Let me have your number, and we'll set something up :)"

Once you have her number, you try to set up a date in the way that GC prescribes... But to be honest, that has never happened to me once.. like I said, no girls are alike, so let me put it like this: one doesn't mind you taking the lead, the next wants to take it all herself. Then they go travel, they visit their family etc. and you have to tell her "bummer, let's try again when you get back :)" What matters in the end, is that you are dating on your term.

Don't do any chitchats before the first date. Only use it to set up the date and tell her that you are looking forward to seeing her :)

Hueman said:
I'm currently using somewhat of a "system" of screens to throw them to see if they're a good candidate for hooking up, and keep it pretty direct.
I never have to do this if the girl actually shows some energy / initiative to engage in the convo, but a lot of the matches send SUPER cold texts.
A lot of times I'll ask why their on Tinder, gauge from there, and usually flat out respond that "I'm trying to hook up with girls who seem worth the time" unless they're engaged, in which case it's easy to flirt with them and make things about sex.
I remembered I had bookmarked one of Drexel's FR, a Tinder convo. You'll like it because it provides you a conversation tool to screen easier ;)

I'm not at a level where I can pull things off the way Drexel does, and at this point I don't know if I want to.

But I wished I had stated my intentions with my latest girl, Anna, before she decided to leave me. How would I not do it?

I never state my intentions already the chat, and I have completely stopped to ask girls what brings them to Tinder (no responses ever).. If you have a regular or semi-interesting conversation with some flirting, you just don't talk about those things yet.. you keep it light. I think it's too soon to do that during the chat. Not even if she's making an effort to make a good conversation would I do it. I think girls get creeped out because of this.. I'll admit that I have been creepy on Tinder myself when I took the wrong approach to some girls and lost them. But stating what I want without being asked to is weird.. however, no one will be led on! And that's one hell of an advantage for being direct.

What could I have done instead?

I got a tip from a female friend who said "then state your intentions indirectly?". She meant that I should have asked Anna during the date about the kind of sex she prefers, but specifically dive deeper into her views on casual sex. She should get the idea of where the conversation is heading.. and if she asks about my opinion, say all the good stuff, be non-judgemental and all that :) I think for a date that it's overdoing it, but I get it.. and might even try it

I think an important thing that remains is that she should get the idea that you are simply a human being (with good fundamentals) who can run a normal conversation (which involves flirting with her and being a little interesting), and you happen to be looking for someone to hook up with. At least that has worked for me..

Hope this helps a little ;) Happy new year bro
 

Hue

Chieftan
tribal-elder
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Re: a-jay's journal 2.0

Happy new year to you as well my man.

You're probably right, people should probably show a little more intrigue before being that direct.

From Drexel's FR, it looks like he's indirect until he's able to be a bit more direct, as a form of screening.
That shit is masterful; it combines multiple different tools written about on GC.

I think an important thing that remains is that she should get the idea that you are simply a human being (with good fundamentals) who can run a normal conversation (which involves flirting with her and being a little interesting), and you happen to be looking for someone to hook up with. At least that has worked for me..
Right, that you're attractive, not a creep (able to run a convo), and on here to hook up. Being indirect about the last part seems essential until you know compliance is almost certain... or else they'll likely auto reject.

And doing so in a way that turns her on is huge, it's like she hardly has a decision to make.

Thanks for the info bro

Hueman
 

Lover

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
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Re: a-jay's journal 2.0

This post is a side note to look at my growth personal-wise. I'll make a couple of these, but I'll keep this journal focused on what happens with girls.

Process with girls will come down after the personal note.

------
Okay, so like my New Years post, I had originally written a novel and decided to save it as a draft paper only. But I'll cut the novel down to the essentials in this post.

This term is finally over, and I had my only exam two days ago (it was a big one). I'm surprised, like really surprised at the whole process. There are definitely elements I can use from my final studying and the exam itself.

Because I had surgery in December, I took time off from studying. I used approximately two weeks to rest and stay at my parents', and the last two weeks to study full time. To be honest, I didn't really study for the exam before surgery. That's basically me in a nutshell for the last two or three years: only studying for good at the very end. But this time was a little different because I discovered a system that worked for me, and it'll probably work in all cases (at least on short term, but I have a feeling it'll work long as well):

- Repetition
- Flow (my term for momentum)
- Outcome independence and confidence


Right now I'm looking for a way of living that works for me. And I'll stick with this system for now and apply to other parts of my life.

I have been thinking about a new way to meet girls besides/instead of online. And the thing is, while I have been pretty much all around now (meeting through social circles, a little from cold approach and doing some online gaming, and all this resulting in a handful of numbers or sex), I've never stuck to any of them consistently.

But I want to get back into the habit of cold approaching. There are a lot of reasons why.. but let's say I want to challenge myself with this system that worked during my final studying. And since I have been so full of myself the last couple of months, let's see if I can project it to my conversations in real life, or if I will chicken out :D

I'll delete Tinder and okcupid for the time being as even getting matches have been non-existing.

When will I begin cold approaching? When I can manage to walk properly (surgery, ya know).
------

Alright, on to the girls..

Late November, Anna "dumbed" me because I wouldn't reciprocate her actions (= her feelings). I had invited her to my place on our 3rd meeting, and while she was accepting my invitation, she was having second thoughts the day before. We talked about it on the phone, and I just played things cool (is what I like to tell myself lol). But I made her come over, and we had some great sex. We met again a couple of days later where I stayed at her place. But right now, I wonder if this was a good idea with an expressive emotional girl like her. She had made dough for bread rolls to have me eat breakfast with her. I thought it was nice, but.. she was not going to get my love with blobs of dough. At one point during the breakfast, she put her hand on my own like it was an accident, and I wasn't phased at all. I was enjoying the moment until that point, for some reason.. anyway, she called me two or three days later, telling me she didn't feel it was right. I'm not sure if this was a test.. but either way, I didn't care. I was upfront about my "true" intentions, and she said some things about meeting a new guy, and whatnot.. lately, I have come to think she was just saying all this to make me jealous or protect her ego. But she decided to end things, which I'm cool with.

One thing I did wrong, was talking about all this on the phone. I should have scheduled to meet her and talk face to face instead.
And of course, staying at one's place is bad with a girl like her. Mary is quite the opposite, and she usually spends the night which is no problem as we have no romantic feelings for each other. But when I meet a girl like Anna, I better think twice about spending the night.

Anyway, Anna has tried to get in touch with me again.. once before NYE, and then again a couple of days ago. Texted her the last time that I am studying for the final and wouldn't be near my phone. She didn't answer. But I don't care because I'm trying to learn to let go of things no matter how long they lasted. If she calls me again, I don't mind answering her call to see what she has to say, but nothing further. And unless there's a point to the conversation (and the conversation itself not being the point), I'm gonna hang up.

Juliet also got in touch with me again a couple of days ago.. I had scheduled a date with her back in November, but I got ill.. and when I was cured, she didn't respond to my rescheduling text. Now she got back to me, and I told her to wait until our final was over, but I was down afterwards. I'll get to her tomorrow.

Otherwise, nothing new with my existing partners =) stay tight fellas
 

Lover

Tool-Bearing Hominid
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Re: a-jay's journal 2.0

Finally managed to schedule a lunch date with Juliet. It's going down on Monday. I chose a place to get some food which is close to me, 5 minute bus ride. However, she seems to always be busy during the evenings, so had to go the lunch route. I could have scheduled for coffee, but I wanted to try this new place and told her to join me.

At this point, I'm not sure I'm attracted to her that much.. I have been distracted (in the good way) by so many things lately that, besides her warm smile, I barely remember what it is I even like about her.. but oh well, what do I have to lose. She might surprise me :)

Judging from our upcoming term, I think the best game plan is to try and pull her the same day. I'll reread some of the good ol' GC articles tomorrow to set a time frame and what goals to reach in that frame.

If it's impossible to pull her on the first date for some reason, I'll invite her to my place for the second date. The second date must happen within the next week because there is a high probability she will not have time afterwards. I know which courses she'll be taking on the next term.. and unless I make a good impression, I think it's unlikely she'll have time. On the other hand, if I'm not impressed by her, it's me that won't have time for her..

Not saying it's game over if things don't escalate in that week, but it's very likely it will be

The fact that she's a fellow student worries me a bit. Can I invite her too soon to my place? I don't think so. Think it depends how it's done. But I'll reread those articles and come up with something like a plan. Just a few key words.

I deleted Tinder and Okcupid for now. And tomorrow I'll hit the streets.
 

Lover

Tool-Bearing Hominid
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Re: a-jay's journal 2.0

Ok, I did hit the streets Friday, but I was so busy I barely noticed any girl... soooo nothing.

I went to the lunch date with the lovely Juliet today, and we ended at my place and fucked. I'll write a detailed LR of the date when I have more time :)
 

Lover

Tool-Bearing Hominid
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Re: a-jay's journal 2.0

Fun fact: as I was writing the LR about Juliet, I decided to drop it. I don't really feel like it because getting a lay doesn't really feel like an accomplishment anymore (like it did when I wrote my lays from last year). It's just something you do with girls you like, and whom like you. I don't use any particular tactics besides being the most attractive version of myself on the inside and outside.

But I will write right here which things caught my attention afterwards

  • - I was high value in her eyes, and that's probably why I worried about attainability back at my place. As a result, I qualified her on some things that doesn't really matter to turn up my attainability.
    - Because I was high value, she framed me as the impressive guy and herself as the one to impress the hard-to-impress a-jay.
    - She gave an objection while escalating to sex about being on her period. I told her "so what?" while smiling and with a tone of "it doesn't matter". she was like "You serious? Wow, you're so cool".
    - And because of her period, we hit the showers to fuck there.

She reminds a little bit of my on and off FWB from high school, except I like this one way more. Even though we study the same, I got the feeling that she could be someone to help me pursue my dreams towards world domination - or maybe just whatever ambitions I have ;)

She's the first lay since GC-discovery that I would consider a lover. Let's see where things will go from here :)
 

Lover

Tool-Bearing Hominid
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Re: a-jay's journal 2.0

Ever since I had Juliet over at my place, things have not really escalated further. I texted her a week after to set up a new meeting, and she dogded it, telling me that she wanted to meet, but she had personal things to care of, but we should keep in touch. I was understanding, but as time is passing, my interest for her is slowly getting shattered to bits. It's frustrating. That was two weeks ago.. I texted her again this morning, asking how she was, and suggesting a warm drink like we had initially agreed to do on our first date. It's night soon, and she hasn't responded yet, frustrating me further.. going dark like that makes you wonder if something happened to that person :( At this point I'm not even sure what her intentions are, or whether I did fuck up from my end. Maybe she does have personal stuff bothering her at the moment and need time to sort them out, and me being around won't help that. Either way, I'm not gonna be bothered by it anymore. I believe I have done what I can from my end, and maybe too much by texting her a second time. As we are only dating, I'm not going to make a big deal out of the situation. Unless she makes up her mind and contacts me first from this point on, I'm gonna go dark as well and pretend she is not in my circle of girls anymore. It will be hard in the beginning because I really do like her. She is the first girl in a long time where I really have the feeling that I want to see our story unfold. But I will have to suck it up and move on if it's a dead end.

Personal note
I have had some issues with getting hard lately. It's still there somewhat, and I cancelled with one of my girls because of that. But something amazing happened in the bus on my way back from uni today. For a couple minutes, I started seeing images in my head of the girls I have laid the last couple of months, and how I was doing some dominating actions to them during foreplay and intercourse. From the arousal that followed, I felt that urge to just bend a woman with some attractive hair over right there in the bus, fuck her from behind and pull her stunning hair meanwhile (it stayed an urge). It makes me think I have not done quiet enough to get aroused lately... there could also be other reasons, but I'm gonna go with lack of sufficient arousal for now and see if getting more aroused is the missing piece.
 

Lover

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
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Messages
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Re: a-jay's journal 2.0

So Juliet texted me back this Sunday, even apologizing for texting a couple of days late. I want to believe that she's genuinely having a bad time, but something seems off in her text.. she's being to nice about it.. and I'm suspecting that she just doesn't want to see me again for sexual purposes.. I have no clue where things went "wrong". Everything went so smoothly during our date. Maybe too smoothly..? Anyway, it's already been a month since the date, and I'll just have to suck it up for now. I want to tell myself that she might come back eventually. But by logic I know odds are very, very low. I've definitely caught oneitis for this girl.. but as I'm typing this and understanding it, it's easier for me to move on. And I'm thinking that I shall reach a state of absolute abundance eventually.

I can only learn one thing from this lesson: no matter how much a woman seems into you, she might only meet you once to cross you out of her bucket list. It doesn't matter if she realizes this before or after you meet - the point is that she realizes it at some point. And why does she do it? Who knows... it's hard to tell when I did one thing in my head that seemed right, and she just went along. aaargg... movin' on

I remember another girl a couple of years ago where we had a makeout at a party. It's funny though.. the stories of party girl and Juliet are almost exactly the same.. both study same as me, I met them both a long time (like a year or two) before we exchanged certain body fluids, and neither of them wanted to meet afterwards. Seems like I'm only good for one-time things with girls from my campus, maybe because I'm an exotic foreigner :p should I change it? I'll have to think about it..

I'll have to keep searching in the pond of women.

Observation
I was studying with a friend in a coffee shop today. Eventually a couple in their 40's/50's sat on the couch across to us. I watched them with sneaky looks. It was fun to observe their body languages. The woman was mostly smiling while the man just sat with a closed mouth and raised eyebrows. They were just keeping the tension like that. The man always seemed a little disinterested, but just enough. He didn't smile one single time, not even with a closed mouth. The woman always initiated the kisses and touching - she just happened to fall into his right arm where she felt comfy. Funny how these kind of non-verbal games, from the outside perspective, seem like they are just having the time of their lives.
 
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