Admonitions of the Asian Babe

[Skills]

Well it didn't really work when he tried that on me lol. Though I am past the hurting stage - I'm still grateful for that time and think highly of him. I have tried to think of his flaws and whatever to convince myself he's not good for me anyways, but that hasn't worked. If anything, I like those imperfections.

Maybe I have player-itis or some type of residual compliance...almost like there's a neural anchor and he still has a hook in me that he could reel in any time. It's strange for me...some kinda black magic he casted on me.

no black magic, is normal go the post i link... since you got dump it feels more that way...

 

[Auspicious_Anomaly]

Why am I like this?

I don't know if you guys are still reading my journals or posts, as they're mostly for my own benefit and a way for me to process what I go through. I'm not sure what your exact impression is of me. You might think I'm a bit crazy, and that's reasonable. I have been raw dogging my mild ADHD my entire life, which has it's pros/cons. And I'm not currently taking any medications - was on GLP-1 meds (compounded tirzepatide) for about 6 months to help get back into shape (I lost 30lbs on it) but I've been off of it since October.

It's not a complete shortcut, you still have to put work into maintaining good habits but it does get rid of food noise. Aside from food cravings, there's increasing research that GLP-1 meds can help curb other things like impulsive habits, alcohol/shopping addiction, etcetera. Thankfully I don't have issues with those but "love" chemicals can certainly be an addiction. But I've worked hard to not rely on meds and fortunately have never been hospitalized for anything. Plus there are side effects anyways including bone density loss if you're on it long term. (Don't listen to me though, do your own research and consult a physician)

Anyways, here's what I also do to maintain my sanity and physical health - I adhere to my routines most of the time, and when I don't it's because I'm either under the weather or on my period:

- Strength training 2-3x a week
- Yoga 2x a week and kegels (the goal is a gorilla grip yoni)
- Spend at least 30-45 minutes outside
- 10k/steps daily at local trail or dance or biking
- Meditate for 10+ minutes/daily or whenever I need to regulate my emotions and thoughts
- Skincare routine 2x daily: facewash, toner, moisturizer + spot treatment + eye cream (I've never skipped this routine since 17)
- Brush/floss twice daily (never had a cavity nor not brushing my teeth before bed)

Nutrition:
- Mostly whole foods/minimal processed foods:

• high protein (salmon, lean chicken, turkey or beef),
• low carb (mix of quinoa and rice, rice noodles or sweet potato noodles)
• fiber (kale, edamame, red cabbage, lentels, lima beans)

- Otherwise when I get bored of meal prep type meals I make pho, sushi, udon, japchae, stir-fry and other Asian dishes.
- Keep desserts/sugar/salt to minimum intake (I indulge more around my period for obvious reasons)
- Daily caloric intake: 1200 on off days or intermittent fasting. 1500 on lifting days.
- Dine out/take out once a week at the most
- Eating only until 80% full or satisfied, instead of food coma full

Supplements:
- Mushroom coffee (lionsmane, chaga, reishi, etc for memory/focus) (I add this to my regular coffee - I love my beans-to-brew machine)
- Biotin and collagen for skin health
- Ovarian support supplements containing DIM+ and folic acid (for fertility/reproductive health/hormone balance)
- Probiotics
- Women's multivitamins + iron

---

The Older I Get, the Less Fucks I Give

I care a bit more about how others perceive me in real life, but especially the people that matter to me. But I have kind of run of fucks to give when it comes to how I'm being perceived online, especially anonymously. It's less stressful that way. Of course it doesn't mean I'm going to be an unfiltered asshole but I'm going to be as real and raw as I can here. I'm just saying I don't need anyone's pity, sympathy, attention or validation. I appreciate the constructive criticism, and am always looking to improve. And I'll help others when possible without expecting anything in return.

I've accepted that my presence here also likely eliminates any chances I have of seeing D20 again - which may be a good thing. I've also been avoiding any areas where I could bump into him for my own good. I may be a curious gal but I am not a stalker. Maybe my ego is also auto-rejecting the possibility. I am aware I idealized him to an extent, and what remained was limerence for some time. A part of me will always care about him though and want him to continue being happy and content no matter what that looks like. And I wish that for all my past lovers regardless of whether they've wronged me or not. I have much more love to give than I do hatred. Hatred takes too much time and energy, it's never worth it. I never regret loving, I always regret hating.

Regarding Orbiters and Past Lovers

I really don't understand how a man can go like 8 years of not seeing someone IRL and still have the guts to reach out and check in on me after all that time. I feel like that's much more rare for woman to do because once we've made up our mind it's typically set in stone unless they are truly that convincing. It seems like some also find an excuse to reach out to me especially around my birthday or a holiday.. I can assure you that I am NOT worth it and that the pussy cannot possibly be that good. (yes I know this contradicts my goal of attaining gorilla grip )

A past lover from like 8 years ago sent me this the other day when I asked why he was reaching out/on his mind:

Ex-lover: "Not a day goes by where I don't think of how wonderful you are, in and out. You're always so sweet and attentive and kind. You honestly make me feel like there's hope for us out there too. Ugh you're insanely pretty. Just typing about you sharpened my mood and smile. Also that butt shesh miss it big time but yeah you're just a total angel and you put so much time in to be even better. It's so admirable. Ugh you're such a sweet angel I can't help but smile just thinkin what I'd give to just lay in your lap and die for a bit, sheesh sorry half asleep but you're the kindest fr. Also you're always willing to try things that make someone happy too which is an awesome trait. I also just think if I were to make a list of qualities I like in someone you check all the boxes and then some. I wish I took things more seriously in our time but yeah I think of you often and at least for what I value you're essentially a perfect partner and friend."
Me: "Aww thanks for the kind words XX, but I'm not the angel you think I am. If anything I'm a fallen angel lol"
Ex-lover: "It doesn't matter, you're an angel to me and never did wrong by me"
Me: "I've done wrong to others, but yeah humans are fallible. It's inevitable"
Ex-lover: "You're genuinely at least from my pov the ideal woman idk"

After that I reminded him again he is just idealizing me - he has these grandiose ideas of me but it's not centered in reality. This was also a very brief fling (2 days), and I was more so a friend to him longer than the intimate part. And then he said "I have a hard time assuming my perception and experiences aren't real." So is he delulu, or am I delulu? I typically don't block people or burn bridges - I always try to end things on good terms and karma has been really kind to me despite my shortcomings. My best also looks different each day but I still try.

When others wrong me, the universe for some reason has a tree fall on their car or almost fall on their car.. One of my exes got his car totaled by a tree and I let him use my car for a good while. He should've used his insurance money he got from it towards another car, but instead he spent it on PC parts and assumed he'd get to drive my car forever.. Later when I broke up with him for good, I had to take my car back and he asked me if I could sell one of the gifts he gave me. (a piece of jewelry I wore every day) So I did, and sent him the money.

A week later, he gets a weight lifting injury and goes into the ER incurring heavy fees so he still ended up borrowing money from his dad.. After that, gift giving went to the bottom of my love language hierarchy...I still have a hard time accepting gifts because I worry what someone expects in return - which kind of defeats the purpose of a gift. I try to give without expecting anything except gratitude. You won't be as disappointed if you keep your expectations low.

 

[Jamster]

It almost sounds like your feelings for D20 are some kind of balance for being the object of you orbiters' attention to you.

 

[Kshatrap A.V.]

It almost sounds like your feelings for D20 are some kind of balance for being the object of you orbiters' attention to you.

Damn.

 

[Auspicious_Anomaly]

History Repeats Itself...

Admonitions Scroll - Gu Kaizhi
-
Following the collapse of the Han Empire, Zhang Hua wrote this poem in 292 AD as a guideline for the women of the court - targeting the powerful empress Jia, who along with her clan were usurping her husband's authority - jeopardizing the stability of the dynasty by murder, intrigue and riotous sexual affairs.

"Keep an eager guard over your behaviour;
For thence happiness will come.
Fulfil your duties calmly and respectfully;
Thus shall you win glory and honour."

The empress Jia was impervious to this guideline, and still carried on with her exploits. But many emperors found the scroll to be a useful aid in subduing troublesome wives and mistresses. Will it also subdue me? Only time will tell..

"A hundred years later, around the year 400, the court was once again beset by the same old problems. One day the Emperor Xiaowudi observed to his favourite consort, "Now that you are 30 years old, it's time I exchanged you for somebody younger". He meant it as a joke, but she didn't take it well, and she murdered him that evening. The court was scandalised. It was obviously time to remind everybody how to behave by re-publicizing Zhang Hua's poem in a scroll painted by the greatest artist of the day, Gu Kaizhi." - Source: The British Museum/BBC UK

---

I would say in modern day, our version of the Admonitions Scroll could be GC, this forum, reddit, and the plethora of resources we have. Though moral perfection is an unrealistic and lofty goal, the poem is a decent guideline for ethical behavior, and I certainly don't want to end up like the empress Jia..

"Humans are fallible. We deceive and betray. It's what we're built to do." - Miranda (The Devil Wears Prada 2)

Maybe Miranda is right...In order to survive, humans sometimes resort to deception and betrayal, but we're also built to love, to nurture, and to create. Some people take things too far though.. Can we keep advancing in society without succumbing to complete depravity over and over again? How do we obtain something close to moral perfection? Is that just a utopian dream? How far are we from obtaining world peace and how can we keep working towards that?

The #1 rule of seduction: "Leave her better than you found her." - How often do seducers actually achieve this? How do you prevent the fallouts from becoming someone else' downfall? These GC articles are pretty relevant too - Does Sex Damage Women's Long-Term Potential? | How Your Relationship with a Girl Changes After Sex

---

Are you trollin' AsianBabe69?

Yeah I know my username sounds troll-ish, but I swear 69 is one of my fav positions. Apparently some members believe I'm a troll or this guy lol. How can I prove otherwise without compromising my identity? What do ya'll want from me? Is it so hard to believe that a somewhat bi-curious woman would want to join these forums, learn more about seduction, and manage to read lay reports without getting repulsed? Don't we want more woman in male-dominated fields?

If I hadn't had met up with one of your former elder PUAs/dating coaches, I probably wouldn't be here. But there are many other seducers so maybe it was just a matter of time... Please know that I'm here with an open mind. Work is also slow during this season, so I've got a bit too much time on my hands lately . Q4-Q1 is when I won't have much downtime.

---

Okay, and why are you still hung up on D20?

I know it's crazy but I do think you can really value someone you've known for less time more than some people you've known for many years and that has everything to do with the quality of time spent together, and how deeply you connect with other emotionally and mentally.

My husband has a physically demanding job so when he comes home, he mostly just wants to chill, play videogames or scroll reels endlessly on his phone. I haven't been playing as many videogames nowadays, mainly reading more physical books and making traditional art since since I spend so much screentime already at work. Otherwise, I go outside for fresh air and work out. Maybe our lifestyles are a bit incompatible. On weekends is when we spend more quality of time together usually but he's still on his phone very often.

When I met up with D20, we were almost never on our phones and it was so refreshing for a change. When I retire one day, I lowkey want to throw away all my tech and go live in a pretty forest or somewhere rural and scenic in Japan or Vietnam for a bit.

I left it out of the LR but on our last night together, after we woke up from a nap in the middle of the night, he said he was hungry again so he went out for an hour or two to get pizza and brought back some soda and pretzels. I got up and ate a few pretzels but I usually avoid soda and was going back to sleep anyways. He said he was wired so he listened to a military history podcast playing at like 10x speed and was going to research something on his laptop in the living room.

I sat on his lap and wrapped my arms around him for a bit and I asked him:

AB69: "Would you say you're content or happy?"
D20: "At this very moment?"
AB69: "No, overall. With everything that's happened in your life up to this point."
D20: "That's a good question...but yeah I think so."

Then he went into some math - some exponentials about what contributes to contentment/happiness and some Bayesian reasoning. Really smart guy, but he could tell I was sort of half-asleep and suggested I go back to bed. He played with my tiddies for a bit -"Booooobies..." he said in a cave-man voice before walking me back to bed and tucking me in. I don't remember when he came back to bed but he was definitely up for a while and probably only got a few hours of sleep.

[moderator: edited to remove potentially identifying information]

 

[Auspicious_Anomaly]

no black magic, is normal go the post i link... since you got dump it feels more that way...

Okay I went back and re-read the thread. It is a good process, thank you.

I've got a question though about one of your replies in that thread.

keep in mind i am not talking about a girl setting you up for you to do the break up (in this case she still is the one doing the break up)... If a girl leaving your for another dude, you leaving her is 50 times less painful.... When she leaves you for a dude that is more financially stable or more attractive and the likes is when is way harder...

Do you think in my case, he could've also left me because he started comparing himself to my husband who might be more attractive, fit, and emotionally stable than him? Initially, I thought he left because he could see us both getting more emotionally invested + obstacle of long distance + obstacle of marriage = result of continuing would eventually lead to messiness and possible legal involvement if we do divorce. Of course I would do everything in my power to not drag him into a legal mess.

He even told me that my husband is "above average looking", a decent guy (he's not wrong), passion is missing, and like everyone else he has flaws. But during dinner, he weirdly said it was impressive that my husband has never cried in front of me nor his best friend of 17 years when I talked about why I valued men who aren't afraid to get emotional and cry in front of me once in a while...He probably think it's stoicism/high discipline, when it's also my husband's DPDR...I never told him about his DPDR.

IMO, real men cry every once in a while when they need to. It's healthy to once in a while, and powerful leaders also cry (faster emotional-processing, high empathy). I just want to be with someone that feels emotions almost as deeply as I do...

Mentioned this in my LR thread - this is a very rare moment I get with very few men. I felt so in sync with him:

- I felt vulnerable sharing certain details of my life with him. We had a moment where both our eyes were a little teary during the movie after he asked me something, I paused and then answered, and in this moment I felt so emotionally connected to him.

 

[Jamster]

Do you think in my case, he could've also left me because . . .

No one here can answer that question for you.

There are 127 different reasons - or no reason at all - that he left you.

None of them matter.

 

[Francis]

Look up "tameability".

He is the wild man swinging in the infographic. He flipped at you mentioning flings becoming LTR's.

Personally, ideal long term casual partners have no emotional burden outside of the in person interactions.

It's time cost.

Survey for the guys - who is your favorite asian babe?

Spoiler: Answer

Trick question. It takes five to feel alive.

 

[Auspicious_Anomaly]

Look up "tameability".

Yeah I read that article.. I read a lot of articles..Why else do you think I'm here?

He is the wild man swinging in the infographic. He flipped at you mentioning flings becoming LTR's.

Yeah that definitely checks out. I never intended a bunch of men to turn into serious LTRs. One of them was a player I was even engaged to lol.

 

[Auspicious_Anomaly]

Maybe I wasn't clear enough to him. Because I never expected more than something casual from him. But I guess it doesn't matter at this point.

I'm just confused why he would even mention the "If we met 7 years ago or 5 years from now" scenario and "I don't want to be a barrier for you and him but I also don't want to be in the background as someone you only see once in a while even if you two do split". He is usually more blunt, so I was surprised to hear that instead of a straight up "I want to be your main but casual, and also not long distance".

 

[OldGuy]

He may also feel that he con not offer anything long term, so not want to threaten your marriage.

 

[Francis]

Why else do you think I'm here?

DHV'ing, hoping he'll see.

I am not sure actually. I think you should copy every word you've written here into a document and show your husband. Then you may see emotion like you seek from him.

I think you really need to let him see how horrible of a position he is in.

One of them was a player I was even engaged to lol.

The thing is you are dealing with a different breed here.

I never expected more than something casual from him. But I guess it doesn't matter at this point.

It does not matter because he knows you will want to have his babies eventually.

How has sex been with your husband?

 

[Francis]

I'm just confused why he would even mention the "If we met 7 years ago or 5 years from now" scenario

Biological clock

 

[James D]

@AsianBabe69 Damn I know I'm a retard but I read your posts and LR and was very, very confused for a while until I figured you're a woman.

That's what I get for scrolling through rather than reading carefully lol.

Interesting you'd join this forum. Don't think there's been a woman active like that before here.

 

[Francis]

@AsianBabe69 Damn I know I'm a retard but I read your posts and LR and was very, very confused for a while until I figured you're a woman.

That's what I get for scrolling through rather than reading carefully lol.

Interesting you'd join this forum. Don't think there's been a woman active like that before here.

Her LR is with a guy who would no question be a Tribal Elder if he was here.

 

[Auspicious_Anomaly]

DHV'ing, hoping he'll see.

Idk maybe subconsciously, but I'm consciously hoping he never sees... If he has truly moved on from this community and culture, hopefully he includes this forum on his website blocker list. It's a good way to block temptations/distracting sites..

I am not sure actually. I think you should copy every word you've written here into a document and show your husband. Then you may see emotion like you seek from him.

No, some ignorance is bliss. He gives me privacy online, and vice versa. We don't go through each other's phones either. He knows that the less details he asks for, the better, so he doesn't pry too much. Also I don't want to make any drastic life-changing decisions yet especially based on a short fling/affair...It's not very logical nor rational to do that.

I already confessed to him about the affair but I chose to keep the guy's identity private - to prevent him from being dragged into the mess. I told my husband he could and should leave me, but he chose to stay and also asked me to allow him to stay in my life.

Either way, we have a timeline and we need to make a decision within a year or so. After that, we either divorce amicably or stay together, move on, and have a kid, etc. Clock is ticking..

I think you really need to let him see how horrible of a position he is in.

He knows.. even though we don't share assets, he is very reliant on me for housing (my family's property - very low rent cost for him, big house), health insurance, and other things. I'm trying to help get him back on his feet so he can more easily pay off grad school too and be more independent as well before thinking about leaving him.

It does not matter because he knows you will want to have his babies eventually.

Sure but he was the first one to bring up having babies with me... I never bring this up with flings/casuals so it was unusual.

How has sex been with your husband?

It could be better, whenever we try to spice it up it's temporary and then he always reverts to plain vanilla boring sex and I don't orgasm often - maybe twice a year with him. If I was fully satisfied, I don't think I would be as tempted to seek something outside the marriage.

Even if we talk to a sex therapist, I predict it will help temporarily and then things will revert again. I'm not looking to fix him or change him though...I'd rather just switch out the man. There are so many other things that are good about him though - that's why I'm so conflicted and can see why the other guy had to step away in order for me to gain clarity and come to a decision on my own.

 

[Jamster]

No, some ignorance is bliss. He gives me privacy online, and vice versa. We don't go through each other's phones either.

That's good. Twice I had the opportunity to look at a partner's diary. Both times were very tempting. Both times I decided I didn't need to see - oner I left shortly thereafter (what good would knowing the grubby details of what I already knew?).

The other? I knew I wouldn't find anything in her diary, I'd only hurt myself rooting through her stuff. I'm guessing pages and pages of career angst and such. Our relationship lasted years.

There are so many other things that are good about him though - that's why I'm so conflicted and can see why the other guy had to step away in order for me to gain clarity and come to a decision on my own.

You know your husband. You love him.

You might imagine good things with D20, but you don't know. Your time with him was so short there is no way of knowing. He might be "falling" for some hot babe every other week. He might not be a person you could share your life with.

And the heat of your relationship might really be all there is to your feeling for it. That heat could - and probably would - cool over a few years.

 

[gameboy]

That's good. Twice I had the opportunity to look at a partner's diary. Both times were very tempting. Both times I decided I didn't need to see - oner I left shortly thereafter (what good would knowing the grubby details of what I already knew?).

The other? I knew I wouldn't find anything in her diary, I'd only hurt myself rooting through her stuff. I'm guessing pages and pages of career angst and such. Our relationship lasted years.




You know your husband. You love him.

You might imagine good things with D20, but you don't know. Your time with him was so short there is no way of knowing. He might be "falling" for some hot babe every other week. He might not be a person you could share your life with.

And the heat of your relationship might really be all there is to your feeling for it. That heat could - and probably would - cool over a few years.

This.

I think you might be projecting. Ir's natural for LTRs to cool off over time, and D20 was the one who ploughed through despite knowing you are married and even meeting your husband.

Also, why would he even bring up impregnating you? I think that was needlessy cruel on his part. Since he seems to be a man who knows what he's doing.

 

[Francis]

Ok so we have a guy who is reliant on the girl as a provider, asked her not to leave him, and gives her two orgasms per year.

And a seducer who is Tribal Elder level (FYI for the guys... I know who it is).

Curious what @topcat thinks lol



I'm guessing here but I think the baby thing is just a sex turn on for him like a breeding kink. He might have the whole evolutionary biology worldview that sex is ultimately about sexual reproduction and has awareness of why that attracts him.

Chase has written about that... Sex being good as a result of imagining making babies. We didn't evolve with condoms.

 

[gameboy]

Ok so we have a guy who is reliant on the girl as a provider, asked her not to leave him, and gives her two orgasms per year.

And a seducer who is Tribal Elder level (FYI for the guys... I know who it is).

Curious what @topcat thinks lol



I'm guessing here but I think the baby thing is just a sex turn on for him like a breeding kink. He might have the whole evolutionary biology worldview that sex is ultimately about sexual reproduction and has awareness of why that attracts him.

Chase has written about that... Sex being good as a result of imagining making babies. We didn't evolve with condoms.

Maybe. But he already had her physically. And I'm sure the sex would have been good without putting that in her head.