Admonitions of the Asian Babe

[AsianBabe69]

You know your husband. You love him.

Love wasn't really a word we used often in our households growing up. It's shown more through actions. I know I still care for him and his well being - I do everything he asks and expects of me so he has very few complaints. If I didn't do all that, I'm sure we would've been divorced by now.

I even initiate sex most of the time and never turn him down. I lost weight, got back into shape a while ago, and he tells me he still finds me very sexy. He talked to a doc who said his T levels are normal too. He even runs marathons. Maybe my sex drive is just too high for him. I've tried to be flexible for him but I'm suppressing my own needs.

Regardless, I'm still mentally checked out. I'm going to ask for advice from a married couple who seems generally happy and research some more. The other day we asked a couple who had been married for 35+ years what was their secret and her husband said "Happy wife, happy life. Listen to your wife." - A generic cliche answer IMO, but it's a 2-way street. If he sacrifices his happiness for my happiness or vice versa, that's not a balanced partnership to me. I think my husband and I just aren't as compatible as we initially thought...

You might imagine good things with D20, but you don't know. Your time with him was so short there is no way of knowing. He might be "falling" for some hot babe every other week. He might not be a person you could share your life with.

Yeah that's true but I'm also not looking for exclusive traditional monogamy nor expecting that from him. Maybe it's not even a priority for him at this point - he could also be going down the MGTOW route or monk mode and be content with or without a woman/kids in his life.

But his exact words were "I want to have at least 1 ambitious child." "Hit me up when you get your IUD removed." A future-faking scenario but he sounded serious about it. But who knows what he truly wants except him. His desires can change. As long as he's happy, that's what matters.

Either way, life goes on but I will always wonder in the back of my mind, "What if things turned out differently and we kept seeing each other? What if we had built an empire together?"

That heat could - and probably would - cool over a few years.

Sure that's normal and I don't mind that...unless it ends up suppressing my needs/does not meet the minimum.
Minimum = normal level
Maximum = high heat, above and beyond - I don't expect there to be mind-blowing sex all the time. Here and there is nice though.

Also, why would he even bring up impregnating you? I think that was needlessy cruel on his part. Since he seems to be a man who knows what he's doing.

The wildest thing was that I almost felt comfortable with that idea.

Why? Honestly, for a long time, I never wanted kids for so many reasons. He made me doubt myself/persuade me into thinking otherwise by saying I would make a great mother (despite not knowing me very long). The only other guy who made me feel like that was my husband.

Again, they are BOTH amazing guys in their own different ways and have some stuff in common too. I hate that I'm even comparing them.

I'm guessing here but I think the baby thing is just a sex turn on for him like a breeding kink.

I did ask him if he had a breeding kink after he brought it up and he said no. So what are we dealing with then? Maybe it's as simple as D20: "wowwe'resocompatibleIwanttohaveyourkids but you're already married and live 5 hours away ARGGHHHHHH yo I can't!" *ejects*

By the way, he is aware that if I do get a divorce, I'd be moving back near my hometown - which is much closer to his homebase. And I can work remote from anywhere in the world. Not that it matters right now.

[moderator: edited to remove potentially identifying information]

 

[Francis]

Maybe. But he already had her physically. And I'm sure the sex would have been good without putting that in her head.

Maybe he was honestly expressing desiring it with her and a non zero chance of it happening.

Then he got more data and realized it was not the move.

 

[AsianBabe69]

Broken Bird Syndrome

For the larger part of my adult life, I've noticed that I'm drawn to wounded and struggling people. I believe this started during my adolescent phase whenever I attempted to de-escalate my mother and step father arguing, intervening to stop them from yelling at each other and lower their tone of voice. It sometimes worked and other times was unsuccessful - so I retreated back into my room and found escapism via making art, listening to music and playing videogames.

Now my biological father was rather emotionally absent and my mother was emotionally volatile. They would neutralize each other but there were pros and cons to that. My step dad is also emotionally volatile but together with my mom, they are a very passionate and ambitious power couple. My step dad is a retired mechanical engineer/marine, and my mom chooses to continue working and managing her business. Together they've renovated many properties and rent them out and have multiple streams of income. They've gone through so much marriage counseling over the years too - I'm proud of how far they've come.

I fall somewhere in the middle. It takes a long time and many many buttons to push and trigger me. I built a lot of patience and tolerance for others so I hardly ever lose my temper, but I am prone to crying if you push my boundaries too far. I absorb others' emotions like a sponge too, for better or worse. So I'm always careful how much time I choose to spend around someone depending on how well they regulate their emotions and how well I can regulate myself around them. We all know energy vampires are draining, and certain folks you gain more energy just from being around them. Then there are the few that you just vibe calmly with and feel like you don't have to be too entertaining or performative. Most important are the ones who support your growth and build you up, and vice versa. Those are the people I try to keep in my life.

Now as a full grown adult, I do feel like I still play the caretaker role to an extent. Have you ever heard of the girlfriend/wife effect? How some men glow up tremendously and become the healthiest version of themselves not only because of their own efforts but also because they are affected by their supportive and loving partners? That's the girlfriend/wife effect. And I don't want to brag but others also notice that's what happens to the men I date. His friends and family tell me they've never seen him this happy, glowing, and thriving before he met me. This goes for the boyfriend/husband effect too. If you want to leave someone better than you found them, I feel like that's the effect you should have on your partner. The best outcome is you both glow up. The worst is when you both bring each other down. But oftentimes, I notice that when all my effort goes into him and very little is given in return, I become unbalanced, stressed, and glow down to an extent. And then it takes tremendous effort to bring myself back to a healthy state again.

I need to learn not to always leave when that happens and find more ways to maintain my own health while supporting him. For me, I feel it's easier and less stressful when someone doesn't have to rely on you for anything and you can do whatever you want anytime. It's easier to stay stable when you're single - for some anyways. So at times, I do miss being single. Either way, I need to learn to be content no matter my relationship status. I think that's my goal right now.


Other Reasons I Joined This Forum

Although I'm here to learn and take accountability for my progress in life and love, I believe part of me is also gathering data - cognitive and conative knowledge in order to help prevent the same situation from occurring (temptation -> cheating -> catching feelings for a former player -> mini mid-life crisis -> writing a lay report on you). I'm not anti-game. But I know that if you don't know how to play the game of life, then the game of life will play you.

That said, you guys are still welcome to DM or chat with me but know that I'm setting these boundaries to protect myself, and perhaps you too. And maybe it seems counter-intuitive but to me the best way to build discipline and patience, is to go through the storm you've wanted to avoid and then to make it out of the storm 5x stronger. If you ask the universe for more patience or discipline, it will certainly test you. But I can assure you it's worth it. Think of it as strength training your mind.

Aside from that, I may pick up some girls for me and my husband - so stay tuned.

 

[AsianBabe69]

Poems:

On an off-note I wrote these poems to reflect on some past experiences - it's another way for me to journal more creatively.


Suteyo

A pawn in your game
Discarded in callous wind
Shattered kintsugi

---

πίστις

He loads my kryptonite into the magazine
Trust is handing him that loaded pistol,
Hoping he won't pull the trigger
On my marked wounds...

---

曹操

A modern Machiavelli behind the scenes
Prepared to betray the world before the world betrays him
Militant strategist with a captivating presence

Danger lies behind his steady gaze
He carries himself with a graceful dominance none would question
Beneath his surface is paternal nurture and compassion

A tender and loving embrace
Once you get past the blunt thorns along the stem
His essence is a warm and radiant fire
And devilish passion..
A desire for charismatic control
A climber's hand only gripping holds that advance his position
A leader with the duality of chaotic good and lawful evil

I accept him for who he is
Though he sprints away when the reality fog closes in
He releases you as soon as he summits
Never letting any woman close enough to enter the shadows behind his curtain...

---

Pickup Artist

Invited him into my deviant domain
Sitting on opposite ends of the neutral couch
His limbs outstretched towards me
While my knees retracted inwards

Yearning to close the distance
Drawing the muse in my sketchbook
For it keeps me calm and composed

Cautiously screening the geometry of his intent
Decoding subtleties in his posture and tone

Every qualming question
Sowing seeds of desire

You checked every box, or rather every flag
I soon realized you're far more dangerous than me..
Sensual collision was a calculated certainty

You couldn't let this opportunity pass you by
Before I could change my mind, you carried me into your arms

Literally and figuratively
You picked up the artist
An effortless heist

Entranced by your dominant aura
Pupils and independent organs dilating
Subliminally embedding sensual undercurrents

Lips brushing against each other in feathery strokes
Your irresistible hands exploring the plump curves of my body

My delicate fingers lost in the current of your flowy mane
My fragile arms anchored around your shoulders

We give into each other's impulse
Sufficiently converted and incorrigible
Our biochemistry potentiates our vision

Anima et Animus converge...

---

Marathon​

She casts her buff on him
His strength and speed continue to ascend

She heals him
He remains steadfast and resilient

She gives him her love
He feels indomitable

She collapses
For he failed to support her in return..

---

Who makes the greatest lover?

The greatest love does not compare itself to other loves
It is a standalone and yet all encompassing
It is not about physical intimacy
It instills a desire for you to grow
To become the best version of yourself
To strive for more than pleasure
To seek understanding
It is selfless and enduring
It does not want to harm others
It is gentle and forgiving
It waits patiently to bloom

---

Siren & Rake
​

She was adorned to dazzle and entice
Bosom upright and demeanor beguiling and curious
Her presence a quiet, surreal distortion
Blushed lips made to devour and disarm him

He was the grandmaster of enigma and flattery
He radiated an unwavering confidence
The sway of his voice was illustrious and familiar
His method was strategically unmatched

They both feigned innocence on the surface
But when shared gazes lingered, desire began to unwind

They both knew the subtext
How do you forgo this biological match?
This carnal fire that overrides the rational mind and body?

Body and spirit synchronized
Stitching neural anchors into each other
They lay in an intertwining embrace
Their scents lull them to sleep

Gentle but intense energy and excitement
Later replaced by his withdrawal and a whispered apology,
"The hunt is over, I'm retreating. I've besieged her with my logic."
The rake thought as he took another deep meditative breath.
"The spell wore off. Reality became too cruel to him."
The siren thought as a tear trickled down her cheek.

They wished each other the best..
Yet at the same time wished it could continue.

But they stayed away
Because they knew they would consume each other.

 

[AsianBabe69]

gives her two orgasms per year.

3 if I'm lucky.. usually he lasts 5-6 minutes or less.

It's okay I can just finish myself...

 

[S.S Can]

But his exact words were "I want to have at least 1 ambitious child." "Hit me up when you get your IUD removed." A future-faking scenario but he sounded serious about it. But who knows what he truly wants except him. His desires can change. As long as he's happy, that's what matters.

To be frank, your guy's fling was probably much more impactful to you. Though he must have also enjoyed it, the dude is a pick up artist he probably does this a lot.

If I had to guess seriously where his head is at, he wants you to become so obsessed with him that you reach out and ask him to impregnate you, without having to take the moral responsibility of coercing you into it.

Beyond that, I think that you're building a lot of castles in the sky.

 

[AsianBabe69]

To be frank, your guy's fling was probably much more impactful to you.

Yeah pretty aware of that. My body count is much lower than his so it's easier for me to pair bond, but much easier for him to detach. Though at this point, it feels like a trauma bond for me.

If I had to guess seriously where his head is at, he wants you to become so obsessed with him that you reach out and ask him to impregnate you, without having to take the moral responsibility of coercing you into it.

Wild fantasy but that doesn't sound very responsible...pretty sure he doesn't want me to reach out.

 

[AsianBabe69]

Just Looking at the Menu...

Whenever I'm skating at the local rink, I like to see who's doing tricks on the skate ramps nearby and I notice a cool looking dude likely in his mid 30s wearing a light blue shirt and I could see the contours of his toned muscles and proportionate physique underneath. I catch his eye after he ascends the ramp and he turns his body a bit to directly face me, he preens his hair, then descends back down the ramp to the other side. I keep skating laps around the rink. Every couple of laps, we make eye contact again for 2 second intervals whenever he ascends the ramp. This happens about 7 times and he always preens his hair and fixes his shirt as he makes eye contact with me.

I keep my distance and don't try to talk to him or do anything else because:

---

Question for men here:
If men keep preening their hair and fixing their shirt as they walk by a woman or make eye contact, does it mean anything? Or are they mostly just self-conscious around strangers? This happens a lot when I'm at the mall too. Or am I just selectively noticing it? There are bunch of times when they drop something or almost trip over themselves in front of me too. Just coincidence?

 

[gameboy]

Question for men here:
If men keep preening their hair and fixing their shirt as they walk by a woman or make eye contact, does it mean anything? Or are they mostly just self-conscious around strangers?

Sounds kind of gay to me to be honest. Are men in America so feminised these days?

I get a lot of attention from gay guys unfortunately, but they won't do what you describe. They'll usually just stare. In clubs they may come up to me, hug me and say something, usually some kind of weird compliment. But not this preening thing lol...

 

[Jamster]

Question for men here:
If men keep preening their hair and fixing their shirt as they walk by a woman or make eye contact, does it mean anything?

My sense is, it means exactly what the forum consensus of what it means when women do that: They are open to you approaching them but are unlikely to approach you without input from you.

For us, it's axiomatic to assume interest. But then, we approach women that show no interest at all in us, so even the slightest indication of any interest is a very bright green light.

IMO, those men would eagerly respond to any opening by you. Unlike women preening, they may well open you if you do a little hovering and hair fussing yourself.

 

[AsianBabe69]

My sense is, it means exactly what the forum consensus of what it means when women do that: They are open to you approaching them but are unlikely to approach you without input from you.

For us, it's axiomatic to assume interest. But then, we approach women that show no interest at all in us, so even the slightest indication of any interest is a very bright green light.

IMO, those men would eagerly respond to any opening by you. Unlike women preening, they may well open you if you do a little hovering and hair fussing yourself.

Good to know. I will keep avoiding/ignoring them for my own good at least while I'm married.

I don't think I've ever cold approached a man intentionally, probably by accident at times and then they mistake it for interest. Usually it'll always be a question about something situationally relevant.