Aspects of Cool (2010)

Chase

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Originally posted in the first Girls Chase Forum on Wednesday, 23 June 2010

So I recently broke down what I think are the three main aspects of being cool, and therefore attractive. This is still kind of a rough sketch, so your feedback is much appreciated.

They are:

  • Confidence & Dominance
  • Social Savvy
  • The Appearance of Effortlessness

Quick rundown:

Confidence & Dominance

Guy is strong, collected, and in-control. He is unfazeable and seemingly has an answer for everything. Nothing surprises him, and he seems skilled in all he does. He maintains his cool even when other men are attempting to tool him or women are going apeshit crazy around him. Even if he doesn't have a perfect answer for something or isn't 100% certain he knows the right way to accomplish a feat, he'll roll up his sleeves and it's clear to everyone there that he's secure in the knowledge that he WILL find a way.

Social Savvy

Guy is highly socially calibrated, attuned to everyone around him, and brings value. He makes it his responsibility to ensure that everyone in the group feels comfortable and included. He is aware of the discomfort of others in his group, and is adept at putting them at ease. He's also adept at identifying the leader of a new group, and quickly winning him/her over to his cause. The socially savvy man has exposed himself to a wide variety of people, and feels completely at home speaking with everyone from dignitaries to bums on the street. He has shed the concept of an established social hierarchy that less socially savvy people cling to to understand whom they need to kiss up to and whom they can order around, and instead treats everyone as more or less his equal. Above all, the socially savvy man is adept at managing the emotions of those around him.

The Appearance of Effortlessness

Guy excels at doing the things he does in the most efficient way possible, and never seems to so much as lift a finger unless it serves a distinct and important purpose. His movement and speech are noticeably slower than others', and everything he does seems much more deliberate and considered. He responds with minimal effort: he will use nonverbal replies when possible, including facial expressions, shrugs, grunts / humphs (which we are considering "nonverbal" for the sake of argument), or minimal verbal responses if these do not suffice. His descriptions of himself are often vague, contrasting with the detailed, information-laden self-descriptions used by those seeking to impress (and who are thus putting far more work into those descriptions). He is adept at using his social savvy to sidestep people seeking to make him do superfluous work for social advantage (e.g., a date who asks him to pay for things for her, or another man in a social environment who attempts to get him to do things in order to show dominance over him and lower his social status).

These are, in my opinion, the three chief aspects of what makes someone "cool", as well as desirable to women. They create intrigue and mystique, and show a man to be a member of the elite. Women respond far better to men who have them, and other men like men who possess these aspects more, too. Getting these handled makes navigating the social arena vastly simpler.

Thoughts very welcome.

Always,
Chase
 

TitanLXVII

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I completely agree with this article. In my experience(little though it may be) I have found this to be the most effective in becoming attractive. I know guys who have Social Savvy but appear to be working to hard or they are great at making things look effortless but can't hold a conversation with anyone. It really comes from a combination of all three to be a really attractive person.
 

ZacAdam

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Hi,

i would assume that natural leaders people would assume to be who they are although, when they actually put in more effort at start (to be efficient and appear effortless.)

i thought that i post my thoughts on the three aspects of Confidence & Dominance, Social Savvy and The Appearance of Effortlessness,

Confidence & Dominance,

I feel that as more times pass, you realize that you need change and also more than 'Game' to get girls and be a cool guy. The upper and higher quality women tends to know this unconsciously based from a certain experience. She was a lady whom happens to be a girlfriend of a singer, (She kind of notice me and she sang around me even infront of her boyfriend, trying to make a reaction out of me. Maybe i wasn't ready, and i was quite shocked apparently) IT's a character thing.

Social Savvy,

I think that you can fake a certain level of knowing a lot of people, but after a decent timing, you need a lot and lot of exposure. (as you mention) REALLY DO!

The Appearing of Effortlessness

When you first adopt the art of appearing effortlessness, you are in fact, 'Appearing'. But with time you are doing things effortlessly. i remember there was a mention in your article about superstars and athletes whom do things effortlessly, when in real fact. It has become second nature to them.

Hope it wasn't off.

my thoughts. :)

Zac, :D
 

Chase

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Hi Zac,

ZacAdam said:
When you first adopt the art of appearing effortlessness, you are in fact, 'Appearing'. But with time you are doing things effortlessly. i remember there was a mention in your article about superstars and athletes whom do things effortlessly, when in real fact. It has become second nature to them.

Hope it wasn't off.

Nope, not off at all. Striving for an appearance of effortless is the first step on the road to truly becoming effortless. The easier it becomes for you to make something look easy, the easier it actually gets for you to do.

Which is one of the most enjoyable things about striving for the appearance of effortlessness... in the pursuit of appearance, you actually gain true effortlessness, and what was once hard becomes much less so.

Chase
 

James

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Cool post!

When I read through the aspects, I had a lot of personal experience come to mind.
Some quick words on the different aspects:

Confidence & Dominance

  • body-language, proud of yourself, being the center of your own world

The Appearance of Effortlessness

  • behavior, mannerisms, not giving a f***, knows yourself to do what is necessary to activate the social muscle

Social Savvy

  • social intelligence and social dynamics, a great awareness and intuition of people around you
 

ZacAdam

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James said:
a great awareness and intuition of people around you

HAHAS, afterawhile it's awesome when you have those kind of momentum, that momentumm where you start to suddenly be aware and socially attuned. :)

Zac
 

Marty

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Chase said:
Nope, not off at all. Striving for an appearance of effortless is the first step on the road to truly becoming effortless. The easier it becomes for you to make something look easy, the easier it actually gets for you to do.

Which is one of the most enjoyable things about striving for the appearance of effortlessness... in the pursuit of appearance, you actually gain true effortlessness, and what was once hard becomes much less so.
"Fake it till you make it", as Amy Cuddy would say. I've noticed this is actually a technique with very broad application. It's great for:

  • Effortlessness (as mentioned here)
  • Body language
  • Confidence (e.g. upon opening women)
  • Insouciance (what Chase calls "devil may care", or "remaining nonplussed")
...and a whole host of other areas relevant to seduction and other life skills. And once the habit's ingrained, it's very deeply etched into your subconscious and you can pull it off in a natural-looking manner—to all appearances, as if you were born that way.
 
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