Being Busy And Focused Is Attractive

[Grand Pooba]

This whole month I've been ultra focused on work - I got absolutely flooded with projects and work trips, which while extremely lucrative has also made active game pretty much impossible for now. There's simply no time to approach girls, let alone follow up on scheduling dates. Instead I've been relying on my current rotation of a few FBs and mLTRs which I periodically see through the week as I have time. In the end I'm still having sex 3-4 times a week at least.

What I've noticed in this time is that my whole vibe has shifted - I'm incredibly focused, ultra busy and just overall way more confident and dominant. The women around me have noticed this too - without even trying I'm getting far more IOIs on the streets between meetings, and outright blatant stares from women at times. On my own end I feel much more outcome independent, and the one date I've gone on this month was a slam dunk, ending in a pull after 1.5 hours straight to some wild sex (LR coming soon).

Being busy and focused on a mission is incredibly attractive to women. In fact, women should never be a guy's Number 1 focus, ever. Your vibe, body language, and attractiveness to women are immensely greater if 1. you have good fundamentals, and 2. are focused on your mission (or projects, or whatever). Women like guys who have focus on something in their lives - it's an indication of a man's own value and status.

The opposite of this is neediness, and when guys make women their number #1 focus it's as if they need women and have nothing else going on, which shows in their vibe and body language. Women pick up on this without you even opening your mouth.

The irony of this is that being busy and focused on a mission could equate to lower momentum, meaning you're more prone to making mistakes with girls that you do go after due to lack of practice and flow. The trick is to find a balance between both.

 

[Carousel]

Busy is perfectly fine. But one should keep in mind to not go above the stress-tolerance threshold. That will really screw up momentum and vibe.

 

[Watts]

This whole month I've been ultra focused on work - I got absolutely flooded with projects and work trips, which while extremely lucrative has also made active game pretty much impossible for now. There's simply no time to approach girls, let alone follow up on scheduling dates. Instead I've been relying on my current rotation of a few FBs and mLTRs which I periodically see through the week as I have time. In the end I'm still having sex 3-4 times a week at least.

What I've noticed in this time is that my whole vibe has shifted - I'm incredibly focused, ultra busy and just overall way more confident and dominant. The women around me have noticed this too - without even trying I'm getting far more IOIs on the streets between meetings, and outright blatant stares from women at times. On my own end I feel much more outcome independent, and the one date I've gone on this month was a slam dunk, ending in a pull after 1.5 hours straight to some wild sex (LR coming soon).

This is a much different type of busy than not going out and not fucking anyone for a month or longer.

As someone who has experienced both:

Being busy with important projects while having a main or several girls leads to better vibe and attraction.

Being busy and becoming a defacto incel, not so much.

Carousel framed it as not going above the stress-tolerance threshold, and I agree that's one way to look at it. And isn't (one of, if not) the best stress relievers, sex with hot young women.

Being busy and focused on a mission is incredibly attractive to women. In fact, women should never be a guy's Number 1 focus, ever. Your vibe, body language, and attractiveness to women are immensely greater if 1. you have good fundamentals, and 2. are focused on your mission (or projects, or whatever). Women like guys who have focus on something in their lives - it's an indication of a man's own value and status.

The opposite of this is neediness, and when guys make women their number #1 focus it's as if they need women and have nothing else going on, which shows in their vibe and body language. Women pick up on this without you even opening your mouth.

And here is where we really diverge. For people who have had periods of serious work, or could be other long times out of the field for any reason, a focused push back may actually be much better (by the way, in your podcast with Gunwitch he mentions this about being out of the field for 6 months).

But also people who didn't have a lot of formative experiences with women and are starting from a very hard place. There may be many, many approaches, texts, dates and late nights before he can even lay one girl that he considers cute, let alone hot.

I wouldn't discourage anyone from making this their Number 1 focus for a period if they feel it's their most urgent priority so long as they realistically asses the downsides like not making as much money or fitness not progressing as quickly (actually, I think Chase even wrote an article about this regarding work game balance). And whatever neediness would come of it would be far outweighed by 1) Closely executed cycles of practice and theory and practice again and 2) An abundance mindset from constantly meeting new women.

Further for those guys who are starting from scratch or have been out for a very long time, it may take a lot of focused effort (which you can't easily produce have when you're busy and time and attention are drained) just to not mess up things that for a more advanced guy are already on autopilot (or, used to b on autopilot, see my FR for a few examples lol).

The irony of this is that being busy and focused on a mission could equate to lower momentum, meaning you're more prone to making mistakes with girls that you do go after due to lack of practice and flow. The trick is to find a balance between both.

A rotation is a huge help. Even one girl you regularly fuck lets you practice flirting and relating to women on a regular basis and also helps bring about a calm focused energy (from the magic of the nut ), or as little Wayne said "As soon as I cum, I come to my senses".

That's also why a lot of the best guys and the majority of naturals have a main chick who either helps them seduce chicks (bi wing girl), is actively chasing them to settle down and go mono while he plays the field, or they just cheat.

 

[Carousel]

As someone who has experienced both:

Being busy with important projects while having a main or several girls leads to better vibe and attraction.

Being busy and becoming a defacto incel, not so much.

Carousel framed it as not going above the stress-tolerance threshold, and I agree that's one way to look at it. And isn't (one of, if not) the best stress relievers, sex with hot young women.

The stress-tolerance level is IMO not so much related to whether you are a defacto incel or not.

I define it as when you start to get chronically stressed, which will manifest itself with sleep-disturbances, stomach pain, lower energy than normal etc from too frequent "pings" of the fight/flight mechanism. This happens if you are trying to do too much at once, chronic sleep-deprivation, full intensity every waking hour every day, too many deadlines at the same time etc. Exam periods are notorious for this and will usually screw up momentum and vibe. TRE may be used to remedy it, but will only relieve the stored stress, not reduce acute stressors.

Major religions have a weekday for resting (and meditation) to counteract this. It is a good practice.

 

[Grand Pooba]

This is a much different type of busy than not going out and not fucking anyone for a month or longer.

As someone who has experienced both:

Being busy with important projects while having a main or several girls leads to better vibe and attraction.

Being busy and becoming a defacto incel, not so much.

Correct - there are also people who are only focused on work without even trying to get girls, or have sex regularly. The kind of busy that is attractive is when you're working on important projects with enthusiasm, and also behaving in attractive ways to women. I think that having a rotation (or even a single girl you're seeing) definitely helps a lot - you're having sex regularly and automatically that makes behavior more outcome independent and confident. This pattern also comes back to fundamentals (body language, fashion, vibe, etc) as if you've developed these enough AND stay busy/focused, it's attractive to women. Girls give you IOIs anyway and it becomes more learning to act on the signs when you see them.


If you just work a lot and have poor fundamentals, you're not going to get any interest from women anyway - that's definitely going to end up as being a de facto incel.

Carousel framed it as not going above the stress-tolerance threshold, and I agree that's one way to look at it. And isn't (one of, if not) the best stress relievers, sex with hot young women.

Indeed

And here is where we really diverge. For people who have had periods of serious work, or could be other long times out of the field for any reason, a focused push back may actually be much better (by the way, in your podcast with Gunwitch he mentions this about being out of the field for 6 months).

I think a focused push is honestly the only way to go here (we actually don't diverge). It takes a little time to shake off the rust and get back into shape in the field. And, you can still ride out that attractiveness built during your time of focus. It's easier to do this as you get better and find a good system that works - you can turn back to the system anytime once you've figured it out.

But also people who didn't have a lot of formative experiences with women and are starting from a very hard place. There may be many, many approaches, texts, dates and late nights before he can even lay one girl that he considers cute, let alone hot.

Yes, when you suck it's going to be hard no matter what.
There's nothing wrong with making girls your number 1 focus, but it's definitely not as attractive to them as if you're focused on your mission and they're secondary. At the same time, this works much better if you're actually good with women and/or have a working system.

An abundance mindset from constantly meeting new women.

Also from having a rotation, which naturally makes you more busy.

A rotation is a huge help. Even one girl you regularly fuck lets you practice flirting and relating to women on a regular basis and also helps bring about a calm focused energy (from the magic of the nut ), or as little Wayne said "As soon as I cum, I come to my senses".

That's also why a lot of the best guys and the majority of naturals have a main chick who either helps them seduce chicks (bi wing girl), is actively chasing them to settle down and go mono while he plays the field, or they just cheat.

Correct.

 

[Watts]

The stress-tolerance level is IMO not so much related to whether you are a defacto incel or not.

I define it as when you start to get chronically stressed, which will manifest itself with sleep-disturbances, stomach pain, lower energy than normal etc from too frequent "pings" of the fight/flight mechanism. This happens if you are trying to do too much at once, chronic sleep-deprivation, full intensity every waking hour every day, too many deadlines at the same time etc. Exam periods are notorious for this and will usually screw up momentum and vibe. TRE may be used to remedy it, but will only relieve the stored stress, not reduce acute stressors.

Major religions have a weekday for resting (and meditation) to counteract this. It is a good practice.

I have experienced this, being busy working in a crisis time in an office job. Making fantastic money, but working 7 days a week, 10 hour days on weekdays, "only" 8 hours on both weekends.

I'd wake up from nightmares about something I thought I forgot to do with some file. My psyche was so caught up in having to do all these things, that it was preventing me from even having rest at all.

I like this concept, and I'm aware of your post on TRE (I think Cocporn had talked about it on NextASF too). I'm not sure exactly how you define it, whether it's static or dynamic, whether you are including anti-stressors (like I mentioned, sex with hot young women) etc.

And, another way to look at it, cortisol levels.

Just an aside, because I think you'll appreciate it, it's the freeze/flight/fight mechanism (In that order. An organism tries to do them one after another), so does that make you think of ways "freeze" might also be producing stressors?

I'll also add that a hot young woman who is pleasant to be around and wants to be cute with me, cuddle, laugh, give me nice compliments, and generally relate and empathize is a great stress reliever. I'd also hazard that if I had 3 of those, totally aware of the situation, all coordinated and drama free, then there is no level of work that would be able to kick off the reactions you described above.

I had exams, crammed and focused, and got top marks. Never did I have anything like what working a 68 hour week (not including commute) did, with huge sums of money (not mine) hanging on my performance and decisions I made.

But I could I do it with 3 hotties in love with me, I'm willing to try

And I also meditate each morning and subscribe strongly to the practice for better handling stress, better sleep, and a host of other benefits.

Depending on how things go I may need to consider taking Sunday as a "day of rest" as you mentioned, if only because going out several nights in a weekend has historically (and recently), lead to me inevitably getting sick. Thank you for the idea.

Correct - there are also people who are only focused on work without even trying to get girls, or have sex regularly. The kind of busy that is attractive is when you're working on important projects with enthusiasm, and also behaving in attractive ways to women. I think that having a rotation (or even a single girl you're seeing) definitely helps a lot - you're having sex regularly and automatically that makes behavior more outcome independent and confident. This pattern also comes back to fundamentals (body language, fashion, vibe, etc) as if you've developed these enough AND stay busy/focused, it's attractive to women. Girls give you IOIs anyway and it becomes more learning to act on the signs when you see them.

Yes, I think we agree here.

If you just work a lot and have poor fundamentals, you're not going to get any interest from women anyway - that's definitely going to end up as being a de facto incel.

See my definition of "busy" above, haha.

I've worked in competitive environments where the time demands won't allow you to both do the work, sleep, and go out; hence, cocaine (not me though, never tried it, and my point is you'd have to run your body into the ground long term just to maintain a social life).

This is also one reason why a main girl (or a wife), helps you climb the ladder in business.

I think a focused push is honestly the only way to go here (we actually don't diverge). It takes a little time to shake off the rust and get back into shape in the field. And, you can still ride out that attractiveness built during your time of focus. It's easier to do this as you get better and find a good system that works - you can turn back to the system anytime once you've figured it out.

This describes where I am now well. I have muscle memory, and it comes back quickly (sometimes, just at the end of the night, or a later set).

And the interesting thing about the system and knowledge is a I know what I'm doing wrong, but I'm a half-step too low to act on it properly.

I'm sure it will clear itself out with some focused field time.

Yes, when you suck it's going to be hard no matter what.
There's nothing wrong with making girls your number 1 focus, but it's definitely not as attractive to them as if you're focused on your mission and they're secondary. At the same time, this works much better if you're actually good with women and/or have a working system.

We agree completely.

Also from having a rotation, which naturally makes you more busy.

Yes, and also less eager, more selective on things other than looks (with having drained balls and all).

You're also less likely to deal with an unpleasant 7 when you have a pleasant 7 you're already fucking. A girl that's less attractive than my main would have to qualify to me, because in order to just be a girl I'm going to fuck, she needs to have a good personality, otherwise why bother? Except of course, if you really haven't had much variety recently, or just seek variety in general strongly.

So qualification becomes less a tactic than a practical assessment of my options.