Being socially graceful without letting them off the hook?

Fluxcapacitor

Tool-Bearing Hominid
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Dudes how can ya be socially graceful without letting girls off the hook? Recently a girl went ghost on me when setting up a date, that's cool if she's not interested I'm not wasting my time. She messaged me randomly today apologising for not messaging me back an said she's shit at replying. (She was texting back within 5 minutes until she went ghost so she's not that shit).

It's left me wondering how do a respond to this. Being socially graceful a would let her off the hook an give her an out an basically take responsibility for it. This also says ya can come back whenever ya want...

Playing her game back an either ignoring it or taking a long time to reply makes me look hurt an bitter by it. But also says ya can't just come back when ya want.

The message was shit an basically a ping. It's just possibly opened communication back up. Other than saying that's cool/alright an letting her off the hook a don't have other ideas. Any thoughts?

Thanks dudes!
 

Fuck This

Cro-Magnon Man
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Her words would help.

Did she make any inquiries that require a response?

You can say "Thanks for reaching back out. I was pretty/kinda/somewhat/a little insulted when you left me hanging" You can tell her how it made you feel. Not that you feel that way now.

then it is up to her to repair the void. If she is into you she will "try to make it up to you" , and now she's chasing....
 

Fluxcapacitor

Tool-Bearing Hominid
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Fuck this dude! She didn't give anything that requires a response. Her actual words:

I'm sorry I'm totally shit at replying to messages (hands over eyes monkey emoji)

She left me a little confused but a few guys on the forum said a made myself to available so she lost interest. Possibly right dude! Even if a felt insulted am not a fan of throwing feelings at people, but I like the get her to make it up idea!

A thought of a possible response earlier just an acknowledgment of "an I thought I was busy/bad" it's low effort, looks like am not that bothered but makes light of the situation an somewhat releives the pressure of her which lets her off the hook... so not sure dude
 

JacobPalmer

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You could also do a takeaway. Say something like, "no worries I ended up making other plans anyway." Or "All good, kindof forgot about this anyway." I like the making plans one better. It's higher risk but she needs a wakeup call.

Another way to think of this is - how would a high value guy respond to this. And then tailor your text in that way.

One I would like to try but honestly haven't had the balls to try out yet is, "No worries, I believe you. :) Kindof a turnoff for me though." Can't decide if this sounds butthurt or not though or whether in fact it's actually really useful.
 

Fluxcapacitor

Tool-Bearing Hominid
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JacobPalmer dude! I have done the "it's okay I believe you" and it's been very successful a use it well on cancellations with some lame excuse, like work, babysitting, pets... but I don't think it works here. There's evidence she's shit at messaging :,) there's also proof otherwise Haha

I like ya take away suggestions, I like the making plans one but after 3 weeks forgetting is more in tune. Not sure if it's a little butt hurt though?

Then again I ain't replied yet so that's over a day. No response is a response but seemingly a hurt one. A will have to reply tonight a guess but ya she needs a wake up call an to make it up.

Could use something like "oh hey, and I thought I was bad! I think ya need to make it up to me"
It's bold but sets a stall out, maybe too strong?
 

JacobPalmer

Tool-Bearing Hominid
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Fluxcapacitor said:
JacobPalmer dude! I have done the "it's okay I believe you" and it's been very successful a use it well on cancellations with some lame excuse, like work, babysitting, pets... but I don't think it works here. There's evidence she's shit at messaging :,) there's also proof otherwise Haha

I like ya take away suggestions, I like the making plans one but after 3 weeks forgetting is more in tune. Not sure if it's a little butt hurt though?

Then again I ain't replied yet so that's over a day. No response is a response but seemingly a hurt one. A will have to reply tonight a guess but ya she needs a wake up call an to make it up.

Could use something like "oh hey, and I thought I was bad! I think ya need to make it up to me"
It's bold but sets a stall out, maybe too strong?
I don't think that one is going to work. Because here's the thing, if she's not into you that message is going to push her farther away. It's a neutral message at best.

Also, always remember - a girl will always get back to you if she really wants to. So personally I'd just say " no worries, ended up making other plans anyway. How are you? :) - this shows you're not butthurt with the smiley but also that you're not going to wait around for her.
 

DarkKnight

Tool-Bearing Hominid
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Don't respond. No response is not "butthurt". She was not socially graceful to you, so you don't owe it back to her. Unless she gave a clear reason why she didnt reply, or was really apologetic about it (which she isn't here), she doesn't warrant a velvet gloves approach.

You don't know what she is about, maybe she has someone already, maybe she is playing games. I would not respond because she seems insincere with bullshit excuse. It's like bait.

Ignore her, if she comes back with real humility ask her out again but change date premises. If she doesnt agree again congratulations you have screened a bullshitter out. Your time is scarce here on earth.

Also check if there is an attainability issue: if not, move on until she makes a sincere move.
 
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