LR  Bumblebee Tuna

NarrowJ

Tribal Elder
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Feb 13, 2013
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So I haven't shared anything lately, and this one was really fun so I figured I'd type it up for you guys and I found a little free time this afternoon to do it. So here goes:

I walked in a parade this past Saturday for a friend of mine who’s running for a local political position, and met a beautiful young blonde we’ll call BumblebeeTuna, but maybe we’ll just refer to her as B-Tuna for short.

I arrive at the parade lineup at 10:30 AM and we have one of those little tricycle things like from the 1920’s because we’re going to hand out freezer pops. It’s about 93 degrees out, so this is a wonderful idea. My buddy DoctorWood gets to ride this sumbitch:



Fuckin’ dope, right? I know.

So the other folks walking in the parade are MeanJean, who is the girl we’re walking in the parade for, her friend B-Tuna and some other family and friends of hers.

I say what’s up to DoctorWood and MeanJean, and then introduce myself to all of the rest of them, including B-Tuna, who is about 5’1” with long, bleach blonde hair. Her lower body and legs are powerful (I’d later find out she does crossfit 3-4 days a week), and she has an ass that’s out of this world.

MeanJean is going through everything and figuring out who does what and she tells me to walk behind B-Tuna. I look at the both of them and tell B-Tuna that I’d planned on walking behind her anyway. She thinks I’m funny, but I’m not funny. I just say sexual shit and women think I’m joking until I have my dick inside of them.

Anyway, we get this parade going and DoctorWood is rocking the tricycle and I’m throwing candy and B-Tuna is holding one side of the big banner thing while MeanJean runs around and says hi to people and hands out business cards. After the parade is over MeanJean invites all of us over to her place for some cold beers and some food.

DoctorWood and I head over and we’re talking in the kitchen and B-Tuna comes in and we are all chatting in the kitchen. We all talk about how hot it was and how handing out the ice pops actually wasn’t a huge failure.

I tell them I think I have swamp-ass from walking in the parade and B-Tuna laughs and says I’m gross. I’m like naw it’s not gross at all actually, it’s just part of the deal. I wipe my hand across the small of my back and then reach out and wipe it on her neck and she freaks the fuck out and is laughing hysterically. She punches me in the side and a bit of ruckus and wrestling ensues. I pick her up and walk into the living room and fling her down on the couch, and then point at her and say “Stay there. Don’t move. You’re in timeout now.”

Then she looks at me like this:



She laughs and gets up and we go back into the kitchen.

We talk (there’s now about 6 people in the kitchen) and hang out for about another 30 minutes and MeanJean and B-Tuna decide they’re going to go up to the beer tent and watch people play volleyball (there’s a sand volleyball tournament). They ask DoctorWood and I if we want to go, so we hop in B-Tuna’s ride and head over there. We do this for a while and B-Tuna and I get some time to ourselves.

We sit at a picnic table and chit chat about her career and hobbies (this is when I’d find out she does crossfit). We both enjoy working out, but we have completely different careers. She’s a teacher and I do web development. This goes really well for about 30 minutes until MeanJean quickly gets bored with the volleyball tournament. She wants to drive to t-ville (about 15 minute drive) to some bar there.

We all drive separately this time and head over to this bar. It’s about 3 o’clock in the afternoon at this point. The bar is pretty empty other than a few older guys who start talking political stuff with MeanJean.

This guy we know comes in, NoCounts. And I’m not just calling him that in this story, we actually call him NoCounts in real life. B-Tuna has never met him so DoctorWood introduces her to him and tells some fabricated story because he’s a fuckin’ nut.

DoctorWood: Oh that’s NoCounts. He circumcised himself with a beer can in 12th grade. I think he was like trying to have sex with it with his little pecker and it ripped his foreskin off.
B-Tuna: So he broke his hymen haha

I have weird friends. Anyway.

So we’re hanging out and B-Tuna has had probably 5 drinks by now, so she’s having a good time. I forget exactly what was said but some middle-aged lady thought we were a couple and said how cute we were.

Middle-Aged Lady: You guys are so cute! Is she your girlfriend?
Me: Well, sometimes.
B-Tuna: Hey!!!! (hits me)
Middle-Aged Lady: (laughs) Well you guys would make a wonderful couple.
Me: Well I’m a fucking asshole so it probably wouldn’t work out.
B-Tuna: You ARE a fucking asshole! (laughs and hits me again)

Middle-Aged lady and B-Tuna and I are all laughing. The next thing that happens is NoCounts has this thing he calls the Camaro Shed, and he invites the four of us to come out and have some beers there. He’s like a Camaro enthusiast or something, so he has this big machine shed with a full bar and pool tables and stuff. Anyway, he has like 15 or 20 cars in it, mostly older Camaros but he has a body from a drag racer hanging in there and a couple other things like that too. It’s a really cool place.

So we all head out there and hang for a while. B-Tuna and I shoot a couple games of pool. I tell her she has a nice butt and she whips around and points it at me and says “You wanna touch it?” I’m like fuck yeah! Haha. I start rubbing her ass really hard, and she laughs and says “Ok, this is weird haha”

I look her in the eyes and say, “It’s only weird if you make it weird” and for about 3 seconds we just look at each other and smile and finally I realize I’m still clutching her right ass cheek.

We shoot a couple more games and we get into this verbal sparring match about what Flaming Lips album is the best and I invite her over to my house to check them out. She says we should definitely do that. (it’s on ;)

So we eventually all head back into town a couple hours later. Instead of heading back to my place we run into this other couple that happen to be mutual friends of ours. For some reason (alcohol-induced decision-making process + peer pressure) we decide to go on a road trip out by the river with them.

B-Tuna is in the back seat with me and scoots close to me. We start making out. She is a great kisser and stops every once in a while and gives me some really sexy bedroom eyes.

We stop at the river and get out and chuck some rocks and shit and dance and play banjo around a bonfire or whatever hillbillies do. Just kidding.

Anyway we hang out and talk for a bit and then decide to get back in the car. This is really cool because B-Tuna and I just met but we’ve both known the couple we’re with for years and they’re good friends of ours. I wonder why I’ve never met B-Tuna.

We start to make out in the backseat again and she says I’m turning her on. B-Tuna whispers something into the girl’s ear (she’s driving) and the girl laughs and says “ok!”

B-Tuna initiates another makeout session with me and it gets pretty hot and heavy. She stops and takes her shirt off. I know where this going now, we’re going to just fuck in the back of this car while they drive us around in the country. Awesome.

So that’s pretty much what happens, we fuck in the backseat for a while but eventually the girl drives back into town and we’re both still buck-ass naked humping each other in the back seat and didn’t really notice until we hear people talking outside the car.

We’re both thinking: holy shit.

We’re parked outside the bar, and we’re naked, and people can see us, and my penis is inside of her vagina. I’m going to be a local celebrity now. But no, this seriously isn’t good. At all.

Both of us yell into the front seat and our friend (the girl) pulls out of the parking lot and we start getting dressed. Eventually, once we have all our clothes back on she takes us back to the bar and we get our cars and she heads over to my place with me and we finish what we started there.

When I was in high school I fucked a girl at a party in front of about 5 or 6 people who watched us, so it wasn’t necessarily a first for this type of thing with me. But, still… now I’m going to be known as the guy who was fucking the girl in the car haha. Could be good? Could be bad?

J.J.
 

ZacAdam

Cro-Magnon Man
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Joined
Nov 20, 2012
Messages
5,177
NarrowJ,

NarrowJ said:
I’m going to be a local celebrity now. But no, this seriously isn’t good. At all.

Both of us yell into the front seat and our friend (the girl) pulls out of the parking lot and we start getting dressed. Eventually, once we have all our clothes back on she takes us back to the bar and we get our cars and she heads over to my place with me and we finish what we started there.

When I was in high school I fucked a girl at a party in front of about 5 or 6 people who watched us, so it wasn’t necessarily a first for this type of thing with me. But, still… now I’m going to be known as the guy who was fucking the girl in the car haha. Could be good? Could be bad?

I observe this with myself, everyone and what celebrities face when they are caught on "wrong situations". At the end of the day, It's not a matter of what is "right" and what is "wrong". IT's a matter of people looking towards you for answers, and your response. At the end of the day, it's frame control. People are looking to you for that validation, and This is more apparent with celebrities.

Given an example of Tiger Woods, where he cried and society fucked him. IF you really think about it, the fault is with his wife, not the media. Society, Media are like women. If you react and the key word here is react, badly, Then they just gonna "moral superiority" up your ass. IT''s the same thing as your wife asking you to sleep outside of the bedroom, her attraction for you just plummet if you do.

I realize celebrities that kept their ground, pretend nothing happened, tend to be the ones that do relatively well. Some of them addressed the situations three months later or longer and do not admit anything but just thread accordingly.

p.s: Sorry for the negativity. Being on point as much as possible.

Zac
 

Richard

Tribal Elder
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Mar 1, 2013
Messages
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B-Tuna initiates another makeout session with me and it gets pretty hot and heavy. She stops and takes her shirt off. I know where this going now, we’re going to just fuck in the back of this car while they drive us around in the country. Awesome.

I love friends like this! ;)

Reminds me of when I got some dome in the back seat from a FWB I had a couple months back. My buddy Josh is a firm advocate in helping to get laid instead of hindering so anything goes in the back seat of his car while he's driving.

Everybody needs friends like that lol.

But good shit NJ! It's funny because every time I read your reports I envision Indiana Jones ;)
 

Mr.Rob

Modern Human
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Jun 16, 2013
Messages
1,902
NarrowJ said:
She thinks I’m funny, but I’m not funny. I just say sexual shit and women think I’m joking until I have my dick inside of them.
Lol'ed here. Yeah it's funny how if an unsexy guy said that the girl would be like "eww don't say stuff like that to women" as a form of beta shaming to put him back in his place as a beta male. However if someone like you says this the girls think it's funny... even though you were dead serious. Lol.

You seem to get by pretty good with the "party dates". I know it's not a full on party date but it's like group social circle, I guess, with potential for a lot of shit to go wrong (drinking + women + distractions [such as impromptu road trip]) but I guess when your a gangster it doesn't matter much, you just keep saying sexual shit until your inside that wet warm hole.

NarrowJ said:
Middle-Aged Lady: You guys are so cute! Is she your girlfriend?
Me: Well, sometimes.
B-Tuna: Hey!!!! (hits me)
Middle-Aged Lady: (laughs) Well you guys would make a wonderful couple.
Me: Well I’m a fucking asshole so it probably wouldn’t work out.
B-Tuna: You ARE a fucking asshole! (laughs and hits me again)
Tucker Max

NarrowJ said:
So that’s pretty much what happens, we fuck in the backseat for a while but eventually the girl drives back into town and we’re both still buck-ass naked humping each other in the back seat and didn’t really notice until we hear people talking outside the car.
Haha perfect, this is awesome!

Enjoyed the read NJ!

-Rob
 

NarrowJ

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ZacAdam said:
p.s: Sorry for the negativity. Being on point as much as possible.

Zac, didn't take it as a negative! What you say is very true. I need to just own it :)


Anatman said:
That shit was epic.

Haha thanks, dawg! I have gotten too busy to write up too many reports, but this one needed to be shared ;)


Zphix said:
It's funny because every time I read your reports I envision Indiana Jones ;)

LOL. Indiana Jones used to be my avatar... thinking about going back to it!


Mr. Rob said:
Lol'ed here. Yeah it's funny how if an unsexy guy said that the girl would be like "eww don't say stuff like that to women" as a form of beta shaming to put him back in his place as a beta male. However if someone like you says this the girls think it's funny... even though you were dead serious. Lol.

Hell yeah Rob! Man it sure is nice to get that reaction nowadays. I like to deliver this one so that she can't quite tell if I'm being serious or not. It's like she thinks to herself, "Is he joking?! I hope he's not joking... " and her response is just laughter because (a) she's happy I'm saying it to her and (b) it's just funny anyway so long as the guy isn't a complete d-bag. I recall a few times back in the day where I'd said things to girls (that would be chase framing, but I didn't know that's what it was at the time), and basically got laughed out of the room by them because I didn't have tight fundamentals and delivered it awkwardly or without confidence.


Mr. Rob said:
You seem to get by pretty good with the "party dates". I know it's not a full on party date but it's like group social circle, I guess, with potential for a lot of shit to go wrong (drinking + women + distractions [such as impromptu road trip]) but I guess when your a gangster it doesn't matter much, you just keep saying sexual shit until your inside that wet warm hole.

I've always been pretty good at this, and I did do a ton of approaching for maybe several months from probably January of 2013 until around fall of 2013 where I just stopped going out of my way to do it. So now instead of running around to malls and parks, I just kind of meet them wherever I happen to be :)



Cheers,
J.J.
 

Marty

Cro-Magnon Man
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Jul 17, 2013
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NJ, I wanted to say I really enjoyed reading this fantastic report!

Rob actually picked up on just about all the points I wanted to make, so I'll just echo what he said; like him I laughed my ass off at this:
NarrowJ said:
She thinks I’m funny, but I’m not funny. I just say sexual shit and women think I’m joking until I have my dick inside of them.
So true.

Incredible ending; most of us can't really see ourselves in that position, but it seems to work for you!!

Only thing I didn't quite get... why is she called "Bumblebee Tuna"? What's the deal? ;)

-Marty
 

Michael

Space Monkey
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Oct 7, 2013
Messages
39
NarrowJ said:
Anyway we hang out and talk for a bit and then decide to get back in the car. This is really cool because B-Tuna and I just met but we’ve both known the couple we’re with for years and they’re good friends of ours. I wonder why I’ve never met B-Tuna.

Because she's 5'1".
 

Chase

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NJ-

I'm late to the party on this one... but this is a blast.

NarrowJ said:
MeanJean is going through everything and figuring out who does what and she tells me to walk behind B-Tuna. I look at the both of them and tell B-Tuna that I’d planned on walking behind her anyway. She thinks I’m funny, but I’m not funny. I just say sexual shit and women think I’m joking until I have my dick inside of them.

Nice move - it's direct, and you're feeling her out early on and seeing how she responds to this. Doesn't seem to be a "yes, I want this!" at this point, but she isn't acting sour about it either.

NarrowJ said:
I tell them I think I have swamp-ass from walking in the parade and B-Tuna laughs and says I’m gross. I’m like naw it’s not gross at all actually, it’s just part of the deal. I wipe my hand across the small of my back and then reach out and wipe it on her neck and she freaks the fuck out and is laughing hysterically. She punches me in the side and a bit of ruckus and wrestling ensues. I pick her up and walk into the living room and fling her down on the couch, and then point at her and say “Stay there. Don’t move. You’re in timeout now.”

Then she looks at me like this:



She laughs and gets up and we go back into the kitchen.

This seems to be the moment where you got her off the fence and into you. But it's also kind of an out-there, high-risk-high-reward move. Guessing you read something from her personality (goofy sense of humor?) before you did it that told you she'd get a kick out of this, rather than freak out over and go soap up the back of her neck.

Either way, it quickly snowballed into a lot of good stuff and positioned you as a fun, physical guy who was going to horse around with her and not tiptoe around. Also got you very personal with her very quickly, even though the two of you had just met (nothing says "old friends" like wiping your back sweat on somebody's neck). Good read on her, and unexpectedly nice play.

NarrowJ said:
So we all head out there and hang for a while. B-Tuna and I shoot a couple games of pool. I tell her she has a nice butt and she whips around and points it at me and says “You wanna touch it?” I’m like fuck yeah! Haha. I start rubbing her ass really hard, and she laughs and says “Ok, this is weird haha”

I look her in the eyes and say, “It’s only weird if you make it weird” and for about 3 seconds we just look at each other and smile and finally I realize I’m still clutching her right ass cheek.

I laughed out loud here. Beautiful use of escalating her escalation, and then handling of the weird/sexy staredown that followed.

NarrowJ said:
We start to make out in the backseat again and she says I’m turning her on. B-Tuna whispers something into the girl’s ear (she’s driving) and the girl laughs and says “ok!”

B-Tuna initiates another makeout session with me and it gets pretty hot and heavy. She stops and takes her shirt off. I know where this going now, we’re going to just fuck in the back of this car while they drive us around in the country. Awesome.

So that’s pretty much what happens, we fuck in the backseat for a while but eventually the girl drives back into town and we’re both still buck-ass naked humping each other in the back seat and didn’t really notice until we hear people talking outside the car.

We’re both thinking: holy shit.

We’re parked outside the bar, and we’re naked, and people can see us, and my penis is inside of her vagina. I’m going to be a local celebrity now. But no, this seriously isn’t good. At all.

Hahaha... another one for the mental photo album.

This is a well done, casual, fluid social-drinking pick up, NJ. Made for a great read.

Chase
 

maximus6004

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369
Lmao, this is hilarious. I drove my buddy around while he banged a girl in the back seat its kind of epic. Love this report so smooth and and just all around awesome I was laughinf theough the whole report.
 
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