Clear interest, closed up on approach?

Fluxcapacitor

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Dudes wondering if ya have any thoughts on this?

I was out at a club an was hanging out with one of my mates girlfriends (who's not that attractive) while the others were at the bar an toilets. There was a group of girls an I locked eye contact with one that I liked. She held eye contact briefly before looking down an I felt she was interested.

Moments later she was talking to her friends an I was able to lip read what she was saying. "How is she with him? He's so good looking" "him there! With the long hair. He's amazing"
Well if there was any doubt she was interested this cleared it up! :')

I made my approach shortly after this, I made eye contact again as i walked over because she went to look over to me, perfect, another pre open I thought. As soon as I got near her she closed up, grabbed her friend, face to face, arm in arm dancing an totally rejected the chance to talk to me??

Really confused by this, I get approaching is a form of validation but that doesn't make sense to me here
 

DarkKnight

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If what you read on her lips is correct: then she is intimidated by you and became nervous when you approached her. I am pretty sure she has been thinking about you though. Some girls just need some time in order to understand that you are a real option. Ultimately it was attainability and her lack of preparation about being approached.

Girls like to be risk averse. This worked against you.

Attainability issues tend to piss me off too, but usually when girls do weird things without high value guy prompting them: attainability.
 

DarkKnight

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Also read up on Alek's attraction paradox article. Sums it up pretty clearly
 

Tony D

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If you know she thinks you're hot, just try again. Be persistent. Or talk to one of her friends. The odds of you ever seeing her again are pretty much zero right? So what have you got to lose?

Normally I wouldn't chase a girl like this but if she's going to act like a retard then treat her like one. Make her friends do the work, or grab her wrist and pull her away from her friends so you can talk to her.
 

Fluxcapacitor

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@DarkKnight dude! Thanks for the reply, I thought it might be attainability but she was very attractive so kinda caught off guard with this behaviour. She didn't really have much time to consider it but I seen her again on my way out an again she blocked it off. A will read the article ya suggested dude!

@Tony D dude! I'm not a fan of being persistent my experience with it isn't great I just waste time with it. Her friends acted in a similar way an Yeah odds of seeing her again are very slim so got nothing to lose. A should have grabbed her wrist at least on my way out, give her time to bridge it before hand.

Similar experience on this is her friends encourage it or bridge the gap for her. A posted an thread a while back asking why girls self impose ASD even when there friends give them the greenlight.

Chase responded saying it's usually a low value issue where ya not quite giving them something. A asked if it could go the other way round that ya too high value?
 

Cody Lyans

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Girls resist in 4 ways via body language
Timidness
Blocking
Turning or crossing her head
Touching you in a sexual way

What you do is ACT AS A GOOD HOST
Like the wizard of oz
Timid girl needs courage
Block girl needs to feel comfy with guys
Cross head girl needs to be in disbelief and laughing
And the girl touching your pants to give you a raincheck, needs to feel like "ACTUALLY who am I kidding... I can't stop"

You give the girl the ability to enjoy her action more by supplying what it lacks
Like a host at a party bringing food to the hungry or drinks to the inhibited
 

DarkKnight

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Cody can you elaborate on blocking? Crossing arms is one of those right? I had a girl do this the other day only to shoot me a signal when I pulled back.

Also about the girls who turn their heads. Disbelief and laughing seems to be my automatic response, actually used it yesterday. Definitely peeked her interest
 

Fluxcapacitor

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@Cody Lyans dude! Thanks for the reply very helpful! What's the best way to handle it if they're timid and block or timid and cross head? The latter a have only encountered a couple of times which is really weird behaviour I just can't figure out.

The timid and blocking is courage and comfort which go a little hand in hand but I still find it hard to break the block to give them the courage. I'm guessing persistence? But think this risks negative compliance especially if her friend/s are going to jump in
 

Chase

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Flux-

To throw something else out there, unrelated to breaking in when a girl's blocked you out...

There is such a thing as negative preselection. A girl sees you with another girl, who is not that attractive, and concludes something must be wrong with you.

The read I get here -- her incredulous "How is she with him? He's so good-looking! It doesn't make sense!" -- is that you look great, but there's something she doesn't understand at-play here. Something that leads to you batting lower than what she thinks you should.

Here's what I do any time I find myself in a situation like this, where I am minding the friend or girlfriend of someone else, and she is not that hot, and attractive girls I want to talk to have clearly seen me:

  1. I will wait for my buddy or whoever it is to return,

  2. Then get buddy and his girl into a good conversation,

  3. And let them get physically close together, so it is clear the two of them are an item.

  4. I will then create a little physical distance between myself and the two of them, and chill that way for a few minutes, in obvious eyeshot of the girl I want to talk to.

Then, only after she's had time to process that I am not with that girl, will I make my way over to her.

In my experience, you have a much higher open rate this way.

You still get the social proof points of at least being there with friends.

But you don't suffer the negative preselection of being a guy with an unattractive girl.

You also get some "relief" points where she goes "Oh, whew, he is not actually with that ugly bridge troll! I was worried for a second there!"

There's also an anti-drama shield some girls where have, where if they think you are ditching your girlfriend to come talk to them, they will clam up.

Some girls love this; they like the drama. Some girls hate it and don't want to get involved. So, again, you want a little distance there, or want to otherwise have it at least seem like an ambiguous relationship, where it's not definite she is your girlfriend, before you do the approach.

It sounds like in this case the girl thought you were clearly an item, and thought you were batting below your weight, so I suspect negative preselection + possibly her wanting to avoid drama with an attached guy stepping out on his girlfriend despite the girlfriend being right there played some roles here.

Chase
 

Fluxcapacitor

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Flux-

To throw something else out there, unrelated to breaking in when a girl's blocked you out...

There is such a thing as negative preselection. A girl sees you with another girl, who is not that attractive, and concludes something must be wrong with you.

The read I get here -- her incredulous "How is she with him? He's so good-looking! It doesn't make sense!" -- is that you look great, but there's something she doesn't understand at-play here. Something that leads to you batting lower than what she thinks you should.

Here's what I do any time I find myself in a situation like this, where I am minding the friend or girlfriend of someone else, and she is not that hot, and attractive girls I want to talk to have clearly seen me:

  1. I will wait for my buddy or whoever it is to return,

  2. Then get buddy and his girl into a good conversation,

  3. And let them get physically close together, so it is clear the two of them are an item.

  4. I will then create a little physical distance between myself and the two of them, and chill that way for a few minutes, in obvious eyeshot of the girl I want to talk to.

Then, only after she's had time to process that I am not with that girl, will I make my way over to her.

In my experience, you have a much higher open rate this way.

You still get the social proof points of at least being there with friends.

But you don't suffer the negative preselection of being a guy with an unattractive girl.

You also get some "relief" points where she goes "Oh, whew, he is not actually with that ugly bridge troll! I was worried for a second there!"

There's also an anti-drama shield some girls where have, where if they think you are ditching your girlfriend to come talk to them, they will clam up.

Some girls love this; they like the drama. Some girls hate it and don't want to get involved. So, again, you want a little distance there, or want to otherwise have it at least seem like an ambiguous relationship, where it's not definite she is your girlfriend, before you do the approach.

It sounds like in this case the girl thought you were clearly an item, and thought you were batting below your weight, so I suspect negative preselection + possibly her wanting to avoid drama with an attached guy stepping out on his girlfriend despite the girlfriend being right there played some roles here.

Chase
Chase dude! Thanks for the insight. I didn't even consider this at all. I did wait for him to come back on my second attempt on my way out after more eye contact with her with a look of interest back but negative preselection wouldn't have helped.

I thought a clearly set that we weren't an item but yeah she probably thought we were together. I'll follow the steps of your process cause I end up in this situation regularly where I'm left with a female friend
 

Cody Lyans

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@Cody Lyans dude! Thanks for the reply very helpful! What's the best way to handle it if they're timid and block or timid and cross head? The latter a have only encountered a couple of times which is really weird behaviour I just can't figure out.

The timid and blocking is courage and comfort which go a little hand in hand but I still find it hard to break the block to give them the courage. I'm guessing persistence? But think this risks negative compliance especially if her friend/s are going to jump in
The timid one is tricky in that a direct approach is either too much for her, or she is just caught off guard.
Personally I just act like a good host, I recognize her timidness and soften my voice, project more indifference so she need not fear I will be too hawkish and persistent, and then I speak in an inspiring way so she finds my words easy to agree with.


With the head crossing, I just make light of things, joke about and such. I might focus on a cute little detail in her reaction, or on something like her key ring or tattoo, or if she is more hard no'ing me I might laugh and peel away, like roll or turn my body to go. Then be flirty with the next girl, and repeat until the first girl wants to talk again and is turning her body language towards me
 
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