FR Conflicted girl

[John92]

So I met this Brazilian girl in South Kensington, London yesterday. I opened her with "I saw you from over there and thought you looked absolutely gorgeous." She was receptive to my approach and it was clear that she was into me. She offered to exchange contact details. She asked me what i'm doing and I say i'm going to the train station to which she says she has to catch a train too. While we were on the platform, I asked her out on a date and she says she wasn't sure because she was seeing someone I was surprised because she was being pretty compliant with me. She seemed conflicted.

While on the train, I said my love language (Thanks @Bismarck journal) was touch and instantly after that I touched her hand. Then I chase framed, I told her it was because of her that this was happening, I accused her of secuding me with her eyes, like she was undressing me to which she laughed at. Then I whispered into her ear and mentioned how people in the train were looking at us and how envious they were of us.

She mentioned how i'm a very direct man and how much she liked it. She said English men aren't direct like me, to which I replied they don't have balls like me. I mentioned how life is too short to not go for what you want to which she agreed.

Her stop comes and we kiss each other on both cheeks before she departs the train. I knew i'd made a mistake letting her go because her logical mind would set in later on and that would inevitably lead her to probably ghost me on text. I should have gone for an instant date and then isolate her somewhere to have sex.

I live with my parents so I don't have my own place.

 

[Will_V]

So I met this Brazilian girl in South Kensington, London yesterday. I opened her with "I saw you from over there and thought you looked absolutely gorgeous." She was receptive to my approach and it was clear that she was into me. She offered to exchange contact details. She asked me what i'm doing and I say i'm going to the train station to which she says she has to catch a train too. While we were on the platform, I asked her out on a date and she says she wasn't sure because she was seeing someone I was surprised because she was being pretty compliant with me. She seemed conflicted.

While on the train, I said my love language (Thanks @Bismarck journal) was touch and instantly after that I touched her hand. Then I chase framed, I told her it was because of her that this was happening, I accused her of secuding me with her eyes, like she was undressing me to which she laughed at. Then I whispered into her ear and mentioned how people in the train were looking at us and how envious they were of us.

She mentioned how i'm a very direct man and how much she liked it. She said English men aren't direct like me, to which I replied they don't have balls like me. I mentioned how life is too short to not go for what you want to which she agreed.

Her stop comes and we kiss each other on both cheeks before she departs the train. I knew i'd made a mistake letting her go because her logical mind would set in later on and that would inevitably lead her to probably ghost me on text. I should have gone for an instant date and then isolate her somewhere to have sex.

I live with my parents so I don't have my own place.

Hey @John92, good to see you posting field reports!

I'm probably going to sound like an asshole here, but you called yourself a 9/10 guy in another thread, and here you mention you live with your parents.

For one thing, in my view, living with your parents puts you in a bad mindset for seduction. It makes you feel like a kid, it takes your edge off, and it makes you come to a girl with a feeling that you are not completely your own man, with the psychological sway of your parents ever present. Take that as you will, but I believe it has a huge effect on the feeling a girl gets when she's with you.

Especially in a competitive socio economic environment like London (never been there, that's what it seems like to me though) unless you're really self assured, the pressure to measure up is going to have an impact.

And of course, it makes logistics a fair bit more difficult.

...

In this report, I have a feeling you went too direct and came off a bit chasing (too high attainability). You even seemed to recognize this with your premonition that she'd ghost you.

Did you:

- Find out anything about her, beyond that she's Brazilian?
- Qualify her? (have her to tell you about herself, and then tell her what you like about her beyond her looks)?
- Seed the date?

The first two are important for letting her know that she's not just some random girl who's hot enough to bang. The third helps smooth the transition to text/setting up the date.

In general, when you have an interaction that gets hot pretty fast like this, you want to do a bit of push/pull and make her feel like she still has to prove herself to you.

 

[John92]

Hey @John92, good to see you posting field reports!

I'm probably going to sound like an asshole here, but you called yourself a 9/10 guy in another thread, and here you mention you live with your parents.

For one thing, in my view, living with your parents puts you in a bad mindset for seduction. It makes you feel like a kid, it takes your edge off, and it makes you come to a girl with a feeling that you are not completely your own man, with the psychological sway of your parents ever present. Take that as you will, but I believe it has a huge effect on the feeling a girl gets when she's with you.

Especially in a competitive socio economic environment like London (never been there, that's what it seems like to me though) unless you're really self assured, the pressure to measure up is going to have an impact.

And of course, it makes logistics a fair bit more difficult.

...

In this report, I have a feeling you went too direct and came off a bit chasing (too high attainability). You even seemed to recognize this with your premonition that she'd ghost you.

Did you:

- Find out anything about her, beyond that she's Brazilian?
- Qualify her? (have her to tell you about herself, and then tell her what you like about her beyond her looks)?
- Seed the date?

The first two are important for letting her know that she's not just some random girl who's hot enough to bang. The third helps smooth the transition to text/setting up the date.

In general, when you have an interaction that gets hot pretty fast like this, you want to do a bit of push/pull and make her feel like she still has to prove herself to you.

Me being overall 9/10 is exaggerated because i'm not tall (173 cm), but facially i'm a 9/10. Body composition wise i'm very solid.

Yes, it's makes logistics very complicated. But on the other hand i've seen posts from members like @James Cruse and @Skills saying you don't need a bed to have sex and I agree. But it makes things harder, without a doubt.

I knew she'd ghost me if I let her go because she said she was seeing someone and her logical mind would kick in once she left me. She was conflicted, but charmed by my approach. A SDL was the only way I was going to have sex with her.

Yes, I found out what she does but I should have asked her what she did for fun to find out a little bit more about her and try to match her interests and how she sees the world (similarity).

A huge flaw in my game right now is definitely qualifiation and i'm glad you mentioned it. I need to be qualifiying girls more when they hook which doesn't happen enough. The question is how do I reward girls when they qualify to me?

I did try to suggest the date but she mentioned that she was seeing someone and wasn't sure.

I should have got off with her at the same stop and suggested to sit down and drink a coffee. I would have said "this isn't a date, we are enemies" playfully. I would then escalate more during the coffee date and try to isolate her somewhere.

 

[Will_V]

Me being overall 9/10 is exaggerated because i'm not tall (173 cm), but facially i'm a 9/10. Body composition wise i'm very solid.

Being generally good looking is an asset, but your game and your vibe still has to be on point.

Yes, it's makes logistics very complicated. But on the other hand i've seen posts from members like @James Cruse and @Skills saying you don't need a bed to have sex and I agree. But it makes things harder, without a doubt.

Anything is possible, but some things make it harder. And when you're developing your skills you need to give yourself every chance of success.

I knew she'd ghost me if I let her go because she said she was seeing someone and her logical mind would kick in once she left me. She was conflicted, but charmed by my approach. A SDL was the only way I was going to have sex with her.

That's possible, yeah. But it very much depends on what exactly is going on with the other dude.

Yes, I found out what she does but I should have asked her what she did for fun to find out a little bit more about her and try to match her interests and how she sees the world (similarity).

Yeah. My approach is to always steer the conversation toward what sort of girl she is. Not what she does, but who is she really, deep down, in her fantasies about herself.

Everyone has two identities, the one they live out in the world as their day to day life, which they present to society as their default identity. And the other is the person they've always wanted to become, the person they've always felt they were deep down, but haven't fully actualized yet for various reasons.

It's very seductive to be validated for the second one, to be able to experience it and express it with someone. But it takes a little while to dig through the public persona to reach it.

During the approach, there's not enough time to really deep dive, but you want to push through a little bit of the mask.

- If she has a job/study, why did she choose it?
- If she doesn't really like the job/study (after teasing her a bit) what would she do if she could start over tomorrow?
- What does she like to do when she's not working/studying?
- (If she says something boring like watching netflix) push her to tell you something adventurous she's done.
- Is she spontaneous? Is she adventurous? What's the craziest thing she's done?
- etc

Seduction is as much an adventure into the self as it is an adventure with another.

A huge flaw in my game right now is definitely qualifiation and i'm glad you mentioned it. I need to be qualifiying girls more when they hook which doesn't happen enough. The question is how do I reward girls when they qualify to me?

The best way I've found is:

- Have her tell you things about herself
- Put a little pressure on her to fully express those things
- Then you express those things back to her, in your own words, showing you understand them, and telling her that you like those things,
- While expressing nonverbal attraction (eye contact, touch, moving closer to her, etc etc).

This is more important on the date, but you can sprinkle it in lightly on the approach as well, for example:

You: "What do you like to do when you're not working?"
Her: "I sometimes go hiking"
You: "Oh an outdoors girl, I like it .. tell me" reach out and touch her arm, move a little closer, strong eye contact "What do you love about being in nature?"
etc

I did try to suggest the date but she mentioned that she was seeing someone and wasn't sure.

What I usually do here (stolen from James Marshall) is say something like:

"OK let's do this. Give me your number, I'll text you, and if you want to meet we'll meet and if not, that's fine". This reassures her that there's no pressure on her and it's her choice. Has to be delivered in a very warm, relaxed way. Works pretty well for me.

I should have got off with her at the same stop and suggested to sit down and drink a coffee. I would have said "this isn't a date, we are enemies" playfully. I would then escalate more during the coffee date and try to isolate her somewhere.

If the opportunity presents itself, sure. Maybe after probing a little first as to whether she had the time.

You don't always have the opportunity to do this though, so you gotta have the structure in place to pace it a bit slower if needed.