FR Cringy gym infield

[average_daygamer]

So I decided I would post this one as it is raining and I have nothing else to do.

I went to my nearest gym today, situated in the town where I live rather than my local approaching city.

It was high time that I did a gym approach because I hadn't done one for ages.

The spotlight effect was low because I am hardly ever in my local branch of this gym I'm in so I don't feel like I will be recognised as a creep.

Anyway, I see this brunette with a septum ring doing deadlifts so I open with "are you doing back day today, so am I" and she says "actually I would class this under legs".

This I would estimate to be a 7 minute interaction.

So I find out where she is from and it turns out she is Hong Kong-Canadian. It's unusual in my local town as it's not as cosmopolitan as my small daygame city where I usually gym.

She has a Canadian accent and is dressed nicely with a nice upper top. We do some more chit chat but it is awkward, I'm not really feeling a vibe. Something is off, it's too performative and neither of us seem that interested.

At some point she tells me her name and I offer mine. It turns out, she is working there as a PT.

I push myself and ask if she wants to hang out to which she replies that we could train together which I take as a soft rejection and tell her I'm not really in that gym too often, which is true.

I then use this to wrap up the interaction and tell her I need to start my workout.

The approach in general felt forced and I didn't really settle into it. I could feel my Asperger's coming through, despite the fact that she was a pleasant girl.

Maybe I shouldn't have asked to hang but there are conflicting opinions on this. On one hand, some would say by all means, always be closing.

On the other hand, despite her being attractive, I was not feeling a primal vibe to ravage her like I should have been feeling.

I almost talked myself out of the approach but I haven't done a gym approach in such a long time, so I am glad I did!

But it was just a weird interaction, I think maybe there was something missing. I did say a couple of weird things that might have been perceived negatively such as "Oh, people from different places don't really come here that often". I was nervous and struggling for banter.

 

[gameboy]

she replies that we could train together

Sounds like a positive answer to me! I see a window of opportunity there to grab her number. Or train with her on the spot if that was an option.

 

[average_daygamer]

Sounds like a positive answer to me! I see a window of opportunity there to grab her number. Or train with her on the spot if that was an option.

Hmm, do you think. I saw it more of a soft rejection. So I elaborated that am wouldn't be there often, to make it less awkward incase she was worried I might hassle her.

Unless it's a definite "yeah here's my number" I prefer to err on the side of cautious and back off.

 

[HeartOfChaos]

I could feel my Asperger's coming through,

What do you mean by this?

 

[average_daygamer]

What do you mean by this?

I mean I could feel myself start feeling awkward and not saying the right things. I could feel myself losing control of the conversation and skipping around due to running out of conversation topics. Like saying "Oh, I've never heard of someone moving from Hong Kong to become a personal trainer" which might have sounded condescending, but negging was not my intention! Hehe.

 

[gameboy]

I think you got yourself so used to getting rejected, that you now see rejections everywhere even when they are not there. I see nothing in this girls behaviour that hinted about her being worried that you might hassle her.

Also, the things you say you said don't seem weird to me. As long as her reaction is positive I think you were good. No way to know but by asking though! (i.e. ask her when she would like to train with you or something. I'm not familiar with "training dates" so not sure what the proper way to do it is. But while she is there you can always ask, or just tell her "Hey that sounds fun, want to give me your whatsapp and we'll figure something out")

 

[HeartOfChaos]

I mean I could feel myself start feeling awkward and not saying the right things. I could feel myself losing control of the conversation and skipping around due to running out of conversation topics. Like saying "Oh, I've never heard of someone moving from Hong Kong to become a personal trainer" which might have sounded condescending, but negging was not my intention! Hehe.

analysing too much.

Some people simply don’t vibe with each other. Could be as simple as that. And some people in general have more difficulty than others in vibing with randoms.

 

[HeartOfChaos]

I mean I could feel myself start feeling awkward and not saying the right things. I could feel myself losing control of the conversation and skipping around due to running out of conversation topics. Like saying "Oh, I've never heard of someone moving from Hong Kong to become a personal trainer" which might have sounded condescending, but negging was not my intention! Hehe.

ps to me it sounds like what you said is fine. Hence me saying you over think it. But I wouldn’t typically do approaches in a closed space like gym.

 

[POB]

If a gym girl asks me to train together that's a clear sign she is into me.

 

[average_daygamer]

ps to me it sounds like what you said is fine. Hence me saying you over think it. But I wouldn’t typically do approaches in a closed space like gym.

The closed space certainly makes it more intense. I did far better in my number close today (see my recent infield) due to it being outside rather than in a closed environment.

Also my gym kit is kinda nasty. Old stretched t shirt and some old faded shorts which don't help me feel too attractive in there. But I am trying to cultivate the confidence to approach wearing whatever, as long as it is clean.

 

[HeartOfChaos]

The closed space certainly makes it more intense. I did far better in my number close today (see my recent infield) due to it being outside rather than in a closed environment.

Also my gym kit is kinda nasty. Old stretched t shirt and some old faded shorts which don't help me feel too attractive in there. But I am trying to cultivate the confidence to approach wearing whatever, as long as it is clean.

Most people in the gym are there to concentrate on exercise. Try approaching in a supermarket, and use a prop to help if needed...

 

[average_daygamer]

Most people in the gym are there to concentrate on exercise. Try approaching in a supermarket, and use a prop to help if needed...

I just don't see the level of hotties in a random supermarket as in the gym.

I do sometimes approach in a supermarket but you need to be in and out so often to even see 1 eligible approach and then it is so fraught to do it.

However I should remember to use a prop and also to open indirect but it is hard to come up with.

For instance in the rice isle, what would you say "Hey, nice...rice?"

 

[gameboy]

Most people in the supermarket are there to buy groceries

What's a prop, by the way?

 

[Ratata]

You've already gotten some good replies. I just want to add this:

There is something called self-affirmations. Unlike lottery, money or "love" affirmations, these ones are actually scientifically validated, because they manipulate how you feel yourself about social situations, instead of trying to manipulate the rest of the world to your bidding. You can move yourself. Even thinking changes he world, but the change must happen in your own head first.

Source: https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/0956797611417725

Tl;dr: Those who make positive self-affirmations (or what I've irreverently coined social affirmations) before delving into social interaction, tend to do better in them, get better outcomes, and feel better about them, compared to those who do not do such social affirmations, or those who enter social interactions with negative self-belief.

Your subconscious doesn't know any better, so even if you don't believe in it yourself, do it anyway. Before you go into any social interaction, say or think to yourself completely delusional bs about how everyone would love to meet you, and how the hottes girls always fall in love with you first, and that - really - you should probably hold back a little and not try to impress too much because stalkers are such a pest. Also, probably better to qualify them a bit, cuz... I mean... Drunk calling girls at 4 in the morning is just not cool, and you don't want to give her any ideas too soon. Unless she's super hot ofc. But maybe she should pay for the first date. And so an such. (This is also a basic example self prizing btw. Cuz who's the prize? Well, you're the prize! D'oh!)

In short, just assume that the conversation will go well.

In the above conversation, you had some goals, which is good, but TBH you kind of ended a bit like a taker. IMHO she liked you, but you psyched yourself out because you did negative self-affirmations.

I say always leave them wanting more. If you feel that the conversation is getting awkward, be the first to bail. With positive self-affirmations, the tables turn, because then it's they who failed, not you. They made you feel awkward, so you decided to end it early. They will go "Huuuuh, but I thought he liked me!" And then they will chase you instead of you having to chase them. See where this is going?

This is ofc all reverse psychology aimed at yourself. You will still need to learn closing when you notice sexual tension. But awkwardness is not a sign of that, so you might as well bail. Then meet someone when you feel better about yourself (even if delusional), and then just enjoy how much better social interactions start going - including sexy, sexy, sexy flirting with hotties everywhere.

 

[gameboy]

Before you go into any social interaction, say or think to yourself completely delusional bs about how everyone would love to meet you, and how the hottes girls always fall in love with you first

This is great! I'ma start doing this too.

 

[gt75q46]

I just don't see the level of hotties in a random supermarket as in the gym.

I do sometimes approach in a supermarket but you need to be in and out so often to even see 1 eligible approach and then it is so fraught to do it.

However I should remember to use a prop and also to open indirect but it is hard to come up with.

For instance in the rice isle, what would you say "Hey, nice...rice?

#1 shopping opener

Thought I'd share my #1 opener when shopping. It's so simple, and the opportunity so common I rarely need another opener. Basically, you see a babe standing in front of a shelf/rack considering some items, you approach and open with "I can tell you are putting a lot of thought into this...

www.skilledseducer.com

 

[HeartOfChaos]

- including sexy, sexy, sexy flirting with hotties everywhere.

You don't actually need flirting to get laid. I actually noticed that "flirting" has a masking effect sometimes, as you may think you are getting somewhere, but as soon as you make a physical move she shuts you down. 99% of chicks are timewasters, and many of them flirt without intention to get physical. You really need to pay attention to non verbals and compliance the most. Flirting can be a bit a red herring.

 

[HeartOfChaos]

What's a prop, by the way?

Any "object" in the vicinity or on your person that can help to start the conversation, usually indirectly / situationally.

 

[Ratata]

You don't actually need flirting to get laid. I actually noticed that "flirting" has a masking effect sometimes, as you may think you are getting somewhere, but as soon as you make a physical move she shuts you down. 99% of chicks are timewasters, and many of them flirt without intention to get physical. You really need to pay attention to non verbals and compliance the most. Flirting can be a bit a red herring.

You're right. Compliance and "leadable" softness is the tell-tale sign. Getting a boner nearby her is also a pretty good indicator. But flirting is pretty fun though, and once you get her laughing... Intentions tends to go out the window.

 

[average_daygamer]

You've already gotten some good replies. I just want to add this:

There is something called self-affirmations. Unlike lottery, money or "love" affirmations, these ones are actually scientifically validated, because they manipulate how you feel yourself about social situations, instead of trying to manipulate the rest of the world to your bidding. You can move yourself. Even thinking changes he world, but the change must happen in your own head first.

Source: https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/0956797611417725

Tl;dr: Those who make positive self-affirmations (or what I've irreverently coined social affirmations) before delving into social interaction, tend to do better in them, get better outcomes, and feel better about them, compared to those who do not do such social affirmations, or those who enter social interactions with negative self-belief.

Your subconscious doesn't know any better, so even if you don't believe in it yourself, do it anyway. Before you go into any social interaction, say or think to yourself completely delusional bs about how everyone would love to meet you, and how the hottes girls always fall in love with you first, and that - really - you should probably hold back a little and not try to impress too much because stalkers are such a pest. Also, probably better to qualify them a bit, cuz... I mean... Drunk calling girls at 4 in the morning is just not cool, and you don't want to give her any ideas too soon. Unless she's super hot ofc. But maybe she should pay for the first date. And so an such. (This is also a basic example self prizing btw. Cuz who's the prize? Well, you're the prize! D'oh!)

In short, just assume that the conversation will go well.

In the above conversation, you had some goals, which is good, but TBH you kind of ended a bit like a taker. IMHO she liked you, but you psyched yourself out because you did negative self-affirmations.

I say always leave them wanting more. If you feel that the conversation is getting awkward, be the first to bail. With positive self-affirmations, the tables turn, because then it's they who failed, not you. They made you feel awkward, so you decided to end it early. They will go "Huuuuh, but I thought he liked me!" And then they will chase you instead of you having to chase them. See where this is going?

This is ofc all reverse psychology aimed at yourself. You will still need to learn closing when you notice sexual tension. But awkwardness is not a sign of that, so you might as well bail. Then meet someone when you feel better about yourself (even if delusional), and then just enjoy how much better social interactions start going - including sexy, sexy, sexy flirting with hotties everywhere.

There's plenty of stuff there, but the highlighted bit, that's instinctively what I want to do.

But I have read advice to the exact contrary. Yo get comfortable with approaching, stay in the set until the girl leaves.

So that is habitually what I try to do these days. I guess in the gym it could be a bit different due to primarily being a workout space and an enclosed space.

But instinctually, in my psyche, I want to run a brief, smooth interaction. And also attempt a close as well, due to going to all the trouble of opening.

But bearing in mind what you said, I will allow myself to cut it short in the future when I can feel myself beginning to draw blanks when it comes to what to say next and end on a high note.