FR  Date from daygame cold approach: Girl insecure about me being a pickup artist

Merchant's-Kin

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Dec 30, 2019
Messages
233
Cold approach
I was walking perpendicular to the alleyway parallel to the building in which I was going to buy lunch for myself.
She was walking along the alleyway. So I ended up behind her and I ran up to her and this involved running slightly past the entrance through which I was going to enter the building.
I had the perfect excuse for talking to her and we really didn't chat about very much
She just told me she's a nurse and I asked her a bit about it and joked about some stereotype of people working in the medical field
She didn't ask me anything
She just said this is the first time a guy has come to talk to her in public and she was very nervous so I caressed her upper arm briefly
I just took her number and we did chat for a while but that was it.

Messaging
Just really simple texting



The Date (7 days after I approached her) (The whole thing didn't even last more than 1 hour)
The girl
23 year old Chinese girl who just graduated from a university nursing program in my city. She just started working as a nurse.
Not much to talk about here because she wasn't even comfortable with opening up about herself. At least that is what I believe is the case.
When I cold approached her she actually took her mask off, and I found her unattractive. But I forced myself to go on the date because I simply have not been going on enough dates and I really need the experience
Her face is quite unattractive but her body was quite hot. It was essentially a mediocre set that I approached while I was out buying lunch for myself 7 days ago from now



Logistics
Location (It's always the same): A cluster of three vertical air-conditioned malls that are connected to each other on the ground floor, wide and busy underground pathways, and link bridges on the upper floors. There are rooftops, quiet coffee shops, garages located across these 3 malls.

Seduction location: One of these 3 malls is quieter than the rest. I park my car in a very secluded parking lot in the carpark that is located at the top of this quieter mall.
Depending on the feeling that I get from the girl during the approach and texting, I will either park my car at the most secluded spot or maybe a spot that is not so secluded and then see how it goes. If I feel that after we get into the car and she's down for more, I may drive the car to the
more secluded parking spot and try to escalate there.

Backup logistics:
I understand that because I don't have my own place, having only one option for the seduction location: In the backseat of my car in a very secluded parking spot... will not be enough.

I am in the process of coming up with more options. But for the next 6 months, any of these options are going to be:
In the backseat of my car in SOME secluded parking lot.
OR
Driving to some kind of a lake or beach at night and getting out of the car and laying a towel on the ground with a blanket or 2

These are what my logistics are for now. Generally, my dates will start in the area of the above-described vertical malls. In/around which there are bars, restaurants, cafes, etc...
Then there can be venue bouncing. But I must one way or another get her into my car. If the girl is not comfortable with sitting in the backseat of my car that's fine, there's more flexibility in how we can go for a drive and I'll drive her to a secluded lake or beach.



About me (the summary of progress and dates I've gone on so far)
I am a virgin. Once before, I got a girl into the backseat of my car once before though I failed at the escalation.

At the time of my posting of this field report, it has been 4.5 months since I started going out regularly to do cold approach.
So far it has mostly been daygame for me since only some bars have begun to open up at night.

This is this is the 5th girl I've gone on a date with from cold approach (counting from the 1st time when I had the above logistics).

I believe there's still a heck ton of work to be done for my cold approach because I just keep getting blown off and I am seriously running into very hard boyfriend objections.
The good thing is that for every 10 approaches I can get 1 phone number and I can feel my cold approach improving

The dates themselves are worse. This is because I have some deep-seated fears of women due to some bad experiences with them in the past.
I'm way more comfortable doing cold approach than going on dates because I only have to interact with every girl for 10 mins max
Every time before I go on a date I would get quite anxious.

I initially had quite a bit of anxiety for literally every milestone in seduction but after consistently doing TRE and 600 approaches, I have my anxiety during cold approach quite under control
But the anxiety for dates is still there.

2 weeks ago I had zero social life and so last week I started going for dancing and acting classes with the goal of making female friends. Hasn't turned out wonderfully but I will keep improving at this.

The above fears are why:
On August 24, I set myself the aim of going on 3 dates a week until October 1, which would mean that by Oct 1 I would have gone on 17 dates.
This is the 1st of 17. Does not look like I am going to reach the 17 but I will have faith



What was said by me during the date:
I was getting bombarded with questions about my identity. I answered 75% of these questions honestly, the remaining 25% I tried to deflect. I tried to deflect 50% of the total number of questions.

After she gave pretty boring and undescriptive answers about herself, I thought I should just open up to her and see what happens, since I knew I wasn't gonna force any sexual frames on her anyways

So I told her about my Mother and my Father, and she didn't tell me about her family
So after the any trace of playful frame disappeared, she asked me the "do you pick up girls?" question. To which I did give quite a shaky answer which was Yes, I meet my partners in public
She may have interpreted "partners" as sex partners.
I decided that this whole date was bust anyways so I just thought open up to her and see how she takes it and just get some experience for myself anyways

So lol it's actually the first time I opened up to someone in real life about my high school got thrown under the bus by popular girl experience, I didn't fully open up about it but I told her that's why I don't meet girls in my social circles. And so she didn't really understand where I was coming from which was expected and then she probed somemore in response to which I just let it show that I was uncomfortable and even told her that the whole thing is like an interview though I didn't get defensive I just let her know that that's how it was feeling
I felt like getting defensive and it did show in my body language, and my voice was kindof shaky but honestly I think I did a really good job of keep my cool



What was said by her during the date:
Initially I was making jokes and trying to flirt with her and stuff but there were just too many awkward silences where she could have told me more about herself but she didn't.
I was being goofy and made funny faces about stuff. But some how this frame died of because she really wasn't playing along to this frame after 20 minutes.

She gave very "PR" answers when I asked her in pretty interesting ways (so not bland boring ways of asking the question) what she did with her life, what kind of funny stories that happen in her life. She even told me that this was her "PR" set of answers

So I believe that I did pretty well in terms of asking interesting questions about her, and there were points where she did seem interested in stuff that I asked her about. But then she did not continue to talk about what she was saying and just stopped when I threw in a pause and a silence to let her go on to talk about it.

Every time I threw in an awkward silence to let her carry on to say something about herself, I would eventually get 1 of the 2 below responses without finding out very much about her:
1. "There's not very much interesting"
2. Silence. And then turning it back to me and asking about my identity.



Venue bouncing and conversational topics
Time of the date: 1pm
So we met on the 1st floor of one of the vertical malls and the plan was to decide what to eat after we met.
I initially kept quiet at the start of the date and asked her what she wants to eat and she tells me she actually had a huge breakfast already.
So I ask her what she wants to do and she says just sit down and chill so that's what we do and then she suggests some coffee shop and I don't comment on her suggestions of the place and just go along with it

I'm just trying to assess how compliant she is going to be with me. And well. I knew quite early that I was going to get zero compliance more or less.
We get to a coffee shop and she takes a look at the coffee shop she suggests and says let's go to another coffee shop that I suggested initially.
We get there, order drinks, and then without asking me, she just pays for the drinks.

The date happens just entirely at the coffee shop where we are just sitting down and chatting, and there is zero sexual frame whatsoever and it's like she is interviewing me.

I could tell that she was visibly uncomfortable throughout our time at the coffee shop, it can very simply split into 2 parts:
1.
She was uncomfortable with the fact that I cold approached her.
There was some reason she just kept looking down and looked slightly upset. Not sure what it was

2. After I gave some kind of believable explanation to why I met her in public: Bad experiences with some girls in social circle and high school, which is actually true
The problem was that the last bit of playful/sexual frame died by the time it got to part 2 so it was very hard for me to deflect things playfully
She just kept asking me more about my 'socialising in public', I tried to switch the conversation topic off of it and she just kept asking
Then at a certain point she realised she fked the date up, because she said sorry let's talk about something else. I would be in a daze where I didn't say anything because I was literally uncomfortable, my body language became defensive, I didn't mind showing her that I was uncomfortable with being interrogated
So it's not that she didn't like me. She just started asking me more about what I did in my free time. She tried leading the conversation by saying "let's change the topic".
Beyond which I was just treating the date like 2 friends getting together lol.

For all useful purposes, that's all that needs to be documented for this date.



The major failures/successes that occurred during the date
1. I have to accept some of the responsibility in her not being so able to open up so much with me because I admit that even though I asked her some interesting questions, I did not help her along with her conversation very much.
Like I would drop her an interesting question, but I did not nudge her enough based on what she said so it's clear, in this sense, one good way in which I can improve myself as a leader of a conversation.

2. I did not show enough interest in what she said, I did show a reasonable level of interest in what she had to say, honestly, I actually think it was enough interest given there really wasn't much interesting

3. Now I have greater insight into the idea that girls are silly and cute. I mean this girl was just literally interviewing me and I was just telling her about myself, even though I was trying to deflect it and she finally realised by the end of it how pushy she was being.
She probably sees me as quite high value and was really insecure so that's why she did this. From her perspective, I suppose that is the only thing that would help her feel secure.

4. So I've really gotten the same objection quite a number of times before but this time I kept my cool, and I sort of suspected it was coming. So I played it safe first and kept my cool and made the best of the date

5. Good that I got more experience with women. I think there were insecurities and Female State Control here. I did 60-70% of the talking. I'm not gonna be too stressed out about this. Just keep going on more dates!

6. Honestly I think I did a good job of keeping my cool and not being uncalibrated or forcing anything in general



How I think I should improve and how I am going to implement my improvement aims
1. For now, just keep going on dates until I stop worrying about them so much. Keep going on dates to just get a feel for what girls think of me and get a feel for how girls really can't do anything to me. Even if they're relentlessly testing me and all
I'm just going to embrace the testing



Questions/remarks for readers
1. Does anyone think it would have gone any differently if I had taken the lead from the start?

2. 1 date out of 17. Long way to go. I'm happy that this date has actually really made me a lot more comfortable around girls.

3. Lots of more field reports to write so will put any more remarks and questions in the field reports to come :)
 
Last edited:

Dr.X

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Apr 30, 2020
Messages
161
I like your report, very detailed I can easily imagine what is going on. Having briefly dated in Asia I’ll advise on areas I have actual experience on.

(on phone it’s difficult to quote so I copy and paste)

====
She was walking along the alleyway. So I ended up behind her and I ran up to her and this involved running slightly past the entrance through which I was going to enter the building.
====
High effort and it works out well.

====
I am a virgin. Once before, I got a girl into the backseat of my car once before though I failed at the escalation.
====
To lose your virginity, what works for me is spam approach + lower standards:


Though if I have to do again I’d talk with other people as well.

====
This is my 5th date (counting from the 1st time when I had the above logistics).
====
I recalled once I get to probably 7th date in Asia. I was very needy, very cringe, and I wasn’t even a virgin. The downsides with multi dates model is that it’s very easily to get emotionally invested in the girl.

The story has a happy ending though. I still met more girls, got laid the next day, then had the last date with her and we ended thing in amicable terms.

So continue meeting other girls.

====
The good thing is that for every 10 approaches I can get 1 phone number and I can feel my cold approach improving
====
Better ratio than me ... good works.
 

Merchant's-Kin

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Dec 30, 2019
Messages
233
Hey @Dr.X ! Thank u for ur advice!

To lose your virginity, what works for me is spam approach + lower standards:
That's how another daygame friend of mine gets his lays. Looks like that's what I'm going to try to do as well.

Thank u for the reference to the article.

====
This is my 5th date (counting from the 1st time when I had the above logistics).
====

What I meant here was this is the 5th time I'm going on a date with a girl from cold approach. So the 5th girl I've gone on a date with with the above logistics.
Never had a second date before.

Thank u for pointing this ambiguity out. I'll edit the post. And keep this in mind for my future field reports as well.

I recalled once I get to probably 7th date in Asia. I was very needy, very cringe, and I wasn’t even a virgin. The downsides with multi dates model is that it’s very easily to get emotionally invested in the girl.

The story has a happy ending though. I still met more girls, got laid the next day, then had the last date with her and we ended thing in amicable terms.

So continue meeting other girls.

Thank u for sharing :)

Cheers
Y
 
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