Do some women just like to be treated like sh*t? Is there anything to do abt it?

[razir110]

Hi everyone!

This question came from my previous post, but Ill summarize and develop on it.

So I met this girl that is.. well a bit closed and very defensive. also cute. Apparently she is hooking up with this guy that treats her like sht, he hooks up with other girls, she knows but apparently still wants him for some reason. The way I approached her was pretty straightforward, I asked her out, I was always courteous, she has seen me around other women and I didn't beat around the bush, I made my intentions quite clear, but I also make quite clear that I treat women right (and I am not the one who says it, many women say I am a gentleman and honestly I am very happy about it). I also have to note there is an age gap between us. However she doesn't seem too responsive to my "gentleman" approach, but rather prefers the shitty treatment from the other guy. I am not even sure about her hookup, but it is possible, and for the sake of discussion let's assume it is taking place.

So it begs the question.

Do some women just like to be treated like dump? Like as some sort of sick addiction to mistreatment? Maybe some past experience she had? Like why on earth some who respects him/herself would be attracted to someone who mistreats you?

The way I see it is that if this is the type of men she wants then there is nothing I can provide her with, we have totally incompatible views.

Do you think there is a way to show this sort of girls that there is better i life? Or the best solution (rhetorical question I guess) is to simply let them live their life their way and move on with mine?

Have you ever come across with girls like this? What do you think about the "chronic mistreatment syndrome" here?

Cheers!

 

[Sprezzatura]

Re: Do some women just like to be treated like sh*t? Is there anything to do abt

Posts like this are exactly the reason why I registered on this forum - to give first hand experience and hopefully give fellow members some useful insight.

To answer your question - yes, there are women who like to be treated badly and no, you cannot change her. I read your previous thread to gain some insight and I had had a very similar experience with a girl like this.
First you need to understand that this woman is definitely some form of cluster B, which is just another name for a psychic vampire. If you let the door open to your heart to this woman she will mess you up badly.
I now this because of two reasons - first, I have a mother who is a psychic vampire (strong victim mentality, bipolar) and I have quit contact with my family about three years ago because of this. She brought me so far that I almost commited suicide because of her mistreatment, so I cut ties with her.
The second reason is, that I was courting a girl with similar behaviour that you describe and she was also a vampire (a narcissist), who responded well only when I mistreated her and was generally on her low level.
I see a little of me in you - I am also friendly, can-we-all-just-get-along type of guy and let me tell you straight away - vampire fear the light and you and I brother, we are the scorching noon sunlight to creatures of the night!

To backup my claim I will tell you how I interacted with that chick. She is the last girl I tried to woo in my extended social circle (in the gym) and I saw her only for a couple of minutes during my weekend traning - so not a long time. The third time I saw her I asked for her phone number with intent to ask her out to "hang out"- and she was eager at the time. When I tried to set up the date she was "busy", I tried a second time a week later and she was also "busy" and when I saw where this was going I put the ball in her court. She said she was sorry and she will definitely call me up on my offer! She then started evading me at the gym. I since deleted her number and started cold approaching and forgot all about her, since I got a great girlfriend in 6 months of approaching. Then about a year later I "accidentaly" run into her at my regular time in the gym, however she ignored me super hard and I didn't engage her, since I recognised her as a time sink and a narcissist who only talks about herself (she never asked me a single question) and relished the attention. I did notice her smug expression, when she thougth I was looking at her - the I-know-I-got-you-in-my-back-pocket-look.

I have a scientific mind so I decided to do a little experiment - I started flirting with a couple of girls that visit the gym at the same time and managed to grab a number from one. I was friendly, but not chummy, which means teasing, laughing, high fives but no hugging. The Narcy girl got real jealous - the angry look on her face, not to mention the utter shock was very amusing. After the number grab I left and the girls kept giggling between themselves, so I left on a high note. Two weeks later I was on my summer holiday with my GF and my phone suddenly rings - it was an unknown number. I answer and lo and behold it was Ms. Narcy, so I put the phone on speaker at this point - she was stuttering and stammering, oozing affection - how I am, what I am doing, we should totaly hang out sometime etc. I was very reserved and cool, courteous but giving short answers - remember, I couldn't care less about her at this point, and she could feel it. Then she heard my GF and asked who is that laughing next to me, I said it was my GF and then she started sobbing. I could stand her prattling no longer so I said she will be okay and she will find someone too, that there is that "special" someone out there who pines just for her. I ended the convo at this point and we laughed with my GF about it.

So, razir, there is a silver lining to your story - go find another girl, because as you correctly surmise - this one is repelled by you radiance. She walks the low path, you deserve so much better than her. People like her want to tarnish your shine and then move on - I should know, I have a mother just like that. You cannot cure a vampire, he will suck you dry and then move on. They thrive in chaos, you thrive in honor and order. The only reason Ms. Narcy even got a foot in the door at the start was because I was vulnerable at the time she first met me - I was depressed, because I cut ties with my family, I almost lost my job and I could bring myself about to finish college. But I turned it all around, got my degree, new job and a wonderful GF to boot. Seek the light and shun the darkness!

 

[razir110]

Re: Do some women just like to be treated like sh*t? Is there anything to do abt

Sprezzatura

Thank you for your reply and for sharing your experience!

Good to hear you got yourself back on track and kudos for the balls there for cutting contact with your family. It's something that requires a lot of courage mate
And you are right.. She barely asked me any questions about myself! I'm not gotta call her a narcissist for that, perhaps it's just disinterest, but still we've been hanging out for a while as a group and I just noticed it.

Pff I think the way I see this is that I sort of want to use her to turn her into something I imagine her to be, but perhaps she is not. People don't change just like that I guess. But I do have to admit this girl touched me, maybe because she reminds me a few years back? I also had issues with self esteem and openness, so I can relate to that and perhaps that's why I would be eager to show her that she is actually an amazing girl and treat her right.

So I guess I am starting to blindly try to get her to satisfy my own sort of need to "help her out" and not by actually being attracted to the way she is. Man, our mind plays tricky games on us so who knows!.. I also have to admit that I am affected (jealous) by the fact that she is into the other a-hole guy and into the "gentleman" me, so ones again I am into her to perhaps "prove" myself that I am a better man than an a-hole, so I am after her to prove myself and not because I am actually attracted for her positives. She does have positives though, just my whole attraction for her maybe messed up.

Anyways, I am convinced that right now I've done my thing, spread my charm and showed her that this is who I am. She knows it now and from this point on the ball is 100% on her side. I make on more unsolicited step and I will get myself into a "swamp" of chasing her for god knows what reasons.

But damn, I have to admit she messed me up there for a sec.. Now after reading your post and writing this, I'm wondering if I should even keep going after her at all, this seems to be a toxic situation. One question remains though, what if I am actually missing out on a nice girl here? Or is t an illusion?

Share your experiences if you have come across something similar! And Sprezzatura thank you ones again for your great post!

Cheers

 

[Sandman]

Re: Do some women just like to be treated like sh*t? Is there anything to do abt

Did she tell you that the other guys treats her like shit or did you think so yourself when she said that the other guy was fucking other girls?

Becausehe might not be treating her shit you see. My ex and I went through something similar. I was in Belgium for my thesis, we fucked for 3 days, then I went to visit my own country for about 2 weeks (I think, might be less). I told her before I went that after that year I would turn to my own country and we would break up but I still wanted to see her. I also told her that I wanted an open relationship (it was a mistake to have the talk so soon but I wasn't as experienced). When I was there, her friends told her that she should break up with me because her last bf was also a foreigner and when she left his country she was heartbroken. So she hooked up with another guy, who was a nice guy, he wanted an exclusive relationship right away, I wasn't impressed. I told her that was ok, and I wished her happines. When I came back, she came to my house to pick up her stuff. I fucked her, she stopped seeing the other guy not too long after saying she wanted to be exclusive to me even if I wasn't.

The thing is women like assholes. Don't go full asshole but don't be a boring gentleman. Be unpredictable, be a little dangerous. She should know that she can get her heart broken even if you don't want to mean it. I try to minimize girls falling in love with me, I try to minimize the risk of them getting hurt, keep expectations to minimum but they still fall in love.

You don't give a lot of examples of what you consider as "treating her right" or "being a gentleman" but the way you write makes me think, you put her on a pedestal and try to be the white knight. Don't. You can save no one. Try to imitate the actions and mindset of men who women fall in love with instead saying "some women just like to be treated like shit". Again, there aren't many details in your post but I'm just basing this from the way you write.

Always look of out for number one!

Hope this can be a new perspective for you

 

[lostnumber]

Re: Do some women just like to be treated like sh*t? Is there anything to do abt

I'm sensing some major white knight mentality in this thread that I want to crush before it gets out of hand.

Apparently she is hooking up with this guy that treats her like sht, he hooks up with other girls, she knows but apparently still wants him for some reason

I, along with many others on this forum, routinely sleep with multiple girls concurrently, and often these girls know about it. I just took things exclusive with a girl who is one of the strongest most awesome women I've ever met. She's been exclusive with me for ~1.5 months while I've been out having fun with other women, and she knew it.

Why would she do that? Because I'm an awesome sexy man who is giving her what she needs. Women respect a man who knows what he wants and goes out and gets it. Women respect a man who knows what WOMEN want (sex) even when they put up walls and try to pretend otherwise.

When you start talking about "being a gentleman" and "treating girls right" and how other girls tell you what a gentleman you are, that speaks to me of someone who is putting women on a pedestal and playing the game with kiddie gloves. Of course women are going to SAY they like it if you take them out to dinner and buy them nice things and respect it everytime they tell you to wait for sex. But the guy they are going to end up sleeping with is someone who moves fast, overcomes objections, and displays an abundance mentality.

I don't know this other guy. Maybe he really is an asshole who robs charities and punches babies. But from your description, it sounds like his biggest crime is having the girl you want while also having other women on the side at the same time. Are you sleeping with multiple women and having girls throw themselves at you? If not, you may want to consider that he is the one doing things the right way. Blaming this girl because she doesn't see how much better you think you'd be than her current BF is an awful mindset to have.

Here is an article Chase wrote on the topic that might provide some perspective:
https://www.girlschase.com/content/white ... s-distress

 

[razir110]

Re: Do some women just like to be treated like sh*t? Is there anything to do abt

Very good perspectives here!

Just to explain myself I always go fast with women and no I dont pay dinners and gifts quite the opposite, we always split, etc.

Good point that according to her, she might not be being treated like shit. But you know, as I grew older, I really gained a different view of what it is to be polite and at the same time sexy with women. I don't play an asshole anymore and I wouldn't keep a girl attached to me while sleeping with other women for too long. That's the way I am and I assume that this is a good way to treat people. I guess it's a universal thing, its just common sense.

So what happened this time is that I decided to take it slow with this girl since the fast approach didn't work and now she seems to be playing me. So I will bail out and won't keep going after her, I will have to abandon this case although it's a shame.

I do think that women take unnecessary shit from men and I think that a self-respecting woman won't take this sort of behavior.

So I'm not into showing how popular with women I am etc, it's what low-value men do, they have something to prove. My attitude is to be a gentleman without forgetting that women do like to friendzone guys that are too kind. But then again, I don't give too much of myself just like this. I am a mysterious guy and girls like it I guess

So yeah about this girl, hoenstly the best approach is to not care much about what she likes, thinks etc, I was wrong to try to somehow get into her mind, etc. I did lose my control there for a bit, but now I see it clearly. She doesn't want anything with me now, but I am ok to freeze this case for a few months, etc. No heart feelings

Thank you for your inputs, very good opinions I read here!

 

[ThePhoenix]

Re: Do some women just like to be treated like sh*t? Is there anything to do abt

Good point that according to her, she might not be being treated like shit. But you know, as I grew older, I really gained a different view of what it is to be polite and at the same time sexy with women. I don't play an asshole anymore and I wouldn't keep a girl attached to me while sleeping with other women for too long. That's the way I am and I assume that this is a good way to treat people. I guess it's a universal thing, its just common sense.

You might want to be careful with this line of thought. It's good to pay heed to the feelings of others, but at the same time you should also be cognizant of the way nature works. This is not always easy, due to social constructs that are quite contradictory to nature.

There is a great deal of science (I can get into detail if you want) indicating that humans as with most other animals are not actually monogamous but only "socially monogamous." Women are biologically programmed to attach to themselves a male best capable of providing for their offspring, and then conceiving those offspring by one or more males having the best genes, where critically these two roles are not necessarily filled by the same male!

This of course clashes with traditional values, which is where you have the choice of either trying to extoll the traditional values and walk a tightrope that will most likely get you walked all over sooner or later, or simply letting them go and embracing how things really are.

It's good that you move fast and don't pay. But you may want to think about what giving exclusivity to a woman is going to do to the level of attraction she feels for you. Remember that women are more attracted to men they can't control. Even in an exclusive relationship, she has to at least feel that you have other options. If she is allowed to tame you, she will lose respect for you; I've lived long enough to see this played out repeatedly.

As for some women liking to be treated like shit, I have a bit of a theory on that. Now, this is not to discount that some people do actually have a personality disorder that predisposes them to a victim state. But I think a lot of it boils down to the fact that guys who treat women like shit, not always but often are also dominant, and thus very sexually attractive to females. I am in no way encouraging mistreating women. But it helps to understand why they sometimes fall for men who do. It isn't the mistreatment they're after, it's the other qualities he has: dominance, abundance, low affect, etc.

I have a friend who isn't terrible with women, but does have some "nice guy" tendencies. (In particular, I think his weakness is being too willing to become a woman's emotional tampon.) There is a whole class of woman he is incapable of seducing and is very often friendzoned by - to the point that I'd say the majority of his female friends are in this class. He claims that they have "dirty sock syndrome." But in my view, he does not realize the value that these "dirty socks" are providing the women in terms of dominance and sexual attraction. Thus the women cry on his shoulder while they continue fucking those men.

I think many women with genuinely rotten partners would happily leave those partners for a man who is truly in tune with their need for a dominant male. They're not going to leave their existing dominant males for men who supplicate to them and offer an emotional tampon.