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Does age matter in dating ? Examples of "older" puas flourishing in the dating world

Chase

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Randomly came across an old Mystery post while going through the archives looking for something else, and felt it'd fit here as well as anything:

Mystery said:
I think it better to throw a 'change your type' pattern than to embark on
trying to change yourself to fit the girl more closely. I have been with
5ft tall girls and Im 6ft5. What made that happen? I would get to the
height thing right away and say, "Can you get over the height difference?"
They say, "sure" and its all good. They say, "I donno" and I say "bye".
They feel bad at it becomes a pleasant NEG.

In the case of age, the routine would simply be:

HER: How old are you?​
YOU: [your age]. You?​
HER: [her age].​
YOU: Can you get over the age difference?​
HER: Sure / I don't know. → [if she says she doesn't know] YOU: "Bye."​

This is some good old school Mystery "I'm the hot one here and if you have a problem with it I have no time for you" tech.

Anyway, throw that into your toolbox as another option for dealing with age objections!

Chase
 

gameboy

Tool-Bearing Hominid
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HER: Sure / I don't know. → [if she says she doesn't know] YOU: "Bye."
Is the idea here to keep hanging around, and see if she changes her mind? Because if you just say bye and walk off, she might regret it but then you're already gone.
 
you miss 100% of the shots you don't take

gameboy

Tool-Bearing Hominid
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I don't know what Chase meant/Mystery exactly but

1) say 'Bye' and gauge her reaction, no need to run away,
2) if you're at a bar, just backturn, see if she re-engages.
Okay, that makes sense. So I guess it would work better in a closed environment, than for example during a street or beach approach.
 

Chase

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I don't know what Chase meant/Mystery exactly but

1) say 'Bye' and gauge her reaction, no need to run away,
2) if you're at a bar, just backturn, see if she re-engages.

Yeah.

Mystery's game is "act like she lost her chance and back-turn her to talk to someone else."

You can really do it a few ways:

  1. "Okay, bye," then just turn away from her and stare off into space.

  2. "Okay, bye," then back-turn her and talk to the others in her group while completely ignoring her. Hold court / win her group over and treat her like she's invisible.

  3. "Okay, bye," then back-turn her and talk to whoever else is nearby (preferably an attractive girl).

  4. "Okay, bye," then leave, circulate through the venue, meet other people.

The desired effect here is that the girl will not like this abrupt 'rejection' of her (she is used to being the one doing the rejecting), so will need to chase for validation. At which point, you can set up some hoops for her to jump through to try and "win you back over."

Chase
 

Rancorous

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I think if the age is with 10 years it's a healthy relationship.

I've seen much more like 20+ years apart.
 

POB

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Randomly came across an old Mystery post while going through the archives looking for something else, and felt it'd fit here as well as anything:



In the case of age, the routine would simply be:

HER: How old are you?​
YOU: [your age]. You?​
HER: [her age].​
YOU: Can you get over the age difference?​
HER: Sure / I don't know. → [if she says she doesn't know] YOU: "Bye."​

This is some good old school Mystery "I'm the hot one here and if you have a problem with it I have no time for you" tech.

Anyway, throw that into your toolbox as another option for dealing with age objections!

Chase
Outcome independence for the win!
She'll never see it coming lol.
 

samson

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The biggest problem you have as an older guy is figuring out how to give a young girl an experience that fulfills her at her level. Whenever I see guys talk about how if you want to get younger girls you have to look exceptional or put in some huge amount of 'work' on yourself, as if they are these femme fatales with sky high expectations, I know this guy is scrabbling in the dark.

As you get older in life the problem is that you get jaded, serious, unplayful, logical, you get an end-of-history illusion about your own life and its possibilities. It's difficult to find things that surprise you, pique your curiosity, arouse your imagination and fill you with a fullness of yourself. You've got a career, you've got a routine, responsibilities, etc, and that's probably how it will be until you get shovelled into a retirement home and die. And when you wear this on your face and in the hunch of your back, this makes you boring and uninteresting for a young girl who is still figuring out who she is.

As Carl Jung said the most important task as you age is to maintain you inner child, to not let it get crushed by the repetitive mundaneness of a life that has stopped growing and changing.

Even worse is when someone has aged ungracefully (not physically but spiritually). That is when they feel unfulfilled and confused by who they have calcified into, and stuck in it, and are emotionally triggered by the spontaneity and naivete of those much younger than themselves, attributing all sorts of untoward motivations and strange perspectives on them to explain the reactions they provoke.

Nothing creates more of a sense of repulsion in a younger person than seeing an older one who cannot feel comfortable around them - you are expected to be more than them, to know more and to have experienced more of what that person is excited to become, to feel at ease with who you are around them - for what does this young person yet know about anything?

If you are with a girl who is much younger than you, you simply have to express that part of you which is at her level. A more reckless, playful, spontaneous, open-minded, dont-give-a-fuck side of you. So that you share an experience of the world in which you can connect emotionally and physically. Otherwise you will always be on the other side of a wall made up of days and months and years, and she will not be able to connect with you or arouse herself with you.

If you don't have a side to yourself of that kind, then that is your problem.

Think of yourself when you were younger - what sorts of older people did you really enjoy and look forward to spending time with? No doubt it was the ones who were the most light-hearted, unserious, ready to have fun and get up to no good, unselfconscious individuals. The rest you just looked at as wallpaper, boring with nothing to offer. Well, why are you not that person, if you admired them so much? Who did you become instead?

The key to connecting with someone is always along the path of truthfully understanding how they experience the world, free of the interference of your illusions and insecurities. Don't get run into the ditch by some negative inner voice with crude explanations of why younger girls don't like you.

I wonder if this is a lot less complex than you're making it out to be.

I'll use myself as an example. I'm fortunate to live a pretty cool life. I've been riding horses competitively for over 10 years, I just started racing cars. I travel a lot but to very remote destinations (spent New Years at Lenny Kravitz's ranch for example). I'm a member at some pretty exclusive clubs in LA (Magic Castle, the Paladium, etc). I play music and get invited to private concerts all the time. I love music in general and frequent the many concert venues in LA throughout the year. I've got a big house that keeps me busy and I love having people over. I've done a ton of camping, backpacking, and hiking all throughout California and I love the outdoors.

But I also work a lot and work out a lot. I'm very rigorous with my health and fitness, I hate alcohol, don't smoke or do drugs. I hate bars and clubs so I avoid them. Most nights I'm at home working on my house. MOST young and attractive women find me boring because of that last bit right there: they want to party and drink and they're hitting up the bars and clubs every weekend, if not a few times a week and that's what they base their assessment of you on - not whether you have an exciting life outside of that.

I recently was dating a 33 year old who acted like a 21 yo sorority girl. All this girl wanted to do was hit up the bars and clubs. If I took her out to any other place she was miserable, she just wanted to party and get drunk. The really attractive girls I knew back when I was in college? They were the same.

Being light-hearted, unserious, ready-to-have fun as you eluded to in your post just comes down to whether or not you want to go get drunk at a bar/club/party. Doesn't matter how adventurous and wondrous and youthful you are outside of that.

This is just my observation/experience (perhaps being in a city like LA has something to do with this). I'm curious if your experiences have been different.
 

Will_V

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I wonder if this is a lot less complex than you're making it out to be.

I'll use myself as an example. I'm fortunate to live a pretty cool life. I've been riding horses competitively for over 10 years, I just started racing cars. I travel a lot but to very remote destinations (spent New Years at Lenny Kravitz's ranch for example). I'm a member at some pretty exclusive clubs in LA (Magic Castle, the Paladium, etc). I play music and get invited to private concerts all the time. I love music in general and frequent the many concert venues in LA throughout the year. I've got a big house that keeps me busy and I love having people over. I've done a ton of camping, backpacking, and hiking all throughout California and I love the outdoors.

But I also work a lot and work out a lot. I'm very rigorous with my health and fitness, I hate alcohol, don't smoke or do drugs. I hate bars and clubs so I avoid them. Most nights I'm at home working on my house. MOST young and attractive women find me boring because of that last bit right there: they want to party and drink and they're hitting up the bars and clubs every weekend, if not a few times a week and that's what they base their assessment of you on - not whether you have an exciting life outside of that.

I recently was dating a 33 year old who acted like a 21 yo sorority girl. All this girl wanted to do was hit up the bars and clubs. If I took her out to any other place she was miserable, she just wanted to party and get drunk. The really attractive girls I knew back when I was in college? They were the same.

Being light-hearted, unserious, ready-to-have fun as you eluded to in your post just comes down to whether or not you want to go get drunk at a bar/club/party. Doesn't matter how adventurous and wondrous and youthful you are outside of that.

This is just my observation/experience (perhaps being in a city like LA has something to do with this). I'm curious if your experiences have been different.

I think it depends on what sort of girls you are dealing with. There are plenty of young girls around who are not partying all the time, how would you connect with them? You have to be able to sit and talk with her in a way that she enjoys and finds familiar and stimulating. You have to find that middle ground of maturity that you can reach downward to and she can reach upward for, so that you being with her is like a holiday, and her being with you stretches her a little in an exciting way.
 
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