Does Anyone Have Field EXPERIENCE On Calling Girls?

Big Daddy

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Hey gents,

I've read all articles about calling girls, including Chase's latest about calling them when they are being aloof and you don't want to throw the ball in her court just yet. Persist more alternating medium.

This is one thing that I have never tried, yet I'm in a position that I think I might have to rely on it with a girl that I wish I had more reps under my belt.

What happened is that we were arranging dates through last Tuesday and she said she was good for a coffee. On Wednesday I ask if it's better on Wed or Fri and the message never got the second tick stating that she received it (I think it's the place she works at) until 7 pm, when she sends a voice message saying that it was better on Friday.

I should've figured logistics then but it was leg day and I forgot. Friday I send a text asking if we're good for 7:30 that night at around 2 pm and the same shit happened. I can't make at 7:30 but hold back on that until she says something as I see she's online by 7 pm again. I decide to send a voice message so I can see when she heard it.

She texts me "I'll get to you in a sec." I figure she's driving back from work or some shit, no prob and I don't say anything. But she never does. And she never heard the message also even after a week lol I'd be dying of curiosity.

I remember Hector saying he'd rather not play games, but if she wants to play he's gonna play it better. She's worth persisting, and if not, I get quality reps.

Who had experience calling girls in the past? Should I just call her and go straight for the date or try to connect more? I mean I never spent more than 30s talking on the phone randomly in the past five years.

I still have some numbers here that won't go anywhere that I can burn for warm-ups. Do you have any plans, templates etc?
 

lostnumber

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I'd be curious to hear what people say on this as well. The only time I ever incorporate the phone is if trying to persuade someone of something (dont flake, come out after your bedtime, meet me at location x, etc) and I can tell they are on the edge. So I've used phone in the past, but its definitely not a mainstay of my game
 

Cacc

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i did this with a girl who I didnt try to connect with her at all during the cold approach. Approach lasted like a minute with me persisting for her to give me her phone.

I called her 2 days later and set up a date in 30 seconds.


If she likes you go straight for the close, if she's on the fence about you then give her some good feelings on the phone before asking her out so she says, " hm, i guess this guy is cool, maybe i should go out with him", then close.


Id say... calling is more effort but you have a better chance of getting her out with you. if she doesnt answer the phone tho you look a bit clumsy.
 

Hue

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I'm a big fan of calling girls, but not a fan of voice-mails (since other than conveying more information, they're just like texts)

It gives you a chance to connect with the girl rather than quick little texts that can be misread or forgotten about. Your voice, tone, energy, and vibe are all conveyed over the phone, which is much more powerful than text.

When I call her I enter with mid-energy, then talk with her as if she was right there. I usually walk around whatever area I'm in, and occasionally I'll look in the mirror (kind of weird, but it shows you exactly what vibe you're giving off, what your facial expressions and body language would be if she was there with you).

If you fuck up or she says no to something you suggest, you get more time to recover, rather than getting ghosted if you fucked up over at text. You more chances to change the subject, then maybe propose something different / a compromise after you've warmed her up a bit.

Especially useful if you can't seem to get a girl responding how you'd like through text / if she's been flaky. You get her on the phone and you can't be ignored. It also let's you gauge what energy she's at and if she's fucking with your vibe. I called a FB from my old school to ask her to my fraternity's formal after some catching up, and she objected because she has a boyfriend now. I told her he could come too in a flirty way (plausible deniability, but obviously that wouldn't happen) and could hear the excitement in her voice as she told me, "I don't know, I don't think I'll be able to resist", and eventually said yes. That would not have been possible over text. If it were text she probably would have sent me a paragraph explaining how she would love to but can't.


It's a skill, just like anything else. Might have to have some weird / poorly executed calls (cold calls or not) before things start to feel right.


Would love to hear other people's thoughts on this as well.
 

lostnumber

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How do you guys manage to coordinate times when you would both be free for a call? Thats my biggest hangup on phone game. I'm very busy and often doing things in public places where I could text but wouldn't be able to or comfortable with taking a phone call (especially talking to a girl I dont know very well to land a date). Right now for example, I'm on my phone at my office with other coworkers around. In a few minutes I'll be headed out to meet people at a bar. After that I have a concert.
Tomorrow I've got plans in the afternoon and Evening, and Sunday I'll be with my family. Etc etc

Sure there will probably be a 10 minute span at SOME point where I could call, but if her life is anything like mine the odds she will be ready and able to answer at that specific time are low. How do you guys manage this? Or do you just have jobs/lifestyles where you have a lot of downtime alone at your place?

Also the reception in my apartment building sucks, which is a pretty significant logistical challenge for me
 

Sandman

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lostnumber said:
I'd be curious to hear what people say on this as well. The only time I ever incorporate the phone is if trying to persuade someone of something (dont flake, come out after your bedtime, meet me at location x, etc) and I can tell they are on the edge. So I've used phone in the past, but its definitely not a mainstay of my game

+1
 

Big Daddy

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@ Hue

Lots of insight bro. I think calling is valid for all the reasons you listed.

I just don't know what to talk about. Even when I call super super close friends/family that live abroad it's kinda awkward.

What would you talk about in my situation before the date? Mention the failed date, ignore it, tell a story? It's been a week of radio silence now. Should I text first?

I just want a solid base to start experimenting from lol
 

Hue

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Lots of insight bro. I think calling is valid for all the reasons you listed.

I just don't know what to talk about. Even when I call super super close friends/family that live abroad it's kinda awkward.

What would you talk about in my situation before the date? Mention the failed date, ignore it, tell a story? It's been a week of radio silence now. Should I text first?

I just want a solid base to start experimenting from lol

Topics in general, just mean small talk "how are you, what you been up to" and things that you know she's involved with. You're exchanging a quick update.

I wouldn't mention the failed date directly.

Maybe my FB example wasn't well suited since we actually were both quite excited to talk after so long, and had plenty to talk about.

I had this one girl, super hot, black shawty who I had to persist with this chick for 4 months last year (hottest chick I fucked, but overall not worth it) and I ran into this multiple times.

Me finally breaking through after like a week and a half radio silence went something like...

- Cold calling her, "Hey, Catfish! How you been? What's this week been like for you?" and then taking anything she said and expanding on it / creating some banter with it, and doing this for about 2 minutes before it naturally falls off. Maybe mention what you've been doing, show that you've been busy and not just watching your phone for her to text back.

- Then getting down to business with why you are actually calling, which she's probably wondering or waiting for by now, "Hey, so, our schedules don't seem to get along." Then pause. Because she'll probably laugh or say something that shows nervousness/excitement, and you want her to start ideation of a date again. Then, don't ask, tell her. "Let's grab a drink / dinner / coffee this [day]"

- She might say no I can't, so then suggest another day. If she is still saying she can't, ask her what day works for her (this is why calls > texting because it's way less chasey for her to hear your voice as you do this).

- EDIT: You also might need to throw in the phone call equivalent of the balls in your court text, which goes well with the "our schedules don't get along" frame.

And, a simple When are you free this week or What you doing this weekend is fine too, it all depends on the vibe you've established when you ask her, like in real life.

- Once you pick a date, you let her know what time / where you'll meet. Then after that, continue the conversation for another 1-2 minutes. This can be an open thread from what you talked about in the beginning of the call, or something you two have talked about before. The point to this is you want to leave her on a high note. It makes the whole thing far more natural.

Through any of this^ if she's aloof / bored, it's probably a lost cause bruh bruh.


- Something I'm still not great at
I've also ran into "yea that will probably work for me", which is lame as shit. Puts you in a hard spot. I think, like over text, the thing to do is go stoic. Maybe don't say shit for like 5 seconds. Then, "yea?". She might stop being a flaky bitch after she sees you not putting up with that shit, or she'll keep up her game. In that case, I really don't know 100% what to do. Like you mention Hector saying you might need to play her game better than her, so maybe hit her back with something like "yea maybe we just shouldn't get drinks then" or "actually, this might be a bad idea". Pretend to (or do) throw your interest in the trash, is the point.

Either the stoic option or the more gamey one is gonna say, "you're losing me, quit it with the bullshit".


In your specific scenario, I'd ping her, "[girl], got a sec?", wait for a yes, then call her. This addresses the point that was brought up about not having time for a phone call. Also, I've done this shit while in the car on the way to / back from work, creates a nice window if you still have enough mental energy.
 

Big Daddy

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Update: I originally created this thread to have more leverage (via phone calls) with girls that weren't set on dates, but another opportunity appeared and I thought it'd be good to give it a shot. It was horrible, geez lol

Context: girls texts me Saturday 6 pm asking if I'm down to go out (keep in mind we still didn't fuck), but I couldn't. I want to reward her big investment by rescheduling it to Monday as logistics on Sunday would be horrible. She says Monday she can't, and ask wether Tuesday would be good, I say it would.

But then the god of seduction cleared my path on Sunday so I have a good shot on bringing her home if we go out. I text her, "hey, are you free now?" and she doesn't respond for maybe 45 mins (she barely looks at her phone, this is normal). I didn't have a huge window and wanted to use this a good excuse to get call reps and called her:

Her: hello?

Me: ... Anne?

Her: hi

Me: heey... how are you. Are you doing something now or are you free?

Her: I mean, I'm not doing anything... but I'm with my girlfriends haha

Me: oh 'cause yesterday I thought I'd be busy by now so that's why I suggested Monday. But I got the afternoon free. I'm still busy during the night tho (likely true, but in reality I had no idea how logistics would be later)

Her: oh yeah, I was gonna say that later during the night I'd be good

Me: uhhh... when during the night? (facepalm haha I know, I know. It's just 'cause I want to ram her pussy to the netherworld that much)

Her: but aren't you busy during the night?

Me: well I am, it's just that maybe if it was early I could make, but it's not a good idea. Yeah, let's keep Tuesday.

Her: haha, at the same time? (we had a date last Tuesday)

Me: yup, same time

Her: I mean unless you want to do it Monday, but then we'd have to meet at [university].. wouldn't be good (basically she did the same shit, so I realize she's somewhat nervous by this point too)

Me: Nah, don't worry. We good on Tuesday :)

Her: OK then!

Me: haha so bye, see you then

Her: bye!

It was scary as fuck and this was the easiest possible call that I could make. It's bizarre how I'm 500% more nervous during phone calls. I've done phone interviews and I'm MUCH MORE comfortable in person. Since all of the focus is on the shit that I'm saying it makes me conscious. But once I realized she also was afraid of saying stupid things I cooled down... I mean everyone is afraid of saying stupid shit so who cares. I had fun at least :)

Now I'm gonna create some balls to try a harder one that I have in mind too.
 

Hue

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~~

EDIT
oh 'cause yesterday I thought I'd be busy by now so that's why I suggested Monday. But I got the afternoon free. I'm still busy during the night tho

I might be reading this wrong but it appears it was said somewhat swiftly.

And my style of speech might not be congruent with yours, but I see this and think, you can make great use of pregnant pauses and hanging on to words here.

Possible example:
Oh. 'Cause, yesterday... I thought I'd be busy by now. So I figured Monday might work. But, I do have the afternoon free. Still busy during the night tho.

Small changes in the grand scheme of things, but thought I'd try to illustrate this.

~~

Me: uhhh... when during the night? (facepalm haha I know, I know. It's just 'cause I want to ram her pussy to the netherworld that much)

Her: but aren't you busy during the night?

Me: well I am, it's just that maybe if it was early I could make, but it's not a good idea. Yeah, let's keep Tuesday.

A little fumble, but you explain yourself and then decisively choose Tuesday - so not that bad.

Her: I mean unless you want to do it Monday, but then we'd have to meet at [university].. wouldn't be good (basically she did the same shit, so I realize she's somewhat nervous by this point too)

Me: Nah, don't worry. We good on Tuesday :)

Her: OK then!

Me: haha so bye, see you then

Her: bye!

Good of you to stick to your decision and not bend your frame anymore than you might have already.

Right at the end, was that part awkward, or am I just reading it wrong? It sounds too fast imo. If it were me I probably would have said "Great. So what adventures are you and your ladies getting into?" and let her talk for a bit. Always try to get that warm vibe up, then cut it off.

It was scary as fuck and this was the easiest possible call that I could make. It's bizarre how I'm 500% more nervous during phone calls. I've done phone interviews and I'm MUCH MORE comfortable in person. Since all of the focus is on the shit that I'm saying it makes me conscious. But once I realized she also was afraid of saying stupid things I cooled down... I mean everyone is afraid of saying stupid shit so who cares. I had fun at least :)

Hey man, you got your feet wet! Do you think that being nervous over the phone is partly because she can't see your body language / other fundamentals as you talk? Voice is one of my stronger fundamentals, I think, so probably a reason I'm such as fan of ringing a girl.

Now I'm gonna create some balls to try a harder one that I have in mind too.

What might this be? :p
 

Big Daddy

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Hey Hue,

On my phone so horrible to quote - will address your points without quoting them.

Speaking swiftly vs speaking slowly: I'm definitely a fast talker. Think Bem Shapiro (with way less certainty tho. Dude doesn't fumble once). When I ask how are you it's not even a question, more a statement to take that out of the way. People that speak slowly really annoy me. I don't know if you saw a thread that Lex created that even Chase chimes in where I go into more detail.

My slow talk is almost exclusively saved to bedroom and jokes or punctual intonation.

Awkward ending: I mean, it definitely didn't feel awkward to me... I think she got that the purpose of the call was just to see if she wanted to hang out given that my window was small, but we already had that date scheduled. So more like double-checking and no harm done that it didn't work out.

The fact that you suggest you'd tease her more only makes me realize how I'm not confident not being face-to-face, or maybe I'm just way more confident in person. If I got the date set up with low flake chances, mission accomplished withdrawal asap no need to stay there.

I was the witty sexual jokes guy but that neveeeeer works if you still didn't fuck her at least 3 times or so, it works so much better in person where it can be easily calibrated. I've been minimizing my text game to the absolute minimum required to get them out, and that's why I want to call dem pussies - it's even less steps then texting and more likely to get a date.

Challenge: actually I don't think I was clear but the girl I called was another girl haha in a fantastic turn of events I got into a text convo that led me to a very good opportunity to ask the girl from OP out again as she's strangely responsive.

I kinda liked calling tho, so I will make it an "unnecessary" step until it gets fluent e.g. a natural friend just told me says he always CALLS girls instead of texting maybe 1 hour before the date that "he'll be late but is still strong for the date he hates when that happens" because it's gonna be way more difficult for the girl to tell in his face she was thinking of flaking like OP girl did with me... she'd have to talk to me right there and then and I'd be able to talk back just like you said, and she probably had no good reason to as she is very responsive now. He'll also call to ask if they need a lift just to call them and get them to agree one more time.

So even if I get her to agree over text I'll prob call her too.
 

Big Daddy

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So the "date" with the girl I called went well, she came straight home but we didn't fuck.

Now I will have to call the OP girl to get her out. Which is fine. Apparently she likes to talk and I'm actually thinking of cutting her off very seriously. I won't just because I want to call her for reps as I said. Maybe in a day or two I'll report back.
 

lostnumber

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Big Daddy said:
So the "date" with the girl I called went well, she came straight home but we didn't fuck.

Now I will have to call the OP girl to get her out. Which is fine. Apparently she likes to talk and I'm actually thinking of cutting her off very seriously. I won't just because I want to call her for reps as I said. Maybe in a day or two I'll report back.

I can't claim to be an expert on phone game but I've certainly used it in some scenarios. One thing I always found helpful was to use time constraints, whether false or true. So when you call at the appropriate point during the greeting/smalltalk introduction bs that we all do you can drop that you are

- Just on your way to/back from the gym
- Have 10 minutes to kill before your friend comes over
- Driving on the way out to a party

Whatever the case may be. Give it a time constraint, that way you don't get stuck talking on the phone forever to a girl. When you go to the end the call it will feel more like a natural event: "I have to go, just got to XYZ place" as opposed to you cutting the interaction short arbitrarily. It also gives you the impression of being a busy high-value person.

And of course you can use these whether they are true or not, just like you would when approaching a girl.
 

Big Daddy

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@ lostnumber

I used your tips on the calls below. The false constraint makes it super easy to not look like a pussy imo.

@ thread

Some updates on this: like I said, I have been throwing Hail Marys even if I think it won't work just for reps.

The first important one: I called a girl, we talked for 5 minutes and it was easier than I expected to keep the convo going. I asked her to come over, she said she had some shit to do that Saturday, but said she'd call me later or another day. Being a sales n00b I don't insist for something more concrete and she never called me. But I got the message she doesn't want to see me. I made it really easy on her if she wanted it, as she had asked me out twice already. It was good to see that I can somewhat maintain longer convos.

The second one just happened now. I used it clear confusion, and calls are great for this in my opinion. In early 2016 I got a number from a girl in my gym. We made out heavily on the date but she was pressed on time so I didn't fuck her. After that she just flaked and seemed uninterested. Not long after that I moved away and changed phones, leaving all my contacts in the old phone.

When I came back, I got that old phone back and started mass messaging every girl to see if they still were in the area. She replied and saved my number. I honestly didn't think she'd remember me, as she had obviously deleted my number. I then change phones again and lose her number. Since I had no reason to believe she'd be down to business, I leave it alone.

Couple of weeks after, I decide to check whats up on Tinder and to my delight she's there . We match. Awesome, she wants some D. Now keep in mind that, in her mind, I have her number while all this unfolds.

She opens me, I reply and she takes a few days to reply. I maintain the convo on Tinder because I didn't have her number anymore; keep making small questions and jokes every 1.5 days or so to ping her. When she finally shows up, she ignores everything I said and just say: "hey, I'm on exams now. What do you say we hang out once it's over?" FUCK YEAH BISH I LIKE THAT. "Sure. When do your exams finish?" She doesn't reply and a few days later I see she's gone. I see her profile in the stack again so I'm not sure if it was a bug, but we never match again.

I decide to go look for her number now that I had clear incentive to do so heheh I find it and go message her on WhatsApp but notice it's not her on the profile picture. She must have changed her number. You lost, boi. I delete the number and move on ;/

Then, maybe 4-6 weeks later (yesterday), I'm checking my old phone and see her number and add her again just for the hell of it, maybe I typed in the wrong number the first time. Nope, same wrong bitch. Well fuck it. I go to bed.

When I wake up today, I see that she sent a pic on that Snapchat-like feature of WhatsApp AND IT'S THE REAL HER. I'm SUPER confused. What the fuck. Maybe it's her mom's or sister's number, dunno? I reply to her "snap":

Me: hey, is that you on the pic?
Me: [because] it's completely different than your profile pic [so I want to make sure I'm talking to the right person]

Her: it's because in one I have make up in what will be a picture for life and the other one is a fuck it pic *kissy emoji*
Her: in case of any more questions you can ask my agent

Then blocks me lol I guess she was on the verge of auto-rejection and take me being rude here, asking why she looks like shit in her "snap" compared to her profile picture and blocks me. It couldn't be further from the truth however, she looks way better without any makeup. I swear to MOTHERFUCKING GOD I HAD NO IDEA IT WAS HER.

Half an hour later I decide I have nothing to lose and Hail Mary call her:

Her: why are you calling me?

Me: hey, I just wanted to check if I have the right number. I lost my phone. Is this [her name]?

Her: no, it's [another name that I don't understand. She's being a bitch and I don't get it]

Me: Oh, OK. [I figure it could be in fact her mom...] Well, do you have [her name]'s number?

Her: *little laugh/sigh* it's [her name].

Me: oh, hey. I just wanted to make sure it was the right number. I lost my phone.

Her: I had told you this is me before. (She was referring to the first time I messaged her.)

Me: Yeah, I lost it again. So I wanted to make sure it was you. So I thought I'd call.

Her: Ah... OK. Well it's me.

Me: ... since we're here already, what do you say we do something?

Her: Today? Well I can't today. And tomorrow also, and Monday because I'm finishing my thesis.

Me: I couldn't do today also. I meant later. Are you free the rest of the week?

Her: Haha, yeah I think so. Do you still go to [gym]?

Me: Nope, not anymore. You?

Her: Well, after I finish my thesis I'll go back to being fitness and all

Me: Haha, sounds good. What do you say we grab a coffee then?

Her: Yeah, that's fine (...)

Then we finish the call again without figuring the logistics mostly because I was already juggling a lot of shit in my head haha But then I check WhatsApp and she unblocked me :) Gonna set it up over text tomorrow. Even if it doesn't work out this already works so much better than texting. I mean my calling skills are 2/10 at the moment and I feel like I have 30x more leverage on calls. I'm actually having fun doing this "just for reps." Might do again with another girl I feel I have >1% chances with just for the lulz.
 

Hue

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lostnumber,
I can't claim to be an expert on phone game but I've certainly used it in some scenarios. One thing I always found helpful was to use time constraints, whether false or true. So when you call at the appropriate point during the greeting/smalltalk introduction bs that we all do you can drop that you are

- Just on your way to/back from the gym
- Have 10 minutes to kill before your friend comes over
- Driving on the way out to a party

Whatever the case may be. Give it a time constraint, that way you don't get stuck talking on the phone forever to a girl. When you go to the end the call it will feel more like a natural event: "I have to go, just got to XYZ place" as opposed to you cutting the interaction short arbitrarily. It also gives you the impression of being a busy high-value person.

And of course you can use these whether they are true or not, just like you would when approaching a girl.

1+


Big Daddy

Her: why are you calling me?

Me: hey, I just wanted to check if I have the right number. I lost my phone. Is this [her name]?

Her: no, it's [another name that I don't understand. She's being a bitch and I don't get it]

Me: Oh, OK. [I figure it could be in fact her mom...] Well, do you have [her name]'s number?

Her: *little laugh/sigh* it's [her name].

Me: oh, hey. I just wanted to make sure it was the right number. I lost my phone.

Her: I had told you this is me before. (She was referring to the first time I messaged her.)

Me: Yeah, I lost it again. So I wanted to make sure it was you. So I thought I'd call.

Her: Ah... OK. Well it's me.

Me: ... since we're here already, what do you say we do something?

Her: Today? Well I can't today. And tomorrow also, and Monday because I'm finishing my thesis.

Me: I couldn't do today also. I meant later. Are you free the rest of the week?

Her: Haha, yeah I think so. Do you still go to [gym]?


Me: Nope, not anymore. You?

Her: Well, after I finish my thesis I'll go back to being fitness and all

Me: Haha, sounds good. What do you say we grab a coffee then?

Her: Yeah, that's fine (...)

Could have gone worse! Good job with take the awkward moment / pause "well it's me" and moving things forward. No different then when convo dies face to face.

The bolded part sounds incongruent. "Since we're here" (this very moment) "let's do something" (let's do something today). You rebounded so that might be okay though - just depends how skeptical she is of you / how she perceives you.


Then we finish the call again without figuring the logistics mostly because I was already juggling a lot of shit in my head haha But then I check WhatsApp and she unblocked me :) Gonna set it up over text tomorrow. Even if it doesn't work out this already works so much better than texting. I mean my calling skills are 2/10 at the moment and I feel like I have 30x more leverage on calls. I'm actually having fun doing this "just for reps." Might do again with another girl I feel I have >1% chances with just for the lulz.

No pain no gain baby! Keep up the good work bruddah, it's something that's easy to learn.


thread,

Cold calls > pinging the girl first > texting , as far as ballsiness points, pleasant surprises, attainability, and being unconventional go.

Texting > pinging the girl first > cold call, as far as logistics and more times than not reliability goes.


I had a woman I met on Wednesday at a bar who I had a great, and then slightly bad interaction with (I fucked up attainability and closing with her), and I pinged her that night ([woman], this is Hue). Then cold called her yesterday while walking to a friend's house, and she was estatic when she picked up. The vibe was like "oh..! he's calling me? what'll this be? :) " I asked her how she was, saying that I was doing fantastic, and then I asked her how her thanksgiving was, she told me she it was nice to see family and go shopping with them, and that they went to Victoria's Secret where she works. I asked if she was hooking her mom up with kickbacks from the job, and she said that VS is the gift that keeps on giving. I tell her that I like the way she thinks, then ask her what her availability looks like this weekend, that I think it'd be a good idea for us to grab coffee. She happily tells me when she's free, I pick a time, and bada boom bada bing - it's a date.

Right when I'm ending the call, she told me she really appreciated me calling. That it was unexpected and she was glad to see it was me. "Of course!" I tell her, then end it saying I'll talk to her later.

The only thing I could have done better in this 2 minute phone call was have a legit excuse for having to hang up, instead of just saying talk to you later and hanging up.

I plan to call her tomorrow and will put in my journal or FR how it goes.
 

Big Daddy

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Jan 26, 2013
Messages
709
Hey Hue, thanks for your words homie.

Hue said:
The bolded part sounds incongruent. "Since we're here" (this very moment) "let's do something" (let's do something today). You rebounded so that might be okay though - just depends how skeptical she is of you / how she perceives you.
What do you mean by incongruent? I meant to say "well, since we are here talking already, what do you say we go do something in the vague future in which we'll set it up in case you are down?" I did some mental reps before calling her and maybe I didn't make it clear for her as it was for me.

I'm certain, though, that most of the stuff I say over phone sounds really stupid and/or incomplete (she did assume I was asking her out that day, in the end). Most of the time I feel like I'm juggling glass balls and I'm concentrating so hard on the call itself that I can't "freestyle" and end up saying something dumb. But I know from experience that this is lack of exposure; I'm guessing after 20 hours or so of doing this I will be very close to automatic.

Right when I'm ending the call, she told me she really appreciated me calling. That it was unexpected and she was glad to see it was me. "Of course!" I tell her, then end it saying I'll talk to her later.
This is so true. None of my friends call girls. I have grown to almost hate texting girls, to be honest. My only "con" of calling is that I don't want to do it so much that I end up conditioning a girl to it if I end up dating the girl for longer. I don't mind chatting a little bit before going for the kill, but I would hate to call someone every time I want to go out. For me, it's just an optimized way to cutting through the noise to set up a date.

The only thing I could have done better in this 2 minute phone call was have a legit excuse for having to hang up, instead of just saying talk to you later and hanging up.
I have been brainstorming and the best one until now is "I'm waiting for my buddy in front of his place, we have probs 3 minutes until he comes and I have to go" because that can be 30 seconds and 5 minutes and be acceptable.
 

Hue

Tribal Elder
Tribal Elder
Joined
Sep 21, 2016
Messages
1,403
What do you mean by incongruent? I meant to say "well, since we are here talking already, what do you say we go do something in the vague future in which we'll set it up in case you are down?" I did some mental reps before calling her and maybe I didn't make it clear for her as it was for me.

How I interpreted your writing was like how she might perceive you saying "since we're here already, what do you say we do something" as you wanting to meet up that day. The first thing she said back to you was "Today?".

Then after you find out that she can't today, now you're saying "I can't today either". Which is inconsistent.

Inconsistencies lead to skepticism, and can make you look like you're full of shit.

In this case, she might perceive "I can't today either" as BS, and you're only saying that now that you know she couldn't. It might look like you're falling back on what you said originally. EDIT: The important thing to consider is what she felt you were communicating, because that's typically what she'll go with, whether you were free or not.

That's how I interpreted this.


I've actually had a girl flat out tell me "I don't believe you" when I told her I could only hang out right now, when she was giving me LMR and trying to leave. Same shit. Incongruent --> skepticism --> you're full of shit --> auto-rejection, is how the dominos fall in some of these cases.


Hue
 

Big Daddy

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Jan 26, 2013
Messages
709
Ah, gotcha. Yeah, it makes sense, since it was her immediate conclusion. And I can see her being skeptical now. I wouldn't be surprised if I faced lots of resistance when setting up the date now that you brought it to my attention.

At the end, I remember thinking to myself whether I should try to set up the date there, which would be the best option. But since I had already gotten what I wanted, which was to call her and hopefully end it on good terms, I kinda settled for a semi-arranged date. Thanks for pointing that out.
 
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