Does Having Sex With Unattractive Women Cause Long Term Psychological Damage?

[SexNotValidation]

This past Friday had sex with an old/unattractive woman.

She approached me while i stood near the bathrooms at the club and 15-20 min later we where fucking at my Hotel.

At 27 years old, I've now had sex with 7 women and none of them i was truly attracted to but i feel like the old woman
i fucked yesterday was a new low and it might fuck me up psychologically long term.

The 6 girls i had fucked before yesterday, i was not really attracted to any of them but at least they where young.

Maybe I'm overthinking but i keep thinking about last night and part of me feels i made a big mistake.

Or Maybe it doesn't matter because she did turn me on, I only took her home because she actually managed to get me aroused so maybe that's all that matters.

I do remember when we got back to my hotel, she asked to use the washroom and as she was in there, the horny cloud i was in dissapeared and i remember thinking as she was in the washroom that it would be a mistake to fuck her. But then when she came out I was not sure what to do so i went ahead and fucked her.

The worst part is when we finished she told me she had 3 kids including a daughter who was about to turn 22; up to that i had assumed she was in her late 30s but when she told me she had a kid that was 22, i realized she might even be in her 50s.

After she left i felt so weird/negative emotionally that i asked the hotel to move me to another room so I could kind of forget about what happened.

 

[Lover]

Re: Does Having Sex With Unattractive Women Cause Long Term Psychological Damage

I do appreciate the body and face of a slender girl more because my two first long term partners were overweight. I'll admit I got accustomed to those girls - which could be dangerous because I believed at some point that I could only get overweight girls long term. As a martial artist in good shape (but with other fundamental issues at that time), that was actually kind of value imbalance - I was hooking up with women with less value than what I could get. Of course I didn't realize my value back then.

Once I had slept with some slender girls for many months each, I could barely see myself hooking up with overweight chicks again. Their personalities were amazing, but an amazing personality with great looks and a sexy body is even better.

I don't know what science says about psychological damage when you're hooking up with unattractive girls. All I know is that you'll just get used to unattractive girls. I'd suggest you approach more yourself, and preferably girls that are more attractive.

 

[SexNotValidation]

Re: Does Having Sex With Unattractive Women Cause Long Term Psychological Damage

I do appreciate the body and face of a slender girl more because my two first long term partners were overweight. I'll admit I got accustomed to those girls - which could be dangerous because I believed at some point that I could only get overweight girls long term. As a martial artist in good shape (but with other fundamental issues at that time), that was actually kind of value imbalance - I was hooking up with women with less value than what I could get. Of course I didn't realize my value back then.

Once I had slept with some slender girls for many months each, I could barely see myself hooking up with overweight chicks again. Their personalities were amazing, but an amazing personality with great looks and a sexy body is even better.

I don't know what science says about psychological damage when you're hooking up with unattractive girls. All I know is that you'll just get used to unattractive girls. I'd suggest you approach more yourself, and preferably girls that are more attractive.

thank you for your contribution.

 

[Fuck This]

Re: Does Having Sex With Unattractive Women Cause Long Term Psychological Damage

If you were able to get an erection and come to completion, then she passed your "boner test". It is only through abundance of options that you can raise your standards.

It is not a friggin' contest... You can have sex with whoever you want.

 

[Rain]

Re: Does Having Sex With Unattractive Women Cause Long Term Psychological Damage

If you were able to get an erection and come to completion, then she passed your "boner test". It is only through abundance of options that you can raise your standards.

Surely most women would pass the boner test if you're both naked and horny? In which case, why not make her your girlfriend.... but she's unattractive!
Maybe its who you identify with that makes you want a girlfriend as opposed to who you "just" have sex with?

It is not a friggin' contest... You can have sex with whoever you want.

It is a contest though, isn't it? Maybe there's two... one contest to get a more attractive woman than the other guy..... but even forgetting about that trophy wife contest, there's still the contest/competition of knowing there's someone more attractive out there than someone whos unattractive and maybe some guys would prefer that.

 

[SexNotValidation]

Re: Does Having Sex With Unattractive Women Cause Long Term Psychological Damage

If you were able to get an erection and come to completion, then she passed your "boner test". It is only through abundance of options that you can raise your standards.

It is not a friggin' contest... You can have sex with whoever you want.

it has nothing to do with a contest.

i was NOT attracted to her.

yes she gave me a boner but almost any woman unless she is obese or repulsive/smells bad would cause boner in this scenario.

 

[Fuck This]

Re: Does Having Sex With Unattractive Women Cause Long Term Psychological Damage

 

[helloladies21]

Re: Does Having Sex With Unattractive Women Cause Long Term Psychological Damage

yes she gave me a boner but almost any woman unless she is obese or repulsive/smells bad would cause boner in this scenario.

This is not the case. If you have sex with enough girls, it stops being as big of a deal and you'll start passing up the easy ones for better options.

 

[helloladies21]

Re: Does Having Sex With Unattractive Women Cause Long Term Psychological Damage

To answer your thread title, sex isn't that big of a deal. Keep having more sex and you'll stop taking it so seriously and start looking for other things.

One of the worst things I did in my teens and early 20s was worry that a certain girl wasn't hot enough for fear that my friends would make fun of me. It stunted my growth.

 

[SexNotValidation]

Re: Does Having Sex With Unattractive Women Cause Long Term Psychological Damage

To answer your thread title, sex isn't that big of a deal. Keep having more sex and you'll stop taking it so seriously and start looking for other things.

One of the worst things I did in my teens and early 20s was worry that a certain girl wasn't hot enough for fear that my friends would make fun of me. It stunted my growth.

this is not a problem related to me liking the girl but thinking my friends will not like her.

did you even read the OP?

again, I was NOT attracted to the girl.

I'm worried continuing to have sex with girls I'm not genuinely attracted to will fuck me up in some way.

 

[Fluxcapacitor]

Re: Does Having Sex With Unattractive Women Cause Long Term Psychological Damage

SexNotValidation dude! This depends really.

If you're always sleeping with unattractive girls you'll become used to them and comfortable. So much so you might not think you can ever do better which will harm ya cause you'll never try to do better.

On the other end ya having sex and becoming comfortable with it. This will build confidence!

An if ya can get hard and fuck a girl you're not that into, when ya with an attractive one ya know you can perform.

Psychological damage, not if ya enjoy what ya doing. If ya find the girls so repulsive ya will have flash backs maybe. But then again why would ya sleep with repulsive girls?

 

[Rain]

Re: Does Having Sex With Unattractive Women Cause Long Term Psychological Damage

again, I was NOT attracted to the girl.

I'm worried continuing to have sex with girls I'm not genuinely attracted to will fuck me up in some way.

I vaguely remember looking for the answer to something like this a while ago, but couldn't find much on google if I remember correctly.

There is this
https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2 ... 080749.htm

"While men need to be exceptionally attractive to tempt women to consider casual sex, men are far less choosy. These findings1 by Dr Achim Schützwohl, from the Department of Psychology at Brunel University in the UK, and his team are published online in Springer's journal Human Nature

"For each of the three offers, men were more likely to accept when the hypothetical woman was moderately or exceptionally attractive than when she was slightly unattractive, but whether she was moderately or exceptionally attractive made no difference."

Those men need some attraction, and you're saying you have zero attraction. Perhaps those men in the study could still get a boner for unattractive due to nakedness for example, but choose not to act on that because they have standards? eg they don't want to identify with those women, and/or they know there is better out there. Well everyone has value etc etc but you really prefer someone slightly attractive rather than not much at all if I'm understanding your question. I know Chase had an article about something.... he knew a guy who was balding and maybe short but was really good with women, had a lesbian threesome, but then exchanged that for a really unattractive woman. and he said to Chase when asked about it "its all the same when the lights are off". So that specific guy, if I remember, didn't seem to care that he was sleeping with unattractive women.

There's also this
https://www.reddit.com/r/AskMen/comment ... dont_find/
A lot of responses on there.

https://www.quora.com/Why-would-very-at ... ive-women#
A few responses on there.

One of Hector instagram pictures had someone asking a question iirc "Why would a guy with a 9, go and sleep with someone ugly?" and Hector said because we like variety iirc... well I'd need to find the post so I don't misquote anything.

Unsure if these actually answer your question, as opposed to just giving examples of other guys who have done it alot besides yourself. I think clearly you're unhappy with these types of women, and I think you should stop and try and get the women you want because you're just not attracted very much. But I also get that, its easier. But, its also pointless in a way that you've been there, done that.

 

[SexNotValidation]

Re: Does Having Sex With Unattractive Women Cause Long Term Psychological Damage

again, I was NOT attracted to the girl.

I'm worried continuing to have sex with girls I'm not genuinely attracted to will fuck me up in some way.

I vaguely remember looking for the answer to something like this a while ago, but couldn't find much on google if I remember correctly.

There is this
https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2 ... 080749.htm

"While men need to be exceptionally attractive to tempt women to consider casual sex, men are far less choosy. These findings1 by Dr Achim Schützwohl, from the Department of Psychology at Brunel University in the UK, and his team are published online in Springer's journal Human Nature

"For each of the three offers, men were more likely to accept when the hypothetical woman was moderately or exceptionally attractive than when she was slightly unattractive, but whether she was moderately or exceptionally attractive made no difference."

Those men need some attraction, and you're saying you have zero attraction. Perhaps those men in the study could still get a boner for unattractive due to nakedness for example, but choose not to act on that because they have standards? eg they don't want to identify with those women, and/or they know there is better out there. Well everyone has value etc etc but you really prefer someone slightly attractive rather than not much at all if I'm understanding your question. I know Chase had an article about something.... he knew a guy who was balding and maybe short but was really good with women, had a lesbian threesome, but then exchanged that for a really unattractive woman. and he said to Chase when asked about it "its all the same when the lights are off". So that specific guy, if I remember, didn't seem to care that he was sleeping with unattractive women.

There's also this
https://www.reddit.com/r/AskMen/comment ... dont_find/
A lot of responses on there.

https://www.quora.com/Why-would-very-at ... ive-women#
A few responses on there.

One of Hector instagram pictures had someone asking a question iirc "Why would a guy with a 9, go and sleep with someone ugly?" and Hector said because we like variety iirc... well I'd need to find the post so I don't misquote anything.

Unsure if these actually answer your question, as opposed to just giving examples of other guys who have done it alot besides yourself. I think clearly you're unhappy with these types of women, and I think you should stop and try and get the women you want because you're just not attracted very much. But I also get that, its easier. But, its also pointless in a way that you've been there, done that.

thank you very much for such a detailed post.

I think for me it comes down to:

is it more beneficial for me long term to take advantage of these opportunities to fuck women I'm not really attracted to get the confidence boost that comes from each new lay...

or given that I'm already 27 and have never actually had sex with a girl I'm genuinely/strongly attracted to...am i creating some sort of subconscious belief that I will never have sex with a girl i actually really like

those are the 2 options I'm weighing

 

[Grand Pooba]

I don't think having sex with unattractive women causes long term psychological damage, but you have to ultimately decide exactly what it is that you want in this journey and then stick to it.

For instance, some guys are all about number and racking up a notch count, in which case having sex with a couple of less attractive women isn't going to matter as much in the course of the big picture. Other guys care only about quality, in which case they'll have a much lower notch count but the quality will technically be high across the board, if the guy has high standards. The flipside is that in the learning process higher standards also means slower growth.

I'm a bigger proponent of trying to learn the system first and then aiming to raise quality after you figure out exactly what it is that you want. Most often guys only have ideas about what they want with women (same as women) but those ideas change as you gain more experience (same as with women), so ultimately what you want changes over time.

Anyway, if I got freebie sex and could get hard for the girl, and no one really had to know about it, I would definitely go for it. But every guy is different, so it's up to you to decide. Would I date an unattractive girl and be out publicly with her? Nah. And these days I only stick to approaching attractive women, the kinds that turn heads .

 

[SexNotValidation]

I don't think having sex with unattractive women causes long term psychological damage, but you have to ultimately decide exactly what it is that you want in this journey and then stick to it.

For instance, some guys are all about number and racking up a notch count, in which case having sex with a couple of less attractive women isn't going to matter as much in the course of the big picture. Other guys care only about quality, in which case they'll have a much lower notch count but the quality will technically be high across the board, if the guy has high standards. The flipside is that in the learning process higher standards also means slower growth.

I'm a bigger proponent of trying to learn the system first and then aiming to raise quality after you figure out exactly what it is that you want. Most often guys only have ideas about what they want with women (same as women) but those ideas change as you gain more experience (same as with women), so ultimately what you want changes over time.

Anyway, if I got freebie sex and could get hard for the girl, and no one really had to know about it, I would definitely go for it. But every guy is different, so it's up to you to decide. Would I date an unattractive girl and be out publicly with her? Nah. And these days I only stick to approaching attractive women, the kinds that turn heads .

thank you for posting a detailed response.

I do not think my situation comes down to quality vs quantity.

I've never had sex with a girl i was really attracted to so my only goal right now is to have sex with 1 girl I'm genuinely/strongly attracted to.

And I suspect one of 2 things will happen if i keep having sex with women I'm not attracted to:

Option 1:

By sleeping with women I'm not attracted to I will gain a sort of confidence/momentum that will allow me to achieve the above goal faster

Option 2:

By sleeping with women I'm not attracted to I will reinforce/create a subconscious belief that only women I'm not attracted to want to have sex with me which will make it impossible to achieve the above goal

am i wrong to suspect these will be the 2 potential outcomes if i continue to have sex with women I'm not attracted to?

 

[Kvothe]

Lower Your Standards (and Date Hotter Girls)

In "How Much Do Looks Matter for Romantic Success?," Balla asks whether to lower your standards in pursuit of getting the best results with women achievable: “Hey Chase, I can agree with everything you wrote to a T. What I want to ask about is this. You say naturals are better to learn from...

www.girlschase.com

Most likely option 1

 

[Hue]

Option 1:

By sleeping with women I'm not attracted to I will gain a sort of confidence/momentum that will allow me to achieve the above goal faster

Option 2:

By sleeping with women I'm not attracted to I will reinforce/create a subconscious belief that only women I'm not attracted to want to have sex with me which will make it impossible to achieve the above goal

If you are deciding how to frame sleeping with not-so-hot of girls to yourself, I would go with 1.

Why is it you're making these statements "options" though?

Do you believe that only women you're not attracted to want to have sex with you? That is going to make it more difficult to achieve your goals with women. If you tell yourself and believe that stunning women do want to have sex with you, or at least that in the future they're going to, that is going to be where some of your confidence comes from.


I've slept with not-so-hot girls before. Most successful guys have. Looking back it's usually just when I'm needing momentum. You settle with an easy lay to get the ball rolling, and a month later you're fucking an 8. Has happened to me before and will probably happen again.


Hue

 

[SexNotValidation]

If you are deciding how to frame sleeping with not-so-hot of girls to yourself, I would go with 1.

Why is it you're making these statements "options" though?

Do you believe that only women you're not attracted to want to have sex with you? That is going to make it more difficult to achieve your goals with women. If you tell yourself and believe that stunning women do want to have sex with you, or at least that in the future they're going to, that is going to be where some of your confidence comes from.


I've slept with not-so-hot girls before. Most successful guys have. Looking back it's usually just when I'm needing momentum. You settle with an easy lay to get the ball rolling, and a month later you're fucking an 8. Has happened to me before and will probably happen again.


Hue

If you are deciding how to frame sleeping with not-so-hot of girls to yourself, I would go with 1.

Why is it you're making these statements "options" though?

I do not understand this question.

Do you believe that only women you're not attracted to want to have sex with you? That is going to make it more difficult to achieve your goals with women. If you tell yourself and believe that stunning women do want to have sex with you, or at least that in the future they're going to, that is going to be where some of your confidence comes from.

I do not consciously believe that only women I'm not attracted to want to have sex with me since I get approach invitations from girls I'm attracted to almost every night I go clubbing. As i said, I'm worried some sort of unconscious belief might get created.

I've slept with not-so-hot girls before. Most successful guys have. Looking back it's usually just when I'm needing momentum. You settle with an easy lay to get the ball rolling, and a month later you're fucking an 8. Has happened to me before and will probably happen again.

 

[Teevster]

This past Friday had sex with an old/unattractive woman.

She approached me while i stood near the bathrooms at the club and 15-20 min later we where fucking at my Hotel.

At 27 years old, I've now had sex with 7 women and none of them i was truly attracted to but i feel like the old woman
i fucked yesterday was a new low and it might fuck me up psychologically long term.

The 6 girls i had fucked before yesterday, i was not really attracted to any of them but at least they where young.

Maybe I'm overthinking but i keep thinking about last night and part of me feels i made a big mistake.

Or Maybe it doesn't matter because she did turn me on, I only took her home because she actually managed to get me aroused so maybe that's all that matters.

I do remember when we got back to my hotel, she asked to use the washroom and as she was in there, the horny cloud i was in dissapeared and i remember thinking as she was in the washroom that it would be a mistake to fuck her. But then when she came out I was not sure what to do so i went ahead and fucked her.

The worst part is when we finished she told me she had 3 kids including a daughter who was about to turn 22; up to that i had assumed she was in her late 30s but when she told me she had a kid that was 22, i realized she might even be in her 50s.

After she left i felt so weird/negative emotionally that i asked the hotel to move me to another room so I could kind of forget about what happened.

Well, I have fucked plenty of subprime girls, and I have also fucked some truly ugly girls. Especially in my younger days, quantity was more important than quality.

It won't damage you long term unless you let it damage you.

It all depends on the way you look at it really. Do you see this as your end game, or just a mean to an end.

If you see this as your end game, you will feel really bad about this and if you keep doing this, it may have some negative effect.

But if you see this as just a phase - where you accept that you are still a beginner (7 lays only) and that you know that with time, sexual experience and practice your skills will grow and you will step by step realize you will be fucking hotter and hotter girls.

And before you know it, your maximal treshold for hot girls goes up, and your minimal treshold for ugliness goes down.

This is very normal, and nothing to worry about.

Took me a few ugly girls to get the momentum, sexual confidence and skill to land the hotter girls.

So from a technical point of view I would not worry too much.

My tip is that you should not wait too long before hitting the field again and go for hotter girls after you fuck some slob. This way you capitalize on momentum and you may in fact have a higher chance of landing a hot one.

Best,
Alek

 

[Hue]

I do not understand this question.

I didn't understand your word choice, semantically. Nbd. If those are "options" for what you believe then they are conscious enough for you to decide what belief is yours, no? And if one isn't helping you, you have the option to reevaluate that belief.

I do not consciously believe that only women I'm not attracted to want to have sex with me since I get approach invitations from girls I'm attracted to almost every night I go clubbing. As i said, I'm worried some sort of unconscious belief might get created.

In that case, I would imagine you're maybe overthinking it.

When deciding what beliefs of mine are conscious and what beliefs are subsconscious / unconscious I check my behavior rather than my words/thoughts. I find actions speak much louder than words in this case.

If you identify specific actions that might speak to some subconscious belief and are capable with being truly honest as to WHY you acted in that fashion, then that will tell you.

A few months ago I banged a coworker because she was leaving the city. I'm not very attracted at all to her personality, if I'm being completely honest. Physically, I'm only somewhat attracted, but hey she definitely passed the boner test.

Why did I bang her? Because I was horny and the moment was ripe. It was low hanging fruit. That has nothing to do with some deeper issue that I don't think I can fuck hotter girls, considering a few weeks after that I slept with a naturally pretty, thicc mixed girl with a good job and tremendous tits.

It's possible you'll run into problems when figuring out your subconscious beliefs if you fail to be mindful and/or honest as to why it is you did what you did. The best way to get around that is to look at your behaviors as a whole (journaling has helped me tremendously to have more of an eagle view perspective than without journaling), and looking at your actions and track record. Then you can test your actions against your conscious beliefs. If you're not acting in a way that's congruent with your beliefs, it's time to change your actions until you've proved it to yourself.

Anyway, most people have more control over what they believe than they think. I definitely still have my blind spots, but honest introspection helps me shine light to those the more I practice it.


Hue