Double binds and handling them

[Deluxe17]

Question for the boards - I know the topic of dealing with double binds has been covered in a few articles but I'm going to ask a few specific ones I have run across and want to see how you all deal with them.

One of my current girls favorite has been to ask me how many girls I've slept with before her. I've always felt this question was like handling a bomb because too few and her attraction drops/she questions your status but too many and you come off as a player. The first few times I ignored it and said if I share all my secrets that kills the mystery but she came back to it. The second time I said 247 girls which she scoffed and said she thought it was really closer to 30. I then said nope, it's zero, I'm a virgin, stop hurting my ears with all this dirty talk. This kept her entertained but the question keeps coming. How to you handle this double bind?

Another one has been her complaining about not spending enough quality time together. I could give in a drop things on my schedule to see her but know this is a long-run mistake. However if don't address it I run the risk of her getting cold and fading (which we've had one recent spat already).

What are some good ways to handle these and what are some other common ones you've run across and how you've dealt with the

 

[Grand Pooba]

One of my current girls favorite has been to ask me how many girls I've slept with before her. I've always felt this question was like handling a bomb because too few and her attraction drops/she questions your status but too many and you come off as a player. The first few times I ignored it and said if I share all my secrets that kills the mystery but she came back to it. The second time I said 247 girls which she scoffed and said she thought it was really closer to 30. I then said nope, it's zero, I'm a virgin, stop hurting my ears with all this dirty talk. This kept her entertained but the question keeps coming. How to you handle this double bind?

My favorite way to deal with this is to ask her how many girls she thinks I've been with, and then say "hmmm....yeah, i guess it is something like that." If she asks for a firm number, just say "I really have no idea, it's not something I ever kept track of. That's not important to me."

HER: "How many girl's have you slept with?"
ME: "I have no idea, honestly. How many do you think I've been with?"
HER: "I think it's probably close to 30"
ME: "Hmm...I guess it is something like that."
HER: "No but really, how many girls have you slept with?"
ME: "Honestly I really don't know, it's not something I ever kept track of. That's not important to me, but I guess it's around 30, or 40."

So you're deflecting, but you're also saying you don't know because you really don't keep count. It's not something you've ever done.

 

[foggy]

good question...

these two "tests" you detail are interrelated. She's trying lock you down, and she wants to know what your kill count is because it could give her clues about whether she'll actually be able to lock you down or not. She knows that if you actually banged 247 girls, she'd probably have a hard time getting you into a relationship. The other thing is, if you banged 247 girls, then there's a high likelihood that she's not special and you got chicks on the side. She doesn't wanna be used for short-term sexual gratification!

There's two types of tests: value tests, and comfort tests. Let's look at each from the viewpoint of this line:

"How many girls have you slept with?"

If you get this early on in the courtship, its a value shit test. She secretly wants you to have a very high lay count and be a guy who is loved by women. Because, a guys mating value depends on how many girls he's slept with. An agree and amplify response is best here. Why? Because you're amplifying your value.

If you get this later on in the courtship [which you did] after you've slept with her, then it's a comfort shit test. An agree and amplify response is not best here. A better answer would be something that raises your attainability.