Excuses for being out alone?

[Virgin101]

I actually don't seem to get asked this by girls that often, and it's great that the girl usually presumes I'm with someone. In crowded venues it can be quite easy to give the illusion that you're with others. But I have been asked it a bit lately. Sometimes, when I capture a girl, I can just sense, that if she knew the reality of my situation, and if she was sober, she'd be horrified.

Often, I'll be having an interesting conversation with some girl(s), and I hear "oh, are you here alone?" The smaller the venue, and the less people, the more likely I'm to get asked. At that point, they may know that you're out to get girls - and that's fine I guess. But then it's a case of; what's my excuse for sitting by the bar for 20 minutes doing nothing? There are those moments when it's not possible (at least for me) to get in on other people's cliques. You know! They know that while everyone else is having fun, I'm sober, by the bar like a lion secretly watching for an opportunity pounce! I know they're not going to see me going back to my car alone later on in the night, but I guess everyone knows that that's often what going out alone means.

What's also interesting, is that when I am actually out with others, I often wouldn't be "with" them... if you know what I mean. But then in this case, I wouldn't fear such an inevitable question!

Thanks

 

[jdoc]

Hey Virgin101,

Check out this article: Going Stag: Your Guide to Going Out By Yourself

Jeffrey

 

[Virgin101]

Thanks doc

Hey Virgin101,

Check out this article: Going Stag: Your Guide to Going Out By Yourself

Jeffrey

That article didn't really address the question. It said that you should tell the truth - which is one option! And that may be the option to resort to most frequently, but I'd like to have others.

As for "people will admire the confidence it takes to go out alone"? Hmmmm, I'm not sure!

 

[Mr.Rob]

Virgin101,

Having gone out alone exclusively for 2 years before making friends to go out with (and still going out alone sometimes then) I've had to deal with this on numerous occasions and I remember the frustration and anxiety of wondering how I was going to explain that I had no friends. Also note that I went out strictly sober as well.

It sounds like you actually have friends so this should be easier for you than it was for me at the time. I recommend telling the truth. If done correctly this will actually boost attraction in many cases assuming your character is congruent.

How do you do this? You reframe the situation in a positive light as opposed to a negative/weird light that it should be. Reframe yourself as the rebel lone wolf.

If you're going out alone you are a lone wolf, not trapped by the rules of mainstream society, and a rebel that does what he wants when he feels like doing it. The typical rules of society do not apply to you because you think they're for people that need other people to give them direction in life. If you want to go out and flirt with a sexy woman and enjoy some (hopefully) good music and you don't feel like being confined to a peer group then by golly you're just going to abandon the peer group and get what you want (a sexy woman).

So what do you actually say? ... You could use bits and pieces from the above paragraph. I usually say the following:

For smoother style game:

Her: Are you here by yourself? (when she believes you didn't come with friends and she is testing for your reaction)
Mr.Rob: Yes... (unwavering eye contact and sly smile while pausing for her to fill the space of conversation)
Her: Why would you not come out with any friends? (filling the social pressure)
Mr.Rob: Well when your ambition is to make new friends old friends only get in the way (pull her in closer to you and continue deep eye contact + sly smile)
Her: I guess that's true! (submitting to your frame)
Mr.Rob: You were telling me about xyz... (cut thread)

For more talkative style game:

Me: My friends left early and I wanted to continue enjoying the night as its still young so I stayed out to make new friends!

Me: I knew I would meet you and I knew it would cut into the time we would spend intimately together. (this is said seriously but its a joke because she knows you didn't actually stalk her to the venue)

Me: Don't you ever just want to cast away the chains of what society tells you you should do and just live freely and selfishly for yourself? Friends have their place but I think sometimes its more fun to break the rules... and get away with it (sly smirk + good eye contact)

Me: Look at everyone around us. (perhaps point to a particularly lame group of dudes twiddling their thumbs) Wishing they could be free and meet the people they actually want to meet deep down and share a special moment with them whether that moment lasts a night or a lifetime but confined to the rules society sets upon them too afraid of the consequences of wavering like a bunch of sheep. No, I'm a wild stallion untamed. That being said if you need me to have friends I'm probably too much for you to handle.... you should probably go back to your friends. (warm but evil smile, strong eye contact, and a head nod motioning for her to be on her way)

Essentially the question about your friends is typically a test more so than a "whats wrong with you?" deal breaker. If you're comfortable and okay with being out alone then the girl will feel the same way. If you're noticeably bothered or upset when she inquires as to why you have no friends she'll see this as you being insecure and her attraction will go down the drain.

If you're socially competent and making friends with people in the venue but you're out alone she will have the intuition to ascertain that you have friends. In fact she'd be surprised if you didn't have friends.

Many a time I have approached a girl out alone only to have her inquire where my friends are and tell her something along the lines of what I outlined above only to find that her attraction increase to the point of her asking me if I was lying to her because she was so impressed some strong man had the balls to go out and meet women unashamedly by himself. A few times the attraction I gained from telling the truth was what allowed me to pull her in the first place.

Questions or comments?

-Rob

 

[Mr.Rob]

@Slay,

Yes you can definitely do that as another option. I prefer to milk the boosted attraction you get from her submitting to your frame rather than miss the opportunity to boost attraction when you cut the thread. Your idea will still work, albeit there is the chance she may bring up the objection again in the future and you'll have to address it anyway.

Then again she may just let it ride.

-Rob

 

[Virgin101]

Thanks Rob

Virgin101,

Having gone out alone exclusively for 2 years before making friends to go out with (and still going out alone sometimes then) I've had to deal with this on numerous occasions and I remember the frustration and anxiety of wondering how I was going to explain that I had no friends. Also note that I went out strictly sober as well.

It sounds like you actually have friends so this should be easier for you than it was for me at the time. I recommend telling the truth. If done correctly this will actually boost attraction in many cases assuming your character is congruent.

How do you do this? You reframe the situation in a positive light as opposed to a negative/weird light that it should be. Reframe yourself as the rebel lone wolf.

If you're going out alone you are a lone wolf, not trapped by the rules of mainstream society, and a rebel that does what he wants when he feels like doing it. The typical rules of society do not apply to you because you think they're for people that need other people to give them direction in life. If you want to go out and flirt with a sexy woman and enjoy some (hopefully) good music and you don't feel like being confined to a peer group then by golly you're just going to abandon the peer group and get what you want (a sexy woman).

So what do you actually say? ... You could use bits and pieces from the above paragraph. I usually say the following:

For smoother style game:

Her: Are you here by yourself? (when she believes you didn't come with friends and she is testing for your reaction)
Mr.Rob: Yes... (unwavering eye contact and sly smile while pausing for her to fill the space of conversation)
Her: Why would you not come out with any friends? (filling the social pressure)
Mr.Rob: Well when your ambition is to make new friends old friends only get in the way (pull her in closer to you and continue deep eye contact + sly smile)
Her: I guess that's true! (submitting to your frame)
Mr.Rob: You were telling me about xyz... (cut thread)

For more talkative style game:

Me: My friends left early and I wanted to continue enjoying the night as its still young so I stayed out to make new friends!

Me: I knew I would meet you and I knew it would cut into the time we would spend intimately together. (this is said seriously but its a joke because she knows you didn't actually stalk her to the venue)

Me: Don't you ever just want to cast away the chains of what society tells you you should do and just live freely and selfishly for yourself? Friends have their place but I think sometimes its more fun to break the rules... and get away with it (sly smirk + good eye contact)

Me: Look at everyone around us. (perhaps point to a particularly lame group of dudes twiddling their thumbs) Wishing they could be free and meet the people they actually want to meet deep down and share a special moment with them whether that moment lasts a night or a lifetime but confined to the rules society sets upon them too afraid of the consequences of wavering like a bunch of sheep. No, I'm a wild stallion untamed. That being said if you need me to have friends I'm probably too much for you to handle.... you should probably go back to your friends. (warm but evil smile, strong eye contact, and a head nod motioning for her to be on her way)

Essentially the question about your friends is typically a test more so than a "whats wrong with you?" deal breaker. If you're comfortable and okay with being out alone then the girl will feel the same way. If you're noticeably bothered or upset when she inquires as to why you have no friends she'll see this as you being insecure and her attraction will go down the drain.

If you're socially competent and making friends with people in the venue but you're out alone she will have the intuition to ascertain that you have friends. In fact she'd be surprised if you didn't have friends.

Many a time I have approached a girl out alone only to have her inquire where my friends are and tell her something along the lines of what I outlined above only to find that her attraction increase to the point of her asking me if I was lying to her because she was so impressed some strong man had the balls to go out and meet women unashamedly by himself. A few times the attraction I gained from telling the truth was what allowed me to pull her in the first place.

Questions or comments?

-Rob

I agree, but I will say one thing;

Some of those talkative style answers would not go down well... going into detail "about the rules society sets" and that that's how you think does not sound very chill. Of course there's nothing wrong with being aware of it. But to me it kind of sounds a bit like "if you need to say out loud, then it mustn't be true" sort of thing.

 

[Bete Noire]

It's true Virgin, that some of those answers are polarizing comments about the nature of the people around you.

However it's all about painting a picture for the girl. You are the kind of guy who doesn't follow the rules. This makes you exciting, a man whose lead she can follow and thus someone she doesn't feel judged by and thus feels she can break the rules and sleep with quickly.

Ever since i learnt of the ol' proverb, 'fake it till you make', It's employment in my life has worked a treat.

Go paint a picture in her mind that you're that top 1% of males who does his own thing, doesn't give a fuck and is successful in doing so.

 

[Yhaceed]

Virgin101,

Thanks for posting this thread. It kinda answers another post I put up but got no replies to. But it was family in my case asking about me going out alone and now I won't really need to avoid the question or give the answer I did which was "going to the beach and talking to people ". When I should have just said I wanted to make new friends or cut it short and change the subject. Thanks again.

~Yhaceed

 

[Mr.Rob]

Some of those talkative style answers would not go down well.

Do you think I made up those responses out of thin air with hopes of impressing some anonymous pick up artist behind a computer screen?

I'd appreciate you at least testing my suggestion I took the time out of my day to type out for you before you dismiss it outright.

If it's not your style, cool. But don't imply I'm a liar.

-Rob

P.S.
@Robster- Precisely

 

[Chase]

A few more for the pot. In response to "Are you here by yourself?":

• My friends are lame and all stayed home.

• Just exploring a new venue. How about you?

• I like coming here. Sometimes with friends, sometimes not.

• I was at Bar X with my friends. It sucked. They wanted to stay. I didn't. And so here I am.

Fourth one, don't use if it isn't true, or you'll have tells. #s 1, 2, and 3 will work without you feeling funny about it in most situations.

Note that with these, you don't specifically say "YES". If you're going to say yes, usually works best to look her dead in the eye and drop it hard, like in Mr. Rob's example. The rest of the time, give a reason without coming out and saying yes. More mysterious and more attractive. Also doesn't buy into her frame completely.

Chase

 

[NiceGuy110]

"My friends are in the smoking area" - they buy it all the time. Who wouldn't?!

 

[Fuck This]

I like Chase's response above. I'll add:

Since I do like microbrews,

"I heard at the last minute they are tapping "Sexual Chocolate" here tonight and I was in the area." Segway into unique beers we each have had.

"Sometimes I like to sit out on the patio and watch the sunset on the water. Have you seen it? It's spectacular." Talk about remote and beautiful places we each have been, move her out to the patio.

"I'm from out of town"

Or if you want to be a wise ass

"I'm in witness protection. If you promise you aren't a mob hitman, I'll be friends with you...."