Feeling really frustrated, several flakes and timewasters

[jackoftades819]

I recently updated my pictures on Tinder, I never cold approach since I'm too much of a coward, and I've been getting lots of matches this week. This was good for my self esteem and I set up a few dates even. But then my matches stopped responding in the middle of texting, usually only three messages in. There's one girl that clearly just wants a texting buddy so I've been trying to get her out but its going nowhere. Then my date for monday cancelled, then my date for wednesday cancelled. I managed to finally get my monday date for friday night but all this flaking makes me feel like my time isn't worth anything. It feels very discouraging especially knowing that I've never gotten a date from cold approach. Anyone have advice for these situations or how I can get cold approaching finally?

 

[mindful]

That’s the downfall of online. You will deal with more flakes. Also, pure online can lower your self esteem over time when girls flake or nothing is going your way. I’ve been there. Also had some hot streaks as well, just comes with the territory.

As far as cold approaching, you just have to do it, plain and simple. Start out small, just focus on talking to the girl and carrying a convo. Don’t put too much pressure on being perfect or smooth, just get comfortable of doing it first.

An easy way to get momentum going is to have short convos with girls working at stores, or places you go to eat, coffee shop, etc. They won’t act bitchy since you are a customer. Just make a statement or say something more than “I’m good thanks how are you”.

Cold approach:
Tell her you find her cute or a situational opener
Ask her what’s she’s up to
Make statements / cold reads to keep the convo light/fun

 

[foggy]

Yooooo jack,

Mindful has some good advice. Try out the newbie assignment.

I have been removing emotions from my decision making process lately. Here's how it goes:

Do I want to get laid?

Yes - then approach
No - then don't approach

Maybe this sort of thing could work for you.

Also I like perceiving my anxiety as excitement, that really helps too.

 

[Sandman]

Most matches won't reply on tinder and most of those who reply will not agree to meet up and some of those who agree will cancel. That's just the nature of the beast. But there are things you can do to reduce flaking, top of my head, you should only plan a date for the next three days, more than that girl will flake; do not plan everything, leave something so you can text her to plan that thing before the date (such as where exactly you'll meet up) so you can assure her that you. do want to come to the date and give her a chance to let you know that she's not coming if that's the case.

Don't be frustrated when a girl flakes btw maybe had a genuine reason or even if she was getting dicked by another guy doesn't mean she does want to see you. I have fucked some girls who flaked me the first time (or even the second).

I am not the best guy to give advice on cold approach but if you do start cold approaching don't aim for getting a date right away, that'll come later, just focus on talking to as many girls as possible even if it's a cringe worthy performance (at first). You are breaking your chains!

Btw you have fear, you are not a coward. Big distinction. Tell the story of yourself that you want to believe and in time you will come to believe it.

 

[Big Daddy]

On top of those tips, always double or triple-schedule. Always have a backup plan. It's better if you text them telling you will flake (because you are already going on a date).

 

[NealIRC]

Do I want to get laid?

Yes - then approach
No - then don't approach

Do people like you really think these are the only options?

How about.

Yes - then get approached by women.
No - then don't get approached by women.

I guess that's how narrow minds work.