Flakey coworker just ghosted me?

[Noir]

Hey GC, been on and off the boards. Not really into this PUA cold approach stuff, but I just got sent home from basic training and want to get back into the swing of things.

Anyway, got a new job and met this girl at work. Been low key flirting for two shifts that we both worked and asked her out on the third or fourth. She said yes and gave me her number and seemed to look forward to hanging out with me (smiling etc.).

Asked her out last Monday to meet for Sunday and told me she couldn't because she was going to a party with her boyfriend and his friends. Just responded with "sounds good, have fun" and left it at that. Keep in mind she's really shy and only opens up when no one else is around.

Saw her again this past Friday and Saturday and nothing changed. Still low key flirting (proximity, compliments, etc.) so I figured she might still be willing to have under the radar sex. She did get a hold of my schedule BTW (unbeknownst to me), so it seemed like she was at least was considering hanging out if not planning to.

Saturday I texted her to hang out after work as one last ditch effort to see if she'd bite. Said she was visiting her mom but offered Tuesday afternoon instead. I figured something was up and was getting flaked on. Turns out I was right *and* she didn't even respond to my confirmation text (still hasn't).

So my thoughts are that I'm being used for validation at this point, and she's probably doing this to other guys as well.

Now, should I next her or can I still salvage a lay at this point? Any feedback is appreciated.

 

[Hue]

Sup bud,

Alotta times it's hard to tell with shy co-workers but from what you've written I'd say she's on the edge with you and as you noted probably following a similar thing with other dudes.

It's an interesting thing really how the layers of shy girls play out in how they decide to get attention as well as choose who the invest with.


Regardless, with the technical situation you're dealing with, my best advice would be to completely disengage.

That's just me. You're co-workers so this is social circle. If you can exude attractive traits to her without putting in more investment, she'll eventually become attracted enough to you that she'll subtley communicate that to you.

Then you strike, decisively.

But for now, I'd say wait it out.


Hue

 

[Noir]

Sup bud,

Alotta times it's hard to tell with shy co-workers but from what you've written I'd say she's on the edge with you and as you noted probably following a similar thing with other dudes.

It's an interesting thing really how the layers of shy girls play out in how they decide to get attention as well as choose who the invest with.


Regardless, with the technical situation you're dealing with, my best advice would be to completely disengage.

That's just me. You're co-workers so this is social circle. If you can exude attractive traits to her without putting in more investment, she'll eventually become attracted enough to you that she'll subtley communicate that to you.

Then you strike, decisively.

But for now, I'd say wait it out.


Hue

Cool, thanks for the clarification. If she does communicate that she does want to escalate things, how would she go about doing that? I only ask because she's already shy so I barely notice the signals she sends. Is she going to be loud about it or will she be subtle?

 

[Hue]

Cool, thanks for the clarification. If she does communicate that she does want to escalate things, how would she go about doing that? I only ask because she's already shy so I barely notice the signals she sends. Is she going to be loud about it or will she be subtle?

They will be subtle, and I'd imagine they've already been subtle.

Catching her staring at you, floating around you, or nervous pampering are all typical signals that she's still interested. Her not responding to your texts could more than likely be her being too nervous to respond + too worried about the outcome because of you guys being coworkers.

So for now, I would build things back to strong attraction by engagements with her in person, talk and flirt with her when you can. Once you've learned how she shows her subtle signals and you're thinking she's definitely still hoping the two of you might get together, set up plans with her face to face immediately - leap through your window.

That way she's less likely to get cold fingers when texting you about setting things up. You lead, and lay out what you'll be doing once you think she's ready, then once (if) you get that set up, keep the texting the day of extremely simple. Or you could potentially insta-date, depending on how well you're gauging her interest and thereafter leading her.


Hope this helps.

Hue

 

[Noir]

Cool, thanks for the clarification. If she does communicate that she does want to escalate things, how would she go about doing that? I only ask because she's already shy so I barely notice the signals she sends. Is she going to be loud about it or will she be subtle?

They will be subtle, and I'd imagine they've already been subtle.

Catching her staring at you, floating around you, or nervous pampering are all typical signals that she's still interested. Her not responding to your texts could more than likely be her being too nervous to respond + too worried about the outcome because of you guys being coworkers.

So for now, I would build things back to strong attraction by engagements with her in person, talk and flirt with her when you can. Once you've learned how she shows her subtle signals and you're thinking she's definitely still hoping the two of you might get together, set up plans with her face to face immediately - leap through your window.

That way she's less likely to get cold fingers when texting you about setting things up. You lead, and lay out what you'll be doing once you think she's ready, then once (if) you get that set up, keep the texting the day of extremely simple. Or you could potentially insta-date, depending on how well you're gauging her interest and thereafter leading her.


Hope this helps.

Hue

haha it's a funny thing really. (And sorry if this isn't very coherent in advance, someone may or may not be under the influence of a certain substance )

Anyway, she flirted exactly the way you described and more (plus kino) today. And get this, she apologizes for not making it Tuesday since her "alternator broke" and had to get her neighbour to jump start her car to get to work. Later she offers to friend me on snap chat. So after work I called her (didn't get a chance since other coworkers were around) to make plans which may have been direct but I didn't want to waste anymore time beating around the bush without getting some clear sign that she's not interested. She says she can't tonight and that she's going out with friends, and when I told her I only have this weekend and Monday for the rest of next week when I'm on vacation and I wanted to hang out, she said that she'll check her schedule to see. Not more than a few minutes after I call her she sends me a snap of some guy, who turns out to be her boyfriend in another snap she sends 15 minutes later.

Oh well lol shit happens. I'll probably just go out tomorrow for approaches and keep at it.