For Those Feeling Lonely During These Times

[NewBeeWinner]

Hey guys,

So during this time of corona, I've done a lot of introspection dealing with my own feelings of loneliness. Today, I had gotten a number of a very attractive woman that owns a dog walking business right next to where I live. She was busy this weekend working and might've been free this evening, but I gave her a call and it went to VM, so I'll just text her this weekend to set up for next week. Anyways, I also usually go out in the evenings to try my best to meet new women (at parks). But instead of those things, I had to spend the evening with family (which was just as enjoyable).

But the point is that I usually would've spent the half hour drive back home sad and feeling lonely that I didn't have a date, wasn't have sex tonight, didn't meet any new women that evening, and thinking about what everyone else was doing and how I wanted to be doing that.

Instead, I didn't feel a single bit of loneliness. I felt a bit sad that I didn't have those options readily available to me (aka a girl to booty call or invite over for the night or a guy to quickly hit up to go walk the town at night). It was a feeling of not being in abundance, but an acceptance of that (and realizing how I'm on the journey of getting there) instead of feeling this hole of emptiness and loneliness inside.

I haven't felt a single bit of my usual intense loneliness since realizing the causes of my loneliness. And while I am not a mental health professional (and you should seek professional advice or counseling if you decide it is right for you), I hope this can be of help to you to understand why you may be feeling lonely (and therefore identify an action that you can take to not feel that way).

Anyways, here are the 6 causes of loneliness I have identified in my own life:

1 ) Lack of gratitude

Are you appreciating where you are, what you have, and who you have around you? You might just be taking someone for granted.

2) Comparing yourself to others

Do you find yourself thinking about what others have that you don't or what others are doing that you're not? You need to realize you're on your own journey and you need to focus on enjoying the journey instead of focusing on the result. How do you do this? By learning to become outcome independent. Also, getting off of social media, online chat rooms, and not watching the news every second helps immensely. These things remind you of the thing you are trying to not focus on (the things you don't have - like friends to talk to or girls to sext or a new house/car/gf/wife/job/etc.) Become more focused on your real life and being present with the people around you.

3) Being only focused on yourself

By this, I mean that you don't think of the needs of others and how you can be an answer to those needs. Instead, you're only focused on what you want/need and will sacrifice others for your own benefit. This is one reason guys get needy for sex - they NEED sex (so they think) and so they act weird when the girl isn't ready YET to have sex with them. Instead, they should be OK and realize how they can solve her needs by making sure she feels allowed, comfortable, and aroused enough to have sex with you.

4) Lack of committing yourself to a purpose

Every man needs a purpose in life that isn't women or any single person. Women love a man on his purpose and women are a compliment to that man's life. But he doesn't need women to have a fulfilling life. There's plenty on GC about this so I won't go into detail here.

5) A deep desire for connection and understanding from others

Ever get sad that you were the only smart person in the room? Or that you were the only tall/short/athletic/brave/outgoing one? Or that you liked sports but had no one around you that shared your interest? Maybe you're into seduction and self-improvement and can't find guys around you that share your feelings, goals, and ambitions. This can certainly lead one to feel lonely (and it did me). But this is another case of self-focus. Instead, you should be glad to be a unique individual who can share your insights with others to improve their lives. Be one who adds value to other's lives, not one who always takes from others.

6) Using other people as an escape to avoid doing the hard things first in life

Socializing and sex can turn into escapism if you aren't careful and don't do the things you need to do first in life. This is what I was doing a lot through my very tough times in college. Now do I mean you need to become a hermit who decides to never have sex and become a monk? No. Learning seduction and how to socialize is a skill and that skill will not improve without practice. HOWEVER, you cannot allow the rest of your life to fall to pieces while you use socializing/sex as an escape to make yourself feel better for a moment. Chase had a good article on this very topic (or something similar to it) on the main site. Make sure you are doing the things you need to do to move the needle forward in your life. Remember: become the man the girls want and you'll get the girls.

So those are the 6 causes of loneliness I found in my own life. As loneliness can be a very complex feeling, I hope this has helped some of you to identify the root cause of your feeling of loneliness for the purpose of dealing with it and getting it out of your life. This will also help any neediness you have as well.

You can't solve a problem you haven't identified.

So I wish you all the best and stay strong as we all continue to grow towards seduction mastery!

NBW

 

[Starboy]

Hey guys,

So during this time of corona, I've done a lot of introspection dealing with my own feelings of loneliness. Today, I had gotten a number of a very attractive woman that owns a dog walking business right next to where I live. She was busy this weekend working and might've been free this evening, but I gave her a call and it went to VM, so I'll just text her this weekend to set up for next week. Anyways, I also usually go out in the evenings to try my best to meet new women (at parks). But instead of those things, I had to spend the evening with family (which was just as enjoyable).

But the point is that I usually would've spent the half hour drive back home sad and feeling lonely that I didn't have a date, wasn't have sex tonight, didn't meet any new women that evening, and thinking about what everyone else was doing and how I wanted to be doing that.

Instead, I didn't feel a single bit of loneliness. I felt a bit sad that I didn't have those options readily available to me (aka a girl to booty call or invite over for the night or a guy to quickly hit up to go walk the town at night). It was a feeling of not being in abundance, but an acceptance of that (and realizing how I'm on the journey of getting there) instead of feeling this hole of emptiness and loneliness inside.

I haven't felt a single bit of my usual intense loneliness since realizing the causes of my loneliness. And while I am not a mental health professional (and you should seek professional advice or counseling if you decide it is right for you), I hope this can be of help to you to understand why you may be feeling lonely (and therefore identify an action that you can take to not feel that way).

Anyways, here are the 6 causes of loneliness I have identified in my own life:

1 ) Lack of gratitude

Are you appreciating where you are, what you have, and who you have around you? You might just be taking someone for granted.

2) Comparing yourself to others

Do you find yourself thinking about what others have that you don't or what others are doing that you're not? You need to realize you're on your own journey and you need to focus on enjoying the journey instead of focusing on the result. How do you do this? By learning to become outcome independent. Also, getting off of social media, online chat rooms, and not watching the news every second helps immensely. These things remind you of the thing you are trying to not focus on (the things you don't have - like friends to talk to or girls to sext or a new house/car/gf/wife/job/etc.) Become more focused on your real life and being present with the people around you.

3) Being only focused on yourself

By this, I mean that you don't think of the needs of others and how you can be an answer to those needs. Instead, you're only focused on what you want/need and will sacrifice others for your own benefit. This is one reason guys get needy for sex - they NEED sex (so they think) and so they act weird when the girl isn't ready YET to have sex with them. Instead, they should be OK and realize how they can solve her needs by making sure she feels allowed, comfortable, and aroused enough to have sex with you.

4) Lack of committing yourself to a purpose

Every man needs a purpose in life that isn't women or any single person. Women love a man on his purpose and women are a compliment to that man's life. But he doesn't need women to have a fulfilling life. There's plenty on GC about this so I won't go into detail here.

5) A deep desire for connection and understanding from others

Ever get sad that you were the only smart person in the room? Or that you were the only tall/short/athletic/brave/outgoing one? Or that you liked sports but had no one around you that shared your interest? Maybe you're into seduction and self-improvement and can't find guys around you that share your feelings, goals, and ambitions. This can certainly lead one to feel lonely (and it did me). But this is another case of self-focus. Instead, you should be glad to be a unique individual who can share your insights with others to improve their lives. Be one who adds value to other's lives, not one who always takes from others.

6) Using other people as an escape to avoid doing the hard things first in life

Socializing and sex can turn into escapism if you aren't careful and don't do the things you need to do first in life. This is what I was doing a lot through my very tough times in college. Now do I mean you need to become a hermit who decides to never have sex and become a monk? No. Learning seduction and how to socialize is a skill and that skill will not improve without practice. HOWEVER, you cannot allow the rest of your life to fall to pieces while you use socializing/sex as an escape to make yourself feel better for a moment. Chase had a good article on this very topic (or something similar to it) on the main site. Make sure you are doing the things you need to do to move the needle forward in your life. Remember: become the man the girls want and you'll get the girls.

So those are the 6 causes of loneliness I found in my own life. As loneliness can be a very complex feeling, I hope this has helped some of you to identify the root cause of your feeling of loneliness for the purpose of dealing with it and getting it out of your life. This will also help any neediness you have as well.

You can't solve a problem you haven't identified.

So I wish you all the best and stay strong as we all continue to grow towards seduction mastery!

NBW

How do you avoid pinning your self esteem based on how well you do with women and your lack of skill getting them? Cuz that's always been a big issue for me. I barely get sexual validation and attention from women and I get a little bitter towards attractive women who are always being complimented and supported all the time by these chumps on ig and twitter. I know women are different and they require external validation more,but it's still so easy for them. It all boils down to me needing something that I struggle to get which is why it's such a big deal to me.

 

[Skills]

Do you have friends and/or female friends?

Do you have any other activities/hobbies?

Are you reading self help books?

have you been diversifying and pinging?

This has been a really challenging time for everybody not only you, a bunch of guys have end it, it is a weird time... Take this time for self introspection (which you seem like you are doing), growth, and keep approaching, a number from an attractive girl is a win, baby steps....

I would not have called her (this was a mistake in my opinion, please tell me you did not leave a message)....

 

[NewBeeWinner]

@Skills

I am doing all those things - which are fantastic

I agree calling her wasn't the best option (as she said she was probably busy). Tbh, before this I didn't view leaving a message as a mistake, but when you pointed it out, I was able to quickly understand why it was a mistake. I never had anyone point that out to me before, so thank you. I plan on giving it two days radio silence before texting her to set up for next week, so that should help smoothen out that mistake a bit.

@Starboy

You're right - women are different. There's been a couple GC articles fully addressing this (even some more recent ones) that you should check out. On your point of self-esteem and lack of sexual validation from women, a few points.

First, you're tying your value to not only how you do with women, but also their reaction to you. You're value should be in your innate dignity as a human who deserves to give himself the best and you should never look at women's reactions, but always at their results (are they following your lead? giving you their number? moving things forward with you?). Learn to be more forgiving towards yourself and recognize that getting women is a skill - you're learning and aren't going to be a pussy slayer from day one. Allow yourself to make mistakes (like I just did in calling the girl lol). You're skills will improve with time and focused effort.

Second, the way to avoid being bitter is to recognize the things you have that girls don't. Most girls aren't able to make logical long-term plans and instead act based on their emotions, focusing on short-term pleasures. As a man, you have and are able to do things most girls can't do on their own. Again, there's plenty of GC articles on this topic.

Finally, let me ask you a question. If you never got laid the rest of your life, would you be happy and grateful for the life you did live? Are you accomplishing things in the other areas of your life (health, finance, work/career, family, spiritually) that you are proud of? Do you set goals for yourself in those areas? You said the issue is you needing something that you struggle to get. But the truth is that you're struggling to get it because you think you need it. In other words, it is in control of you, not you in control of it. A man who thinks he must absolutely work a 9-5 job to get money is controlled by his 9-5 job. A man who must absolutely get that girl is a man controlled by that girl. So what I recommend is that you teach yourself that you don't need it. Women should compliment a man's life, not be a man's life (unless you are a dating coach or something for a lifestyle lol). Take time and focus on the other areas of your life and PROVE TO YOURSELF that you don't need women. Then come back and keep practicing and you'll find it is much easier to enjoy women as they are instead of needing them to make yourself feel better.

Easier said than done (I know), but the joy in life isn't in it being easy. Hope this helps.

NBW

 

[Beam]

Good post, a lot of good lessons in here that can help. For me it's been tough because the last two months I've essentially been in complete isolation (my state has been put into the highest level of lockdown). Going out everyone legally has to wear masks (I have cold approached but with both of us wearing masks it has been difficult) I have deactivated social media and have focused on myself, but it's hard to forget what you're missing out on when your housemate has her new boyfriend over all the time and the last two weekends has been over at his house with me completely on my own, leaving me hearing for the last two fridays and saturdays a group of girls and guys a couple of houses down having parties and enjoying themselves like it's nothing while I am just on my own in the house. And there are lockdown laws so legally I'm not allowed to go over there to introduce myself even if I wanted to.

I have achieved a lot in my life (regarding career, have essentially nagged a dream job in my field after years of working, I'm fit and getting fitter, have made myself more and more ambitious and driven over time and continue to do so). I have a lot of bigger goals in my life, but the older I get (almost 28) the more that nagging feeling in the back of my mind rears it's ugly head wondering how much more I could be achieving with a great woman by my side, and how other guys right now have this and I don't. And that it is completely my fault for not doing more with all the opportunities that have thrown themselves at me ever since I was 13/14. And while I've made progress in other areas of my life over the last six months, not making much with women even though it has been largely out of my control has been a bit frustrating.

I'm not saying this as a sob story. I know I shouldn't be caught up in the past since it is counterproductive. I just want to write down the thoughts that have been hard to escape lately. I should note that these thoughts have resurfaced in only the last two weeks as lockdown fatigue has set it. Before this I was in good spirits most of the time. But the uncertainty over when this is going to end has been tough on the mind, for sure.