Forum, Coaching One On One

[PeacockMan]

I want some advise as I navigate the forums some more as I've not been here in a long time. How do I know what to post on the forum vs what to take to a one on one coach here? I've booked sessions with one of the coaches here before however I cannot on a ongoing basis. I also used to have a therapist but didn't find that very helpful.

What hurts me the most is messing up and then not having an opportunity to fix that mess up hence why I thought I'd ask before I go further on this forum. I ruminate on things because unless I think I can fix a particular issue, it bothers me for weeks/months on end. It bothers me to the point it affects my focus in other areas of life.

 

[Skills]

Pm me see if we can work something, or to refer you to someone who can if we are not a match...

 

[West_Indian_Archie]

What hurts me the most is messing up and then not having an opportunity to fix that mess up

Just on reading this, that's not the issue.

I don't know what other issues you got, but the problem here is that you want the opportunity to fix the mess, rather than move on.

There are 4 billion plus women on the planet, what you need to do is

• Put yourself in an environment where you when you mess up
• Take the time to reflect
• Adjust your approach
• Try again.

PUA started from basically applying the scientific method to socializing.

Instead of trying to go from "I see that girl over there" to "that girl is leaving my apartment in the morning"

You small chunk your game.

Maybe you need to work on opening.
Maybe you need to work on getting the girl's attention before you start opening
Maybe you need to telegraph with your facial expressions and body language that you're going to approach her, as you get her attention
Maybe you need to work on eye contact
Maybe you need to work on seeing whether the girl is in the middle of something important.
Maybe you need to work on interrupting a girl that's doing something important to find out if what she's doing is important.

etc.

Whatever the thing is, you work on that.

And then you see each encounter as part of an experiment.
Maybe 10-20 in a row as an experiment, and then you think about what you did, what the results were, and then you adjust.

My advice is that you need to change your mental model.

Once the thing is done, it's done, and you can't fix it. You need to stop wanting to fix things.

Girls are not scarce, and sex is even less scarce.

But to do the things I'm talking about - you need to be able to practice, and practice with lots of girls, and it's only low stakes.

So that means you can't practice seduction tech with your social circle, but you can practice having a conversation, telling jokes, telling stories, asking questions, making requests, making demands..

You probably don't have enough volume to practice small parts of the game with day game, because there just aren't enough girls in most places. So you recalibrate and practice parts of your game that you can do.

Pick Up is really tailor made for guys that analyze.

WIA

 

[POB]

@PeacockMan from what I've seen from your posts, your main issue right now is the lack of realizing your own self-worth.
Everytime a guy becomes obssessed with a girl, it means he is looking to not loose control of his own life.
But when it happens, his life is already out of control.

Basically you are transfering to somebody else's behavior the blame for your own behavior.
My guess is you are lagging on a lot of important life stuff...being abused by this girl was just the most obvious choice to highlight the underlying problem.

No ammount of seduction coaching is gonna fix your issues if you don't take a deep breath and figure out what you really want to do with your life.
It's way deeper than knowing how to put pipi in vagina (no pun intended).

 

[PeacockMan]

Pm me see if we can work something, or to refer you to someone who can if we are not a match...

Ok pm sent

Just on reading this, that's not the issue.

I don't know what other issues you got, but the problem here is that you want the opportunity to fix the mess, rather than move on.

Do you offer paid consultations too? I think it's best to bring this conversation private.

@PeacockMan from what I've seen from your posts, your main issue right now is the lack of realizing your own self-worth.
Everytime a guy becomes obssessed with a girl, it means he is looking to not loose control of his own life.
But when it happens, his life is already out of control.

Basically you are transfering to somebody else's behavior the blame for your own behavior.
My guess is you are lagging on a lot of important life stuff...being abused by this girl was just the most obvious choice to highlight the underlying problem.

No ammount of seduction coaching is gonna fix your issues if you don't take a deep breath and figure out what you really want to do with your life.
It's way deeper than knowing how to put pipi in vagina (no pun intended).

I get you. There's a lot to uncover, but from my social intuitition it may not be a good idea to share on the forum, especially with how the last 2 posts have gone. I'm kinda lost at this stage of life if I need a therapist, seduction coach, a forum, or some other life intervention.

And I'm not sure who to follow either. I'm a bit lost on my journey and deep down that's why I've kept a tight social circle. You told me not to bring up this girl again, so I will respect that. The only thing I'll say is I've had a rough life and this woman was just my platonic friend before things got complicated and the loss of this friendship leaves a void that I don't know how to fill, hence I understand your point, I don't know my worth and I don't know how to convert that worth into the kinds of relationships I want and need at will.

 

[POB]

I get you. There's a lot to uncover, but from my social intuitition it may not be a good idea to share on the forum, especially with how the last 2 posts have gone. I'm kinda lost at this stage of life if I need a therapist, seduction coach, a forum, or some other life intervention.

And I'm not sure who to follow either. I'm a bit lost on my journey and deep down that's why I've kept a tight social circle. You told me not to bring up this girl again, so I will respect that. The only thing I'll say is I've had a rough life and this woman was just my platonic friend before things got complicated and the loss of this friendship leaves a void that I don't know how to fill, hence I understand your point, I don't know my worth and I don't know how to convert that worth into the kinds of relationships I want and need at will.

Honestly, probably all the help you can get.
About therapy, it's probably a good idea to get 2-3 sessions, and change the professional if you feel you didn't click.
Finding a good therapist is hard...most people get it wrong and settle with the first option, even when it's not a match

 

[PeacockMan]

Just on reading this, that's not the issue.

I don't know what other issues you got, but the problem here is that you want the opportunity to fix the mess, rather than move on.

There are 4 billion plus women on the planet, what you need to do is

• Put yourself in an environment where you when you mess up
• Take the time to reflect
• Adjust your approach
• Try again.

How do I deal with deep rumination and shame? I was told not to bring up this specific topic again, so to keep it general, whenever I mess up with a woman especially in a high stakes situation such as knowing her for months and I have to start over with someone NEW, there is a deep level of shame I feel. I go through feelings of:

- Sadness
- Rumination, if I just did XYZ when she gave ABC signal NONE of this would have happened
- I have nightmares with the very woman (women) in them having sex with other men, mocking me, or whatever mistake that occured and them rejecting me over and over again
- I could spend weeks and months replaying the error thinking of the 1,000 ways I could have avoided this and how it hurt

And most importantly while I'm now making good money in my career remotely, that very environment with multiple clients keeps me stuck and I've not been making good money for long enough to have the time as yet to get out of this environment.

I have some debt right now that's 68% annually and I fell off for a few months now so trying to clear that up before putting myself back out there.

And I just hired my first VA so I have to be training her to manage my job roles (alongside while I work) and so there's no free time to get out. Hence every time I lose a woman, there is this deep desire to get another chance to fix it or I ruminate, cry, and feel stuck for weeks on end.

 

[West_Indian_Archie]

How do I deal with deep rumination and shame? I was told not to bring up this specific topic again, so to keep it general, whenever I mess up with a woman especially in a high stakes situation such as knowing her for months and I have to start over with someone NEW, there is a deep level of shame I feel. I go through feelings of:

This goes beyond typical pick up advice.

You definitely need to speak with a professional.

Good luck Bro

 

[Lover]

I ruminate on things because unless I think I can fix a particular issue, it bothers me for weeks/months on end. It bothers me to the point it affects my focus in other areas of life.

I don't see myself offer coaching at all. But I see a lot of resemblance to myself when I read the above quote. And I will say just this:

You have to learn to let go and stop trying to fix things that are out of your hands. Especially when it comes to things and people you care about

It sounds like you're constantly in distress if you ruminate for long periods. This is not a good place to be.

You can't change people's thoughts and choices. You can't force them to go back to the way things have been before. The best you can hope for is to inspire other people into your way of wanting things.

But in the end, you can only change what you do about the situation during the current circumstances to get the best result. But to make that best choice, you need to get out of the distress and rumination.

A couple of ways that have worked for me after years of trying things:

- Meditating
- Working out
- Eating well
- Sleeping well
- Removing myself from the triggers for a short while to get my head straight

All these things will hopefully help you taking better care of yourself and improve your self-care and self-esteem in the long run

Good luck on your journey