FR FR / FU: Crazy LMR, Asked To Leave, Couldn't Close

[NarrowJ]

So this happened a couple of days ago. Should have banged it out soon as I got home the other night, but I been trying to compile some old posts and field reports & finally get a journal put together.

Anyway, hopefully I can get some feedback on this one.

Approach and N-Close:

So, I meet this HB8 blonde about a week and a half ago. She's about 5'8" tall, not SUPER pretty in the face, but has some big breasts (which I really like). So, the bar I'm at- I'm not a regular at this place or anything, I'm just there with a couple friends. Anyway, I kind of bump her on purpose while she's waiting for drinks at the bar and when she turns to me I give a sexy smile and just say “oh, I’m sorry”. She immediately goes to her hair with one hand and her mouth goes slightly agape- and then after a quick moment she just smiles and says “it’s ok” and continues to say that I look familiar. We banter for a minute, and I tell her to come outside with me. She does and we talk for another 10 minutes or so, and my friends come outside and we’re leaving. So, I get her # and go.


First Date:

I’m going to skip the texting part for purposes of keeping this as short as possible. All you need to know is that I texted with an objective and got a first date scheduled, which was last Friday night. We met at a different bar, and played some pool and had some beers. After the fact she tells me I knocked it out the park (meaning the date). We hugged before I got into my vehicle, and I thought about maybe kissing her. But, I like the first kiss to happen in a SL where I can escalate with them. On my way home, I get a couple texts from her telling me that she thinks I’m incredibly sexy, but also that she was glad I wasn’t a “creep” and tried to kiss her on the first date. That is probably some form of shit test, I don’t know. But, I basically ignore that part of the comment and I text back that I had a nice time and we should do it again sometime.


Second “Date” (FU):

So the next day she's texting me, and she starts texting me some sexy stuff. Like not super erotic shit, but like basically telling me she loves to "make out" and that she likes to get naughty, etc etc. So, eventually I go for the date and she actually invites me over to her house. The invite text was this: “So, if you want you can come over Tuesday night after my son goes to bed. If that goes well, then you could come over Thursday night too?” I say that sounds fine and that I’ll bring a few beers for us. So, Tuesday night she tells me be ready to come over about 8:30-8:45 or so. I go grab some beers and head that way. She’s texting me updates as I’m headed there. Her son doesn’t actually fall asleep until like 9:00. I show up and come inside. We sit and she puts the beer in the fridge. She starts watching some “Pawn Shop Wars” garbage or something. But, I don’t care- I’m not there to watch television. She comes back and lays on her back on the couch with her feet across me. So she’s getting fresh with me, but also with her laying on her back away from me- it makes it difficult for me to move in for a kiss subtlety. Eventually she gets up to go get us a couple more beers. When she comes back she lays the other way, with her head kind of on my lap. I ask her if she can move a little, and when she does I go in for the kiss. We make out for a while, and she gets on top of me and starts grinding on me. I’m rubbing all over her body, and right when I’m going to start taking some of her clothes off she gets up and sits beside me and says: “I have to stop that or else I’m going to start taking my clothes off”. Hmm exactly what I was thinking too lol. So I act like she didn’t even say it and just kind of pull her close and we talk a little more. Eventually I kiss her again, and try to escalate faster this time. I get her on her back on the couch and start kissing her belly, and eventually get her sweatpants pulled down enough that my tongue can make contact with her clit. I am doing this for a minute or two and she tells me we need to stop and pulls her sweatpants up and sits up quickly. I am trying to remain non-reactional at this point, but again I can’t see my own face or anything so I’m not sure what I was looking like when she did this. She tells me its bedtime and I should leave so she can go to bed, and so I oblige and we kiss at the door before I take off.


Follow-Up Texts:

I text her when I get home, as she had requested: “I’m home. Thanks for a great night! “ and she gives a short, bland response like “Ok you too”.
I tried texting her the next day, just something witty and simple. Was going to try to solidify that next meet (which would have been tonight). She responds: “You know, I like to make out and stuff. But, uh, I like to take the sexual stuff kind of slow.” I was unapologetic about my actions. I replied: “Well, yeah I understand that. But like you were saying it’s kind of hard to control sometimes lol”. She then told me her sister was coming to visit and she may be busy and not very talkative the next couple days. I just said “yeah sure that’s ok, HB8”. I tried to text again this morning. We'll see what happens from here.

Anyway, advice is appreciated! Thanks fellas..

 

[Chase]

J-

After the fact she tells me I knocked it out the park (meaning the date).

This is a sign that she sees herself as somewhat higher status / value / experience level to you. i.e., to her, she's the mama bear and you're a cute lil' cub. Women only pass judgment on men they view this way - if they see you as higher status/value/experience to them, they won't do it because it feels "off" and they realize you'll just laugh them off and walk away.

This doesn't mean you don't stand a chance - it just means to get her, you've got to play by the terms she sets forth, which (on the first date) you did.

So the next day she's texting me, and she starts texting me some sexy stuff. Like not super erotic shit, but like basically telling me she loves to "make out" and that she likes to get naughty, etc etc.

How you interpret this depends on the context. It's always either going to mean either:

• She's crushing on you SUPER hard and will do whatever you want, or
• She's got her dating process down like a well-oiled machine and is telling you exactly what to expect and exactly what to do (no more, no less) on this date with her

In light of the reception you got on date #1, I'd have to go with the second option here.

I’m rubbing all over her body, and right when I’m going to start taking some of her clothes off she gets up and sits beside me and says: “I have to stop that or else I’m going to start taking my clothes off”.

When women control themselves this hard, it's usually a death knell for that night. It's different from moaning, "No, we have to stop!" but just yanking her top back down without physically moving, or rolling away but then rolling back and snuggling up against you. When it's a hard pull away and sit up, it means she's firmly in control, you're not pushing her buttons, and you're going to go at her pace rather than yours.

This is the point where you have to choose:

• Do I go for broke, try and make it happen NOW, but probably piss her off because she sees herself as higher value than me and I'm not "doing what I'm supposed to?" (according to her);
• Do I realize that she sees me as lower value, accept that I won't be able to make this happen without a large investment of time and energy and dates and making her my girlfriend, and write this one off as a lesson learned and just bid her goodnight and leave now and not bother contacting her again; or
• Do I accept that it's going to take a lot of work because we'll have to go at exactly her speed, and simply try to compress things as much as possible - try and squeeze 3 or 4 dates in a week until we reach the point where she's decided I'm invested enough that if we have sex I won't leave, and then we'll go to bed?

What's happening is that she's older, she's experienced, she knows that if she has sex with men too quickly they don't call back, and she sized you up and decided you were a bit lower value than her, but still likable, so you don't make the lover cut, but you might just make the boyfriend cut.

Never fun to have that happen (I usually just call off dates and leave when I realize this has happened these days; there's really not much you can do to recover from a girl thinking she's higher value than you, save simply leaving, at which point she realizes she may have been mistake but it's kind of too late), but if you REALLY want the girl you can sometimes play her game and land her. It's actually a pretty effective strategy on the woman's part for screening out men who aren't committed enough to land the boyfriend role.

I get her on her back on the couch and start kissing her belly, and eventually get her sweatpants pulled down enough that my tongue can make contact with her clit. I am doing this for a minute or two and she tells me we need to stop and pulls her sweatpants up and sits up quickly. I am trying to remain non-reactional at this point, but again I can’t see my own face or anything so I’m not sure what I was looking like when she did this. She tells me its bedtime and I should leave so she can go to bed, and so I oblige and we kiss at the door before I take off.

[snip]

I text her when I get home, as she had requested: “I’m home. Thanks for a great night! “ and she gives a short, bland response like “Ok you too”.
I tried texting her the next day, just something witty and simple. Was going to try to solidify that next meet (which would have been tonight). She responds: “You know, I like to make out and stuff. But, uh, I like to take the sexual stuff kind of slow.” I was unapologetic about my actions. I replied: “Well, yeah I understand that. But like you were saying it’s kind of hard to control sometimes lol”. She then told me her sister was coming to visit and she may be busy and not very talkative the next couple days. I just said “yeah sure that’s ok, HB8”. I tried to text again this morning. We'll see what happens from here.

The problem was she saw you as a boyfriend candidate, and wanted you to complete her process of becoming a boyfriend before anything sexual happened. When you tried something sexual too soon, she decided, "Oh, well, that was disappointing. He's not sexy enough for a lover, but not nearly as much of a standup guy as I thought he was to be a boyfriend. Onto the next one, I guess."

The best solution I can offer you is the option discussed in this article for following up on a failed escalation:

3 Second Date Strategies to Make Her Flirt and Swoon

Find a way to get preselection in front of her, and make her realize she might have cast you aside prematurely.

Give her reason to reconsider her value assessment of you.

Chase