- Joined
- Jan 28, 2018
- Messages
- 29
I have to write this down to clear my head a little and I am looking for advice and recover instructions. Hopefully it helps some of you out there who can relate to my story as well.
The situation is as follows; I am 34 years old and live in Amsterdam. I work in Germany on a project which will last a year and started in July of 2017. I am a consultant and my direct business client is Laura, let's call her that. She lives and works in Munich. Quite far from where my department is.
The first meeting with the team when the project started was face-to-face and she blew everybody away. In comes this blonde, bright eyed, elite-caliber HB10. It was summer, she wore white jeans, a brightly coloured silk scarf and a white blouse that was transparent enough to see her designer bra, holding what could only be amazing tits. One guy in the meeting actually stuttered and turned completely red after she asked him a direct question. I was impressed as well by her but having my fair share of beautiful women and seeing it as a pure work setting (don’t shit where you eat), I didn’t think too much of it at the time.
To keep her informed, I set up a weekly recurring 30-minute telephone call with Laura. These meetings started out very much focused on the project but along the way I learned that she is 35, has two daughters, the first one (12 years old) she had with her first husband (‘the wrong man’ in her own words) and the second one with her current boyfriend, 2 years old. Over the course of several months, things became more personal. She would complain about her current family situation and the difficulties she faced; sleep-deprivation (not the good kind, she has a young daughter
), rows with her man on how to raise the kids and how she feels she is rapidly getting older. We also increased contact via WhatsApp, including snaps of her partying with friends, loads of emojis, nicknames for each other and hinting at each other’s interests. To me, I considered her as an interesting option should the occasion arise but because of her history I do not want to pursue any long term things with her and I also definitely did not want to endanger the project we are working on as it secures my monthly income.
Things started picking up speed when she announced out of the blue in early December that she would be coming over the next day to do a product review. This was unexpected, unplanned and rather unnecessary from a business point of view, because in January one such meeting with the whole team was already planned. But, I was excited to see her again in the flesh. She flew over the next morning and after picking her up from the reception, we hugged (very uncommon in Germany to do this with colleagues, especially if you have seen each other exactly one time before) and again, she turned all heads while we were walking through the corridors to our work space. We sat next to each other for a whole day looking at screens. It was great fun, we laughed a lot and there was some playful kino back and forth. I was falling for her, hard. But my mind kept telling me she is a colleague (the frigging client!), she has two kids and lives with Mr. Family Man. I was conflicted. She ‘missed’ her shuttle to the airport and I said I could bring her with my car. The goodbye consisted of a big long hug. She showed all the signs I should go for a k-close. Apart from my internal conflict I was also very much aware that other colleagues frequent the same airport and I did not want to have to explain things. So I hesitated and kissed her twice on the lips only (I cursed myself for this about three minutes later for missing an escalation window, scared the attraction would be reduced or she would go into auto-rejection).
While she was flying back I messaged her that I thought it was an amazing day and that I was looking forward to our follow-up meeting in January. As soon as she touched down, she replied that she was also looking forward to January. That evening, I decided to recover from the missed escalation window and also test how much compliance and investment I could get, so I asked her for a photo to 'help me sleep at night'. She complied and locked herself in her bathroom (man and kids were right there in the same house!) and snapped a picture of herself wearing only panties and a very short shirt, hard nipples showing through. I thanked her and said my dreams would involve her. I should tell her my dreams in all glorious detail, she insisted. I never replied (always let her be the last to send a message).
She went silent as well. Christmas holidays came and went. New Year’s Eve came and went. She was on my mind all the time. And on January 1st, I sent my first message (since her photo) wishing her a 2018 full of success, excitement and passion. And that all her dreams (and some of mine) may come true. She replied within 15 mins that she wished me the same and that we definitely should discuss our dreams when we meet again next week. So, still a lot of attraction and the window was still open. Got out of that one
She would fly in on the evening before our big meeting, giving an opening and arranging logistics for some time together. I jumped on the opportunity she gave me and told her we should drink the champagne from my hotel room minibar. 'That would be lovely' was her answer. In my mind I was already doing her in every corner of the hotel room, in every position and in every hole. Escaping her unhappy family life for one glorious night and making her feel like a woman again.
She would land around 6 PM and I was eagerly (yep, I have it hard) awaiting her message to come pick her up. The day dragged on forever until she finally wrote; "I am still at home and fly early tomorrow morning. Have a great evening."
What the actual f? I was so angry and disappointed. I counted to ten and replied that she could have at least called in a timely fashion to explain the situation. She immediately called me to apologize (her kids loud in the background). Because of that, it was a bit of a one-way conversation; so I said that of course something can come in-between, especially with a suspicious and leering boyfriend. But at least have the decency to call and not send a crappy last-minute message. She knew already for hours on end that she would not be coming (in more ways than one, hehe). She's in an office all day, with plenty of options for a private conversation. I told her I would go out with colleagues instead and that we would see each other the next day. Despite my internal rage, I managed to remain calm and hide the fact that it phased me so much rather well, but she must have sensed some part of my disappointment. Women do that.
The next day we had some moments of flirting but because about 15 other colleagues were in the room not much happened. I overheard one guy offering her a ride to the airport but she declined politely. I asked to do the same half an hour later and she accepted with a big smile.
In the car I immediately went for a kiss (an AFC move, she showed no signs whatsoever) which she neither really declined nor reciprocated. She just smiled wryly. I asked her what her game is (second mistake; confronting her). She acted surprised and said she didn’t know she had raised any expectations. "If you send messages and pictures like we did, you actually do raise expectations. You are 35, do not try to be naive." was my answer. Miraculously, confronting her with her crap worked and she then confessed that she was very much into me and that if the situation at home were any different we would have already fucked each other’s brains out. But. She and her first daughter 'went through hell' with her first husband when she was 23 because of infidelity. If her current boyfriend were to find out, that would be the end of that relationship as well and she did not want to put her second daughter through the same hell. She felt a responsibility there. She was honest as far as I could tell in both her feelings toward me and the fact that she wants to take responsibility. It matched earlier conversations we had.
I told her fair enough, but then why come on to me like the way she did. If cheating can wreak so much havoc then why play with fire? She told me I was so much funnier, smarter and more exciting than her current boyfriend. (Ha! Passive DHV for the win ) Her body desperately wanted one thing, her mind another. We had some further exchanges on how to proceed. She wanted to stay in the flirting stage and send each other spicy messages once in a while. I told her I want to sleep with her and nothing more. No strings attached, no LTR, and no contact after our project is over. Just to make us forget our daily lives. She said that would be very difficult for her because she most probably would develop stronger feelings and might project the shortcomings of her current guy on me and see they are not there. This time she kissed me on the lips at the airport.
Since then (two weeks ago), our contact has been purely professional: no more spontaneous calls, no more funny little messages. She went cold. And it drives me crazy. I did some soul searching and definitely have a strange case of oneitis. Because:
1. Think about her day and night, reliving our few moments together second-by-second.
2. Fantasize about being her affair
3. Thinking about her makes me feel weak inside
4. I am constantly feeling excited before our regular meetings
5. Keep wondering if I went for a full k-close the first time at the airport, if things would have been different.
6. Thinking and pining on why we got so close and she then bailed on me.
7. I keep telling myself that it failed because the time was not right and that it is still possible to sleep with her
8. Every time she sends a (professional) e-mail, I look for signs of affection. Smileys, wordings, just the tiniest hints she is still into me. It drives me crazy.
However:
1. I am not thinking of an LTR with her, because of her two kids from two other guys.
2. She has a ton of issues, also self esteem issues. Red flags all over the place.
3. I have another five months of working with her ahead of me. I do want this project finished and not end up in an awkward situation (this actually I told her, that we should wait until the end)
So, I wanted to leave it at that. Stop this and keep it professional. What I did so far to cope:
1. Read GC
2. Deleted our chat history in Whatsapp
3. Deleted her photos
4. Rekindled a former FWB and had loads of sex, whilst thinking about Laura (oneitis!)
5. Think about Laura's negative sides, especially her two daughters that I want nothing to do with, ever. And her self esteem issues.
Nothing helps, because I am confronted with her via e-mail, telephone all. the. goddam. time. for work. And if somewhere down the line she changes her mind (very much a possibility, given her rather proactive stance on cheating with me and then bailing out at the last second) and decides to actually DO cheat on her man, I think I should be the one to make her cum and blow my load over her tiny nose and not some dumb Chad that happens to be in the neighbourhood.
So, considering what I want, which is what I told her; being her one-time getaway from Mr. Family Man, my question is how to proceed (or better, have her chase me like she did before)? After reading up on GC, I feel I have an ace up my sleeve and that is time (five months) and a regular phone call. What to do?
1. Return to the funny, maybe mysterious (big part of the mystery is gone after six months) coworker I was and which made her warm in the first place.
2. Continue like nothing happened and wait (in agony) for another opening from her side
3. Increase flirting and escalation from my side and keep reminding her of the exciting option I could provide?
Or, did I call her bluff by actually putting moves on her and trying to escalate things? Did she never intend to have sex with me. Or did I shut the window by having a grown-up talk and making my intentions clear?
Right guys, thank you for reading my agony. Looking forward to replies, advice or a wake-up call to snap out of it Hopefully it also helps others to relate who are in a similar situation, or use some of the tricks on other women.
TL;DR: guy (me) gets seduced by HB10 coworker who has a family over the course of six months and over the phone. Holds off but as soon as he bites and sets up meeting, she flakes. Now he has oneitis and wants to know how turn things around and f-close.
The situation is as follows; I am 34 years old and live in Amsterdam. I work in Germany on a project which will last a year and started in July of 2017. I am a consultant and my direct business client is Laura, let's call her that. She lives and works in Munich. Quite far from where my department is.
The first meeting with the team when the project started was face-to-face and she blew everybody away. In comes this blonde, bright eyed, elite-caliber HB10. It was summer, she wore white jeans, a brightly coloured silk scarf and a white blouse that was transparent enough to see her designer bra, holding what could only be amazing tits. One guy in the meeting actually stuttered and turned completely red after she asked him a direct question. I was impressed as well by her but having my fair share of beautiful women and seeing it as a pure work setting (don’t shit where you eat), I didn’t think too much of it at the time.
To keep her informed, I set up a weekly recurring 30-minute telephone call with Laura. These meetings started out very much focused on the project but along the way I learned that she is 35, has two daughters, the first one (12 years old) she had with her first husband (‘the wrong man’ in her own words) and the second one with her current boyfriend, 2 years old. Over the course of several months, things became more personal. She would complain about her current family situation and the difficulties she faced; sleep-deprivation (not the good kind, she has a young daughter
), rows with her man on how to raise the kids and how she feels she is rapidly getting older. We also increased contact via WhatsApp, including snaps of her partying with friends, loads of emojis, nicknames for each other and hinting at each other’s interests. To me, I considered her as an interesting option should the occasion arise but because of her history I do not want to pursue any long term things with her and I also definitely did not want to endanger the project we are working on as it secures my monthly income. Things started picking up speed when she announced out of the blue in early December that she would be coming over the next day to do a product review. This was unexpected, unplanned and rather unnecessary from a business point of view, because in January one such meeting with the whole team was already planned. But, I was excited to see her again in the flesh. She flew over the next morning and after picking her up from the reception, we hugged (very uncommon in Germany to do this with colleagues, especially if you have seen each other exactly one time before) and again, she turned all heads while we were walking through the corridors to our work space. We sat next to each other for a whole day looking at screens. It was great fun, we laughed a lot and there was some playful kino back and forth. I was falling for her, hard. But my mind kept telling me she is a colleague (the frigging client!), she has two kids and lives with Mr. Family Man. I was conflicted. She ‘missed’ her shuttle to the airport and I said I could bring her with my car. The goodbye consisted of a big long hug. She showed all the signs I should go for a k-close. Apart from my internal conflict I was also very much aware that other colleagues frequent the same airport and I did not want to have to explain things. So I hesitated and kissed her twice on the lips only (I cursed myself for this about three minutes later for missing an escalation window, scared the attraction would be reduced or she would go into auto-rejection).
While she was flying back I messaged her that I thought it was an amazing day and that I was looking forward to our follow-up meeting in January. As soon as she touched down, she replied that she was also looking forward to January. That evening, I decided to recover from the missed escalation window and also test how much compliance and investment I could get, so I asked her for a photo to 'help me sleep at night'. She complied and locked herself in her bathroom (man and kids were right there in the same house!) and snapped a picture of herself wearing only panties and a very short shirt, hard nipples showing through. I thanked her and said my dreams would involve her. I should tell her my dreams in all glorious detail, she insisted. I never replied (always let her be the last to send a message).
She went silent as well. Christmas holidays came and went. New Year’s Eve came and went. She was on my mind all the time. And on January 1st, I sent my first message (since her photo) wishing her a 2018 full of success, excitement and passion. And that all her dreams (and some of mine) may come true. She replied within 15 mins that she wished me the same and that we definitely should discuss our dreams when we meet again next week. So, still a lot of attraction and the window was still open. Got out of that one
She would fly in on the evening before our big meeting, giving an opening and arranging logistics for some time together. I jumped on the opportunity she gave me and told her we should drink the champagne from my hotel room minibar. 'That would be lovely' was her answer. In my mind I was already doing her in every corner of the hotel room, in every position and in every hole. Escaping her unhappy family life for one glorious night and making her feel like a woman again.
She would land around 6 PM and I was eagerly (yep, I have it hard) awaiting her message to come pick her up. The day dragged on forever until she finally wrote; "I am still at home and fly early tomorrow morning. Have a great evening."
What the actual f? I was so angry and disappointed. I counted to ten and replied that she could have at least called in a timely fashion to explain the situation. She immediately called me to apologize (her kids loud in the background). Because of that, it was a bit of a one-way conversation; so I said that of course something can come in-between, especially with a suspicious and leering boyfriend. But at least have the decency to call and not send a crappy last-minute message. She knew already for hours on end that she would not be coming (in more ways than one, hehe). She's in an office all day, with plenty of options for a private conversation. I told her I would go out with colleagues instead and that we would see each other the next day. Despite my internal rage, I managed to remain calm and hide the fact that it phased me so much rather well, but she must have sensed some part of my disappointment. Women do that.
The next day we had some moments of flirting but because about 15 other colleagues were in the room not much happened. I overheard one guy offering her a ride to the airport but she declined politely. I asked to do the same half an hour later and she accepted with a big smile.
In the car I immediately went for a kiss (an AFC move, she showed no signs whatsoever) which she neither really declined nor reciprocated. She just smiled wryly. I asked her what her game is (second mistake; confronting her). She acted surprised and said she didn’t know she had raised any expectations. "If you send messages and pictures like we did, you actually do raise expectations. You are 35, do not try to be naive." was my answer. Miraculously, confronting her with her crap worked and she then confessed that she was very much into me and that if the situation at home were any different we would have already fucked each other’s brains out. But. She and her first daughter 'went through hell' with her first husband when she was 23 because of infidelity. If her current boyfriend were to find out, that would be the end of that relationship as well and she did not want to put her second daughter through the same hell. She felt a responsibility there. She was honest as far as I could tell in both her feelings toward me and the fact that she wants to take responsibility. It matched earlier conversations we had.
I told her fair enough, but then why come on to me like the way she did. If cheating can wreak so much havoc then why play with fire? She told me I was so much funnier, smarter and more exciting than her current boyfriend. (Ha! Passive DHV for the win
) Her body desperately wanted one thing, her mind another. We had some further exchanges on how to proceed. She wanted to stay in the flirting stage and send each other spicy messages once in a while. I told her I want to sleep with her and nothing more. No strings attached, no LTR, and no contact after our project is over. Just to make us forget our daily lives. She said that would be very difficult for her because she most probably would develop stronger feelings and might project the shortcomings of her current guy on me and see they are not there. This time she kissed me on the lips at the airport.Since then (two weeks ago), our contact has been purely professional: no more spontaneous calls, no more funny little messages. She went cold. And it drives me crazy. I did some soul searching and definitely have a strange case of oneitis. Because:
1. Think about her day and night, reliving our few moments together second-by-second.
2. Fantasize about being her affair
3. Thinking about her makes me feel weak inside
4. I am constantly feeling excited before our regular meetings
5. Keep wondering if I went for a full k-close the first time at the airport, if things would have been different.
6. Thinking and pining on why we got so close and she then bailed on me.
7. I keep telling myself that it failed because the time was not right and that it is still possible to sleep with her
8. Every time she sends a (professional) e-mail, I look for signs of affection. Smileys, wordings, just the tiniest hints she is still into me. It drives me crazy.
However:
1. I am not thinking of an LTR with her, because of her two kids from two other guys.
2. She has a ton of issues, also self esteem issues. Red flags all over the place.
3. I have another five months of working with her ahead of me. I do want this project finished and not end up in an awkward situation (this actually I told her, that we should wait until the end)
So, I wanted to leave it at that. Stop this and keep it professional. What I did so far to cope:
1. Read GC
2. Deleted our chat history in Whatsapp
3. Deleted her photos
4. Rekindled a former FWB and had loads of sex, whilst thinking about Laura (oneitis!)
5. Think about Laura's negative sides, especially her two daughters that I want nothing to do with, ever. And her self esteem issues.
Nothing helps, because I am confronted with her via e-mail, telephone all. the. goddam. time. for work. And if somewhere down the line she changes her mind (very much a possibility, given her rather proactive stance on cheating with me and then bailing out at the last second) and decides to actually DO cheat on her man, I think I should be the one to make her cum and blow my load over her tiny nose and not some dumb Chad that happens to be in the neighbourhood.
So, considering what I want, which is what I told her; being her one-time getaway from Mr. Family Man, my question is how to proceed (or better, have her chase me like she did before)? After reading up on GC, I feel I have an ace up my sleeve and that is time (five months) and a regular phone call. What to do?
1. Return to the funny, maybe mysterious (big part of the mystery is gone after six months) coworker I was and which made her warm in the first place.
2. Continue like nothing happened and wait (in agony) for another opening from her side
3. Increase flirting and escalation from my side and keep reminding her of the exciting option I could provide?
Or, did I call her bluff by actually putting moves on her and trying to escalate things? Did she never intend to have sex with me. Or did I shut the window by having a grown-up talk and making my intentions clear?
Right guys, thank you for reading my agony. Looking forward to replies, advice or a wake-up call to snap out of it
Hopefully it also helps others to relate who are in a similar situation, or use some of the tricks on other women. TL;DR: guy (me) gets seduced by HB10 coworker who has a family over the course of six months and over the phone. Holds off but as soon as he bites and sets up meeting, she flakes. Now he has oneitis and wants to know how turn things around and f-close.
