Hot Girl date anxiety

[Brassfaced_Jim]

So I’ve finally managed to snag a decent chick off Hinge this week, and date set for tmrw.
We matched and had an intense textathon today with some fine banter . I’m proud of myself. Went for an hour solid rapid fire back and forths then over the rest of the day on and off another hour ish or more.

But later, right at the end and my date proposal she threw up the ‘vibe check’ re my dating intentions .. and wasn’t happy re my answers . Really testing me hard AF for ‘long term relationship ‘ intent and ‘readiness’ for such from me.

She wasn’t happy then changed her mind re the date proposal.’ We are not on the same page sorry’ blah blah. FML

I had to wrangle hard to get her back on track . Telling her ‘everything starts with a date ‘ restated I’m looking for a good connection that may lead to a deeper thing’ blah blah .. and succeeded.

But she almost wriggled off the hook .. sheeit

sooo, date set for tmrw night, and she’s pretty sexy blonde very nice .

But now I have that stupid idea/guilty feelin that I’m ‘leading her on’ as I’m of course not sure re my intentions .Cos I haven’t even bloody met her yet! lol im just being lead by my dick.

it’s just our first frickin DATE ffs

Man .. chicks and their BS commitment frames… meh.
she’s messed w my head now.


question - why do chicks do this? It’s stupid. Of course guys will say ‘Yes’ anyway. Unless they are dumb. Like me.

So how do I get back on track .. and shrug off this stupid ‘guilty ‘ or ‘pressure ‘ feeling guys? There’s still a bit of nice guy in me open to this expectations /intents nonsense tbh.

I’ll probably be alright by tomorrow.
I’ll just focus on my sexual desire I guess.
She’s unlikely to put out tmrw night anyway from what she’s said but I’ll be happy just to get on a date with a decent looking sexy chick. Hopefully she dolls up sexy for me. And if I have half a chance I’ll try and smash regardless

Answers /Opinions / Advice welcome .
Thanks, James

 

[Brassfaced_Jim]

PS and do you guys think she will be happy to get smashed anyway.

like, why should I care really? She’s just a hot stranger still.. I’m not responsible.. am I ?

 

[Maddash]

So I’ve finally managed to snag a decent chick off Hinge this week, and date set for tmrw.
We matched and had an intense textathon today with some fine banter . I’m proud of myself. Went for an hour solid rapid fire back and forths then over the rest of the day on and off another hour ish or more.

But later, right at the end and my date proposal she threw up the ‘vibe check’ re my dating intentions .. and wasn’t happy re my answers . Really testing me hard AF for ‘long term relationship ‘ intent and ‘readiness’ for such from me.

She wasn’t happy then changed her mind re the date proposal.’ We are not on the same page sorry’ blah blah. FML

I had to wrangle hard to get her back on track . Telling her ‘everything starts with a date ‘ restated I’m looking for a good connection that may lead to a deeper thing’ blah blah .. and succeeded.

But she almost wriggled off the hook .. sheeit

sooo, date set for tmrw night, and she’s pretty sexy blonde very nice .

But now I have that stupid idea/guilty feelin that I’m ‘leading her on’ as I’m of course not sure re my intentions .Cos I haven’t even bloody met her yet! lol im just being lead by my dick.

it’s just our first frickin DATE ffs

Man .. chicks and their BS commitment frames… meh.
she’s messed w my head now.


question - why do chicks do this? It’s stupid. Of course guys will say ‘Yes’ anyway. Unless they are dumb. Like me.

So how do I get back on track .. and shrug off this stupid ‘guilty ‘ or ‘pressure ‘ feeling guys? There’s still a bit of nice guy in me open to this expectations /intents nonsense tbh.

I’ll probably be alright by tomorrow.
I’ll just focus on my sexual desire I guess.
She’s unlikely to put out tmrw night anyway from what she’s said but I’ll be happy just to get on a date with a decent looking sexy chick. Hopefully she dolls up sexy for me. And if I have half a chance I’ll try and smash regardless

Answers /Opinions / Advice welcome .
Thanks, James

1) “Will she be happy to get smashed?”
Maybe. If the vibe is right and she’s genuinely into you. Girls want sex too, they’re just way pickier about who because the downside is higher for them. But don’t walk in acting like it’s “guaranteed” that energy is literally how guys fumble.

PS: Girls love doing it as much as guys if not more. They just want it to be the "Right" guy. And thats you.


2) Why she did the intentions check:
It’s a filter + safety thing. She’s checking if you’re gonna be weird, clingy, deceptive, or promise the world just to get laid. Also she doesn’t want to waste time if you’re on totally different pages.


3) You’re not “leading her on” unless you’re selling a future you can’t back up.
You haven’t even met her. The honest frame and mindset you should have is simple:

“I’m not promising anything before we meet. Let’s just have a good date and see if we click.”

That’s it. No guilt.


4) Biggest mistake: expectations.
Stop going in like “I hope she dolls up for me / hopefully she puts out.” That’s needy pressure. Go in like: I’m the prize, I’m here to see if SHE fits me too.


If she brings it up again, say something along the lines of:

“I’m open to something real, but I’m not forcing labels off a first date. I like to live in the moment and just see where things naturally go"

Or something along those lines, girls see it as a red flag when a guy plans too far into the future anyway.,

Run the date. Have fun. If the vibe’s there, it happens. If not, you still win because you didn’t simp or over invest.


Last note: The easiest way for you to f it up is to have too big expectations.

 

[Brassfaced_Jim]

1) “Will she be happy to get smashed?”
Maybe. If the vibe is right and she’s genuinely into you. Girls want sex too, they’re just way pickier about who because the downside is higher for them. But don’t walk in acting like it’s “guaranteed” that energy is literally how guys fumble.

PS: Girls love doing it as much as guys if not more. They just want it to be the "Right" guy. And thats you.


2) Why she did the intentions check:
It’s a filter + safety thing. She’s checking if you’re gonna be weird, clingy, deceptive, or promise the world just to get laid. Also she doesn’t want to waste time if you’re on totally different pages.


3) You’re not “leading her on” unless you’re selling a future you can’t back up.
You haven’t even met her. The honest frame and mindset you should have is simple:




That’s it. No guilt.


4) Biggest mistake: expectations.
Stop going in like “I hope she dolls up for me / hopefully she puts out.” That’s needy pressure. Go in like: I’m the prize, I’m here to see if SHE fits me too.


If she brings it up again, say something along the lines of:



Or something along those lines, girls see it as a red flag when a guy plans too far into the future anyway.,

Run the date. Have fun. If the vibe’s there, it happens. If not, you still win because you didn’t simp or over invest.


Last note: The easiest way for you to f it up is to have too big expectations.

Thanks Maddash
that will help. I’m feeling better today. Like you said, just be in the moment and no expectiions yes, It’s just a date and a first meet.

Funnily, I did give her a similar answer t

“I’m not promising anything before we meet. Let’s just have a good date and see if we click “

her : (on a voice note ) let’s do a vibe check , what are you looking for ?

Mine was:
I’m looking for dates and date situations.
Good connections leading to something more.Open to good connections and chemistry that will lead to something deeper.

Apparently this was not the right answer for her (lol). She picked on my words ‘date situations’ (doh!)

her (on voicemail) what’s the difference between a date and a ‘date situation’ lol

Then Her :

“I reckon we might be on different pages, sweetpea. It’s been fun chatting today though ”

At which point I had to go into damage control and turn it around. (FML!)

me after this :
“Doesn’t everything start w a date anyway?
I mean are you worried you’ll meet me , find me irresistible and not be able to control yourself or something”
Like isn’t that bit up to you to pace?

Her :

And worried That I’d drop u afterwards…after I’ve had my wicked way…Like why do women ask me for commitment promises before we’ve even met … they might not feel chemistry in the flesh anyways … can’t figure it tbh”

Her :
“It’s not about commitment promises. It’s more about finding where someone’s head is at.
I’ve had periods of being on here where I’m not at all emotionally ready for anything serious, but I’ll go on a date, maybe a few with someone, and have fun. But I wouldn’t take it past that because I wasn’t looking for serious.

I don’t want to date that person.”

I managed to wrangle to to a date which she is now happy about.

her : see you tomorrow, yay!

chicks man. lol

 

[Brassfaced_Jim]

I forgot to copy and paste a bit of the chat..

After I answered the ‘what are you looking for ?’ question

Her - Ambiguous.
Luckily for you, I’m an investigator
So I interrogate people for a living.
Together, we will get there.

And kept grilling me. lol.
Apparently she is some kind of private investigator for work. But this may just be banter not sure.

 

[Maddash]

Thanks Maddash
that will help. I’m feeling better today. Like you said, just be in the moment and no expectiions yes, It’s just a date and a first meet.

Funnily, I did give her a similar answer t

“I’m not promising anything before we meet. Let’s just have a good date and see if we click “

her : (on a voice note ) let’s do a vibe check , what are you looking for ?

Mine was:
I’m looking for dates and date situations.
Good connections leading to something more.Open to good connections and chemistry that will lead to something deeper.

Apparently this was not the right answer for her (lol). She picked on my words ‘date situations’ (doh!)

her (on voicemail) what’s the difference between a date and a ‘date situation’ lol

Then Her :

“I reckon we might be on different pages, sweetpea. It’s been fun chatting today though ”

At which point I had to go into damage control and turn it around. (FML!)

me after this :
“Doesn’t everything start w a date anyway?
I mean are you worried you’ll meet me , find me irresistible and not be able to control yourself or something”
Like isn’t that bit up to you to pace?

Her :

And worried That I’d drop u afterwards…after I’ve had my wicked way…Like why do women ask me for commitment promises before we’ve even met … they might not feel chemistry in the flesh anyways … can’t figure it tbh”

Her :
“It’s not about commitment promises. It’s more about finding where someone’s head is at.
I’ve had periods of being on here where I’m not at all emotionally ready for anything serious, but I’ll go on a date, maybe a few with someone, and have fun. But I wouldn’t take it past that because I wasn’t looking for serious.

I don’t want to date that person.”

I managed to wrangle to to a date which she is now happy about.

her : see you tomorrow, yay!

chicks man. lol

Ill comment on ur post but i havent had time to read the new one yet. But i belive its possible to dm on here no? If you have any questions legit just dm me, ill gladly help you.

 

[isildur1]

could be previous experiences too -

i've approached women from daygame who've been upset with me if i've been to forward on the first date or first date ideas of coming back to mine - my opinion is that theyve been pumped and dumped from previous other dudes and are now cautious about going on a date with me because they are concerned ill do the same thing- which is fair enough. No one wants to feel used.

"happy to get smashed"

i mean this varies? depending on how the date goes, if shes conservative or liberal , her personal preferences I mean i dont think anyone here can determine how a first date can go for you based on a few hinge texts.

when i did daygame i just generally kept expectations low on anyone i approached and anyone that dated me, if it goes well then so be it, if she doesnt want to f first date thats fine its her choice -

remember what the majority of women are facing- needy, obsessive sex hungry men some of whom have the potential to be rapists or stalkers - thats the life of a woman, of course they are gonna screen you as you could be anything -

in my experience the girls that grill hard typically have had their hearts broken, been cheated betrayed , pumped or dumped or faced stalkers or obsessives in the past- or have felt that im too much of a player (which im not but they make that up in their heads as i cold approach them they believe i have a load of sexual partners ) but i had one situation a girl i'd kissed on an instant date refused to come to by house the following week because she found out i had approached her friend on a uni campus in london ( her friend turned me down and it ruined the romantic vibe of the cold approach so she got pissed off at me then blocked me feeling embarrassed that she dated me when her friend had turned down my approach weeks prior ) but yeah there are a magnitude of factors - remember women face different problems to us, they are worried about different things to
men in dating.

women can also build their own stories and stereotypes in their head - for example from dating in london i cold approached a chinese woman in harrods and successfully got her back to my house after the first date instant date - she then demanded to see my sti records believing that all western men were fratboy players boning 100s of women at a time, maybe shed watched too many american fratboy movies or porn but she had this depiction that all western men were players and carried stis so refused to have sex with me due to that

i digress but women can build their own concerns and worries in their heads about you and you have to be open to being judged that way- but if you dont act needy or desperate / sex starved and acknowledge that women have concerns when dating new men and dont get butthurt over it you will stand out from the crowd

 

[Maddash]

Thanks Maddash
that will help. I’m feeling better today. Like you said, just be in the moment and no expectiions yes, It’s just a date and a first meet.

Funnily, I did give her a similar answer t

“I’m not promising anything before we meet. Let’s just have a good date and see if we click “

her : (on a voice note ) let’s do a vibe check , what are you looking for ?

Mine was:
I’m looking for dates and date situations.
Good connections leading to something more.Open to good connections and chemistry that will lead to something deeper.

Apparently this was not the right answer for her (lol). She picked on my words ‘date situations’ (doh!)

her (on voicemail) what’s the difference between a date and a ‘date situation’ lol

Then Her :

“I reckon we might be on different pages, sweetpea. It’s been fun chatting today though ”

At which point I had to go into damage control and turn it around. (FML!)

me after this :
“Doesn’t everything start w a date anyway?
I mean are you worried you’ll meet me , find me irresistible and not be able to control yourself or something”
Like isn’t that bit up to you to pace?

Her :

And worried That I’d drop u afterwards…after I’ve had my wicked way…Like why do women ask me for commitment promises before we’ve even met … they might not feel chemistry in the flesh anyways … can’t figure it tbh”

Her :
“It’s not about commitment promises. It’s more about finding where someone’s head is at.
I’ve had periods of being on here where I’m not at all emotionally ready for anything serious, but I’ll go on a date, maybe a few with someone, and have fun. But I wouldn’t take it past that because I wasn’t looking for serious.

I don’t want to date that person.”

I managed to wrangle to to a date which she is now happy about.

her : see you tomorrow, yay!

chicks man. lol

No problem. I like that your vibe is better and more playfully relaxed here, its a big step up.
Good update. You handled the logistics part better this time, but a couple key points:


1) “Different pages, sweetpea…” is not an ultimatum. It’s a vibe/frame test.
She’s basically asking: “Are you chill + honest, or are you gonna get weird?”
Best response is calm + simple, not defensive.


Better vibe:

“Maybe. Let’s just grab the date and see if we even like each other in person.”

2) Don’t go into ‘why do women need commitment’ / ‘wicked way’ talk.
That’s where you started sounding jaded + defensive. It makes you look like you’re pre arguing with her.


If she’s worried about being used, just frame it like this:

“No promises before a first meet. If we click, we’ll know. If we don’t, its a fun time anyway”

3) Your “dates and date situations” line was the only real fumble.
It sounds like you’re trying to keep things vague for a reason. Just say it normally:

“I’m open. Mostly I’m looking to meet someone I actually have a good vibe with. If it turns into something real, great. If not, also fine.”

4) Her “investigator / interrogate” line = easy tease.
You missed free banter. Something like:

“Ah so you’re basically James Bond. Should I bring my lawyer or just a fake identity?”
Then pivot back to the date.

Just something along those lines as long as its a friendly flirty tease. Seems like this girl gives you a lot of those oppertunities so make sure to take advantage of them (Never drag them too hard tho)

Overall: you’re close. Keep the answers short, calm, and non defensive, and treat these “where’s your head at?” moments like normal screening, not a debate.

 

[Brassfaced_Jim]

No problem. I like that your vibe is better and more playfully relaxed here, its a big step up.
Good update. You handled the logistics part better this time, but a couple key points:


1) “Different pages, sweetpea…” is not an ultimatum. It’s a vibe/frame test.
She’s basically asking: “Are you chill + honest, or are you gonna get weird?”
Best response is calm + simple, not defensive.


Better vibe:




2) Don’t go into ‘why do women need commitment’ / ‘wicked way’ talk.
That’s where you started sounding jaded + defensive. It makes you look like you’re pre arguing with her.


If she’s worried about being used, just frame it like this:




3) Your “dates and date situations” line was the only real fumble.
It sounds like you’re trying to keep things vague for a reason. Just say it normally:




4) Her “investigator / interrogate” line = easy tease.
You missed free banter. Something like:



Just something along those lines as long as its a friendly flirty tease. Seems like this girl gives you a lot of those oppertunities so make sure to take advantage of them (Never drag them too hard tho)

Overall: you’re close. Keep the answers short, calm, and non defensive, and treat these “where’s your head at?” moments like normal screening, not a debate.

Nice bro. love it.

yeah , re the fumble etc I’d started work by that point of the texting yesterday ( all this texting happened over 3ish hours from the match and opening message on Hinge) and I replied too quick, distractedly. I’m gonna copy and paste your suggestions into a note to use verbatim on chats now and analyse what u said deeper it’s very good.

im more relaxed today.
All I have to do now is go back over the chat and take mental notes/refresh what we were talking about. There was so many messages firing back and forth (!)

but happy w myself and glad I got it to a date in that timeframe of (intense )texting

tbh thibking over her testing and texts at the wrangling point.., she’s teeing me up as a ‘potential relationship guy ..’ which kinda annoyed me in some way.. if I was a Chad guy she prob wouldn’t have (lol) as she admits herself there at the end .. roughly something like

“sometimes I meet guys and have some fun..but I’m not looking for that guy”

womanese translation to me - “you’re not that kinda guy in my eyes”

like. If I was a super hot Chad the situ may be different.

So I got a lil annoyed and ego defensive when I read that ,Probably.

but whatever , that’s ok. I am NOT a tall Chad with a gym bod and a six pack. So it’s all good . I accept the reality, of having to go in with a matching frame to hers .just to get the damn date.lol.

I’ll go in prepared and relaxed , dressed up bring the sexy with the good chat and some banter and see how it goes.
I’ll feel out the situation tonite.

hopefully she DOES dress up hot tho.
Be nice to have a date with a proper sexy looking chick.. finally. I want a visual rev up for all my texting work..

maybe I’ll get a selfie for my memoirs . lol

(as an aside -man ..texting chicks is exhausting. My Hinge is going off atm and I’m texting 6-8 at once at times. So hard to keep track of who is who…after finishing w this chick I’m sexting some other chick.. talking about bending her over her washing machine and removing her g string w my teeth and the rest ….)

 

[Brassfaced_Jim]

could be previous experiences too -

i've approached women from daygame who've been upset with me if i've been to forward on the first date or first date ideas of coming back to mine - my opinion is that theyve been pumped and dumped from previous other dudes and are now cautious about going on a date with me because they are concerned ill do the same thing- which is fair enough. No one wants to feel used.

"happy to get smashed"

i mean this varies? depending on how the date goes, if shes conservative or liberal , her personal preferences I mean i dont think anyone here can determine how a first date can go for you based on a few hinge texts.

when i did daygame i just generally kept expectations low on anyone i approached and anyone that dated me, if it goes well then so be it, if she doesnt want to f first date thats fine its her choice -

remember what the majority of women are facing- needy, obsessive sex hungry men some of whom have the potential to be rapists or stalkers - thats the life of a woman, of course they are gonna screen you as you could be anything -

in my experience the girls that grill hard typically have had their hearts broken, been cheated betrayed , pumped or dumped or faced stalkers or obsessives in the past- or have felt that im too much of a player (which im not but they make that up in their heads as i cold approach them they believe i have a load of sexual partners ) but i had one situation a girl i'd kissed on an instant date refused to come to by house the following week because she found out i had approached her friend on a uni campus in london ( her friend turned me down and it ruined the romantic vibe of the cold approach so she got pissed off at me then blocked me feeling embarrassed that she dated me when her friend had turned down my approach weeks prior ) but yeah there are a magnitude of factors - remember women face different problems to us, they are worried about different things to
men in dating.

women can also build their own stories and stereotypes in their head - for example from dating in london i cold approached a chinese woman in harrods and successfully got her back to my house after the first date instant date - she then demanded to see my sti records believing that all western men were fratboy players boning 100s of women at a time, maybe shed watched too many american fratboy movies or porn but she had this depiction that all western men were players and carried stis so refused to have sex with me due to that

i digress but women can build their own concerns and worries in their heads about you and you have to be open to being judged that way- but if you dont act needy or desperate / sex starved and acknowledge that women have concerns when dating new men and dont get butthurt over it you will stand out from the crowd

Great post,
I’ve had similar experiences , but at my older age now .. this thing women do of putting their past up front and on me kinda gets on my tits.
for example I had a date last week , I went for the pull (SNL) and she wanted to go to the next bar and have another wine to ‘continue to feel out the vibes’ (fair enough thought I , no problem)
Then at the bar she told me a story of how she was assaulted by a rich guy while travelling overseas. In detail blow by blow of the story. Was awful for sure,

but at the same token I am not her therapist Yknow?
I didn’t wanna hear it and said somesuch as she proceeded w the gory details - “please, not too much details I’ll have nightmares eek 🫣 “ I had to shit it down somewhat. It was killing my sexual state also and I was already tired.

Women really do like to talk .(boy do they ever!)
and get this ‘emotional connection’ thing going . But they can talk until the cows come home also if let.

part of me these days is “that’s not my problem /I wasn’t involved” they can make the points in other ways ..talk about boundaries etc. it’s kinda a drainer sometimes and I get Jack of it tbh.

with that chick half an hour later she was ready and we went back to my place and had sex. In retrospect she was quite the chatterbox and I felt the date went on too long of talking and ‘connecting’.

I mean at the end of the day it was some texting on an app, a 3 hour date and sex.
We are both still relative strangers after the sex and it was on the cards to begin with .( I met her on a spicy app :Feeld)

to me a lot of this is ‘Girl Game’ .. women trying to hook in pyschologically to ensure the guy sticks around somewhat as she’s gotten into his head. Yknow?

I call it ‘Girl Game’… women have lots of types of game they run on dudes. They are the masters of it after all tbh

 

[Brassfaced_Jim]

My ideal is , if I meet a woman who is open to Fun/Casual..or a situationship’ is to stay the f away from ‘connecting’ very much at all. Period.
Keep the sexual tension and just flirt /fluff talk/ be funny /tease .. general bullshit talk.

that ‘connection’ can come later in our casual relationship, if I’m interested in that after the chemistry and sex has been established

its a trap and waste of airtime to me. Cos they know how get their lil claws in my head lol ….

for aure I think it’s their strategy to ensure further companionship and sex , and ‘not feel used’ but Yknow.. that’s *their* problem not mine! hahaha.

And yes I know that it’s somewhat necessary to suffer that talk,, for ‘comfort’.

Still gets on my tits but.

 

[Dylweed]

She sounds odd for sure. Ive never had a woman grill me on this before an online dating app first date lol wtf

 

[Brassfaced_Jim]

She sounds odd for sure. Ive never had a woman grill me on this before an online dating app first date lol wtf

They always do it to me it’s a mainstay question “so.. what are u looking for on here?’

 

[Brassfaced_Jim]

Update: Date debrief and LAY REPORT (!)


(just kidding… there is no LR)
Here’s what happened.

So this afternoon pre date I still had some feelings of annnoyance about the texting wrangling and took some work to shake off/get ny head right and in the game while driving to the date early evening. I also had to review the textathon and take mental notes on what we talked about . As we covered so much ground in 2-3 hours of text and voice memos on Hinge

So we met at a fancy wine bar she picked halfway between us.
She’s very pretty. A cross between Kirsten Dunst and Michelle Pfeiffer in the face and hair. Gorgeous. Lovely teeth . Some cool classy tattoos and she’s dressed very cool and classy. I’m very pleased. But also a lil self conscious about my outfit. But whatever.

we start good carrying on some banter and it’s very rapid fire back and forth and good laughs. Cool. She tells me this is not her usual date spot. She has lots of dates at a certain other bar. I tease her on this. We talk about Hinge a bit making jokes. And we take turns teasing each other re the big text-athon yeaterday, and the various funny stuff we said. So first 15-20mins we , get the flirty vibe back. She’s very sexy and I’m putting the sexy vibe out. Great.

during this she also starts asking questions re my work. Living area. Job, music I like..she covers a lot of ground in 30 mins. I messed up re my age on Hinge. I stated I was 4 years younger and said my real age without thinking. She was a lil annoyed but we carried on the vibe.

At some she tells me she’s been single for 4 years and has had a LOT of dates (a lot at this favorite bar near her area). We talk about her bad dates (my favorite go to).

30 mins in I get more flirty and comment on her looks a bit , her lovely teeth, she opens her mouth to show me ‘no fillings’ .. and I’m practicing my strong eye contact throughout. I see some response in her eyes. Great.

but she is asking me a LOT of questions . I ask back , but she seems to always redirect back to me very smoothly. But yet redirects. So I’m telling stories and I notice her really scoping me , eyebrow cocked, cutting in at various points with questions. So it’s a bit of a grilling. We got ourside after an hour as I’m hanging for a vape. And she wrinkles her nose.. doesn’t like smokers. After another half she leaves and we split bill and a lil kiss and hug.

So very much the traditional date. And she was swinging between fun , flirty but also quite serious with all the Questions and sometimes Ice Queeny, really sizing me up.

summary afaics - she is looking for serious and has dated quite a lot so very much sizing me up in many dimensions this date.

I said a few things I noticed she didn’t quite like during the date. So doubtful I’ll see her again.

hooefully she may keep me in her pocket as a bit of fun perhaps . (Unlikely) But defs not the vibe of a 2nd date. She comes off as gorgeous but also high maintenance so that’s fine by me.

regardless I’m happy to have got a decent quality chick out on a date from Hinge (finally) , and did some solid eye contact practice , was pretty witty and did some flirt moves.

In retrospect , I’d maybe have gone a bit more sexual mode/ sexual state w her (I still felt a bit ‘constrained ‘ and under pressure a little. Wasn’t fully loosened up as per my usual self. ) or perhaps took more control re her questioning and flipped back to her more , or not given her straight answers it could’ve been a more fun date

but it wouldn’t have changed the outcome anyway. Just been some more ‘practice’ for me with a hot one.

She defs looking for serious as she texted yesterday, the wrangling or reframing on the chat did not change this. That was the vibe .. and her disecting me w questions to find this out.

I’ll chalk it down to just an ‘experience’ this one.

James.

 

[D. Gately]

during this she also starts asking questions re my work. Living area. Job, music I like..she covers a lot of ground in 30 mins.

At some she tells me she’s been single for 4 years and has had a LOT of dates (a lot at this favorite bar near her area). We talk about her bad dates (my favorite go to).

You: 'Talking about work is boring, I have a job, it pays me well enough.' Then introduce a fun topic. If she keeps bringing up work/career/ or where you live just redirect, or give a one word answer "Good," and switch topics.

Women you just met asking where I live is a pet peeve of mine, so I stole my retort from the GOAT seducer, Prince:

"I live in my heart, [her name]."

This may make her eyes spazzy.


Single for 4 years and that pretty? wow. That's a sign.

You need to seize frame from her no matter how hot she is, that's how it works. But sounds like this one was husband hunting so whatever.

 

[Brassfaced_Jim]

You: 'Talking about work is boring, I have a job, it pays me well enough.' Then introduce a fun topic. If she keeps bringing up work/career/ or where you live just redirect, or give a one word answer "Good," and switch topics.

Women you just met asking where I live is a pet peeve of mine, so I stole my retort from the GOAT seducer, Prince:

"I live in my heart, [her name]."

This may make her eyes spazzy.


Single for 4 years and that pretty? wow. That's a sign.

You need to seize frame from her no matter how hot she is, that's how it works. But sounds like this one was husband hunting so whatever.

Thanks D. I hear what your saying

I did try redirecting a fair few times , but she deftly redirect back to me each time and took me a lil while to notice. She was good .. real good!

And yes , as soon as she told me 4 years single , her usual dating venue and many bad date examples I thought “oh oh, not good “.

funny thing , when I was reviewing our chat quickly pre date on the walk up .. I saw she’d dropped in her full name at one point, and later towards end of chat /my date wrangling point , she said she was a private investigator. I assumed it was banter.

after the date I googled her name.
She is an actual Private Investigator!!! And has worked a big job in Govt in a pretty serious looking investigator role.

I was defs feeling this and reflecting on her skills in action on our date very skilled in conversation. She caught me out on my age at one point. But later also I noticed she cross referenced this asking when I arrived in Aus and “how old were you then” I could see her wheels turning adding up years haha.

very much a interrogation , a lot of the date.

So yeah, 4 years single , lotsa dates, looking and sizing up for Mr Right for a serious relationship.

which my gut intuition was telling me yesterday on the texting /wrangling point. It’s wasn’t a frame test or her looking for assurance , she was stating exactly her intentions . Then that’s obvs why she binned the date proposal when she sniffed ambiguity from me.

an interesting date experience anyways. She was very easy on the eyes indeed and I’ll add that to my database for the future.

funny also I thought of your advice heading to the date in my faux light blue denim shirt and chinos , and then when I met her ,,,

“shit, I shoulda worn a suit “ haha.

 

[Brassfaced_Jim]

If I could rewind tho yep 100% would’ve tried harder to redirect, and just used the date to practice my Frame Control skills.

And of course.. googled her name firstly pre date .. always a good idea that one !

 

[Brassfaced_Jim]

Ps @D. Gately love that line
“I live in my heart, [her name]."
Great. Stealing that for the future.