How competitive are you guys?

DarkKnight

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I'm generally curious, could you guys call yourself competitive? I want to know what the average board member is made off.
 

naturalmikey

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i’m the context of fucking hot girls i really have one friend i’m competitive with. such few guys are good with girls it’s really not a competition. i don’t like the whole out alpha method of competition guys engage in in bars though. i’m competitive with results not going for results. i find when i don’t play the game everyone else is playing and just be my loner self that’s when i do best.
 

ChickenWing

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Hi DarkKnight, I think that is a great question and I appreciate you asking it. For me, I wish I was competitive in my teens and early 20's, however I was just happy to be having fun. After realizing that being competitive has major advantages I've worked on cultivating it. I go for this tribal hunter instinct. Now that I'm 36 I would say I am competitive and want to become even more competitive. I want to be the most competitive. LETS GO!

I have learned that if someone wants to be excellent at anything its going to be a challenge, but thats ok, you want it to be hard. And you have to accept the challenge everyday if you want to be great. So how bad do you want it!? Since this is an off topic part of the forum I recommend The Leadership Challenge as one of the best books I've read this year. The Leadership Challenge 6th Edition

Thanks,

Bird
 

Space

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Hi DarkKnight, I think that is a great question and I appreciate you asking it.
Could be a great question having it a more defined context to it. That is me usually thinking perhaps a little too logically for some of you.

My context is the Alpha Vs Sigma topic for example.
 

DarkKnight

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Space, it was just meant in a general way. Let's not nitpick, because I can see that coming.

Let's call it open for interpretation and my general curiosity.
 

Space

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@DarkKnight, fair enough. But what do Sigmas compete in, based on the discussion in the other topic and in general? I dunno. I honestly have no freaking idea.
 

M_Ronin

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@DarkKnight, fair enough. But what do Sigmas compete in, based on the discussion in the other topic and in general? I dunno. I honestly have no freaking idea.
Compete against the odds? Life? Themselves?

Being competitive doesn't always mean comparing numbers with one another. Competition does.
 

DarkKnight

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@DarkKnight, fair enough. But what do Sigmas compete in, based on the discussion in the other topic and in general? I dunno. I honestly have no freaking idea.

No idea about sigmas bro, I think those concepts are ill defined usually. However I do think I am on the sigma spectrum without a doubt, and if I should mention what I am most competitive about: Money and independece. About women I rarely feel great competitiveness since I kind of feel abundance when considering them. The older I get, the less oneitis I get, so why get competitive about them at all?
 

Teevster

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I do everything I could to become as good as I could potentially be.

That said, rule number one of good wingmanship is: Cooperation and NOT competition.

This is why me and my wings (Primarily: Pablo, Carousel and Maximilian - a guy who may post soon) are so successful when out together.

We help each other out, and some nights it is me who carries, some night it is them. If I have a bad night they carry. Next time it will be them who has a bad night and I will carry. Some nights I take the grenade (but we understand that nobody should be stuck with an ugly girl - but going for a "7" for your bro is totally fine!) and some night it will be him.

That's the way it is and should be. If I go out with a guy who tries to out compete me I will simply dump him and never go out with him again.

I do favor cooperation than competition though.
 
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Space

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No idea about sigmas bro, I think those concepts are ill defined usually. However I do think I am on the sigma spectrum without a doubt, and if I should mention what I am most competitive about: Money and independece. About women I rarely feel great competitiveness since I kind of feel abundance when considering them. The older I get, the less oneitis I get, so why get competitive about them at all?
Ironically what you described with the abundance mentality for women should work better than the competitive mindset for money and business, too.

A little off here but I wanted to wrote this somewhere and it seems to fit maybe in this topic. Interestingly @Chase mentioned MJ DeMarco as one of his prime business mentors and old school guys like Napoleon Hill for the best business advice for the 21st century (he didn't use the exact words, I know, I don't intend to misinterpret him). Now @Hector Papi Castillo is Chase's best student as I understand Girls Chase team dynamics and Hector refers to Gary Vaynerchuk as a prime business mentor at least in one of his YouTube Q&A videos I've listened in to who I also greatly appreciate. Were Chase, the founder listen to more more "new school" business advice from Gary Vaynerchuk & co as his best student, Hector does and recommends the site wouldn't look, feel (and most importantly work) as if it were a site from 10 years ago. And nowadays information business YouTube channels seem to be as important or more than their home websites. I know, YouTube's policies suck but what can you do about them? I post this in a positive light as 100% constructive criticism, I hope it's OK this way, what else can I do? :)

Gary Vaynerchuk is much less of a competitive business guy than MJ DeMarco albeit more influential and scussessful as business measures go. This should answer where do I stand on the topic of competition myself as well.
 

DarkKnight

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I guess I am not in abundance with money since I am not a zillionaire yet, but you're kinda going offtopic :p
 

Chase

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Interesting topic.

I'm competitive with myself. I'll get annoyed if I'm performing below my baseline. I'm pumped if I go above my baseline. And I am always trying to raise what that baseline is. That goes for seduction, and anything else I'm immersed in.

With other people, I'm more of a showoff. I get my hottest girls when I have a cool friend around. Part of it's probably social proof (I get more and better IOIs from the very hottest girls when I'm hanging with a cool buddy; I have also had women tell me I am "more charismatic" when they see me hanging out with a cool friend), but part is definitely me showing off. When there's not a buddy around whose opinion I respect, I'm not getting the same level of attention from girls, and I will also be a bit crustier: "Eh, that hot girl is too hard to approach properly with where she's positioned. I'm not going in unless she opens up more. And sends me another signal or two." When there's a buddy around, OTOH, if I'm a little warmed up and I think she will bite, I will go right in.

Took me a while to realize that. I learned most of my game running solo. I long considered myself a guy who does not need a wing or anybody, and always wanted to be the guy who could easily pick up anywhere, completely solo. And I can... yet... the majority of my hottest lays (and 100% of my LTRs... oddly. Or perhaps not oddly) still come from cold approach with a friend around (not even always a PUA friend... but always a cool guy).

Chase
 

Tony D

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I'm not nor have I ever been very competitive. I am if I'm actively playing a game, like a sport, or anything with rules, a clear winner and loser. Because to exist in a non competitive state is impossible.
 

Beyond Borders

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When it comes to social intelligence (with women or otherwise) being competitive is, like most positive leadership traits, great to an extent but self-defeating if you overdo it it. For every 5 "alpha" guys puffing the chest out at the club and showing their stuff in one way or another, there's a silent guy flying under the radar, just being chill, and picking off beautiful girls quietly while the louder guys make a spectacle of themselves constantly trying to one-up everyone.

Of course I know "competition" refers to a lot more than that, but it just goes to show how a competitive nature needs to be tempered a bit as well. That's because having the presence of a leader isn't about winning all the time. I can't remember exactly where I read this, but there are studies out there that even show how true leaders often allow men who are weaker than them (and part of their tribe) to put on a show of one-upping them from time to time (maybe Chase could chime in on the science here).

For example, I'm a much bigger and more experienced fighter then my younger brother and quite a few other guys I hang out with (not to humble brag too much lol). But at times they like to put on a show of making an aggressive joke towards me in front of other people, giving me a little flex when I walk by them, or roughhousing a bit (typical guy stuff, at least if you come from the blue collar crowds).

When I was younger this really used to irk me - as in, "How dare they underestimate me, don't they realize that I..." - but as I've gotten older, I've realized that it's a form of supplication and display of our bond. In a way, it's more about them than me - as if they want to say to everyone, "Look how I can poke this big bastard and he allows me to do it. Ain't I something?" If they were clearly bigger than me, instead, them doing this would just make them look like jerks.

And how much of a prick would I be if every time this happened, I grabbed my brother or buddy by the throat and choke-slammed him to remind him how easily I could physically dominate him - or even just rose my voice to bully him back into submission? How much longer would he follow me around, and how would women who saw this feel about me being so quick to intimidate or hurt someone in my "pack"?

This is a bit of a tangent and a very simplified example, but bottom line is nobody wants to follow a leader who always has to be the top dog and trample on those less solid or less skilled than him.

If you've read Jordan Peterson's book, he talks about a time when he worked on a railroad crew and a new guy showed up that didn't want to accept the good-natured ribbing any new guy got as kind of an "initiation." This guy was set on being taken seriously and showing he wasn't to be messed with - and by doing so, he missed the fact that groups of men, too, are as much about cooperation as they are about competition.

In the end, his lack of social intelligence and fierce pushback only made the other men antagonize him ten times more...until he was forced to storm off the site to save face and the potential of physical violence. Regardless of what you might think about Peterson, he's a keen observer; this dynamic is very real among masculine groups of any size.

You dominate groups, especially, by being accepted first, and that usually requires being willing to submit as much as compete.

A friend who is genuinely always trying to compete with you gets really annoying after a while. I don't want to go to the gym with someone who is always trying to get me into a contest - I know who I am and what I can do, and I don't need to prove myself. In fact, I prefer to work out alone.

Maybe it's biased to think so, but it has long been my opinion that the buddy trying to outdo himself in an effort to show his stuff (whether in the gym, around girls, with various skills, etc) reveals himself to be needy and insecure - while the guy who just cooly goes about his biz and let's his actions and accomplishments speak for him, is and is perceived as the actual leader.

Here's another example.

Have you ever noticed that legitamely tough guys don't go out constantly looking for fights in bars (execpt in cases where they are directly provoked or have something else dysfunctional going on that they need to make up for)? They don't have anything to prove and they have enough experience to know that being over aggressive isn't going to magically win them the "star of the night" award at the bar. And just that look of cool, collected confidence is generally enough to send a very powerful message.

My advice - sure, a competitive streak is a healthy masculine trait in doses, but know when it's time to compete, know when it's time to draw a line in the sand (i.e. when being blatantly disrespected or pushed around), and know when it's time to just kick back and chill while everyone else tries to "win" some imaginary contest with the room. If you aren't sure when is time for what, observe other guys who are relaxed without sacrificing their dominant aura and watch how they behave in crowds.

As far as competing for women, I can think of few things more revealing of a scarcity mentality than a guy who feels he needs to work against his friends for a single girl. And even with enemies/non-friends, what puts a woman on a higher pedestal than outwardly competing for her attention?

Let the other guys compete and play your cards right - she'll often come to you. You can silently relish your achievement when you're out with her and catch those same guys sneaking envious looks.
 
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DarkKnight

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I wanted to reply to you Beyond Borders, but it has been crazy busy as of late. Didn't find the mental space to do so. I agree with your insights, competition should not obstruct you from cooperating with others and needs to be tempered. This reminds me of a guy I worked with a long time ago, he always wanted to be (or wanted to seem) the best. We were natural allies at the beginning, I had saved his ass multiple times, but at one point he saw me as competition just because of a fragile ego. So what could have been a benificial partnership became an intense rivalry where I handed his ass over a period of months. Just, totally self defeating behaviour.

However. Not everyone is your friend or ally and a lot of times everything is fair game. You just have to weigh the short term and long term benefits.

Also your comment about real tough guys being less of braggarts is spot on. Usually those with no real weight behind their fists tend to puff up the most.
 

Seppuku

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As for me, I am competitive with myself, being quite self-demanding. But with other people, no matter the context, I am usually on the cooperative side.

In general, I was always enthusiast about sharing my knowledge with others.

About showing I'm always right, or always winning arguments against others, I learned a long time ago that it's the best way to create negative feelings, and I learned to shut up. Instead, I make my point, then withdraw from the arguing. Opinions are not worth losing friends.
 

suspicious5

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There's no need to compete when people aren't in your league. There's nothing to prove to others, much less yourself.
 

DarkKnight

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Sounds like a good brag suspicious5. There is always someone, somewhere. Even Schwarzenegger and Stallone had and have eachother as rivals. If you aim at something great, someone will try to interfere. Also it is not always about proving something, but alot of times GETTING something. Which is why a competitive drive is essential, albeit used with wisdom.
 

suspicious5

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It's not a brag. It's a mindset.

I'm effective at the things that matter to me, and that brings me pleasure. Competition is for those with something to prove. If you're improving for your own sake, then that's not competition but rather, self-improvement. Unless direct competition is required like in sports, there is no need to compete. It stems from a need to raise your self-worth, which is a phase many people need to through before becoming grounded, and others never grow out of.
 
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