How do you stay sane when you can't get laid?

metalbird

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Sep 20, 2015
Messages
156
Long story short, I moved to a new city and lost my social network. Only fucked one girl since I've been up here and she wasn't a keeper. Now, It's been over 3 months since I've had sex.

I've started skipping work to practice day game because I can't focus on work anyway. Literally all I can think about is how badly I wanna have sex. Every time I go out and see couples it makes me angry, like I physically want to fight the guy and take his girl. It doesn't help that I know I could beat up most of these loser guys who somehow have these hot girlfriends.... Guess I have too much testosterone or something...

Anyway, I'm gonna lose my job pretty soon if this keeps up. Every day I wake up and spend the whole day trying to get numbers, insta-dates, anything from women, until finally I go home exhausted and jack off just so I can sleep. Wash rinse repeat. This sucks. Haven't been dry this long in years. My game is shit, I'm sure I reek of desperation. I LITERALLY FEEL PAIN IN BALLS ALL DAY LONG such that I can barely sit right. This is nuts. How do incel guys live like this?

I do not know how to pay for sex and I don't think that would solve my problem anyway. I already jack off several times at night. I'm starting to get super depressed because of frustration.

What do I do?
 

Starboy

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Apr 2, 2018
Messages
485
Long story short, I moved to a new city and lost my social network. Only fucked one girl since I've been up here and she wasn't a keeper. Now, It's been over 3 months since I've had sex.

I've started skipping work to practice day game because I can't focus on work anyway. Literally all I can think about is how badly I wanna have sex. Every time I go out and see couples it makes me angry, like I physically want to fight the guy and take his girl. It doesn't help that I know I could beat up most of these loser guys who somehow have these hot girlfriends.... Guess I have too much testosterone or something...

Anyway, I'm gonna lose my job pretty soon if this keeps up. Every day I wake up and spend the whole day trying to get numbers, insta-dates, anything from women, until finally I go home exhausted and jack off just so I can sleep. Wash rinse repeat. This sucks. Haven't been dry this long in years. My game is shit, I'm sure I reek of desperation. I LITERALLY FEEL PAIN IN BALLS ALL DAY LONG such that I can barely sit right. This is nuts. How do incel guys live like this?

I do not know how to pay for sex and I don't think that would solve my problem anyway. I already jack off several times at night. I'm starting to get super depressed because of frustration.

What do I do?
Jesus dude take a chill pill. I understand the sensation of being lonely and sexually frustrated,but you're way too needy and desperate for pussy. Fighting random guys who are locking arms with hot girls won't do anything for you except get you charged with assault. You're just being a hater and it's a childish way to think. I get it though I can feel envy when I see men at the gym getting attention from hot girls who are my type.

3 months without sex isn't that long there are dudes who have been on longer dry spells and stressing. The incels like myself who don't have school shooter mentalities accept their situation firstly. They're in the situation they are in and either take responsibility for it and do what they got to do if they wanna improve their situation or if they don't feel like doing anything they leave it alone and stfu.

You're doing what you're supposed to do and go out and talk to women ,but the problem is you need it so bad you're probably exuding desperate energy and it's making it even harder to attract women. Also calling out of work is a terrible idea. Sex isn't more important than being able to pay your rent and have a bed to sleep in and food to eat.

Sometimes i'd call out of work to daygame,but the difference is it was a mediocre bs job and I lived with my parents so I didn't need income like that.

Understand that your attitude is not healthy nor is it helpful and you have to let go of this need for women. Tell yourself that you would like to have women and you have a desire for women,but you don't need them. The more you need something the more you panic when you are not getting it. You shouldn't be devoting 12 hrs of the day to trying to pick up girls you need to have a balanced life and be rested this guy talked about it here here:

Work your regular schedule,set aside some times in the week where you go out to meet women,don't overtax yourself,be ok with being single,meditate daily and practice positive affirmations and thinking.

Ease up on jerking off and have other interests,hobbies and goals besides sex. Women shouldn't dominate your mind so much and be your #1 priority. I know it's a cliche that's been thrown around a lot,but there is truth to it.
 

metalbird

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Sep 20, 2015
Messages
156
That's a good video, thanks. I don't want this thread to turn into a discussion about emotions (even though my OP is very emotional in tone). So let me restate my original intent: What are some specific things I can do to continue to lead a normal life and reduce the impact of very intense levels of sexual frustration? The video mentions some good basics like:
  • Eat a good meal
  • Rest/Sleep
  • Meditate
  • Call a friend
I will add my own which is:
  • Go the gym
Lifting weights is probably the only thing that keeping me from actually considering violence. Fortunately I know how to channel my anger into exercise.

However, I already do these things, and it's barely enough. The sexual frustration I feel is made worse by frustration with myself at not having better game. I've been on this site and aware of these things for almost ten years, and yet I still continue to make the same basic rookie mistakes.

There must be better ways to keep working on this stuff without it taking over my life, or else feeling I never make any progress...
 

Will_V

Chieftan
Staff member
tribal-elder
Joined
Jan 24, 2021
Messages
1,539
Long story short, I moved to a new city and lost my social network. Only fucked one girl since I've been up here and she wasn't a keeper. Now, It's been over 3 months since I've had sex.

I've started skipping work to practice day game because I can't focus on work anyway. Literally all I can think about is how badly I wanna have sex. Every time I go out and see couples it makes me angry, like I physically want to fight the guy and take his girl. It doesn't help that I know I could beat up most of these loser guys who somehow have these hot girlfriends.... Guess I have too much testosterone or something...

Anyway, I'm gonna lose my job pretty soon if this keeps up. Every day I wake up and spend the whole day trying to get numbers, insta-dates, anything from women, until finally I go home exhausted and jack off just so I can sleep. Wash rinse repeat. This sucks. Haven't been dry this long in years. My game is shit, I'm sure I reek of desperation. I LITERALLY FEEL PAIN IN BALLS ALL DAY LONG such that I can barely sit right. This is nuts. How do incel guys live like this?

I do not know how to pay for sex and I don't think that would solve my problem anyway. I already jack off several times at night. I'm starting to get super depressed because of frustration.

What do I do?

Sounds like your frustration goes deeper than just lack of sex. It'd probably be a good idea to really try to uncover for yourself what is the root of the problem and work on fixing it.

The way I see it, whenever a man feels messed up, the solution is to rebuild competence across the board:

- Socializing/relationships/family
- Work/career/financials
- Adventure/experiences

When you have the basics down in these areas, it's very hard to be depressed. The problem is, many guys lives are a dumpster fire, lacking in almost every department, but they think it can all be solved with pussy (I know I've been there). The problem is that pussy comes when these things are sorted, not the other way around. And pussy does not fix a broken life, in fact it makes it worse, like a beggar who finds a shop with its door unlocked.

So,

Do you have friends, people that you talk to regularly, good family relationships etc?

Are you good at something you enjoy that pays you? If not, what are you doing to reach that?

Are you investing in hobbies and pastimes that you enjoy? Not just banging women.

Just be glad that your spirit is strong enough to put you in a rage when life is crap, and start spending that energy on long term investments into your lifestyle.
 

metalbird

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Sep 20, 2015
Messages
156
Thanks for the perspective. I realize it was definitely a lot of things contributing to my feelings of frustration. The best way I can describe it is by analogy to playing music.

Seduction is a lot like playing a musical piece... it's a performance. You can get away with a wrong note here or there, most of the time, but that's it, and not even that at the elite level. If you play 4 minutes and 45 seconds of a piece perfectly, but botch a 5 second section, it's a shitty performance. People are going to remember that 5 seconds you botched and they will remember it as a weak performance, and you as a weak musician. This is also why art and performances are so deeply rooted to seduction and attractiveness I think. They demonstrate your ability to execute something more or less flawlessly. It's MUCH better, more entertaining, and more impressive to play an EASY beginner piece perfectly than to play an ELITE level piece with a bunch of mistakes.

Okay, so when I practice a piece of music, sometimes I will get stuck on a certain part. If any of you are musicians, you will relate... You just play the same section OVER and OVER again and you just can't get it right. Your fingers just won't hit the right spots, and it's frustrating beyond belief. In that moment you feel POWERLESS. You can't even control your own body!! If you have ever experienced this level of frustration with something, you know what I'm talking about.

I do think sometimes going through this kind of frustration is necessary for making breakthroughs though. Maybe not for some people, I don't know, but they've been that way for me. I'll come back and update this in a bit with how things go.
 

Beam

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Jan 17, 2019
Messages
773
Okay, so when I practice a piece of music, sometimes I will get stuck on a certain part. If any of you are musicians, you will relate... You just play the same section OVER and OVER again and you just can't get it right. Your fingers just won't hit the right spots, and it's frustrating beyond belief. In that moment you feel POWERLESS. You can't even control your own body!! If you have ever experienced this level of frustration with something, you know what I'm talking about.
What instrument do you play? Cold reading electric guitar from your username.
 

Lover

Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
Joined
Jan 7, 2015
Messages
750
However, I already do these things, and it's barely enough. The sexual frustration I feel is made worse by frustration with myself at not having better game. I've been on this site and aware of these things for almost ten years, and yet I still continue to make the same basic rookie mistakes.

There must be better ways to keep working on this stuff without it taking over my life, or else feeling I never make any progress...
You are putting too much pressure on yourself to perform flawlessly with girls when this is impossible + you care too much about pussy. It has gotten so out of hand that you skip job and risk getting fired.

What would you tell a friend if you saw him behave like this?
 

POB

Chieftan
Staff member
tribal-elder
Joined
Nov 13, 2019
Messages
984
Location
South America
- start from the bottom. You are not in a position to choose, so forget about having sex with 9s and 10s for now. Go for the cutest 7s you can find and give them the D of their lives.
-"she wasn't a keeper" all women who are cute and have a decent vagina are keepers. You are not looking fo a wife, just a regular source of sex, specially when the tide is low. Get back to that chick if you can and fuck her once a week to make her a regular on your rotation;
- gym is not the easiest place for seduction...even so it's possible to pull as part of a "go about your day" strategy;
- focus on your job. Being without pussy is bad, but being broke is even worse!
- don't diss online...pussy is pussy, so do some blitzes on tinder, bumble or whatever is working on your region. Once you have 2-3 regulars on your rotation you can spare time to do some daygame sessions (and blunder them at will);
 

ElderPrice

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Jun 11, 2018
Messages
568
You glossed over the part that describes what you’re doing about it. You just say you skip work to “practice” day game. What does that mean? How many women are you starting a conversation with each week?

If you’ve been approaching women for 3 months, including taking a lot of time off work to do it, and you haven’t gotten one lay, something is messed up.
 

Egor

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Dec 12, 2020
Messages
74
If you’ve been approaching women for 3 months, including taking a lot of time off work to do it, and you haven’t gotten one lay, something is messed up.
Is that how easy this is supposed to be??
 

metalbird

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Sep 20, 2015
Messages
156
I wasn't approaching women as much during those 3 months. It started when I got the flu and could barely get out of bed for a week. Even after that I wasn't going out a whole lot. I didn't start skipping work until last week.

I did manage to bang a girl from online dating this past week, so that's been a relief. Still not happy with the overall situation though.

Most week days I don't approach at all. I don't leave work until 6 or 7, so I only get a chance to approach if I happen to encounter a girl on my way to/from work or lunch.

On the weekends I go out. I probably approach about three women during the day and maybe a dozen or more each night. I don't really know how to approach more than that, I don't see that many approach opportunities.
 

LemurKing

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Nov 28, 2021
Messages
68
Location
Somewhere, someplace, sometime
@metalbird
I feel for you man and I've been and still kind of am in the same boat except I just started Game a few months ago.
What I'm starting to realize now is that my desperation for sex and female attention is less biological, and a symptom of a physiological issue.

It's me seeking self worth and validation through others because I have none in myself. It's like if I don't have sex frequently or am not receiving positive female attention, or a girl does not find me attractive, then there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a person and I have little worth or value.

This may not be your exact issue, but it's worth thinking about what's lying underneeth
 

ElderPrice

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Jun 11, 2018
Messages
568
I wasn't approaching women as much during those 3 months. It started when I got the flu and could barely get out of bed for a week. Even after that I wasn't going out a whole lot. I didn't start skipping work until last week.

I did manage to bang a girl from online dating this past week, so that's been a relief. Still not happy with the overall situation though.

Most week days I don't approach at all. I don't leave work until 6 or 7, so I only get a chance to approach if I happen to encounter a girl on my way to/from work or lunch.

On the weekends I go out. I probably approach about three women during the day and maybe a dozen or more each night. I don't really know how to approach more than that, I don't see that many approach opportunities.
This sounds very different than:
Every day I wake up and spend the whole day trying to get numbers, insta-dates, anything from women, until finally I go home exhausted and jack off just so I can sleep.

Either way, this additional information is helpful.

Your number of approaches is definitely not high, and can be improved upon. At night time, I challenge you to get 20 approaches per night. Day time approaches maybe try to get to 10, but I know those are generally more challenging.

If you're not seeing many approach opportunities, then it's time to start exploring your town for different venues and different times of day to meet women. It's possible the places you're going actually are not the best places to meet and have conversations with young, single women.
 

ph40

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Sep 6, 2021
Messages
118
Wow. You're being way too needy.

Men don't NEED women like that. Real men are perfectly fine on their own, for months or even years if they have to. Once you have slept with a beautiful woman or two, you know what it's like and, yes, it can be enjoyable, but it's not something you absolutely *need* like you need food and water. You need to become more centered and grounded and capable of being alone! Then, and only then, you can not be so needy and take women if you want, but not force the issue.
 

ocean_eyes

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Apr 7, 2021
Messages
65
Wow...BEEN there @metalbird !
Can relate, and can tell you what helped me.

-Realize pickup is a marathon, not a sprint.
-Going to the gym? Go more. Get up early and go before work.
-Work harder. Improve your performance at work. Get a second job.
-Get a new hobby. Learn guitar. Take jujitsu. Bow hunting.
-MEDITATE. Use guided meditation from Youtube.

How are things with your family and friends? May be a good time to reach out to them and spend a little extra time conversing, asking about their lives, learning a bit more about them.

Volunteer work at homeless shelter or school, something selfless. (I did school)

You need to realize that doing these things, (that you probably don't want to do, and are not directly related to women) WILL make you happier, relaxed and confident - and ironically, more attractive to women. Remember it's a marathon not a sprint.

There is the band-aid solution of a hooker/escort but you may find yourself back in the same place soon enough. Or paying for sex quite often.
(You said you just broke your dry spell from a girl online but you're still not happy overall...hmm!:cool: )
 
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