- Joined
- Jan 14, 2022
- Messages
- 49
Imagine a man who hasn't known the taste of clean drinking water for years. How do you make it right? Maybe you give him clean drinking water. Or maybe you give him crisp champagne. As "interest" for the years he went without clean drinking water. Imagine a man who hasn't known the feel of cotton for years. Maybe you give him a t-shirt. Or maybe you dress him in silks and satins for the rest of his days. As "interest."
What could be done for a man who years, decades, without the touch of a woman?
That's me. My 49th birthday was a few days ago and I've still never been intimate with a woman. In any way. And after a while I stop wondering how to get intimate with "a woman" and start wondering what I can instead do/experience to make it up to myself for going all these years without so much as a kiss. Because the way I feel right now, being with just any one pretty woman is not gonna be enough. I don't even think I want that. An average woman would've been fine if I was having sex at a normal age. But because I'm an old person now, what I want is something big and special. Something that is a fair trade for all the years I was getting nothing. Something that will make those years "worth the wait." Otherwise I'll never be happy.
I've talked to people about this before, yes one of those people was a therapist. I've heard a lot of different things. For instance, how much right do I have to be dissatisfied with my life, really? For instance, if I was... 19. And I was like "I can't believe I'm still a virgin at 19 that's it I need something special," it'd be ridiculous to lament being a virgin at 19. That's perfectly normal. So okay, how about... 21? 22? 25? 30? 35? 40? At what point does your plight become something to write home about? At what point have I earned the right to say "My life is officially substandard?" For when my life is officially "substandard," I can demand satisfaction. And if my life is substandard, if I have passed the threshold where I've gone an unusually long time being a virgin, just getting to be with some woman wouldn't make up for all the sex I should've had over the past decades.
Why don't I just break the seal? Be with "some woman" anyway? Get what I can manage to pull? Because I feel nothing for those women. It's not their fault, these are perfectly fine women. But I can't just stiff myself on the payback I owe. It's insulting. And I can't bring myself to settle for less. So when I see perfectly fine normal women, I feel no interest. I want something special. But I'm not quite sure what would slake my thirst.
And I wonder if this forum/community can even help me with that. For one, can any of you even imagine what it's like to be nigh-50 and sexless? Can you even imagine what it would take to make up for that? It's like trying to imagine unfathomable hunger and telling yourself "I would eat a sandwich." You clearly don't understand unfathomable hunger. You don't understand, you could never eat enough sandwiches.
For two? This community seems less about scratching the itch for feminine company, and more about being a good man. And feeling good about how good of a man you are. What people get excited about around here is not getting to be with hot chicks, but being successful at pulling. Girls are not a reward to people here. Being a good man is. And while that might sound nice, I only care about being a good man as far as it'll get me the woman/women I need.
If I could turn back time and go through my 20s again, go back to school and climb the social ladders there, that would make up for it. But that's impossible. So I... guess I would need to know what the closest thing to that is. But I can't settle for mediocrity. I feel nothing for it. Every day I'm surrounded by people I feel nothing for and don't care about. Things I feel nothing for and don't care about. No I don't want a goddamned hobby. I feel nothing for rock climbing and cliff photography, I'm insulted by the thought of it. The only thing I care about right now is finding the sexual engagement that will excite me again.
What could be done for a man who years, decades, without the touch of a woman?
That's me. My 49th birthday was a few days ago and I've still never been intimate with a woman. In any way. And after a while I stop wondering how to get intimate with "a woman" and start wondering what I can instead do/experience to make it up to myself for going all these years without so much as a kiss. Because the way I feel right now, being with just any one pretty woman is not gonna be enough. I don't even think I want that. An average woman would've been fine if I was having sex at a normal age. But because I'm an old person now, what I want is something big and special. Something that is a fair trade for all the years I was getting nothing. Something that will make those years "worth the wait." Otherwise I'll never be happy.
I've talked to people about this before, yes one of those people was a therapist. I've heard a lot of different things. For instance, how much right do I have to be dissatisfied with my life, really? For instance, if I was... 19. And I was like "I can't believe I'm still a virgin at 19 that's it I need something special," it'd be ridiculous to lament being a virgin at 19. That's perfectly normal. So okay, how about... 21? 22? 25? 30? 35? 40? At what point does your plight become something to write home about? At what point have I earned the right to say "My life is officially substandard?" For when my life is officially "substandard," I can demand satisfaction. And if my life is substandard, if I have passed the threshold where I've gone an unusually long time being a virgin, just getting to be with some woman wouldn't make up for all the sex I should've had over the past decades.
Why don't I just break the seal? Be with "some woman" anyway? Get what I can manage to pull? Because I feel nothing for those women. It's not their fault, these are perfectly fine women. But I can't just stiff myself on the payback I owe. It's insulting. And I can't bring myself to settle for less. So when I see perfectly fine normal women, I feel no interest. I want something special. But I'm not quite sure what would slake my thirst.
And I wonder if this forum/community can even help me with that. For one, can any of you even imagine what it's like to be nigh-50 and sexless? Can you even imagine what it would take to make up for that? It's like trying to imagine unfathomable hunger and telling yourself "I would eat a sandwich." You clearly don't understand unfathomable hunger. You don't understand, you could never eat enough sandwiches.
For two? This community seems less about scratching the itch for feminine company, and more about being a good man. And feeling good about how good of a man you are. What people get excited about around here is not getting to be with hot chicks, but being successful at pulling. Girls are not a reward to people here. Being a good man is. And while that might sound nice, I only care about being a good man as far as it'll get me the woman/women I need.
If I could turn back time and go through my 20s again, go back to school and climb the social ladders there, that would make up for it. But that's impossible. So I... guess I would need to know what the closest thing to that is. But I can't settle for mediocrity. I feel nothing for it. Every day I'm surrounded by people I feel nothing for and don't care about. Things I feel nothing for and don't care about. No I don't want a goddamned hobby. I feel nothing for rock climbing and cliff photography, I'm insulted by the thought of it. The only thing I care about right now is finding the sexual engagement that will excite me again.