How does a 49 year old virgin make up for what he missed?

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FrothySolutions

Space Monkey
space monkey
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Jan 14, 2022
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Imagine a man who hasn't known the taste of clean drinking water for years. How do you make it right? Maybe you give him clean drinking water. Or maybe you give him crisp champagne. As "interest" for the years he went without clean drinking water. Imagine a man who hasn't known the feel of cotton for years. Maybe you give him a t-shirt. Or maybe you dress him in silks and satins for the rest of his days. As "interest."

What could be done for a man who years, decades, without the touch of a woman?

That's me. My 49th birthday was a few days ago and I've still never been intimate with a woman. In any way. And after a while I stop wondering how to get intimate with "a woman" and start wondering what I can instead do/experience to make it up to myself for going all these years without so much as a kiss. Because the way I feel right now, being with just any one pretty woman is not gonna be enough. I don't even think I want that. An average woman would've been fine if I was having sex at a normal age. But because I'm an old person now, what I want is something big and special. Something that is a fair trade for all the years I was getting nothing. Something that will make those years "worth the wait." Otherwise I'll never be happy.

I've talked to people about this before, yes one of those people was a therapist. I've heard a lot of different things. For instance, how much right do I have to be dissatisfied with my life, really? For instance, if I was... 19. And I was like "I can't believe I'm still a virgin at 19 that's it I need something special," it'd be ridiculous to lament being a virgin at 19. That's perfectly normal. So okay, how about... 21? 22? 25? 30? 35? 40? At what point does your plight become something to write home about? At what point have I earned the right to say "My life is officially substandard?" For when my life is officially "substandard," I can demand satisfaction. And if my life is substandard, if I have passed the threshold where I've gone an unusually long time being a virgin, just getting to be with some woman wouldn't make up for all the sex I should've had over the past decades.

Why don't I just break the seal? Be with "some woman" anyway? Get what I can manage to pull? Because I feel nothing for those women. It's not their fault, these are perfectly fine women. But I can't just stiff myself on the payback I owe. It's insulting. And I can't bring myself to settle for less. So when I see perfectly fine normal women, I feel no interest. I want something special. But I'm not quite sure what would slake my thirst.

And I wonder if this forum/community can even help me with that. For one, can any of you even imagine what it's like to be nigh-50 and sexless? Can you even imagine what it would take to make up for that? It's like trying to imagine unfathomable hunger and telling yourself "I would eat a sandwich." You clearly don't understand unfathomable hunger. You don't understand, you could never eat enough sandwiches.

For two? This community seems less about scratching the itch for feminine company, and more about being a good man. And feeling good about how good of a man you are. What people get excited about around here is not getting to be with hot chicks, but being successful at pulling. Girls are not a reward to people here. Being a good man is. And while that might sound nice, I only care about being a good man as far as it'll get me the woman/women I need.

If I could turn back time and go through my 20s again, go back to school and climb the social ladders there, that would make up for it. But that's impossible. So I... guess I would need to know what the closest thing to that is. But I can't settle for mediocrity. I feel nothing for it. Every day I'm surrounded by people I feel nothing for and don't care about. Things I feel nothing for and don't care about. No I don't want a goddamned hobby. I feel nothing for rock climbing and cliff photography, I'm insulted by the thought of it. The only thing I care about right now is finding the sexual engagement that will excite me again.
 

Warped Mindless

Tribal Elder
Tribal Elder
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Messages
395
Lots of stuff to unpack and address here and I don’t have time for it at the moment but a few thoughts…

Seems like you think the universe owes you a hot woman just because you are a virgin. Doesn’t work like that buddy.

“If you have spent your whole life being weird the seduction community is not going to fix that. Some people have bigger issues and we aren’t therapist.” - Rob Judge

Im not trying to sound like an ass but I think you may need more help than what anyone can give you on a seduction forum.

Most therapist are damn near worthless but it may be worth it for you to put in the effort of finding a good one.
 

FrothySolutions

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Jan 14, 2022
Messages
49
Lots of stuff to unpack and address here and I don’t have time for it at the moment but a few thoughts…

Seems like you think the universe owes you a hot woman just because you are a virgin. Doesn’t work like that buddy.

“If you have spent your whole life being weird the seduction community is not going to fix that. Some people have bigger issues and we aren’t therapist.” - Rob Judge

Im not trying to sound like an ass but I think you may need more help than what anyone can give you on a seduction forum.

Most therapist are damn near worthless but it may be worth it for you to put in the effort of finding a good one.

I wouldn't say the universe "owes" me anything. But I'm disgusted with mediocrity. I'm supposed to just swallow the fact that I missed out on being 21 and be happy with being 49? The only thing that makes being 49 worth a damn is memories of being 21. The universe doesn't "owe" me anything. But how am I supposed to be happy?
 

topcat

Modern Human
Modern Human
Joined
Dec 20, 2012
Messages
699
But I'm disgusted with mediocrity.
But you are mediocre. Just being honest. Start at your level and work your way up..

Equivalent:
“i’m disgusted by poverty” *with a net worth of zero, never worked a day in his life*
“i won’t settle for anything less than a mansion” - as he adjusts the roof on his makeshift cardboard shanty..

this is you.
get to work.
 

Will_V

Chieftan
Staff member
tribal-elder
Joined
Jan 24, 2021
Messages
1,539
Imagine a man who hasn't known the taste of clean drinking water for years. How do you make it right? Maybe you give him clean drinking water. Or maybe you give him crisp champagne. As "interest" for the years he went without clean drinking water. Imagine a man who hasn't known the feel of cotton for years. Maybe you give him a t-shirt. Or maybe you dress him in silks and satins for the rest of his days. As "interest."

What could be done for a man who years, decades, without the touch of a woman?

That's me. My 49th birthday was a few days ago and I've still never been intimate with a woman. In any way. And after a while I stop wondering how to get intimate with "a woman" and start wondering what I can instead do/experience to make it up to myself for going all these years without so much as a kiss. Because the way I feel right now, being with just any one pretty woman is not gonna be enough. I don't even think I want that. An average woman would've been fine if I was having sex at a normal age. But because I'm an old person now, what I want is something big and special. Something that is a fair trade for all the years I was getting nothing. Something that will make those years "worth the wait." Otherwise I'll never be happy.

I've talked to people about this before, yes one of those people was a therapist. I've heard a lot of different things. For instance, how much right do I have to be dissatisfied with my life, really? For instance, if I was... 19. And I was like "I can't believe I'm still a virgin at 19 that's it I need something special," it'd be ridiculous to lament being a virgin at 19. That's perfectly normal. So okay, how about... 21? 22? 25? 30? 35? 40? At what point does your plight become something to write home about? At what point have I earned the right to say "My life is officially substandard?" For when my life is officially "substandard," I can demand satisfaction. And if my life is substandard, if I have passed the threshold where I've gone an unusually long time being a virgin, just getting to be with some woman wouldn't make up for all the sex I should've had over the past decades.

Why don't I just break the seal? Be with "some woman" anyway? Get what I can manage to pull? Because I feel nothing for those women. It's not their fault, these are perfectly fine women. But I can't just stiff myself on the payback I owe. It's insulting. And I can't bring myself to settle for less. So when I see perfectly fine normal women, I feel no interest. I want something special. But I'm not quite sure what would slake my thirst.

And I wonder if this forum/community can even help me with that. For one, can any of you even imagine what it's like to be nigh-50 and sexless? Can you even imagine what it would take to make up for that? It's like trying to imagine unfathomable hunger and telling yourself "I would eat a sandwich." You clearly don't understand unfathomable hunger. You don't understand, you could never eat enough sandwiches.

For two? This community seems less about scratching the itch for feminine company, and more about being a good man. And feeling good about how good of a man you are. What people get excited about around here is not getting to be with hot chicks, but being successful at pulling. Girls are not a reward to people here. Being a good man is. And while that might sound nice, I only care about being a good man as far as it'll get me the woman/women I need.

If I could turn back time and go through my 20s again, go back to school and climb the social ladders there, that would make up for it. But that's impossible. So I... guess I would need to know what the closest thing to that is. But I can't settle for mediocrity. I feel nothing for it. Every day I'm surrounded by people I feel nothing for and don't care about. Things I feel nothing for and don't care about. No I don't want a goddamned hobby. I feel nothing for rock climbing and cliff photography, I'm insulted by the thought of it. The only thing I care about right now is finding the sexual engagement that will excite me again.

You grab the closest water you can reach, drink it one mouthful at a time, and learn to control your emotions and let the desperation go.

Imagine if you were crawling through the sahara desert, your skin blistered and your throat parched, and you came across a puddle of dirty water. But you say "no, I won't drink it because my thirst is too great, it's not good enough". That would be insane. Everyone looking at it from the outside knows immediately that this guy has lost sense of reality. They would say "drink whatever you can get! Enjoy every drop! Try to find bigger and bigger puddles, drinking them all, so that you survive and thrive long enough to find one that's big enough to satisfy your entire thirst!".

This is a situation you must look at with a cool head and your emotions kept at bay. You know intuitively that you need to lose your virginity as a priority, and everything will be easier after that. That should be your only goal, everything else is heatstroke madness and must be firmly overruled.

Learn game, practice diligently day by day, love women and enjoy the journey as much as possible, and before you know it you'll have all the water you desire.
 

FrothySolutions

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Jan 14, 2022
Messages
49
But you are mediocre. Just being honest. Start at your level and work your way up..

Equivalent:
“i’m disgusted by poverty” *with a net worth of zero, never worked a day in his life*
“i won’t settle for anything less than a mansion” - as he adjusts the roof on his makeshift cardboard shanty..

this is you.
get to work.

I'm willing to do what it takes to be worth whatever it will take to make up for what I missed. I'm not expecting gold for straw. I know I'm mediocre, I don't intend to stay mediocre.

You grab the closest water you can reach, drink it one mouthful at a time, and learn to control your emotions and let the desperation go.

Imagine if you were crawling through the sahara desert, your skin blistered and your throat parched, and you came across a puddle of dirty water. But you say "no, I won't drink it because my thirst is too great, it's not good enough". That would be insane. Everyone looking at it from the outside knows immediately that this guy has lost sense of reality. They would say "drink whatever you can get! Enjoy every drop! Try to find bigger and bigger puddles, drinking them all, so that you survive and thrive long enough to find one that's big enough to satisfy your entire thirst!".

This is a situation you must look at with a cool head and your emotions kept at bay. You know intuitively that you need to lose your virginity as a priority, and everything will be easier after that. That should be your only goal, everything else is heatstroke madness and must be firmly overruled.

Learn game, practice diligently day by day, love women and enjoy the journey as much as possible, and before you know it you'll have all the water you desire.

In this scenario, the guy is still drinking dirty water, but he dreams of one day drinking something better. But for his suffering, what does he need to be truly happy?
 

topcat

Modern Human
Modern Human
Joined
Dec 20, 2012
Messages
699
In this scenario, the guy is still drinking dirty water, but he dreams of one day drinking something better. But for his suffering, what does he need to be truly happy?
he deserves to adjust his mindset. happiness is a choice, whether that be in adjusting your perspective on things, or in adjusting your behaviours to those that favour happiness.
 

FrothySolutions

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Jan 14, 2022
Messages
49
he deserves to adjust his mindset. happiness is a choice, whether that be in adjusting your perspective on things, or in adjusting your behaviours to those that favour happiness.

I can't teach myself to enjoy the taste of a shit sandwich. And even if I could, I don't think I want to.
 

Will_V

Chieftan
Staff member
tribal-elder
Joined
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Messages
1,539
I'm willing to do what it takes to be worth whatever it will take to make up for what I missed. I'm not expecting gold for straw. I know I'm mediocre, I don't intend to stay mediocre.



In this scenario, the guy is still drinking dirty water, but he dreams of one day drinking something better. But for his suffering, what does he need to be truly happy?
If you want to be worth what it takes to fill the void, do your push ups and eat your vegetables like it was everything you ever wanted. There is no skipping boot camp my friend.

Stop trying to figure out how to be happy, happiness is doing what you need to do immediately. You can figure out the rest later on.
 

Chase

Chieftan
Staff member
tribal-elder
Joined
Oct 9, 2012
Messages
5,484
@FrothySolutions,

You’re living too much in the land of fantasy/expectation, and you’re too passively waiting for a push.

I know where you’re at… I commiserate. But for a few rock bottom moments in my early 20s that shook me out of it I might be right there with you.

You feel like you deserve an incredible woman and great sexual experiences. You know you could probably get a mediocre woman. But man, it would be depressing to have to settle for that, and it doesn’t seem like that’d get you any closer to the incredible woman or the incredible sex. Farther away from her and it, really. There doesn’t seem to be a workable route TO that girl and that sex.

So you sit around, feeling frustrated and apathetic, feeling like each passing year you are getting farther and farther from your objective, farther and farther behind, with more and more to do to make up for lost time, but less and less of a path to ever doing it.

The burden of what you “must” do to make up for things has become overwhelming. All the more so because you do nothing whatsoever to chip away at it, and it only grows as time passes.

You need to have one specific realization before you can get out of the hole you’re in:

Given your lack of skill with women, the things you want with the women you want will NEVER happen.

Right now you’re reading that, and it is something I am saying.

You need to think about it over and over until it is something your own mind says and agrees with.

Let it sink in.

Both aspects… not just the “things you want with women will never happen” part, but also the “given your lack of skill with women” part. Take 10 minutes of silence and turn it over in your mind until it clicks.

When it does click, you should have the realization you’re in search of: “The only way to get what I’m after with women is to build this skill. I have to talk to women… I have to flirt with them… I have to ask them out on dates… I have to sleep with them. As I gain experience, I will develop this skill. As I develop the skill, I will begin to get more and more and more of what I want. Eventually I will surpass almost every man around me... all the men who have not devoted themselves to the development of this skill.”

That will start you on the path.

But you need to block out the time to meditate on that until it clicks at a gut level first:

“I will NEVER get what I want with women at the level of skill with them I’m at.”

Focus on that till it clicks. It’s the epiphany that’ll jumpstart all the others you’ll have in the weeks, months, and years after it.

Until it actually clicks in your head and gives you the kind of internal direction, clarity, and motivation you need, nothing anyone says will be of much use.

You must undergo that mental paradigm shift first.

Chase
 

Wick

Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
Joined
Dec 25, 2012
Messages
1,083
What Chase said. Actually I loved everyone’s responses. I think you’re way in your head and overthinking.

This is the right place for you if you want to improve your dating life. Perhaps the BEST place. I know of no other like GirlsChase, and the other dating advice sites do not even come close.

That being said, those that grow here, listen and try out the advices (that means actually talking to some women in real life) from the more experienced guys and then come back and share their experiences.

The guys who don’t grow, do not go out and try things out to see how it works. Instead they post their thoughts that are based not experience but mental rumination and what they’ve heard from others and argue with those same experienced guys who are trying to help.

Action then reflection then guidance.

You must take the action
You must reflect on what happened
And then seek out guidance here and you will have very valuable input to start taking more action
 
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Lobo

Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
Joined
Feb 24, 2020
Messages
198
You're going to die.

I say this in the harshest way possible.

And at the rate your going, with the mindsets you currently have, you WILL die a virgin.

So something has to change, and it won't be the universe.
 

lsrlnr

Rookie
Rookie
Joined
Jan 18, 2022
Messages
3
I wouldn't say the universe "owes" me anything. But I'm disgusted with mediocrity. I'm supposed to just swallow the fact that I missed out on being 21 and be happy with being 49? The only thing that makes being 49 worth a damn is memories of being 21. The universe doesn't "owe" me anything. But how am I supposed to be happy?

There's no going back in time for any of us. Just have to accept things as they are. Like who cares. There are examples of many others' whose lives were cut short. Or others who became para or quadraplegic so the rest of their lives was tragic. I guess the main thing is to go forward with what you can work at. There is no "making up" or "reliving the past in a different way". Like so what. Not all the billions of guys in the world have the same lives. Only a fraction of guys in the whole world actually live in the better first world countries of the western civilized world and in our spoiled and hypergamic cultures. Well, I'm similar to you in a way. Didn't have any sex until 36 , and I'd given up and seen a "provider" already. Which was underwhelming (and I would not recommend to someone new to it, as I have to live with regrets of it for the rest of my life). So now my next goals are for a relationship someday which I still haven't "achieved" yet. But I'm not deluded to think I'll ever have a "full" sex life or multiple gf's like others in their 20's and 30's, nor will I ever "make up for it", nor do I really care. I just want one decent relationship and it doesn't have to be an early 20's attractive female, but if it's not to be, it's ok too, as I'm used to being alone for life in the "worst" case with other goals. Cheers.
 
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sab

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Dec 5, 2021
Messages
70
@FrothySolutions,

You’re living too much in the land of fantasy/expectation, and you’re too passively waiting for a push.

I know where you’re at… I commiserate. But for a few rock bottom moments in my early 20s that shook me out of it I might be right there with you.

You feel like you deserve an incredible woman and great sexual experiences. You know you could probably get a mediocre woman. But man, it would be depressing to have to settle for that, and it doesn’t seem like that’d get you any closer to the incredible woman or the incredible sex. Farther away from her and it, really. There doesn’t seem to be a workable route TO that girl and that sex.

So you sit around, feeling frustrated and apathetic, feeling like each passing year you are getting farther and farther from your objective, farther and farther behind, with more and more to do to make up for lost time, but less and less of a path to ever doing it.

The burden of what you “must” do to make up for things has become overwhelming. All the more so because you do nothing whatsoever to chip away at it, and it only grows as time passes.

You need to have one specific realization before you can get out of the hole you’re in:

Given your lack of skill with women, the things you want with the women you want will NEVER happen.

Right now you’re reading that, and it is something I am saying.

You need to think about it over and over until it is something your own mind says and agrees with.

Let it sink in.

Both aspects… not just the “things you want with women will never happen” part, but also the “given your lack of skill with women” part. Take 10 minutes of silence and turn it over in your mind until it clicks.

When it does click, you should have the realization you’re in search of: “The only way to get what I’m after with women is to build this skill. I have to talk to women… I have to flirt with them… I have to ask them out on dates… I have to sleep with them. As I gain experience, I will develop this skill. As I develop the skill, I will begin to get more and more and more of what I want. Eventually I will surpass almost every man around me... all the men who have not devoted themselves to the development of this skill.”

That will start you on the path.

But you need to block out the time to meditate on that until it clicks at a gut level first:

“I will NEVER get what I want with women at the level of skill with them I’m at.”

Focus on that till it clicks. It’s the epiphany that’ll jumpstart all the others you’ll have in the weeks, months, and years after it.

Until it actually clicks in your head and gives you the kind of internal direction, clarity, and motivation you need, nothing anyone says will be of much use.

You must undergo that mental paradigm shift first.

Chase
Excellent advice...Never too late to become your best. Put in the work. There is no other way.
 

ph40

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Sep 6, 2021
Messages
118
I would just buy a high priced escort, so at least you have the experience of feeling a beautiful young female body.

Spare no expense. Get the one you are most attracted to. Yes. there will not be any real emotional connection, but you will have experienced one of the most beautiful women in the world, physically. That, to me, is worth it, far more than seducing some average or below average looking woman, and getting sex that way.

Ideally, an emotional connection and a long term relationship with someone you are physically attracted to is what you want, but I think in your situation that ship has sailed already. Going down the path of approaching women at this point in your life and learning game might lead you to bed some women, but they will not be of a high physical caliber. It's just not likely to attain a beautiful woman at your age through seduction alone, so unless you have very low standards, I would go the "pay for play" route to experience sex with a beautiful woman (if beauty is important to you, as it is to me).
 

Wick

Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
Joined
Dec 25, 2012
Messages
1,083
I would just buy a high priced escort, so at least you have the experience of feeling a beautiful young female body.
I spoke to a guy who decided to lose his V-card this way, he regretted it.
 

ph40

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Sep 6, 2021
Messages
118
I spoke to a guy who decided to lose his V-card this way, he regretted it.
Maybe he just got a mediocre hooker.

I would not go to a run-of-the-mill prostitute, or to a brothel for this. I would find a high-priced escort who provides the "girlfriend experience". It will be pricy, but it's worth it. Like thousands of dollars pricy, but if you can't get the "real thing" (a relationship with a beautiful woman), a facsimile of it (a beautiful woman pretending to be your girlfriend for a moment) is well worth it, so at least you don't die without having experienced that excitement. There are some women out there who are more beautiful than any you could seduce using game on the street, club, or bar, and they do provide a reasonably accurate level of engagement that makes you feel like you're part of a relationship. But again, they are pricy - depending on length of time you spend, thousands to tens of thousands of dollars pricy. But in this guy's situation, it will be worth it.
 
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topcat

Modern Human
Modern Human
Joined
Dec 20, 2012
Messages
699
Maybe he just got a mediocre hooker.

I would not go to a run-of-the-mill prostitute, or to a brothel for this. I would find a high-priced escort who provides the "girlfriend experience". It will be pricy, but it's worth it. Like thousands of dollars pricy, but if you can't get the "real thing" (a relationship with a beautiful woman), a facsimile of it (a beautiful woman pretending to be your girlfriend for a moment) is well worth it, so at least you don't die without having experienced that excitement. There are some women out there who are more beautiful than any you could seduce using game on the street, club, or bar, and they do provide a reasonably accurate level of engagement that makes you feel like you're part of a relationship. But again, they are pricy - depending on length of time you spend, thousands to tens of thousands of dollars pricy. But in this guy's situation, it will be worth it.

For example, if you want to look up one that I highly recommend, take the first name of singer Lana Del Rey, and the last name of action hero Indiana Jones, put them together, and find her on the web. She has her own site that lists all requirements, how to contact her, and proper protocol.
don’t do this..
 

ph40

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Sep 6, 2021
Messages
118
don’t do this..

Do you have first hand experience with this that you can reference and explain why you would dissuade someone from doing this?

Or are you just making a blanket generalization about something you don't have experience with?

I personally have experience with traditional dating (20s through 30s), sugar dating, and escorting. I can actually speak on all of these from experience.
 

Lobo

Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
Joined
Feb 24, 2020
Messages
198
For example, if you want to look up one that I highly recommend, take the first name of singer Lana Del Rey, and the last name of action hero Indiana Jones, put them together, and search for that if you so desire. She has her own site that shows you photos of her, lists all of her requirements, how to contact her, and proper protocol.
Looked her up(out of curiosity) and man, seeing girls like that and knowing all it takes is 1 approach gets me so excited about gaming :cool:.

Especially knowing there are incels out there paying THOUSANDS to see her lmao gtfo
 
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