How to approach situation - Very likely to bump into girl who isn't returning texts after date.

Orgasmatron

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Aug 13, 2021
Messages
309
Hey y'all.

I've just seen a girl who hasn't returned my texts after we went on a date recently.

She works near to where I live and it's the second time I've seen her in the last few weeks.

Don't know if she saw me either time. I think she might've seen me today as she walked right past me as I was sitting having my lunch and she kept walking pretty fast to get across the road. Maybe she was in a rush to get back to work, I don't know.

Pretty sure I'm going to bump into her at some point.

I'm not going to be all "why haven't you returned my texts" or some needy bullshit like that.
And I'm not going to hunt her down or wait outside her work like some crazy idiot.

But I do wonder if there is a good way to approach this.

Any suggestions?
 

Rain

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Jun 13, 2016
Messages
534
Don't quote me on this, but I vaguely remember Chase writing something in an article comment reply on how to handle something similar to this. The comment might have been about if you see someone you had approached, where as the difference here, is you did more than approach you've been on a date/hangout whatever to call it.

Anyway, Chase advice iirc, just a nod, I'm guessing a downward nod, not an upward try and make things happen nod, and keep walking. So eye contact and a nod down, then look ahead and keep walking. But don't quote me on that.

I did an approach the other day[so this definitely not same as yours] in a discount store and saw her in the same shopping center I dunno 20mins later and by chance we crossed paths she didn't make any eye contact, but nothing bad happened. She just kept walking as did I.
 

Orgasmatron

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Aug 13, 2021
Messages
309
Don't quote me on this, but I vaguely remember Chase writing something in an article comment reply on how to handle something similar to this. The comment might have been about if you see someone you had approached, where as the difference here, is you did more than approach you've been on a date/hangout whatever to call it.

Anyway, Chase advice iirc, just a nod, I'm guessing a downward nod, not an upward try and make things happen nod, and keep walking. So eye contact and a nod down, then look ahead and keep walking. But don't quote me on that.

I did an approach the other day[so this definitely not same as yours] in a discount store and saw her in the same shopping center I dunno 20mins later and by chance we crossed paths she didn't make any eye contact, but nothing bad happened. She just kept walking as did I.

Thanks,

I think I should clarify something, maybe I didn't make it clear earlier. My bad.

I'm not embarrassed to see her or anything, or shy about talking to her.

I'm wondering if there is a way to get things going with her again because I'd like to hook up with her.
It was just a date during the day, I didn't get any further than that. I imagine that makes a difference.

Maybe she's had a stressful morning at work, and would like to take her mind of it at lunchtime, I just live nearby. I could help her out!
 
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mist

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
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Jul 2, 2021
Messages
377
Thanks,

I think I should clarify something, maybe I didn't make it clear earlier. My bad.

I'm not embarrassed to see her or anything, or shy about talking to her.

I'm wondering if there is a way to get things going with her again because I'd like to hook up with her.
It was just a date during the day, I didn't get any further than that. I imagine that makes a difference.

Maybe she's had a stressful morning at work, and would like to take her mind of it at lunchtime, I just live nearby. I could help her out!
Bump. I'd be interested in this too.
 

Vision

Tribal Elder
Tribal Elder
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Jul 3, 2020
Messages
323
This is the old... "she's pulled away and disappeared, how do I get her back" conundrum.

I'll tell you what you probably already know...

If she hasn't returned your texts, she isn't that into you...

She has other priorities that are far more important than you are. She doesn't like you that much or she'd happily be responding to your text messages.

You don't have much time together but the time you did spend together didn't make her feel the right things, unfortunately.

So now she's completely ignoring you, which is making you more attracted to her. You want what you can't have, she's not interested and so you want her.

Your best course of action is to move on, get into abundance, and stop thinking about her.

Since you do see her because she works near where you live, the best thing that could happen is for her to see you with other women, if you're going to keep thinking about her... that way you get social proof and she gets FOMOed (potentially).

The only other thing you can really do is wait a week or two and reach out to her again.

But if she's straight up ignoring your messages, which is what she's doing, she really doesn't care about you or like you all that much.

Best case scenario would be that she's playing some kind of game to get your interest in her up... but that's not likely. It's far more likely she just doesn't like you that much.
 
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Orgasmatron

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Aug 13, 2021
Messages
309
This is the old... "she's pulled away and disappeared, how do I get her back" conundrum.

I'll tell you what you probably already know...

If she hasn't returned your texts, she isn't that into you...

She has other priorities that are far more important than you are. She doesn't like you that much or she'd happily be responding to your text messages.

You don't have much time together but the time you did spend together didn't make her feel the right things, unfortunately.

So now she's completely ignoring you, which is making you more attracted to her. You want what you can't have, she's not interested and so you want her.

Your best course of action is to move on, get into abundance, and stop thinking about her.

Since you do see her because she works near where you live, the best thing that could happen is for her to see you with other women, if you're going to keep thinking about her... that way you get social proof and she gets FOMOed (potentially).

The only other thing you can really do is wait a week or two and reach out to her again.

But if she's straight up ignoring your messages, which is what she's doing, she really doesn't care about you or like you all that much.

Best case scenario would be that she's playing some kind of game to get your interest in her up... but that's not likely. It's far more likely she just doesn't like you that much.

You're right of course.

I'll just have to move on.

It's okay, I met a girl I liked yesterday who doesn't want to go out with me either, so I'll obsess over her for a bit instead :)

I'll be very glad when abundance starts to kick in
 

Rain

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
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Jun 13, 2016
Messages
534
So now she's completely ignoring you, which is making you more attracted to her. You want what you can't have, she's not interested and so you want her.
Was this the part where you said it was a sign of low self esteem or was it a different part of the post?
Did you change your mind about what constitues self esteem or was it more about you didn't want to be an asshole?
I'm not sure I agree or disagree with the whole self esteem and you don't need other people bla bla thinking , so thats the reason why I'm asking :)
 

Vision

Tribal Elder
Tribal Elder
Joined
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Messages
323
Was this the part where you said it was a sign of low self esteem or was it a different part of the post?
Did you change your mind about what constitues self esteem or was it more about you didn't want to be an asshole?
I'm not sure I agree or disagree with the whole self esteem and you don't need other people bla bla thinking , so thats the reason why I'm asking :)

Yeah, I removed it, thought maybe it was unnecessary... I go into psycho-babble sometimes and it's not what was asked for. I have a problem with giving way more information than needed sometimes. I decided to remove it this time as I thought it would detract from the information that was asked for.
 

Orgasmatron

Space Monkey
space monkey
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Messages
309
Bit of an update.

I bumped into the girl again, today at lunchtime, in exactly the same place where I first met her.

At the time, I had asked her if there was a bin nearby, as I had some rubbish to dispose of, so I did that again, she thought it was funny.

Chatted for a bit, general friendly chit chat, I didn't say anything about the date or texts, and I didn't ask her out or give her any compliments, or make any reference to any of that stuff. She was a bit unsure at the start but I think she was fine once she realised I wasn't going to make a big deal about stuff.

I'm not sure what the self-esteem bit above was about. I'll not take offence about it anyway if you want to say. If not, cool :)

Maybe to further clarify things. I'm not pining after her or anything like that.
My position is that she is an attractive woman, I would happily spend some time with her again, and given half a chance, would totally bang her.
So I would talk to her again, just wondered if there was a particular way to do that.

eg. definitely don't say X, try to move the conversation onto Y

But if she's not into me then that's fine, I'm not bothered.

The only reason I asked in the first place was that I thought it was likely we would run into each other again, so I wondered if there was a way to approach things, and reframe (i guess) things in a way that meant that the door would still be open for another date, and maybe more...

I saw another girl who turned me down cuz she had a boyfriend when I was out after work today. I believe the BF is real, but got the impression he may be history soon. She was with a friend, and I was out to see if I could meet someone new, so I didn't stop to chat. And with her, I'll likely bump into her sometime too, as we are into the same music stuff, and there are only so many places to go here, and so many places to hang out in town.

I live in Edinburgh, and yeah it's a city, but it's not London or New York, so I will run into girls I've approached before, or been on dates with, again. So, I thought it might be a good idea to think about what to do if you run into them again and you might get another chance to make something happen.
 

Vision

Tribal Elder
Tribal Elder
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Messages
323
I removed it because I don't want it to distract from the conversation, so don't worry about it.

I live in a city with 5 million people in it and I run into girls I've dated or had sex with more often than is comfortable so I'm sure you will too, lol.
 

Skjöldr

Modern Human
Modern Human
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Nov 18, 2019
Messages
963
I removed it because I don't want it to distract from the conversation, so don't worry about it.

I live in a city with 5 million people in it and I run into girls I've dated or had sex with more often than is comfortable so I'm sure you will too, lol.
Really?? i live in a 100-200k city and i run into girls i have approached before, dated or had sex with quite often. not every girl lol, but maybe like every 10 girl i see i can recognize and sometimes i approach a girl for the 3rd time and i have literally no idea who she is lol. fuck it who cares.
 

Orgasmatron

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Aug 13, 2021
Messages
309
I removed it because I don't want it to distract from the conversation, so don't worry about it.

I live in a city with 5 million people in it and I run into girls I've dated or had sex with more often than is comfortable so I'm sure you will too, lol.
No worries, cheers
 

Orgasmatron

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Aug 13, 2021
Messages
309
Really?? i live in a 100-200k city and i run into girls i have approached before, dated or had sex with quite often. not every girl lol, but maybe like every 10 girl i see i can recognize and sometimes i approach a girl for the 3rd time and i have literally no idea who she is lol. fuck it who cares.
That's funny about having no idea who she is, lol.

I think it's 500k here

Lots of tourists though so I'm hoping to be a helpful tour guide
 

Fuck This

Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
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Jul 24, 2015
Messages
2,092
Excellent

Thank you
Best advice at the end

Be cool. Don't get flustered when people ghost you. Stay unflappable.

And when you run into them again, they will (pretty much universally) recognize that you are in fact way cooler than they initially presumed.

And that will, very, very often, cause them to reassess their decision to ghost on you... and decide that maybe you are someone they ought to have in their lives after all.
 
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