I'm sitting here in a fair amount of emotional pain. Things didn't work out with a girl I really had high hopes for, and so I find myself in those ole' familiar feelings. I've been here enough times to know that wallowing in it isn't helpful, so I've started asking the question, what now?
First of all, I should say that I don't believe that pain is bad or to be avoided at all costs. It sucks, but many times it helps us grow. That being said, sometimes pain is just the by-product of a purely destructive problem that isn't helping anything, and the pain is trying to teach us not to let it happen again. So which is it in this case?
I'm 28 now. I've been reading this site for almost a decade. I've been around the love/seduction/heartbreak box many times, and seen it from almost every angle at least once. If I really wanted to avoid heartbreak once and for all, I believe I could do it. I could just avoid ever becoming emotionally invested in anyone that wasn't at least "x" times as emotionally invested in me. But that's boring. So every now and then, with the right girl, I allow myself to get into a position where heartbreak is a possible outcome. Sometimes the gamble pays off; sometimes it doesn't. Every now and then, like now, I'm left with my head spinning, wondering, "Why did I take that dumb gamble again?"
In regards to how to cope with feeling the pain, I think I've got that mostly figured out. I know about meditation, exercise, the importance of staying busy without completely blocking out the feelings. I have a decent support network that I can and will utilize. I know not to let the pain consume me, and I'm not afraid of collapsing under it like I was when I was much younger. And in no way is this a problem of "oneitis"; although I am stuck in a scarce environment for the next few months (How do you maintain an abundance mindset in the face of a scarce reality? A question for another thread perhaps.)
I was reading one of Hector's articles about fear. Part of the pain I feel is egotistical fear (I should have been skilled enough to overcome that and avoided this situation). Part of it is that scarcity fear (I'm getting older, how many more shots like this will I realistic get?). Part of it is existential fear (Am I capable of ever getting what I want with women? Or will I always fall short of the bar--even if it's always a new, higher bar). There's a comment I've seen around this site, "If you're afraid of losing a girl, you've already lost her." But I don't think I'll ever be capable of having a girl in my life I really care about without ever feeling a little afraid of losing her once in a while. If I'm not afraid of losing someone at least a little bit, then they aren't adding that much to my life. Just some thoughts.
I intend to use this experience to learn and grow. I always come out stronger on the other side. But I'm getting to an age where I feel like time is working against me. If I were five years younger, it would be different. But it's taken me a long time to become pretty close to the type of man women want; maybe too long. It seems like as soon as I attain a certain level of solidness as a man, I immediately find myself playing in a higher arena where I suck again, or wanting something more than I know how to get again. I read this site and so much of it is internalized by now, stuff that I agree with or already do automatically, I feel like I could write half the articles these days. And yet, so many years after finding GirlsChase, it seems I'm still far from getting what I want with women. I still make the same mistakes sometimes that I made when I was 20, even though I know better, and that's what really scares me.
First of all, I should say that I don't believe that pain is bad or to be avoided at all costs. It sucks, but many times it helps us grow. That being said, sometimes pain is just the by-product of a purely destructive problem that isn't helping anything, and the pain is trying to teach us not to let it happen again. So which is it in this case?
I'm 28 now. I've been reading this site for almost a decade. I've been around the love/seduction/heartbreak box many times, and seen it from almost every angle at least once. If I really wanted to avoid heartbreak once and for all, I believe I could do it. I could just avoid ever becoming emotionally invested in anyone that wasn't at least "x" times as emotionally invested in me. But that's boring. So every now and then, with the right girl, I allow myself to get into a position where heartbreak is a possible outcome. Sometimes the gamble pays off; sometimes it doesn't. Every now and then, like now, I'm left with my head spinning, wondering, "Why did I take that dumb gamble again?"
In regards to how to cope with feeling the pain, I think I've got that mostly figured out. I know about meditation, exercise, the importance of staying busy without completely blocking out the feelings. I have a decent support network that I can and will utilize. I know not to let the pain consume me, and I'm not afraid of collapsing under it like I was when I was much younger. And in no way is this a problem of "oneitis"; although I am stuck in a scarce environment for the next few months (How do you maintain an abundance mindset in the face of a scarce reality? A question for another thread perhaps.)
I was reading one of Hector's articles about fear. Part of the pain I feel is egotistical fear (I should have been skilled enough to overcome that and avoided this situation). Part of it is that scarcity fear (I'm getting older, how many more shots like this will I realistic get?). Part of it is existential fear (Am I capable of ever getting what I want with women? Or will I always fall short of the bar--even if it's always a new, higher bar). There's a comment I've seen around this site, "If you're afraid of losing a girl, you've already lost her." But I don't think I'll ever be capable of having a girl in my life I really care about without ever feeling a little afraid of losing her once in a while. If I'm not afraid of losing someone at least a little bit, then they aren't adding that much to my life. Just some thoughts.
I intend to use this experience to learn and grow. I always come out stronger on the other side. But I'm getting to an age where I feel like time is working against me. If I were five years younger, it would be different. But it's taken me a long time to become pretty close to the type of man women want; maybe too long. It seems like as soon as I attain a certain level of solidness as a man, I immediately find myself playing in a higher arena where I suck again, or wanting something more than I know how to get again. I read this site and so much of it is internalized by now, stuff that I agree with or already do automatically, I feel like I could write half the articles these days. And yet, so many years after finding GirlsChase, it seems I'm still far from getting what I want with women. I still make the same mistakes sometimes that I made when I was 20, even though I know better, and that's what really scares me.
