How to deal with men who treat you lower than them by giving you 'approval'?

[jesslee09]

It's really annoying as fuck when it happens. For instance, I was in a summer class. I barely got in and it was a class I NEEDED to transfer or I would've been out. Anyways, as I make it into class, and as I'm sitting there, I found that I am in.

Guy: You okay?
Me: Yeah, man. I barely got into this class, I was the last one to be accepted from the wait-list. It's literally the last class I need to be accepted to X University.
Guy: Ah, yeah. Good job man. I'm proud of you. (Expressing 'approval')

This kind of shit fucking annoys me. When a guy deliberately asks you something and I just treat them like an equal and they feel the need to give you a statement of 'approval' as if I asked for it in the first place.

How do you deal with this?

 

[uForia]

Think how George Clooney would react to that. I'd just give a mild grin with no teeth shown with a frown on my face, not verbally respond to that, and walk away or change the topic. It could also be an issue with your fundamentals causing the person to treat you like a kid or someone lower than them.

 

[trashKENNUT]

jesslee09,

Is there anyone around?

Sometimes there are people who are like me. The way we talks, seem condescending because we lean more towards objective of the conversation. Something that i need to be wary of and tone it down abit.

So yea, you need to give context so i give you the best advice possible, and why.

Zac

 

[DarkKnight]

I know the behaviour. When you do not feel super confident it can feel as if a guy like that can harm your frame. But here is the secret: People who indulge in such behaviour are usually ladder climbing, which means that they do not feel that confident themselves. I usually do not have to really "do" or "say" something because I already know the other guy feels a tid bit uncomfortable and my silence will increase this even more so. Only when someone is doing this in a group and really being obnoxious about this I confront them head on. Usually they have quite a weak frame and fold because they did not expect swift retribution.

However, when I do strike back I always do this from a position of superiority myself. "You're messing with the wrong guy" frame. Usually I give a sharp fast response and then switch to being nice again as if everything is a joke and I'm just being friendly despite the sharp rebuttal. Trust me, the other guy will register where you are coming from

 

[Fuck This]

How about you lighten up and don't take stuff personally? you are showing your lack of self confidence by being aggravated by someone trying to compliment you.

Accept his compliment and move on. It's the academic equivalent of getting the last seat on the last bus of the night. Enjoy the ride. Get off at your stop and go on with your life. He was NOT trying to make you look bad. In fact he admired you.

 

[jesslee09]

How about you lighten up and don't take stuff personally? you are showing your lack of self confidence by being aggravated by someone trying to compliment you.

Accept his compliment and move on. It's the academic equivalent of getting the last seat on the last bus of the night. Enjoy the ride. Get off at your stop and go on with your life. He was NOT trying to make you look bad. In fact he admired you.

You are actually in the wrong. I dismissed it in the beginning but noticed he kept doing it'. Giving me small orders. Telling me he approves or disapproves of something, when I had no intention of asking for any of his approval or didn't give a shit. He was definitely trying to position himself above me.

 

[sumwunimetonce]

This used to happen to me in college, or something similar, I would tell a women about a problem and she be super sympathetic ... "Oh my god that terrible"

It used to really piss me off because I thought they viewed me as weak, their frame was superior to mine ... and it sort of was, but why ?

I think this is caused by your insecurities bro (maybe his too but who cares)

I think the mentality is to thank him sincerely and then remain totally unreactive.

You will see other behaviour towards you change as you change yourself, and a quick way of doing that is by banging a few hotties, Good luck

 

[Lotus]

OP,

Honestly, who cares whether it was a complement or positioning? I really doesn't matter at all on any level.

FT the fact that this the thread exists shows it some random dude with no value to your life has power over you just by saying some dumb shit.... think about it..... let it sink in..... that some dude you met yesterday has control over your emotional state.

I'm sure it was written on your face how upset you were so he kept going.

Imagine the power a girl you like will have over you?

The solution.... mentally move on..now. Worry about the class your trying to get through.

My recommendation is reading The Suble Art of Not Giving a Fuck.

Lotus

 

[trashKENNUT]

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*YAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN BIG BIG*

Zac