How to regain your confidence?

[Ergon]

So I wrote a very long post about stuff but luckily I decided to just summarize instead
The short of it is: been on a dry spell with girls for a few months. I also saw I girl I dated and ended bad recently and I felt low. Thirdly, I got involved and then abandoned several social circles because I was for the most part excluded -each time I grow moderately comfortable in one I start acting too goofy and uncallibrated. What's more, I don't know how to handle disrespect and I often end up being a pushover. (Having an accent and not quite perfect English doesn't help much neither)
Also I'm in a transition period, doing a busser/food runner job. and figuring out how I want to build my career (at the beginning of this year I took a break from uni because I just couldn't convince myself that I like my career or it's what I want to do all my life: cs. And this even though I know it's one of the best careers, and I've always had A's or B in my classes till the end of my sophomore last year. Thinking about becoming a bartender in the meantime).

So with this slight turmoil, what is your advice guys for keeping the morale high? How can I emanate confidence during rocky times? I've been definitely taking steps like keeping a productive routine, exercising and journaling, but I'd still like to hear your opinion, tips or advise...

Cheers,
Ergon

 

[foggy]

Hi Ergon,

If you have put work into your fundamentals, I bet you're already coming across as confident to other people! For example, do you have great posture? People who stand up straight are perceived as more confident. It ends up being a cycle: you know other people perceive you as confident so you become more confident

If you haven't been working on your fundamentals, I suggest you do that because improving yourself will make you feel more confident in yourself and people will view you as more confident too.

I also suggest telling yourself "I am confident." multiple times a day. You might not believe it at first but eventually it will get internalized.

 

[Regal Tiger]

I agree with songbird about working on your fundamentals. Choose one, maybe two of them that you feel like you could improve on and just focus on those.

Though I heavily disagree with just telling yourself that you are confident.

The brain doesn't work that way. So if you tell yourself that you are confident when you don't feel confident the brain has a tendency to fight against that. So instead of telling yourself that you are confident, instead tell yourself something that's not as easy to fight against.

For example, say you don't feel confident. You could attack that feeling with "Sure, I don't feel confident right this minute, but I'm working on it. Hell just the other day I had *insert good thing that happened here*. I'm also working on it with my *fundamentals, or whatever else you may be working on* and while I'm not where I want to bet yet, I know that I'll get there. That super sexy of a stud Regal Tiger started out where I am and look at him now... so god damned handsome and shit..."

Something like that

The reason that I suggest actually affirming that you don't feel confident in the moment, but then immediately attacking it with something that is completely true is because it's much harder for your brain to argue against that. Then you also force yourself to think of something good that happened as a kind of proof that you are getting better and that you will reach your goal.

You can even go a step further in picking someone that is where you wanna be and knowing that they started out in the same spot you are. Hell, even Chase and Hector and them have bad days where they feel like shit and not confident. That's part of being a human being. The only reason that they don't dwell on it is because they have a lot of positive reference points that they can fall back on. These reference points actively tell them that they are good at whatever it is they're trying to do, or that they can get there. They're confident people because they're competent people, and they have a lot of proof that they're competent.

Good luck

 

[Ergon]

Thanks for the advice guys. I did take your word and worked a lot on fundamentals.

SF, I'm trying to make affirmations a part of my morning routine now.

RT lots of insights there.

Sure, I don't feel confident right this minute, but I'm working on it. Hell just the other day I had *insert good thing that happened here*. I'm also working on it with my *fundamentals, or whatever else you may be working on* and while I'm not where I want to bet yet, I know that I'll get there. That super sexy of a stud Regal Tiger started out where I am and look at him now... so god damned handsome and shit…

This was helpful. I kept thinking my career and life mission were totally in disarray and couldn't do much about it (for this or that reason), but at least I had time to focus on fundamentals and social skills. It ended up well. I felt very unmotivated with life too much and unconfident, but just getting myself out there to socialize, and with the a few pick up wings I met, helped immensely.

After a one month trip to my native city (one of the reasons my life was getting too convoluted) I came back with a lot more clarity, a few offers for work projects (generated through my going out to clubs and other events), and at least a better idea of what I should do the upcoming two years or so.

So I feel in a totally different space now and that's great. Now, just got to continue the work and write more FR! Thanks again for the input

 

[Regal Tiger]

Thanks for the advice guys. I did take your word and worked a lot on fundamentals.

SF, I'm trying to make affirmations a part of my morning routine now.

RT lots of insights there.

Sure, I don't feel confident right this minute, but I'm working on it. Hell just the other day I had *insert good thing that happened here*. I'm also working on it with my *fundamentals, or whatever else you may be working on* and while I'm not where I want to bet yet, I know that I'll get there. That super sexy of a stud Regal Tiger started out where I am and look at him now... so god damned handsome and shit…

This was helpful. I kept thinking my career and life mission were totally in disarray and couldn't do much about it (for this or that reason), but at least I had time to focus on fundamentals and social skills. It ended up well. I felt very unmotivated with life too much and unconfident, but just getting myself out there to socialize, and with the a few pick up wings I met, helped immensely.

After a one month trip to my native city (one of the reasons my life was getting too convoluted) I came back with a lot more clarity, a few offers for work projects (generated through my going out to clubs and other events), and at least a better idea of what I should do the upcoming two years or so.

So I feel in a totally different space now and that's great. Now, just got to continue the work and write more FR! Thanks again for the input

Hey Ergon! Glad to hear that I was able to help ya, and I like the news of you moving forward

Keep that shit up you fuckin sex machine