Calls & Texts How to reschedule/decline a date from a girl and still keep her around for later ?

[Witcher]

Hello everyone!

The QUESTION: How to reschedule or refuse a date request from a girl and still keep her around until you schedule clears up.

THE DETAILS AND CONTEXT :
With some lifestyle changes and the application of good texting practices from @Skills and @POB , I'm now having a fair number of interested women around me.

However, everything comes at a cost, and my current tight schedule makes it a bit difficult to actually meet those girls.

The problem:
I realized that I have no Reliable and socially savvy way to properly decline and resechedule a date with a girl. Even more, no reliable way to do it without sending her into auto-rejections and keeping her around until the schedule clears up.

Especially in these two scenarios :

1. When she agrees to meet and you ask her about her schedule(as in GC classic guides), but the times/dates she gives are not suitable for you
2. When she actually asks you when you are free (after a soft close for example)

What I have been doing :
I have been winging it so far sing using two ways

1. -Honesty like: "This week is a bit hectic for me, can we review that bit later when things come back to normal?"
2. -Some form of the flake first technique from @Chase

Results:
Most of the time, the girls don't react negatively or block me. However, after that, I always felt like the girls were becoming colder, and they are less engaged in future conversations and pings. Also, rescheduling becomes a bit of a nightmare.

So for the most seasoned members! What would be the most socially savvy way to deal with these?

Thanks

 

[Skills]

brother before you hard close, you need to know her availability... so this does not happen... if it does not match don't go for the hard close...

 

[topcat]

-Honesty like: "This week is a bit hectic for me, can we review that bit later when things come back to normal?"

This, but with some tweaking.

To avoid her auto rejecting, she needs to know there was a genuine reason for the flake (or your busyness) that can’t be avoided. The vaguer you’re excuse the more likely she’ll assume you’re bullshitting and take it personally.

So what you do is explain the real reason for your flaking in a way that clearly shows it can’t be avoided and is for a greater purpose than simply lack of interest (“have to help my cousin move “ “have a large project i need to complete this week” etc).

Then you tell her that you’d love to hang out, and you’ll get back to her in the next few days/next week to schedule/reschedule.

When you reach out make sure you do it by that date, and don’t just jump into the conversation with a hard close or soft close for that matter.

Ping her, have a good interaction and then if she’s complying and vibing, offer her the reschedule as a reward for said compliance. That way you don’t overextend yourself on low interest and she feels both relieved and rewarded by you reaching out.

Make sense?

 

[Witcher]

brother before you hard close, you need to know her availability... so this does not happen... if it does not match don't go for the hard close...

Then what to answer or follow up when she gives a time you are not good with it? Change the subject and do the soft close later? If you can give an example, that would be great

 

[Witcher]

This, but with some tweaking.

To avoid her auto rejecting, she needs to know there was a genuine reason for the flake (or your busyness) that can’t be avoided. The vaguer you’re excuse the more likely she’ll assume you’re bullshitting and take it personally.

So what you do is explain the real reason for your flaking in a way that clearly shows it can’t be avoided and is for a greater purpose than simply lack of interest (“have to help my cousin move “ “have a large project i need to complete this week” etc).

Then you tell her that you’d love to hang out, and you’ll get back to her in the next few days/next week to schedule/reschedule.

When you reach out make sure you do it by that date, and don’t just jump into the conversation with a hard close or soft close for that matter.

Ping her, have a good interaction and then if she’s complying and vibing, offer her the reschedule as a reward for said compliance. That way you don’t overextend yourself on low interest and she feels both relieved and rewarded by you reaching out.

Make sense?

Well, it makes a bit of sense since I did it once unconsciously. I had a solid reason to reschedule and just communicated that to the girl that I had to help a family member with stuff in their house, and if the next day would be good. It worked perfectly, the meet happened.

Never thought of giving more explanations may be the way ! I usually go with the "Never complain, never explian" policy, but I think now in this case it's necessary. More details make it genuine and real. People give vague reasons as soft rejections, and women are masters of it, and I think we just diplomatically rejecting them.

Question :
Don't you think it may be better to continue chatting rather than dropping and coming back later ?

 

[topcat]

Question :
Don't you think it may be better to continue chatting rather than dropping and coming back later ?

I guess you can if you want to, or if the conversation warrants it.

I typically don’t as it doesn’t much serve any strategic purpose. If my intent is to increase the chance that she comes out, a solid interaction is needed, which would have taken place before i asked her out/schedule in the first place. Closing out the conversation after the fact only helps me as it creates distance (push-pull).

Continuing the conversation on the other hand does nothing but over-inflate familiarity which i don’t want before i’ve laid the chick.

Perhaps you see differently?

 

[Witcher]

I guess you can if you want to, or if the conversation warrants it.

I typically don’t as it doesn’t much serve any strategic purpose. If my intent is to increase the chance that she comes out, a solid interaction is needed, which would have taken place before i asked her out/schedule in the first place. Closing out the conversation after the fact only helps me as it creates distance (push-pull).

Continuing the conversation on the other hand does nothing but over-inflate familiarity which i don’t want before i’ve laid the chick.

Perhaps you see differently?

Completely get your point here. For me, these girls are on my social media and are from my social circle or extended social circle with whom I chat semi-regularly. So it may be a bit weird to just stop talking to them out of the blue.

 

[Skills]

Then what to answer or follow up when she gives a time you are not good with it? Change the subject and do the soft close later? If you can give an example, that would be great

I explained the scenario here:

Calls & Texts - when you soft close and she ignores it and when she soft close and you ignore it

This is something i covered in other post but not quite so i am going to make a kind of clarification/troubleshoot post.... If you soft close a girl and she does not bite, she knows what you are doing and she is playing stupid to save face and avoid an uncomfortable situation, a lot of girls...

www.skilledseducer.com

 

[Chase]

@Witcher,

I just went over this (the flaking thing anyway) with a student yesterday.

He very nearly lost a girl he met at a bar who was DTF for him because he had to flake on his date with her and botched the flake text. She went cold and said she wouldn't be able to meet him after that... fortunately the rest of his text game was good enough that he was able to turn it around and get her out on the date (then slay!).

He used to post here... maybe I can get him to log back in and post that LR. His text recovery was solid.

Maybe I should write an article about this, since this is two of the same question in as many days!

Anyway:

The problem:
I realized that I have no Reliable and socially savvy way to properly decline and resechedule a date with a girl. Even more, no reliable way to do it without sending her into auto-rejections and keeping her around until the schedule clears up.

Especially in these two scenarios :

1. When she agrees to meet and you ask her about her schedule(as in GC classic guides), but the times/dates she gives are not suitable for you

YOU: When are you free this week or next for a bite/drink?​

​

HER: I could do Wednesday after 7 PM. Or pretty much anytime Friday night or Saturday.​

​

YOU: Oh no My schedule is way too booked up. I actually have none of those days free You wouldn't happen to have Tues after 7, Thurs after 7, or Sunday open would you?​

Basically just show a little fun/sympathetic emotion about how busy you are, then offer her a selection of potential other times/days to meet and see if she can swing any of those.

If not, then what can I say... you've just got too many bishes, playa

Keep in mind that if you have social events that are not dates, you can invite women to those in a pinch. e.g., she is free Saturday... you are going to a party on Saturday... fine; just take her to the party then.

If you are simply SO booked up with chicks that you do not have time for other chicks, you can always do what a guy I knew did back in the day, where he started taking two girls on dates at the same time... basically: he would lay a girl, then bring her along for a first date with the next girl... often having sex with the girl he already laid right before the date with the new girl... he said the new girls would settle into the two-girl date format pretty quick. Sometimes he'd pull both for a threesome, sometimes the first girl would go (he'd just nailed her before the date anyway), after giving the new girl her stamp of approval, and then he'd pull the new girl and lay her.

When she actually asks you when you are free (after a soft close for example)

You are so booked that if a woman asks you when you are free, your response is, "I have no free time"?

Again, if that is the case, and it is because you have so much going on socially that you do not have time to spare, then you are simply either going to have to take girls along with you to social events, or if 100% of your time is dating other girls, then you are going to have to start taking two girls out at the same time.

If you do the latter, definitely post some FRs... and LRs...!

-Honesty like: "This week is a bit hectic for me, can we review that bit later when things come back to normal?"

Too vague, pushes things out too far.

If she's receptive to you this week, it's no guarantee she'll be receptive to you next week.

There are 168 hours in a week. You do not have 2-3 hours in there SOMEWHERE you can meet her?

Honestly, there is a point you can reach where you are so busy with work + social life + women that you simply need to be more selective about the girls you meet.

When that happens, you stop having scheduling issues, because then it becomes a question of, "Is this girl hot/awesome enough that I'm willing to move stuff around or miss out on some sleep in order to see?"

If "yes", then you do. If "no", then you just don't meet her.

But if you still need to delay for a week, then you can do:

YOU: OMG, please don't hate me, but I am SLAMMED wall-to-wall this week... it is like a work-life tsunami. I have this crazy job that doesn't tell me my schedule at all until Sunday evening -- can I text you when I get it and we plan something for next week?​

... or something along those lines.

Chase

 

[topcat]

If you are simply SO booked up with chicks that you do not have time for other chicks, you can always do what a guy I knew did back in the day, where he started taking two girls on dates at the same time... basically: he would lay a girl, then bring her along for a first date with the next girl... often having sex with the girl he already laid right before the date with the new girl... he said the new girls would settle into the two-girl date format pretty quick. Sometimes he'd pull both for a threesome, sometimes the first girl would go (he'd just nailed her before the date anyway), after giving the new girl her stamp of approval, and then he'd pull the new girl and lay her.

Sorry to derail, but how did he frame this, so all parties were onboard? I'd love to do this

 

[Chase]

Sorry to derail, but how did he frame this, so all parties were onboard? I'd love to do this

It's been a little while, but IIRC he would schedule a date with a girl first, then say, "Hey, if you don't mind, I'd like to bring a friend." Girls pretty much never had an issue with this.

Then, for the girl he'd already laid, he'd have her come over before his date with the other girl, have sex, then tell her, "I have another date right after this, want to come?" and girls were genuinely all curious and keen.

So he'd show up to the date with the new girl, other girl in tow, greet her, introduce the two girls, and include the older girl by asking her opinions of the newer girl as they spoke, e.g., "So what do you think, she seems pretty cool, right?" right in front of the newer girl, with the general setup being that the new girl had to impress not just him but the older girl as well.

 

[topcat]

It's been a little while, but IIRC he would schedule a date with a girl first, then say, "Hey, if you don't mind, I'd like to bring a friend." Girls pretty much never had an issue with this.

Then, for the girl he'd already laid, he'd have her come over before his date with the other girl, have sex, then tell her, "I have another date right after this, want to come?" and girls were genuinely all curious and keen.

So he'd show up to the date with the new girl, other girl in tow, greet her, introduce the two girls, and include the older girl by asking her opinions of the newer girl as they spoke, e.g., "So what do you think, she seems pretty cool, right?" right in front of the newer girl, with the general setup being that the new girl had to impress not just him but the older girl as well.

Amazing, thanks. I’m going to log this and give it a try.