How to respond - Why do you like me?

[Fluxcapacitor]

Dudes! What is the best response for the question “why do you like me?” I find this comes in two forms, they’ve either disqualified themselves and looking for you to chase/validate them or they think there is a value gap and need reassurance which again will validate them. If they require reassurance I’m assuming it is best to actually offer some validation to stop them from auto rejecting you?

I have encountered this situation a few times this past year (and once already this year) and the times this has come from a girl that found me incredibly high value and needed reassurance I avoided answering and tried validating them by rewarding them with touch and kisses. This mostly worked and they were happy to accept it. I was occasionally met with an objection of that’s not an answer to which I would usually kiss them again. Don’t know if I would have been better to deliver a sincere compliment here instead but I wanted to avoid validating them directly.

When the question has been asked in disqualification such as “Why do you like me? You’re like really into your fitness and I just read. We’re like opposites” I’ve just responded with a look or by questioning them “and?” this has worked. I haven’t directly answered the question, I haven’t validated them but I kept in the game with possibly a neutral response at best. Is there a better way to handle this? Any thoughts?

Thanks dudes!

 

[Fuck This]

Truth be told I'm attracted to confident women so I haven't been asked that question. But you should be able to articulate why you are spending time with her. It will head off that question. In fact my GF is a master at the "what I like about us" statements.

If you need some examples:
I like our banter back and forth . You are really easy to talk to.
I like our physical connection. You seem to anticipate where to touch me at just the right time (save this for a woman you are having sex with).
I like the way you make me feel at ease . You are so easy to talk to.
I like the way you make me broaden my perspective.
I like the look in your eyes when we first see each other after being apart...

 

[Lover]

At what stage has this happened to you?

It happened to me with one girl once we were sleeping together on the regular. She probably wanted to make sure I wasn't using her to pump and dump her, but that I actually enjoyed her. I don't remember my answer, but I was being honest. Stuff like her smile was adorable and her personality was amazing and why it was amazing. I put a lot of emphasis on her personality because I was genuinely attracted to it (besides her sexy body - but she already knew that ). She grew more affectionate towards me that night.

I never tried it before I had sex with a girl though. Curious to hear more context

 

[Fluxcapacitor]

@Fuck This dude! some of these girls I thought were confident up until this question. The most recent one is very head strong, confident, independent and seemed very together and then she asked why I liked her and noted that we were opposites. I passed it of with "and?" which seemed to work cause it doesn't matter.

@Lover dude! in the past 12 month this has happened 8 times and at different stages. The two that stand out the most to me both happened before I slept with them or even had the chance to. One nothing ever happened and the other one I slept with her that night (the example above I just gave to Fuck This) I find being honest and somewhat affectionate works really well if you've slept with them (especially if you've done it a few times an they're in rotation) before hand am not sure if its some resistance or ASD. If you can get past this test its usually plain sailing.

I find its usually reassurance that you like them or its validation. Sometimes a bit of both.

Really like some of fuck this's examples! I will be using them as I'll probably encounter this again! Thanks dudes!

 

[Glow]

Dudes! What is the best response for the question “why do you like me?” I find this comes in two forms, they’ve either disqualified themselves and looking for you to chase/validate them or they think there is a value gap and need reassurance which again will validate them. If they require reassurance I’m assuming it is best to actually offer some validation to stop them from auto rejecting you?

I have encountered this situation a few times this past year (and once already this year) and the times this has come from a girl that found me incredibly high value and needed reassurance I avoided answering and tried validating them by rewarding them with touch and kisses. This mostly worked and they were happy to accept it. I was occasionally met with an objection of that’s not an answer to which I would usually kiss them again. Don’t know if I would have been better to deliver a sincere compliment here instead but I wanted to avoid validating them directly.

When the question has been asked in disqualification such as “Why do you like me? You’re like really into your fitness and I just read. We’re like opposites” I’ve just responded with a look or by questioning them “and?” this has worked. I haven’t directly answered the question, I haven’t validated them but I kept in the game with possibly a neutral response at best. Is there a better way to handle this? Any thoughts?

Thanks dudes!

For me i would fix things earlier. Like get her to never ask it.

Firstly, it might be something you do that makes them feel like this - ive been doing similar things as a top dancer where they were blown away and i didnt realise how i was shooting myself in the foot by dancing good - them feeling extremely shit cause they couldnt follow the level i was displaying. or talking easily to top hierarchy girls right in front of them.

The key for girls feeling less worthy in a value gap, or directly paranoid - is to actively boost their confidence.

You can do this in many ways - i tend to elicit, stimulate the answer and ending it off w. telling her i like it or qualifying the specifics to her doing. Its Quite simply an act of mirroring her display, driving her into it more and then saying you like it. as a second thing. i dont just qualify. i show insight into her world emotionally, pacing her sorta while eg doing listing or rephrasing what shes saying to understand her, then i give a knee jerk sorta reaction to it that i like it or find it cool and maybe how. If i can i might say why but when i stimulate its not really needed. she just need that little end that you like it cause the magic lies in your stimulation where you sorta expand what she is doing.

A second thing i noted i do is often to paraphrase something shes mentioning giving a more positive and different angle to her, sorta shifting to display her value. means i pace her and then give my thoughts to it from a higher road - more postive angle to her thing. Im suggestive here though not telling her.

with elicitation you make it specific to her as you draw it out, flip it and then you qualify it at the end.

The cool thing about doing this proactively is that she gets the courage to engage with you which will make her more actively escalate on you too in some instances. There are some keys about moving her towards the lay across her resistance points too but thats a bit more advanced.

Btw beware you dont do it like a bad salesman - its a sorta ah it sounds like that would really put you in a good position to xxx. - sorta suggest things lightly making her realise it herself. So its not you saying it that boosts her but her own understanding of her self and what shes doing.

This is assuming it comes from what you were outlining of a perceived value gap and not due to other reasons.

 

[Fluxcapacitor]

@Glow dude! Thanks for the very detailed reply and looking at prevention rather than having to deal with it, it makes perfect sense. I can’t see how I could have done that in some of these interactions I’ve encountered. Maybe it’s my lack of perception, I’ll give a couple examples and hopefully someone can identify where I’ve messed up.

Social circle situation
There was a girl from my martial arts class that I made a move on when we were out, we were dancing together, we kissed and continued dancing still touching each other when she created a little space and said “I really really like you”. I didn’t want to validate her and tell her that I really liked her back and didn’t think throwing away ‘power’ straight away would have been a good move. I touched/played with her fingers more, she gave a submissive look and I pulled her in and kissed her as a reward. We kept dancing and she’d randomly get really nervous and ask me “Why are you with me? Cause you’re amazing and I really like you”, “are you drunk?” “Why? like I really really like you, why?” then away from the dancefloor when we were away on our own she asked “why do you like me?”. There was just a lot of “wow I didn’t expect this” to her where she clearly seen me as being out of her league. (Ironically she is one of the few girls that I was intimidated by because I thought she was so far out of my league I had no chance)
With this being night game/club and using physical/touch game to spike emotions other than validating her back telling her that I really liked her to I don’t know how I could have bridged that value gap here?

Delayed/Postponed first attempt - invested after
I recently met this girl in a night club, the interaction was going well and I handled all token resistance and made a strong impression then I hit a road block that she couldn’t sleep with me cause it was that time of the month. We postponed it and kept in touch after previously exchanging numbers. She messaged me every day and I kept her intrigued by not explicitly answering questions, teasing her and she was investing more and more. This beautiful successful girl was trying to impress me and I kept teasing her and acting cool without revealing to much about myself which kept her chasing. Despite the teasing I also let her know that I liked how she acted and shown her her value without explicitly saying it. The following week we bumped into each other when we were out again. I run a very similar dancefloor (with touch/physical game) game on her again with more compliance and investment from her. We got out of the club which is when she asked me why I liked her and somewhat disqualified herself pointing out that we’re like opposites. This is the one I responded to by questioning it “and?” which she accepted. I escalated back at her place and finished what I started. Again I’m not sure how I could have bridged this gap and feel this was more seeking validation.

Second time round
I met this other girl in a night club, she ended up leaving early with her friend but I arranged a date with her and grabbed her number. We met up, it took 3 dates but I was able to fully escalate with her. She was chasing a relationship, we were both out one night but at different clubs. She dragged her friends to the same club as me to see me, we ended up back at her place and we slept together again. After this she asked me “why do you like me? You’re perfect and I’m…you’re just perfect” I forget my answer but it was sincere and about how we connected. Throughout the dates I let her know that I liked her and let her know that she was cool when deep diving her. I didn’t notice there was a value gap and feel she wanted reassurance to prevent ASD.

Any thoughts? Thanks dude!

 

[Glow]

@Fluxcapacitor - youre welcome

I cant help you on these particular examples. the detail level is a little too superficial to see much in it. And i dont wanna give examples you start shooting blindly.

i think the first step is building awareness. Not wanting to change things. Figure out what is happening. See these things. Start looking for them. ask the girls how you came across when youre with them. they can give you a lot of insight when you pillow talk. Build awareness of it. See if there are several things to it maybe as i suggest.

secondly part of seeing opportunities or areas for this could be you seeing her more which is a key step where you in my world move into something we can label seduction. When you then sense or see shes feeling disconnected or iffy, thats when you wanna sorta nudge this in by eg eliciting something from her or just seeing it and reading her, then suggestively say this will be a positive thing for her shes bringing herself into. And Note that all this qualifying i like you type pointers is a lille plain compared to what im talking about. its more how a good parent would help a child understand something. Sorta pacing her and providing a perspective she can consider more than qualifying her type stuff..

Thirdly consider your own appearance - thought in a broader sense of how you come across in the various sides needed. You might be affectionately closed. Many guys are and dont note it. Means you dont mirror her affection in any way and is just a wall on the feel side of things. I dont know if it is the case w. you. but it is just a pitfall often seen that could bring the girls saying these things up. so you judge if its the case.

Im just shooting a bit here so maybe get more input from some who recognises the particular problem better.