Long-Term How To Train Girlfriend To Initiate Sex

[Kaida]

Basically the title.

Was wondering how I can train my girl to initiate sex with me. Very new relationship here (5 months fucking, <1 month exclusive)

She very much enjoys sex and has said multiple times that I’m the best sex she’s ever had. Our sex drives are very compatible too. I have zero issues with our sex life tbh

Only thing is I initiate sex nearly 100% of the time. Theres not really an issue necessarily since she always accepts my advances happily. Sometimes I’ll start the kissing and fingering but she’ll grab my dick first before I do. She does sometimes playfully avoid advances before giving in, I think she just likes me chasing her down.

But I would like her to start initiating more, just for the frame to be better and the relationship a little more enjoyable.

Any ideas on how to do that?

 

[Francis]

I feel like @topcat will have an answer to this since he's all about rewarding compliance. In this case it's "auto-investment"? Old Chase term.

Essentially it's an operant conditioning question? Not sure. Closest I had to a girlfriend who'd spend a while hanging at home together was a nymph, so she'd say "wanna fool around?" Or fuck around.

I've experimented slightly in a micro fashion during sex. Like I'd press my torso on hers as skin contact reward, remove... Wait for her to kiss me, press, pull away, rinse, repeat til she was kissing more actively. Same with her rolling into me laying in bed, etc.

So maybe find ways to tease and turn her on in general without escalating too hard, push pull, withdraw, wait for her to even subtly turn her body to you for a kiss, touch you etc. And reward it like Pavlov's dog. Over multiple days maybe you can create a reward circuit so she subconsciously learns.

Congrats on the girl. I know you had your choice of an entire campus lol she must be a good one. And a lucky gal to be the one to get you.

Highly recommend the tameability articles, Ricardus ones on relationships and the passion trap etc. Have fun!

 

[Francis]

I was reading something non-pickup/seduction related and it touched on operant conditioning.

the most powerful way to condition is not to reward every time. giving a reward every time fills the subject and predictable rewards lose their punch. the most effective reward schedule that creates the most persistent behavior is partial and variable. you don't know when the reward is coming or how big it will be. like a casino slot machine... the uncertainty hooks you. people keep checking their phones for texts. the inbox is a variable reward dispenser.

 

[POB]

Put her hand on your cock.
Then whisper in her ear: "that's how you make me feel every time I'm with you".
She'll probably comply and start rubbing it.

In case she doesn't, just keep her hand there and continue talking about any subject.
After a while, whisper again: "it's getting tight in there, you not gonna do anything about it?".

Shy/submissive women need to be challenged in a fun way to initiate things.
Other stuff I use:
"Your man is right here, don't you want to fuck him?"
"Don't you need to mark you territory? - while taking the shirt off"
"Come and get what you want...now!"

Tease her a bit and let it be like nothing happened.
Flip the script and let her chase...make your body the prize.
In time she'll be the one starting things.

 

[Skills]

Put her hand on your cock.
Then whisper in her ear: "that's how you make me feel every time I'm with you".
She'll probably comply and start rubbing it.

In case she doesn't, just keep her hand there and continue talking about any subject.
After a while, whisper again: "it's getting tight in there, you not gonna do anything about it?".

Shy/submissive women need to be challenged in a fun way to initiate things.
Other stuff I use:
"Your man is right here, don't you want to fuck him?"
"Don't you need to mark you territory? - while taking the shirt off"
"Come and get what you want...now!"

Tease her a bit and let it be like nothing happened.
Flip the script and let her chase...make your body the prize.
In time she'll be the one starting things.

If he is putting her hand on dick.. he is initiating...

There is no really tech to make them initiate... Some do and some don't... And it really doesn't matter what you want to avoid is women that denie sex...

Is not always good having women initiate sex... Is actually bad, cause if you are not in the mood... You are fucked... I wish my women didn't initiate sex tbh...

 

[POB]

He said "how to train" @Skills.
Can't train if you don't start somewhere.

Though I somewhat agree with your take...you can try some stuff to increase the odds, but in the end it comes down to her personality.

 

[Skills]

He said "how to train" @Skills.
Can't train if you don't start somewhere.

Though I somewhat agree with your take...you can try some stuff to increase the odds, but in the end it comes down to her personality.

They usually laying down put the knee.in your croach 90 percent do that to initiate sex... I am curious if anyone had success actually training someone... Never heard of it..

 

[POB]

Maybe "training" isn't the right word.
Perhaps coaching is better.

 

[Skills]

Maybe "training" isn't the right word.
Perhaps coaching is better.

i know what you mean, but i don't think there is really a way tbh... Only thing i remember are incidents were they got into such a horny state, women that did not tend to initiated, initiated during sprinkle times of heavy horniness....Then they started to, such as i remember post going to swing club.... or maybe making them watch porn, or alcohol with some. or hitting 30s..... situations were they got in a horny state were they initiated on their own...

But my point is based on my experience i never seen or witness a coaching/training... i did have one were i would snap my finger and point to my dick and she would suck it on command.... But i still snap the fingers...(so technically i still initiated)...


But i am curious as well if anyone has accomplish this....... My point is women that tend to initiate will always keep that up, women that don't remain the same....(unless the things i mentioned heavy sexual exposure or changing hormones that gets them horny to initiate)

 

[POB]

i know what you mean, but i don't think there is really a way tbh... Only thing i remember are incidents were they got into such a horny state, women that did not tend to initiated, initiated during sprinkle times of heavy horniness....Then they started to, such as i remember post going to swing club.... or maybe making them watch porn, or alcohol with some. or hitting 30s..... situations were they got in a horny state were they initiated on their own...

But my point is based on my experience i never seen or witness a coaching/training... i did have one were i would snap my finger and point to my dick and she would suck it on command.... But i still snap the fingers...(so technically i still initiated)...


But i am curious as well if anyone has accomplish this....... My point is women that tend to initiate will always keep that up, women that don't remain the same....(unless the things i mentioned heavy sexual exposure or changing hormones that gets them horny to initiate)

My exp too.
She may tweak some stuff to follow your lead, but it's really up them in the end.

Former main initiated all the time, loved to perform, to strip, did lap dances and the whole shebang.
Current main may be dying to fuck, but never initiates and is always waiting for me.

 

[Francis]

With a few casual girls and one main (no live in context) I conditioned with the cuddle for sure... Maybe it works because it's not direct escalation and is plausibly deniable.

So they will initiate the cuddle, take their clothes off themselves wanting skin contact, even to just lay there.

From that point it's on. Maybe not good data cause at no point are these girls existing in my environment doing their own thing (except main in limited circumstances).

 

[Skills]

With a few casual girls and one main (no live in context) I conditioned with the cuddle for sure... Maybe it works because it's not direct escalation and is plausibly deniable.

So they will initiate the cuddle, take their clothes off themselves wanting skin contact, even to just lay there.

From that point it's on. Maybe not good data cause at no point are these girls existing in my environment doing their own thing (except main in limited circumstances).

you mean saying lets cuddle or want to cuddle (brah you are still initiating cuddle mean sex in womaneze) mrs. skills saying "daddy i want to cuddle" means she wants sex...

 

[Francis]

you mean saying lets cuddle or want to cuddle (brah you are still initiating cuddle mean sex in womaneze) mrs. skills saying "daddy i want to cuddle" means she wants sex...

Yes womaneze/subtext exactly, and literally cuddle.

They initiate physically. I am sitting or lounging or laying... She walks up and joins, then puts her head on my chest. I run a hand up her back or scalp or wherever. She'll sit up and take her top off. I'll lift my shirt and touch torsos. Naughty!

Then kiss her neck and finger....

Then S3! Done!

Then cuddle.

 

[James Cruse]

I'm interpreting what you asked above as meaning:

You want to her to initiate sex, where you're actually initiating sex - but it doesn't register (to her) that you're initiating sex.

So she feels like she's the one initiating sex and she never feels like you are chasing her for sex, and she feels like she's chasing you.

There's more than a simple answer for this of doing this or that just before sex or in the bedroom - it's done outside the bedroom with indirect framing and starts from the time you met.

 

[Chase]

@Kaida,

What counts as 'initiating'?

e.g., I have had girlfriends where the closest they came to initiating would be to sit down next to me and stare at me with a lustful look but take no action on their own, vs. girlfriends where they would outright say "Time for you to do some work", beckon me to the bedroom, pounce on me, invite themselves into the shower with me, etc.

I think for the girlier girls, 'lustful eye contact' is generally the best you can hope for.

That said... in theory you could probably train them.

I haven't really bothered with it.

If I wanted to KJ a little bit, I might start by telling her whatever it is you want her to do... e.g., "You know it'd be nice sometime if we were hanging out and you just randomly started stripping for me. That would really turn me on." or "One of these days I'd like to walk into a room and just have you POUNCE on me like a hungry lioness!" Whatever. Then just keep reminding her of it if she doesn't do it, until she finally does.

Then just make sure whenever she does it you get into it fast and reward her for it.

Chase

 

[Skills]

@Kaida,

I haven't really bothered with it.

If I wanted to KJ a little bit, I might start by telling her whatever it is you want her to do... e.g., "You know it'd be nice sometime if we were hanging out and you just randomly started stripping for me. That would really turn me on." or "One of these days I'd like to walk into a room and just have you POUNCE on me like a hungry lioness!" Whatever. Then just keep reminding her of it if she doesn't do it, until she finally does.

Then just make sure whenever she does it you get into it fast and reward her for it.

Chase

oh boy! yea i forgot about this, chase is correct, dammm totally forgot...

Yeah i see that working, which is the same that you do when you want to do crazy sexual stuff, and 3 somes, and convince to swing clubs... Never thought about this! cause again i am kj in this, but not in the other stuff...(3 somes, swingclubs)

which is to as chase is saying indirectly make suggestions and get exited about the suggestion multiple times.... "oh my god can i tell you what really love and really drives me crazy? when women innitiate sex that is my fantasy and what drives me nuts"

^ saying things like that in different ways multiple times, is actually the way (which is similar to convincing 3 somes/swing club stuff or crazy sexual stuff)...

 

[POB]

"oh my god can i tell you what really love and really drives me crazy? when women innitiate sex that is my fantasy and what drives me nuts"

Then you reward her with:
- a nice meal;
- a night of cuddling;
- by geting really excited after the fact: "wow, i had NEVER had anyone do what you just did...feeling kinda crazy for you right now";