I Just Had Sex With A Fat Girl (feeling extremely depressed)

[SexNotValidation]

I had sex for the first time in almost 4 months tonight.

This girl approached me in the club, asked me to dance then came home with me.

She was pretty much fat.

Not obese or anything but had those fat rolls on her hips.

I could not really tell she was clearly fat until we got to my place and she took off her jacket.

I've been sitting in my room for the past 2 hours since she left just thinking how far i have fallen.

I'll be 28 years old soon and I have never had sex with a girl I was actually attracted to.

And my last 2 lays have been a really old girl and now a fat girl.

The last time i had sex i posted a similar thread here: https://www.skilledseducer.com/thre...-term-psychological-damage.21613/#post-105510

the most memorable part about tonight is at one point i was looking at her and kind of thinking to myself and she looked at me and said "you look so disappointed right now, im sorry"

I've heard that in life you need to hit rock bottom before things can change and if tonight is not rock bottom for my sex life then I'm terrified to find out just how bad it can get for me.

 

[Razorjack]

@SexNotValidation

Variety is the spice of life, my man!

I think you guys nowadays have it so much worse than I did at your age. You're constantly bombarded by someone else's information, media ideals etc.

Apologize if this sounds harsh, but you are in need of some mental de-programming. You're creating your own mental prison / hell without realizing it.

I suspect that you have this mental picture that seducers are doing nothing but banging perfect 10s all day long and then you measure your self-worth based on comparing yourself to that imaginary reference.

One of the things you need to figure out is what is attractive for YOU, not what some media / commercials / seducers on an internet forum / dating gurus tell you.

Trust me there is a difference, I fell for this many years ago, I wasted years picking up women that I thought I had to so that I could validate myself as a pickup artist.... the perfect 10s / supermodel types

When I got successful with these girls I realized that they looked nice but I was not sexually attracted to them nor could I have a decent conversation with them. The sex as well as the time with we spent together became very stiff and stale, didn't take long for breakups to follow. Took me the longest time to realize that I had to mentally de-program myself from what I thought I had to do (made me miserable) and start focusing on what I wanted to do.

I can tell you that after that I was so much happier, then I didn't give a shit what anyone else would think, if I was sexually attracted then that was all that I needed. Out of the many hundreds of women I got together with many were 20+ years younger as well as 20+ years older, some very skinny, some had a few extra kilos or even what many would consider fat, some were like supermodels, some weren't even close to being models, some were grandmothers, etc but to me they were all hot and interesting to be around!

One of the side effects is that once I changed this mental perception, then it changed how I interacted with women and I started seeing them as the unique individuals they are. This in turn started attracting more women because they understood that I was attracted to them based on who they are, instead of comparing them to some imaginary attraction ideals like most guys do.

Hope this made sense.

PS: Got your PM, will reply soon!

 

[SexNotValidation]

@SexNotValidation

Variety is the spice of life, my man!

I think you guys nowadays have it so much worse than I did at your age. You're constantly bombarded by someone else's information, media ideals etc.

Apologize if this sounds harsh, but you are in need of some mental de-programming. You're creating your own mental prison / hell without realizing it.

I suspect that you have this mental picture that seducers are doing nothing but banging perfect 10s all day long and then you measure your self-worth based on comparing yourself to that imaginary reference.

One of the things you need to figure out is what is attractive for YOU, not what some media / commercials / seducers on an internet forum / dating gurus tell you.

Trust me there is a difference, I fell for this many years ago, I wasted years picking up women that I thought I had to so that I could validate myself as a pickup artist.... the perfect 10s / supermodel types

When I got successful with these girls I realized that they looked nice but I was not sexually attracted to them nor could I have a decent conversation with them. The sex as well as the time with we spent together became very stiff and stale, didn't take long for breakups to follow. Took me the longest time to realize that I had to mentally de-program myself from what I thought I had to do (made me miserable) and start focusing on what I wanted to do.

I can tell you that after that I was so much happier, then I didn't give a shit what anyone else would think, if I was sexually attracted then that was all that I needed. Out of the many hundreds of women I got together with many were 20+ years younger as well as 20+ years older, some very skinny, some had a few extra kilos or even what many would consider fat, some were like supermodels, some weren't even close to being models, some were grandmothers, etc but to me they were all hot and interesting to be around!

One of the side effects is that once I changed this mental perception, then it changed how I interacted with women and I started seeing them as the unique individuals they are. This in turn started attracting more women because they understood that I was attracted to them based on who they are, instead of comparing them to some imaginary attraction ideals like most guys do.

Hope this made sense.

PS: Got your PM, will reply soon!

hey man.

I'm happy you joined this forum.

I do NOT have this weird idea that other guys are fucking 10s and I'm well aware that the stereotypical 10 might not turn me on.

for example, I have a strong preference for brown and asian girls as I have noticed they turn me on the most.

I'm well aware of the type of girls that turn me on and i do not just go after the stereotypical hot girls at all.

the problem with the girl tonight was NOT that she was not stereotypically attractive.

the problem with her is that I was not attracted to her at all and i have never really been attracted to any girls that i have been with.

I'm almost 28 years old and i have never fucked any girl i was attracted to and i have never even orgasmed during sex and im assuming i never cum because im not actually attracted to these girls i have fucked.

 

[Razorjack]

hey man.

I'm happy you joined this forum.

I do NOT have this weird idea that other guys are fucking 10s and I'm well aware that the stereotypical 10 might not turn me on.

for example, I have a strong preference for brown and asian girls as I have noticed they turn me on the most.

I'm well aware of the type of girls that turn me on and i do not just go after the stereotypical hot girls at all.

the problem with the girl tonight was NOT that she was not stereotypically attractive.

the problem with her is that I was not attracted to her at all and i have never really been attracted to any girls that i have been with.

I'm almost 28 years old and i have never fucked any girl i was attracted to and i have never even orgasmed during sex and im assuming i never cum because im not actually attracted to these girls i have fucked.

Ah, I see!

Then what is exactly stopping you from meeting girls that you're attracted to?

And then to turn the situation on it's head:
Was there ANYTHING that was attractive about the girls you were with? (doesn't matter how small, like a toenail or something)

 

[SexNotValidation]

Ah, I see!

Then what is exactly stopping you from meeting girls that you're attracted to?

I'm unable to approach and the only girls i ever really interact with are girls who approach me like this girl tonight did.

I have spent the past 6+ years trying to beat approach anxiety and have failed.

I have tried an innumerable amount of things and have spent a lot of money but nothing has worked.

I have tried drugs, i have traveled to other countries for help, i have tried weird therapies where i was hooked up to a lie detector test, i think i have the worst case of AA ever.

 

[Razorjack]

Suspect that your focus is on "wrong" thing rather than AA.

Ok, what is the fear? What do you think will happen if you approach?

Let's try a thought experiment: What is the absolutely worst thing you can imagine happening?

 

[SexNotValidation]

Suspect that your focus is on "wrong" thing rather than AA.

Ok, what is the fear? What do you think will happen if you approach?

Let's try a thought experiment: What is the absolutely worst thing you can imagine happening?

The worst thing that could happen is I walk up, get rejected instantly in a dramatic way and everyone in the club sees it.

 

[Razorjack]

Good start, elaborate on it more:

what happens after everyone in the club sees you get rejected in a dramatic way?

 

[SexNotValidation]

Good start, elaborate on it more:

what happens after everyone in the club sees you get rejected in a dramatic way?

I feel extremely embarrassed and i probably walk right out and go to another club.

or maybe since she rejected me in a dramatic way the staff thinks i did something wrong and they kick me out.

either way I'm leaving the club immediately.

 

[Razorjack]

Getting extremely embarrassed and walking to another club isn't worst case enough

Ok, let's continue down the other road:

You get rejected in a dramatic way and the staff think you did something wrong. They don't kick you out, the bouncer / security guard physically grabs you and holds you down while they call the police.

The police come, arrest you, take you to jail and don't let you out. While in the jail cell, you get into a fight with another guy and accidentally kill him. You spend the rest of your life in prison.

This is my worst case scenario.

Describe your absolute worst case scenario like this, take it to the extreme. (I do have a purpose, I promise )

 

[SexNotValidation]

Getting extremely embarrassed and walking to another club isn't worst case enough

Ok, let's continue down the other road:

You get rejected in a dramatic way and the staff think you did something wrong. They don't kick you out, the bouncer / security guard physically grabs you and holds you down while they call the police.

The police come, arrest you, take you to jail and don't let you out. While in the jail cell, you get into a fight with another guy and accidentally kill him. You spend the rest of your life in prison.

This is my worst case scenario.

Describe your absolute worst case scenario like this, take it to the extreme. (I do have a purpose, I promise )

i have never actually imagined a scenario that bad but i will try right now.

i approach.

the girl literally pushes me away.

I lightly push her back.

she throws her drink at me.

Then all her friends throw their drink at me.

A bouncer nearby sees this and violently grabs me by the shoulder and starts to push me towards the exit.

I get annoyed by this and i lose my cool and swing at the bouncer and punch him.

Several bouncers jump in and after beating me up in front of everyone, they restrain me outside while the police arrives.

When the police gets there i am charged with assault and taken to jail for the next 6 years.

 

[Razorjack]

Good! Now let's go down another imaginary road:

So in order to avoid your biggest fear coming true, you NEVER EVER approach a girl you're attracted to. So you never have a relationship, no sex, no love, nothing etc.
You end up lonely for the rest of your life feeling miserable until you die.

This is my worst case scenario. Describe yours like you did above.

 

[SexNotValidation]

Good! Now let's go down another imaginary road:

So in order to avoid your biggest fear coming true, you NEVER EVER approach a girl you're attracted to. So you never have a relationship, no sex, no love, nothing etc.
You end up lonely for the rest of your life feeling miserable until you die.

This is my worst case scenario. Describe yours like you did above.

the worst case would be that I never approach while i still look good and young then something happens that changes the way i look forever,

I get in a car accident and i end up horrifically burned in the face and paralyzed unable to walk.

Because of this i can no longer go clubbing.

I end up committing suicide a few weeks later as i know i will never have sex with a girl im attracted to and i will never actually orgasm from sex at all since now i am paralyzed.

I kill myself and die having never had sex with a girl im attracted to and having never orgasm in my life during sex.

 

[Razorjack]

Fantastic!

Now, these are your only 2 choices in life, you need to choose one:

1. End up in prison for the next 6 years for an approach gone terribly wrong to a girl that you found attractive
2. End up committing suicide and die without ever having sex with a girl you're attract to and never having an orgasm during sex

Which is the worst option? Which would you rather choose?

Is approaching an attractive girl worth the risk that you end up in prison for the next 6 years? Or would you rather kill yourself?

 

[SexNotValidation]

Fantastic!

Now, these are your only 2 choices in life, you need to choose one:

1. End up in prison for the next 6 years for an approach gone terribly wrong to a girl that you found attractive
2. End up committing suicide and die without ever having sex with a girl you're attract to and never having an orgasm during sex

Which is the worst option? Which would you rather choose?

Is approaching an attractive girl worth the risk that you end up in prison for the next 6 years? Or would you rather kill yourself?

nothing is as bad as death so if these where the only 2 choices then i would of course choose option #1

 

[Razorjack]

Ok, so you're willing to risk prison for the next 6 years?

Good! Now let's put things back into perspective. There is virtually zero chance of any of the worst case scenarios coming true. I just wanted to show you that all fear is relative. Once you take your fears to an extreme, what you were originally afraid of, doesn't seem as bad.

Now, your choices are really risk feeling embarrassed from the whole club seeing you get rejected (trust me this is also an extreme situation, everybody is too busy with their own insecurities to notice anything else) or continue feeling miserable from not approaching, which is worse?

 

[Razorjack]

If you and I were out in a club, I would look for ways to change your focus from fear of approaching to something more action oriented.

For example, could you make eye-contact with an attractive girl from a distance, smile at her but never approach?

Or walk towards her, make sure she notices you walking towards her, say hello and keep on walking past her?

What I'm trying to get at: is it approach anxiety or fear of rejection?

 

[Kvothe]

If it’s been 6 years, you might also want to consider coaching. It also seems that you’re doing only night game. Try out day game. Do the newbie assignment and work your way out of AA.

Given that you say it’s been 6 years without being able to get past it, I really would recommend getting a coach, there might be something in your technique that’s hurting you that you’re not noticing, that someone with more experience might be able to help with. You also might be more motivated by having actual money at stake.

I have spent the past 6+ years trying to beat approach anxiety and have failed.

The failure here is not in trying for 6+ years, the failure is in giving up. The only time to truly give up is after you’re dead. There’s no one for whom AA can’t be beat, so you haven’t tried everything, or you weren’t attacking it in a manner that helps to get over your fear. Also seriously, if rejections are what you fear, do approaches during the day, the rejections you get will be generally warmer, and the girls will be more naturally attractive (the ones at the club are made up).

Don’t give up man, always keep fighting.

 

[SexNotValidation]

Ok, so you're willing to risk prison for the next 6 years?

is this a serious question?

of course not.

i do not understand.

Good! Now let's put things back into perspective. There is virtually zero chance of any of the worst case scenarios coming true. I just wanted to show you that all fear is relative. Once you take your fears to an extreme, what you were originally afraid of, doesn't seem as bad.

of course man.

I am well aware of this.

you are not the first person to ask to do such thought exercises.

This is a very common self help routine/technique.

obviously , i know logically in my mind that worst case scenario is unlikely to happen.

Knowing this logically has not in any way helped me when i get to the club.

I always just end standing around and freezing up when i have opportunities to go in.

Now, your choices are really risk feeling embarrassed from the whole club seeing you get rejected (trust me this is also an extreme situation, everybody is too busy with their own insecurities to notice anything else) or continue feeling miserable from not approaching, which is worse?

is this a serious question?

I'm honestly confused.

you seem to think that i do not know that my behavior is illogical.

Of course i know that my behavior is irrational.

But knowing this does not help me when i get to the club and a girl gives me an approach invitation and i freeze.

if knowing that logically there is nothing to worry about was the key to solving my problem then i would not even be on this forum?

 

[SexNotValidation]

If it’s been 6 years, you might also want to consider coaching. It also seems that you’re doing only night game. Try out day game. Do the newbie assignment and work your way out of AA.

Given that you say it’s been 6 years without being able to get past it, I really would recommend getting a coach, there might be something in your technique that’s hurting you that you’re not noticing, that someone with more experience might be able to help with. You also might be more motivated by having actual money at stake.



The failure here is not in trying for 6+ years, the failure is in giving up. The only time to truly give up is after you’re dead. There’s no one for whom AA can’t be beat, so you haven’t tried everything, or you weren’t attacking it in a manner that helps to get over your fear. Also seriously, if rejections are what you fear, do approaches during the day, the rejections you get will be generally warmer, and the girls will be more naturally attractive (the ones at the club are made up).

Don’t give up man, always keep fighting.

I have paid for coaching from dozens of people including multiple people on this forum.