i had a nice 3 day weekend coming to a close- real estate more quiet but a tenant, a new off the street one whose rent is paid to me by a support organization, he was telling me i need to bring him a key cause a person stole it. i pushed back, made him do cognitive labor like he tried to make me. he sends back to back short texts. it might not literally be testing boundaries in terms of his intent but it has that effect. i have ways and means. i said he could change the lock if he gets me a key copy (his first request) - ie I'm not changing it and second he said for me to to drive there give him a copy so he could lock up and leave. i said I'm not available. then i heard silence. that's all i want- not to inherit problems and be bossed around. I'm learning this game and people. chat summarized my thoughts well- he could have said in one message all that happened and what assistance he needed and why but he made me do cognitive work, which i avoided doing. i avoided common pitfalls but instead pushed things back onto him like link and gannon in link to the past
and i got silence rest of the day this labour day, and had a nice steak meal grass fed aussie beef from fresh thyme and a yam microwave cooked. oh that's so easy to cook them in the mic, and then i went to my fav coffee shop in north loop and had a hojicha latte and read some good stuff, did some deeper thinking - four hour work week book a bit and algebra of wealth and Mahabharata - karna is finally killed. i like karna. the pandavas are wearing sone thick plot armor. what a book, what a fantastic book as in fantasy as in unreality but kinda fun- totally over the top, and also lords of the sea, about Athens naval empire, a chapter on Pericles - i LOVE this book- and misc. i don't "believe" or follow or drink up algebra of wealth or 4 hour workweek writings but they are good food for thought and slow thinking. what is a passion, and should we "follow" our passions even? this seems like social religion. i was thinking about that- from Galloways book, and how unmathematical it was- again just food for thought stuff. sometime the best ideas are one's own ideas, in slow time
and this morning i got my dexa scan and metabolilic resting rate- about 1800 cals and 20.1% fat and slightly over 1lb visceral fat. its good and fun to be quantitative. quantitativity is traction- right, and I'm going to calibrate things to 100grams, in my brain. i know a lot of qualitative stuff on nutrition but i have skipped over grams and stuff. i might say ok i want to eat 150g/day in protein- I'll start there and over the next week just calibrate in my mind what that looks like, for chicken breast, eggs, fish etc
and calories too and carbs and fat as well and maybe sugars later
but-- and i wanted to almost say this up top- I've been carrying this idea- not to be clever but metaphorically, I'm convinced - allegorically the world is throwing astras at us, urban astras, that is spiritual/supernatural weapons, in my case in the form of noises, in the form of revs of engines - sometimes very very loudly - to get a rise or at least that can be an effect -- noise can be an endocrine disruptor and that deserves the highest level of seriousness you can give just about anything. stress is both a killer and a transformer (deformer really)- engine revs and horns and at home stomps and I've been riding (enduring) them better lately -- which tells me my endurance is a variable, not a constant, but they are challenging, like astras, like my tenant mahmoud- they challenge stability-- in other words it is as if they aspire to topple
not to beat myself up but owning real estate in slow time i asked am i a grifter - again guilt was off the table, and then i wrote well I'm a mutilated (ie circumcised) single childless generally positively retarded landlord, on call often, in a noisy urban space and in debt, although my debt is probably sustainable and going down
i don't know why i wrote that. i was after reading some bullshit jobs so it was top of mind.
anyway-- anyway people have seen me over the last year and i don't dress fancy or anything but they say i look rich. those were poorer people probably but as long as you can get by and have work- work hard, get by. a lot of people who say this have partners and a much simpler life but I'm just wearing shorts and sandals and often a green t or whatever, sometimes like a baggy army green t sometimes a synthetic tighter forest green or whatever but they think I'm well off.
but I'm trying to consume and metabolize the world but its not what you think. not like jeff bezos or bill gates. for myself- to not be consumed by it but in my gut and in my head and in my root and in my chest. the chest is where it is most obvious and i got in that state sitting down earlier feeling the breeze on my after having done some reading. its like bruh i will go the distance. i don't care how far, i will not be consumed, i will myself envelop
sigh. i mean a sigh is kind of evidence of a battle or metabolism of life
but yeah its like there are astras thrown, by some angry or loud motorcyclist in a dense urban space, or just the collective cacaphony. i sat for ~3 hours a few chairs away from this nice girl also outside, on her puter doing some work. we just vibed or less vibe and more peacefully pleasantly coexisted cause i wasn't thinking about her that much
but i feel like Minnesota is particularly flattening of a place. i don't know how that would be measured - and it tries to topple people, their coherence, so its like i have to absorb the astras or whatever until I'm able to move out of here. i have to absorb or counter them or whatever
i almost feel more and more a loud- i mean very loudly revved motorbike, in urban street, the sounds just roll down my spine and be dissipated now- i mean lile grounded like if i don't give it resistance it is like a lightning rod effect of neutralization, and i almost feel the sensation
i don't want to be the ironic smiling guy
it feels like graduates - entry levellers come on board with big cheesy smiles, and one is Indian american with an indian name and the difference is in the contrast in personality with native indians. they're all decent people. i just feel its maybe my job to ground them and help attune them to the real world of what matters. it is not harsh. it is winnable and i will help them. they have so many years ahead of them, more than i had but this is no ivory tower and while we won't break any hr rules we also don't have to be acolytes of whatever business school is teaching either. it comes down to focus and perspective but i note the big cheesy smiles these places seem to produce. its interesting sociologically
but yeah
also last few days or week or few weeks I've been sleeping really well. I've been eating well and not late, and lifting and sprinting or doing intervals and i wake up with faux hunger but deep gut connection which is a portal to deep psychological and emotional processing. i came up with a new word- psycholysis. its what it feels like is really happening - you can work out what i mean by that
but getting to bed has often actually been less pleasant. it has occasionally been a very peculiar form of surrender - me focusing on something intellectual etc and hearing noises, shocks, feeling demoralized, agitated etc. when that happens its best to close ones eyes and focus all ones attention on oneself. well then i end up falling asleep
and it works out except it kinda sucks that it is this way and I'm kinda a prisoner in my own place. i own my own torture chamber- not figuratively but literally and I'm not in this game to be a martyr either but mornings are silent and my good sleep raises my testosterone. this i know
if my single family girls move out, I'm moving back into that house and leasing my unit here. i had to move here when i acquired this place for the loan- fucking fannie mae. no it makes sense
fucking lenders though, writing the rules, not that i couldn't have skirted them but it was a new exciting place and it increased ny revenues, deploying more of my capital though i could match that and still have more silence i think by subletting the up or downstairs - or both -- including to girls lol or cool guys, of the single fam. 800 each per room is 1600- and add 2k i might get for my current unit and that's 3600 to the 2600 i get now. damn. even take away one 800, but this is gravy, surplus. i don't want to kick out the girls at this point or even suggest it but count this as a mistake, living here in this sardine can of a dwelling.
i am not ungrateful but its not enough - for my needs and psychological health if not my station and i have an option so i can play with that. in theory i could rent a place and move out and lease out this unit but that's moving tons of shit and making commitments. also winter is coming. I'll play it by ear. hell if someone moves out of a townhome of mine i could move to Apple valley - see what that's like lol- i never thought of that but I'd be farther from my properties in case they are needy- but I'd get to see a new side of things
if my debt was not even that much lower but at my goal for this Winter/spring and i had some surplus, which will probably come in time, i could also afford some vacancy and not be pressed. these are ideas. this is the first I've thought some of them but the straining is thick here. this place, this system likes to load and strain- without any kind of compensation or honors given. I'm not a Nietzsche follower though i have in earlier years taken an interest. i do think about him from time to time when something seems relevant. I'm more a schopenhauer guy but anyway I'm not committed to anyone though i like his pessimism and his vibe but anyway Nietzsche hated Prussia and germany. i love germany. he said it was his health but anyway he loved escaping to italy, the climate. i get how place matters. i don't know where he went to but i imagine it not terribly unlike parts of California I've been to and lived in. aesthetic and good climate. this place, uptown especially, is highly straining, squeezing and pinching and pincering. it really is that and does the same. without apology or embarrassment.
i guess its only a matter of time
I'm not so much into the endurance shit anymore. life is short and also training wise, intensity for running and strength beats endurance. it produces better hormones too and so much of life is hormones. one can basically toggle hormones i realized today, by exercise and diet and i felt the difference as i walked past a homeless guy, as i had just had a high protein meal and my muscles were recovering from yesterdays workout, as i was walking with my pack of books to read. i don't lack concern but the hormone effect is real-------- but harder to control are STRESS HORMONES -- ie cortisol, which COMPLETES WITH TESTOSTERONE FOR EXPRESSION
if i figure this out I've won lol
so i may prioritize finding a non strained space to live in: my single family or even a townhome
driving up here to handle things that need fixing, which will just help me learn better how to automate and stabilize, for when i move out of state i guess
converging
i have to be patient. isn't patience related to passion, both meaning suffering, suffering itself meaning bearing - etymologically related to bearing actually - and therefore to even the Mahabharata -- ferry, bear but maybe its from a different angle- to feel anguish as opposed to bear- pathos but anyway patience to a degree, while paddling, rowing, being progressive like a trireme of Pericles, squashing rebellion. but i sense maybe things- good things will start converging.
if i sold my last propery at break even - I'm still glad i got it sold, i might have 100k less of debt, but i would never have gotten cost for it and i will get a hefty tax refund so if if if. i have to get out of debt the organic way- unless there's some heavy inflationary QE (quantitative easing). I'm basically trapped but not that trapped in the long run and there can be different ways out, in time. that's where things will converge
and these are lesser things. this shit is material reality, which is something i seem able to largely bear but still feels heavier than ut should be. i want to do more fantastical things, create more art and beauty and music and memories and thoughts but things pull down into mire. i am housing people and paying off creditors. this is par for the course I'm sure but its still gross material reality. i try to touch too the subtle and sublime
to metabolize maybe
my frame, and my frame geometry are not really negotiable.
I'm not aura farming. I'm holding frame as best i can in a shakedown heavy world, a straining world. i operate under the principles of motion and rest. i just try to do my best. the world is cynical and
suspicious but people are also fatigued. i try bring substance - eg as a lover but on top of that task i have to prove myself given a world of frauds. where there is trust and community it is much easier, women not burned out but wanting marriage even easier (church) but then it feels like too much too fast, like whiplash lol, how did i earn this, why am i receiving this lol. that's a separate topic but i also have to pay for all the jerkoffs. not talking about a nice guy tax. fuck being nice guy. I'm talking about the low credibility and state of regard for men, urban men etc, our shitty asses reputation but that's another story. I'm just aware i have a dual cost structure. I'm not trying to bitch. i will win.. i think. i will go the distance. who knows what will happen. I've been disabused of a lot about this world in the last year and I'm ever seeking more true and relevant understanding
and i got silence rest of the day this labour day, and had a nice steak meal grass fed aussie beef from fresh thyme and a yam microwave cooked. oh that's so easy to cook them in the mic, and then i went to my fav coffee shop in north loop and had a hojicha latte and read some good stuff, did some deeper thinking - four hour work week book a bit and algebra of wealth and Mahabharata - karna is finally killed. i like karna. the pandavas are wearing sone thick plot armor. what a book, what a fantastic book as in fantasy as in unreality but kinda fun- totally over the top, and also lords of the sea, about Athens naval empire, a chapter on Pericles - i LOVE this book- and misc. i don't "believe" or follow or drink up algebra of wealth or 4 hour workweek writings but they are good food for thought and slow thinking. what is a passion, and should we "follow" our passions even? this seems like social religion. i was thinking about that- from Galloways book, and how unmathematical it was- again just food for thought stuff. sometime the best ideas are one's own ideas, in slow time
and this morning i got my dexa scan and metabolilic resting rate- about 1800 cals and 20.1% fat and slightly over 1lb visceral fat. its good and fun to be quantitative. quantitativity is traction- right, and I'm going to calibrate things to 100grams, in my brain. i know a lot of qualitative stuff on nutrition but i have skipped over grams and stuff. i might say ok i want to eat 150g/day in protein- I'll start there and over the next week just calibrate in my mind what that looks like, for chicken breast, eggs, fish etc
and calories too and carbs and fat as well and maybe sugars later
but-- and i wanted to almost say this up top- I've been carrying this idea- not to be clever but metaphorically, I'm convinced - allegorically the world is throwing astras at us, urban astras, that is spiritual/supernatural weapons, in my case in the form of noises, in the form of revs of engines - sometimes very very loudly - to get a rise or at least that can be an effect -- noise can be an endocrine disruptor and that deserves the highest level of seriousness you can give just about anything. stress is both a killer and a transformer (deformer really)- engine revs and horns and at home stomps and I've been riding (enduring) them better lately -- which tells me my endurance is a variable, not a constant, but they are challenging, like astras, like my tenant mahmoud- they challenge stability-- in other words it is as if they aspire to topple
not to beat myself up but owning real estate in slow time i asked am i a grifter - again guilt was off the table, and then i wrote well I'm a mutilated (ie circumcised) single childless generally positively retarded landlord, on call often, in a noisy urban space and in debt, although my debt is probably sustainable and going down
i don't know why i wrote that. i was after reading some bullshit jobs so it was top of mind.
anyway-- anyway people have seen me over the last year and i don't dress fancy or anything but they say i look rich. those were poorer people probably but as long as you can get by and have work- work hard, get by. a lot of people who say this have partners and a much simpler life but I'm just wearing shorts and sandals and often a green t or whatever, sometimes like a baggy army green t sometimes a synthetic tighter forest green or whatever but they think I'm well off.
but I'm trying to consume and metabolize the world but its not what you think. not like jeff bezos or bill gates. for myself- to not be consumed by it but in my gut and in my head and in my root and in my chest. the chest is where it is most obvious and i got in that state sitting down earlier feeling the breeze on my after having done some reading. its like bruh i will go the distance. i don't care how far, i will not be consumed, i will myself envelop
sigh. i mean a sigh is kind of evidence of a battle or metabolism of life
but yeah its like there are astras thrown, by some angry or loud motorcyclist in a dense urban space, or just the collective cacaphony. i sat for ~3 hours a few chairs away from this nice girl also outside, on her puter doing some work. we just vibed or less vibe and more peacefully pleasantly coexisted cause i wasn't thinking about her that much
but i feel like Minnesota is particularly flattening of a place. i don't know how that would be measured - and it tries to topple people, their coherence, so its like i have to absorb the astras or whatever until I'm able to move out of here. i have to absorb or counter them or whatever
i almost feel more and more a loud- i mean very loudly revved motorbike, in urban street, the sounds just roll down my spine and be dissipated now- i mean lile grounded like if i don't give it resistance it is like a lightning rod effect of neutralization, and i almost feel the sensation
i don't want to be the ironic smiling guy
it feels like graduates - entry levellers come on board with big cheesy smiles, and one is Indian american with an indian name and the difference is in the contrast in personality with native indians. they're all decent people. i just feel its maybe my job to ground them and help attune them to the real world of what matters. it is not harsh. it is winnable and i will help them. they have so many years ahead of them, more than i had but this is no ivory tower and while we won't break any hr rules we also don't have to be acolytes of whatever business school is teaching either. it comes down to focus and perspective but i note the big cheesy smiles these places seem to produce. its interesting sociologically
but yeah
also last few days or week or few weeks I've been sleeping really well. I've been eating well and not late, and lifting and sprinting or doing intervals and i wake up with faux hunger but deep gut connection which is a portal to deep psychological and emotional processing. i came up with a new word- psycholysis. its what it feels like is really happening - you can work out what i mean by that
but getting to bed has often actually been less pleasant. it has occasionally been a very peculiar form of surrender - me focusing on something intellectual etc and hearing noises, shocks, feeling demoralized, agitated etc. when that happens its best to close ones eyes and focus all ones attention on oneself. well then i end up falling asleep
and it works out except it kinda sucks that it is this way and I'm kinda a prisoner in my own place. i own my own torture chamber- not figuratively but literally and I'm not in this game to be a martyr either but mornings are silent and my good sleep raises my testosterone. this i know
if my single family girls move out, I'm moving back into that house and leasing my unit here. i had to move here when i acquired this place for the loan- fucking fannie mae. no it makes sense
fucking lenders though, writing the rules, not that i couldn't have skirted them but it was a new exciting place and it increased ny revenues, deploying more of my capital though i could match that and still have more silence i think by subletting the up or downstairs - or both -- including to girls lol or cool guys, of the single fam. 800 each per room is 1600- and add 2k i might get for my current unit and that's 3600 to the 2600 i get now. damn. even take away one 800, but this is gravy, surplus. i don't want to kick out the girls at this point or even suggest it but count this as a mistake, living here in this sardine can of a dwelling.
i am not ungrateful but its not enough - for my needs and psychological health if not my station and i have an option so i can play with that. in theory i could rent a place and move out and lease out this unit but that's moving tons of shit and making commitments. also winter is coming. I'll play it by ear. hell if someone moves out of a townhome of mine i could move to Apple valley - see what that's like lol- i never thought of that but I'd be farther from my properties in case they are needy- but I'd get to see a new side of things
if my debt was not even that much lower but at my goal for this Winter/spring and i had some surplus, which will probably come in time, i could also afford some vacancy and not be pressed. these are ideas. this is the first I've thought some of them but the straining is thick here. this place, this system likes to load and strain- without any kind of compensation or honors given. I'm not a Nietzsche follower though i have in earlier years taken an interest. i do think about him from time to time when something seems relevant. I'm more a schopenhauer guy but anyway I'm not committed to anyone though i like his pessimism and his vibe but anyway Nietzsche hated Prussia and germany. i love germany. he said it was his health but anyway he loved escaping to italy, the climate. i get how place matters. i don't know where he went to but i imagine it not terribly unlike parts of California I've been to and lived in. aesthetic and good climate. this place, uptown especially, is highly straining, squeezing and pinching and pincering. it really is that and does the same. without apology or embarrassment.
i guess its only a matter of time
I'm not so much into the endurance shit anymore. life is short and also training wise, intensity for running and strength beats endurance. it produces better hormones too and so much of life is hormones. one can basically toggle hormones i realized today, by exercise and diet and i felt the difference as i walked past a homeless guy, as i had just had a high protein meal and my muscles were recovering from yesterdays workout, as i was walking with my pack of books to read. i don't lack concern but the hormone effect is real-------- but harder to control are STRESS HORMONES -- ie cortisol, which COMPLETES WITH TESTOSTERONE FOR EXPRESSION
if i figure this out I've won lol
so i may prioritize finding a non strained space to live in: my single family or even a townhome
driving up here to handle things that need fixing, which will just help me learn better how to automate and stabilize, for when i move out of state i guess
converging
i have to be patient. isn't patience related to passion, both meaning suffering, suffering itself meaning bearing - etymologically related to bearing actually - and therefore to even the Mahabharata -- ferry, bear but maybe its from a different angle- to feel anguish as opposed to bear- pathos but anyway patience to a degree, while paddling, rowing, being progressive like a trireme of Pericles, squashing rebellion. but i sense maybe things- good things will start converging.
if i sold my last propery at break even - I'm still glad i got it sold, i might have 100k less of debt, but i would never have gotten cost for it and i will get a hefty tax refund so if if if. i have to get out of debt the organic way- unless there's some heavy inflationary QE (quantitative easing). I'm basically trapped but not that trapped in the long run and there can be different ways out, in time. that's where things will converge
and these are lesser things. this shit is material reality, which is something i seem able to largely bear but still feels heavier than ut should be. i want to do more fantastical things, create more art and beauty and music and memories and thoughts but things pull down into mire. i am housing people and paying off creditors. this is par for the course I'm sure but its still gross material reality. i try to touch too the subtle and sublime
to metabolize maybe
my frame, and my frame geometry are not really negotiable.
I'm not aura farming. I'm holding frame as best i can in a shakedown heavy world, a straining world. i operate under the principles of motion and rest. i just try to do my best. the world is cynical and
suspicious but people are also fatigued. i try bring substance - eg as a lover but on top of that task i have to prove myself given a world of frauds. where there is trust and community it is much easier, women not burned out but wanting marriage even easier (church) but then it feels like too much too fast, like whiplash lol, how did i earn this, why am i receiving this lol. that's a separate topic but i also have to pay for all the jerkoffs. not talking about a nice guy tax. fuck being nice guy. I'm talking about the low credibility and state of regard for men, urban men etc, our shitty asses reputation but that's another story. I'm just aware i have a dual cost structure. I'm not trying to bitch. i will win.. i think. i will go the distance. who knows what will happen. I've been disabused of a lot about this world in the last year and I'm ever seeking more true and relevant understanding
— a comedy sketch, not a sketch drawing. Yes. Much better.
Don't stop—
