Intimidating looks and bodylanguage, creeping out women and negative comfort!!

[alexhunter8]

Hi everyone, recently I realised that I look very intimidating and might creep out women.
This is Following an incident where an expert 68 kg gamer friend online decided to meet me and we reached mall separately , but after seeing me from distance he got PANIC and escaped , could not meet me . Despite of me repeatedly begging him on call, despite knowing that I am his well wisher and in public.
He told I look very intimidating, my arms are like Popeye bulging out of my shirt and my overall dress and look was creep max on call . He could not meet finally despite repeatedly begging him, he's PANIC . I didn't even see him.

Coming to my history: I have been strength training for past 12 Years ,
Never took steroids , doing heavy compound lifts , lots of Traps and lats work . I weight 84kg at 5.10 ft, 20% body fat . Somehow my face , eyes, beard etc adds on the dangerous fuel. I'm a natural physique .
On top of that my " STIFF MILITARY WALK " and dress compound more danger signals . ( i wear tough rough shirt material and black most of the times ).
Plus my stiff arms and forearms.

Now imagine how women feel ? They will be mortified and pissing in their pants due to my intimidating look.

What I noticed in women : whenever I approach some girls take step back or 2 steps back .
They are hesitant + intimidated + afraid . I can see that their subconscious subcommunication and bodylanguage is screaming danger / intimidating/ trouble/ unsafe .
I can see their nervousness in face , tremors, hesitancy and fear in their overall bodylanguage.
" All these despite of me being 80 to 90% comfortable, smiling and using comfort lines ".
It's like they feel unsafe and want to run away from me , they can't come close to me , always maintaining distance as if I am a monster or danger, " heck even in SOCIAL CIRCLE " it HAPPENS.

1. The gamer who ran away from me told that I must lose some muscle to attract women...... is it actually a negative turn off if a man has too much muscle even as a natural?

2. Is Cristiano Ronaldo and brad pitt in fight club is what the most attractive ideal muscle size according to majority of women? Is that the maximum muscle size beyond which its going to creep out women ?

3. Too much muscle even as a natural , kills comfort with women ?

4. What can i do overall to increase comfort with women ? And to reduce my danger signals . ( other than smile , I can't smile all Time + I have resting bitch face).
5. Should I purposefully lose some muscle size ?
6. I have value in the eyes of women and can rise sexual tension , but Is it the lack of comfort which is stopping women's attraction ? ( I'm good at value and sexual tension but my comfort is - 3 negative

 

[Will_V]

Hi everyone, recently I realised that I look very intimidating and might creep out women.
This is Following an incident where an expert 68 kg gamer friend online decided to meet me and we reached mall separately , but after seeing me from distance he got PANIC and escaped , could not meet me . Despite of me repeatedly begging him on call, despite knowing that I am his well wisher and in public.
He told I look very intimidating, my arms are like Popeye bulging out of my shirt and my overall dress and look was creep max on call . He could not meet finally despite repeatedly begging him, he's PANIC . I didn't even see him.

Coming to my history: I have been strength training for past 12 Years ,
Never took steroids , doing heavy compound lifts , lots of Traps and lats work . I weight 84kg at 5.10 ft, 20% body fat . Somehow my face , eyes, beard etc adds on the dangerous fuel. I'm a natural physique .
On top of that my " STIFF MILITARY WALK " and dress compound more danger signals . ( i wear tough rough shirt material and black most of the times ).
Plus my stiff arms and forearms.

Now imagine how women feel ? They will be mortified and pissing in their pants due to my intimidating look.

What I noticed in women : whenever I approach some girls take step back or 2 steps back .
They are hesitant + intimidated + afraid . I can see that their subconscious subcommunication and bodylanguage is screaming danger / intimidating/ trouble/ unsafe .
I can see their nervousness in face , tremors, hesitancy and fear in their overall bodylanguage.
" All these despite of me being 80 to 90% comfortable, smiling and using comfort lines ".
It's like they feel unsafe and want to run away from me , they can't come close to me , always maintaining distance as if I am a monster or danger, " heck even in SOCIAL CIRCLE " it HAPPENS.

1. The gamer who ran away from me told that I must lose some muscle to attract women...... is it actually a negative turn off if a man has too much muscle even as a natural?

2. Is Cristiano Ronaldo and brad pitt in fight club is what the most attractive ideal muscle size according to majority of women? Is that the maximum muscle size beyond which its going to creep out women ?

3. Too much muscle even as a natural , kills comfort with women ?

4. What can i do overall to increase comfort with women ? And to reduce my danger signals . ( other than smile , I can't smile all Time + I have resting bitch face).
5. Should I purposefully lose some muscle size ?
6. I have value in the eyes of women and can rise sexual tension , but Is it the lack of comfort which is stopping women's attraction ? ( I'm good at value and sexual tension but my comfort is - 3 negative

Dude, huge muscles don't make people panic around you. That might be some bodybuilding myth/fantasy, but it ain't reality. 84kg at 5'10 is great but it's not some kind of godzilla that's going to send everybody running.

People respond to your body language, your face, your tone of voice - basically, your vibe. These things tell them who you are inside and what your intentions may be.

You want to get rid of the stiff military walk, relax your face and your body, move slowly and gracefully, and generally express enjoyment and pleasure on your face as you experience your own reality. These are the things that will draw people toward you and want to be around you.

 

[alexhunter8]

Dude, huge muscles don't make people panic around you. That might be some bodybuilding myth/fantasy, but it ain't reality. 84kg at 5'10 is great but it's not some kind of godzilla that's going to send everybody running.

People respond to your body language, your face, your tone of voice - basically, your vibe. These things tell them who you are inside and what your intentions may be.

You want to get rid of the stiff military walk, relax your face and your body, move slowly and gracefully, and generally express enjoyment and pleasure on your face as you experience your own reality. These are the things that will draw people toward you and want to be around you.

Agree with your points, but he specifically told my arms are like Popeye and my physique is intimidating.
He told I must lose some muscle to attract, as I have too much which creeps women .

 

[Francis]

Agree with your points, but he specifically told my arms are like Popeye and my physique is intimidating.
He told I must lose some muscle to attract, as I have too much which creeps women .

Looking at your penis is disgusting to me. Can't imagine why a woman would like it at all... Should probably chop it off.

 

[alexhunter8]

Looking at your penis is disgusting to me. Can't imagine why a woman would like it at all... Should probably chop it off.

Why? Are you serious?

 

[Will_V]

Agree with your points, but he specifically told my arms are like Popeye and my physique is intimidating.
He told I must lose some muscle to attract, as I have too much which creeps women .

There's a big difference between intimidation and creepiness.

In any case I doubt very much muscles are playing a big factor here.

 

[Francis]

Why? Are you serious?

No - I'm demonstrating how ridiculous it is...

This was a guy who saw you from a distance and was personally afraid to talk to you himself, to the point that you had to call him and beg him to not bail on you.

That is a little odd behavior from a guy, and I wouldn't put much stake in what he says. It's a female fantasy to be with an absolute monster who is incredibly dangerous to everyone around him, except her, while she stays protected in his care. A male won't feel the same things around you. Smile on the approach.

 

[Jamster]

@alexhunter8 When you get feedback from others, it's not as good as experience. You aren't going to get answers for you from this forum. You obviously aren't going to get anything of value from that gamer wing.

You KNOW how to approach. You had your actress instadate. You need to get more experience like that to get your answers.

Get ten instadates under your belt. You'll be knowing not asking.

Look at some of the posts here on body language (kindly look up the links yourself). Figure out what applies to you and what doesn't. Try it out in the field.

As before, I suggest, FOR YOU, try the Newbie Assignment, then report here on it and get some feedback.

 

[alexhunter8]

@alexhunter8 When you get feedback from others, it's not as good as experience. You aren't going to get answers for you from this forum. You obviously aren't going to get anything of value from that gamer wing.

You KNOW how to approach. You had your actress instadate. You need to get more experience like that to get your answers.

Get ten instadates under your belt. You'll be knowing not asking.

Look at some of the posts here on body language (kindly look up the links yourself). Figure out what applies to you and what doesn't. Try it out in the field.

As before, I suggest, FOR YOU, try the Newbie Assignment, then report here on it and get some feedback.

I did newbie assignment in parts spontaneously even before coming to this group .
1st I just opened and complemented.
Next I observed the surroundings.
Next I made strong eye contact with all strangers for few days.
Next I tried indirect openers etc etc .
If you still want , I will definitely do it with full commitment.

To add I have been on 7 to 8 insta dates In total but it was long time apart , not consistent.
Btw i have stiff robotic walk , I don't know whether it's my natural style or habit or psychological mindset or muscles strength training?
And I am not able to improve or change my walk, so how much negative impact is my walk going to cause in attraction ?

 

[Jamster]

To add I have been on 7 to 8 insta dates In total but it was long time apart , not consistent.
Btw i have stiff robotic walk , I don't know whether it's my natural style or habit or psychological mindset or muscles strength training?
And I am not able to improve or change my walk, so how much negative impact is my walk going to cause in attraction ?

@alexhunter8 Making regular efforts at inta dates can only help!

As far as movement, it's difficult. What sort of strength training do you do? If it is extremely low repetitions to failure, maybe it's making you a bit stiffer than you would be naturally. My impression is that would only marginally make you stiffer with an extreme regimen.

You might try lower weights and higher reps. You could try stretching or yoga, or perhaps some tai chi or some martial art to reduce stiffness. The sad news is that the exercises that improve smooth movement are likely ones that don't come naturally to you.

I've seen extreme stiff guys come in the SwingDance community. My impression is they become smoother (danceteacher: "I've seen worse swingdancers than him improve"), but their swingdancing remains off-putting. A rough way to make a little progress.

Only you can answer how much negative impact your walk causes. And, as far as I can see, only you can develop coping mechanisms for that negative impact.

You might want to consider how much the game might influence your marriage circumstance.

You are still asking the forum questions that only you can answer. You got a huge amount of feedback on your actress instadate.

There is only so much you can rely on feedback from this forum. You might note that both you and I have the same "space monkey rank." My impression that you were largely lacking in basics. That might not be true.

My impression you expect the forum to provide all-knowing answers about that instadate, when it's you that needs to do the work of repeated approaches.

I think systematically working through the newbie assignment - and the attendant reporting and feedback from that context - would still help you.

 

[alexhunter8]

@alexhunter8 Making regular efforts at inta dates can only help!

As far as movement, it's difficult. What sort of strength training do you do? If it is extremely low repetitions to failure, maybe it's making you a bit stiffer than you would be naturally. My impression is that would only marginally make you stiffer with an extreme regimen.

You might try lower weights and higher reps. You could try stretching or yoga, or perhaps some tai chi or some martial art to reduce stiffness. The sad news is that the exercises that improve smooth movement are likely ones that don't come naturally to you.

I've seen extreme stiff guys come in the SwingDance community. My impression is they become smoother (danceteacher: "I've seen worse swingdancers than him improve"), but their swingdancing remains off-putting. A rough way to make a little progress.

Only you can answer how much negative impact your walk causes. And, as far as I can see, only you can develop coping mechanisms for that negative impact.

You might want to consider how much the game might influence your marriage circumstance.

You are still asking the forum questions that only you can answer. You got a huge amount of feedback on your actress instadate.

There is only so much you can rely on feedback from this forum. You might note that both you and I have the same "space monkey rank." My impression that you were largely lacking in basics. That might not be true.

My impression you expect the forum to provide all-knowing answers about that instadate, when it's you that needs to do the work of repeated approaches.

I think systematically working through the newbie assignment - and the attendant reporting and feedback from that context - would still help you.

Damn how did you detect that I do heavy weights for low reps? Most of my exercises are 4 to 6 reps to failure . Some even 3 to 4 reps to failure.
Especially I do lots of weighted heavy pullups 2 times per week for past 10 Years . And hammer curls 25 kg dumbell each arm for 3 to 4 reps .
During exercises I can feel my entire arm twitch and become IRON RIGID.
Kind of powerlifting style regimen.
May be that's the reason my walk and stance is stiff?
I have hypertrophied upper lats and entire triceps occupying space in my armpits .
And my arms are slightly bent and flared out .
Have u ever seen the UNDERTAKER or Triple H or wrestlers walking?
Do you still think it is completely possible to let loose hang my arms and body ?

 

[Jamster]

AGAIN @alexhunter8, you are asking US questions that only YOU can answer.

There are ways to study smooth movement (stretching, swimming, martials arts, yoga, tai chi, dance, etc), but you are NOT going to get the answers for you on a forum.

 

[Michael Chief]

Ignore that gamer. Embrace your hugeness and intimidating look. Capitalize on the allure of contrast. From my book, Never Lonely:

Another concept that often comes into play when it comes to the interaction of gender expression and attraction is the allure of contrast. Contrast is highly noticeable and attractive. If two opposite things are shown to you at the same time, it will intensify one or both of those things, as we discussed in the chapter about fractionation. If two colors on the opposite side of the color spectrum are right next to each other, it will make one or both colors stand out more intensely, and will often look more attractive to our eyes. If food is both salty and sweet instead of just one or the other, the flavors will be intensified. And so on and so forth.

The same concept can apply to gender expression. If a man expresses something that could be seen as feminine, his masculinity can stand out even more, making him more attractive to women. Of course, this is assuming that he already has significant masculine expressions in the first place.

Asian men are often ranked as the least attractive group of men in the United States. We are seen as more feminine and less masculine than men of other races for various reasons. However, because of the allure of contrast, this can actually work in our favor.

One day, I was talking to a white, American woman who said that she surprised herself when she started feeling very attracted to her muscular Asian neighbor. She was surprised because she had never been attracted to Asian men before, and had generally preferred less muscular men throughout her life. Because Asian men have a more feminized image in the Western psyche, any significant masculine signal will have a stronger effect. The combination of that man’s subtly feminine Asian image, along with the very masculine signal of having big muscles, turned that woman on even more than if she had met a non-Asian muscular man. If you possess any characteristic that makes you seem somewhat feminine in any sense, focusing on developing masculine signals will get you a lot of attention. It can be through your physical appearance, fashion, personality, style of communication, and so on and so forth. You just have to think about what is construed as masculine in the culture you're living in.

Also, if you constantly hang out with women, some of their feminine habits will rub off on you no matter how hard you try to be purely masculine. It could be something like the frequency in which you use emojis and emoticons via text, or even something as subtle as a tiny aspect of your body language or speech patterns.

If you are masculine overall, having these small feminine habits that you get from constantly being around women can be very attractive not only due to the allure of contrast, but also because women will feel that other women are in your life. And women want what other women want. I will further discuss this concept of preselection in the chapter on how to spark attraction.

You don't even need to get rid of your "stiff military walk" as long as you're not stiff when actually sitting/standing still and talking to women. Use contrast by being super nice and sweet and romantic. You can even get away with acting a little submissive. Most guys can't because they're not as huge as you.

Are you scaring women a little when you approach them because it looks like you're carrying two invisible televisions all the time? GOOD. That's a pattern interrupt. It throws them off their automatic scripts and gets them to pay attention to the present moment. Just make sure you disarm them immediately with your sweet, tender personality.

Does this advice apply to everyone? Hell no. Will it help your specific case? Hell yes.

 

[Atlas IV]

@Michael Chief's point about contrast being seductive is bang on.

One of the most magnetic guys I ever met was a 6 ft 2 body-builder covered in tattoos (think The Rock but completely inked up to the neck).

Very intimidating at first sight, and he gets judged by strangers a lot. But after 10 seconds of speaking to him, everything about him disarms you. He's a gentle giant with a warm smile, soft mannerisms, takes a genuine interest in everyone he meets, and treats you like an old friend.

I asked him why he's like this. he told me he learned to be this way to offset his intimidating first impression.

And it works. He's the most well-connected guy I know in his sphere. Everybody loves him. I think that contrast (and perhaps the feeling of guilt at having unfairly misjudged somebody) they experience when they first meet him is deeply seductive. Nobody forgets it.

So yeah, OP will definitely benefit from injecting some softness and femininity into his vibe.

 

[Skills]

Alex i made a post on this:

Socializing - The importance of framing in seduction... (again, no, is not water is wet)

I recently had a private convo. from a guy from the forum that pretty much lost a lay cause of framing, i was surprise, because the dude is actually good. I know many seductions guys talk about framing, this is my own shit! regardless of other things being taught, maybe it can help someone in...

www.skilledseducer.com

 

[alexhunter8]

Ignore that gamer. Embrace your hugeness and intimidating look. Capitalize on the allure of contrast. From my book, Never Lonely:

You don't even need to get rid of your "stiff military walk" as long as you're not stiff when actually sitting/standing still and talking to women. Use contrast by being super nice and sweet and romantic. You can even get away with acting a little submissive. Most guys can't because they're not as huge as you.

Are you scaring women a little when you approach them because it looks like you're carrying two invisible televisions all the time? GOOD. That's a pattern interrupt. It throws them off their automatic scripts and gets them to pay attention to the present moment. Just make sure you disarm them immediately with your sweet, tender personality.

Does this advice apply to everyone? Hell no. Will it help your specific case? Hell yes.

What are the nuances ?
How can I seem and sound more nice ?

 

[Michael Chief]

What are the nuances ?
How can I seem and sound more nice ?

Here's the easiest answer: copy the people you think are super nice. Think of people you met that made you feel very warm, welcomed, relaxed, etc. The people whose smiles make you smile. Emulate their behaviors and idiosyncrasies.