Is this an attainability or attraction problem?

Jakeroviks

Space Monkey
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There's a girl in my class that I feel a good vibe going with. There's this natural tension between us.

I've been playing it aloof, and busting her balls a lot. She's been busting mine back, which I like.

Today, I casually invited her out over text, and she turned it down, saying we could go another time. I'm wondering if I misread her attraction, or maybe I'm not being attainable enough.

Attraction signs:

1) I've caught her looking at me out of the corner of my eye, or looking st something when I do.

2) She asks me a lot of questions.

3) Has gotten nervous around me during group work.

Attainability signs:

1) Her voice broke and trailed off when asking me something/ shit testing.

2) Generally doesn't push my boundaries. Seems maybe... intimidated.

Wildcard signs:

1) I'm socially stupid and everything I've learned is from dating websites like this one.

2) I'm a huge nerd.

3) I'm outspoken, and speak with authority.


I'm thinking I should just step back and let this one simmer for a bit. Be more friendly, and put a hold on the ball busting. I'd like to hear your thoughts. Thanks!
 

NewBeeWinner

Tool-Bearing Hominid
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Sounds like a good vibe going to me. How did you casually invite her out and how did she turn it down exactly? What did she say?
 

Fuck This

Cro-Magnon Man
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Reply to a text saying "another time"

"so when is another time that works?"
 

naturalmikey

Cro-Magnon Man
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in my opinion asking when the other time is is needy. you don’t have to know everything. you should have enough going on it’s not important. either don’t respond or respond cool
 

Jakeroviks

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NewBeeWinner said:
Sounds like a good vibe going to me. How did you casually invite her out and how did she turn it down exactly? What did she say?
It was very casual. I asked if she wanted to go for a walk, she said she was far away but maybe we can some other time.
 

Jakeroviks

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naturalmikey said:
in my opinion asking when the other time is is needy. you don’t have to know everything. you should have enough going on it’s not important. either don’t respond or respond cool
I already responded, just said that's cool.
 

JacobPalmer

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Jakeroviks said:
naturalmikey said:
in my opinion asking when the other time is is needy. you don’t have to know everything. you should have enough going on it’s not important. either don’t respond or respond cool
I already responded, just said that's cool.
Yup, that was the right call. Play it off like no big deal, and then reengage a few days or a week from now. BUT, if you have the opportunity ask her out in person, when she's alone with you, not over text. If there is an opportunity to ask her out in person and you don't take it, and then ask her out over text, you're going to look weak (and like 99% of other guys out there).
 

Jakeroviks

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An update to the topic:

I waited a week. She has been showing interest, through a combo of asking me questions and shit testing, which i passed with flying colors. She does seem cold, like she's guilty or something. I think she might have a boyfriend.

Anyway, I was walking out after class and she started a convo with me about something totally benign. I asked her again to go on a walk with me. She said no, I have to do blah blah blah and flashed a geniune smile. I said ok and left.

Now, I know this sounds cutesy, but I am taking things slow because it is school game and I want to maintain my reputation. I'm thinking there is geniune interest she doesn't want to show for whatever reason, or she wants me to chase which I won't.

Either way, I'm going to let her cool off and only continue if she gives very clear signals. Otherwise, I'll be focused on other girls.
 

Michal

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From my experience, if you let it slide, she will go cold, lose interest and then maybe from time to time, tease you lightly to see where you stand/ or to get some attention. I was never able to make these work and I always thought the best approach would be to to straight up ask her out and be more direct. However I have never tested this, because class game is tricky, you will see her again and I was scared to lose the girls I fancied. By direct I am not saying some love letter, 10 monologue, but something communicates a message along the lines of "I like 'this' about you + I sense good chemistry between us + let's go out + when are you free". Convey this in a cool, laid back way. You will get your answer. She might cave a bit because she feels pressure and is too nervous. But that might pay off later. If she declines, you stop investing, you will be polite for the rest of the class, minimize the attention you pay to her. If she then wonders why the dynamic changed between you two, she will trace it back to you being more direct that one time and her turning it down (girls tend to over analyse stuff). And if she liked you, she should realize why you two got where you are (the conversations being different etc), and reengage. She might even ask whether you are mad at her or something like that (because she declined when you were direct). If she does that, it is a sign she noticed the shift and clearly is not happy you minimized your involvement and lowered your investment in her.
If she was not interested, she might try to get some attention from time to time but will be nonchalant about the current dynamic at all.
But this is just my hypothesis. Maybe someone more senior could chime in if this tactic could work.
 

Jakeroviks

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I actually don't like her that much. I'd like to talk to her to get to know her and see if I do like her. But if she's not down for that it's fine with me.

I'm going to let her cool off and talk to other girls. Plenty of fish in the sea.
 

Fuck This

Cro-Magnon Man
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The biggest issue with some of these social circle deals is making you're intent clear enough that she will commit to a position of being attracted. All without looking needy.

In business i could be summed up as "I want to make a deal, but the deal has got to work for me, and if it doesn't, I'm better off without the deal"

Have you shown you want to make a deal? Have you shown her equally what makes it work for you? There is your attraction and attainability...
I had a woman in the periphery my social circle I could tell was attracted to me. She was in the position you describe. I was gonna play with her until she called my hand...Could have gone a different way at a different time.

I really enjoyed flirting with her. But I knew I wasn't going to create a relationship with her. That was going to create a problem in the social circle. When she pressed the issue one night, I told her I wasn't available for what she wanted (dating). She let me know the ball was in my court, and ended up leaving the social circle.
 
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