LMR "I've just ended a relationship" - can it be handled?

[quiteastory]

Hey guys, have you ever had a LMR like "I've just ended a relationship and I don't feel like starting new/banging"?

I'm talking about a situation where you handled fundamentals and logistics perfectly, but the girl is just not complying.

I've recently had a case where the girl took this LMR out and didn't comply no matter how I tried.

After that, I wanted to set up a meeting twice, and she said that she's going to be busy.

I've seen a lack of engagement from her before and she flaked each time I've tried to get more physical, so I've decided to let her go. I've responded calmly that If she's too busy to meet or talk to me, then we're not going anywhere and it's not something for me. She started to describe her schedule to show that she's really busy. I've responded that it's not just about the time, but overall lack of investment from her, and if she likes me, that she's got to improve and give me something.

She said that it depends on what I want, that she likes me, but she doesn't want anything deep or physical at the moment because she just broke up. I've said that I'm looking for something intimate and we're probably not at the same page at the moment. We politely said farewell and that's all.

What do you think about this case? Have you got any experience with breaking this LMR? In my opinion, if you're doing things smoothly as usual and the girl is not complying, you should move on just like with any other girl.

 

[ElderPrice]

I'm also curious to hear an answer on this from more experienced guys, but I do want to point out, if everything was truly perfect leading up to sex, then she wouldn't be tossing out LMR So I guess my point is, even if there is a way to beat this LMR, there's also probably plenty you can do to be more perfect before reaching that point. In my opinion.

 

[Seppuku]

The actual excuse she uses to keep you in control doesn't matter much. What matters is who was dominating the interaction.

LMR normally means that you went on a date with her, brought her back to your home (seduction location), started physically escalating her, probably removed a few clothes, but then at the last minute she escapes and resist.

It is not clear at all from your text if you went through all that?

So please clarify what exactly you mean by "LMR", and by "each time I tried to get more physical". How many dates you had before she gave you her "LMR"? Describe the dates?

Seppuku

 

[quiteastory]

The actual excuse she uses to keep you in control doesn't matter much. What matters is who was dominating the interaction.

LMR normally means that you went on a date with her, brought her back to your home (seduction location), started physically escalating her, probably removed a few clothes, but then at the last minute she escapes and resist.

It is not clear at all from your text if you went through all that?

So please clarify what exactly you mean by "LMR", and by "each time I tried to get more physical". How many dates you had before she gave you her "LMR"? Describe the dates?

Seppuku

Ok, then I misunderstood the LMR a little.

On the first date she kept her distance, but we had a good conversation and overall vibe. I touched her, wrapped my arm around her and tried to kiss her a few times. She didn't ring, and she gave me a kiss on the cheek. Nothing spectacular, but I pushed it as far as it could be done.

On the second date, we went for a walk, drunk a beer and I've invited her home. We ate pizza, drunk more and I got her on the bed (earlier she kept her distance - she didn't want to dance, because "it was too early"). She gave me a face massage and I've started playing and pulling her hair. The tension was good, but she kept her hands off me, and as soon as I started to get closer to her she moved away (which was really weird). Soon afterwards, she left and gave me a quick kiss on the lips (again, she didn't want to give me a big kiss).

We had a third date at my apartment, it was very similliar to the 2nd. We started talking, I've got her on the bed, we started sex talk, I've started touching her (I saw that she wasn't much sexual, so I decided warm her up slower). It was going well and she suddenly says that she needs to go. I was quite annoyed at this point, but didn't show that - I've walked her downstairs and that's all.

There was no 4th meeting - i've tried to set it up 2 times and I saw there was no progress, so I decided to clarify my expectations. That's when she said she's not looking for anything deep or physical.

My observations - she kept her distance from the beginning (which is not a good sign), she sent a lot of mixed signals (she went home with me, but didn't allow me to escalate twice). She seemed undecided, but I wanted to see how far we can go (until she didn't want to meet anymore).

What are your thoughts guys?

 

[Fuck This]

QAS, in your case, she's done....she's not attracted or else she would be making some sort of arrangement.

Generally these "just out of a relationship" cases are going to be same night Rebound lays to remind herself she is still attractive, or distant emotionally and physically. No in between. It is suicidal to try to do a "long game" multi date to bed sort of model because she associates sex with a relationship, which she associates with emotional pain.

The best way to handle the "just broken up" girl is to catch her on a night where she is "celebrating being free", and she is basically looking for validation. She ain't gonna be your girlfriend though. At least not for long..

BD had a real good column on dealing with that type of girl...

 

[Overdoze]

The "just ended a relationship" can make it harder but if you transfer her into the right moods and dependent on the girls feeling it doesnt have to mean more than i have a boyfriend.

her coiling up on your advancement is a clear sign youre not moving forward properly

never just "push" escalation as far as you can

Escalation always naturally follows a moment

i would say learn to arouse first then do what you consider escalation

i get the sense theres more prework to be done too though before "escalation". just a sense.

 

[Seppuku]

Good stuff from Fuck This.

My read of your description is that she wasn't much into you physically, and just wanted the emotional validation of being dated around.

What I see is that she was in control all the time. Controlled you when you tried to kiss her on date 1. Controlled your advances on date 2. Controlled your advances on date 3 ("I've got to go"). Usually a girl who is so adamant to stay in control is a big red flag. What you want to see instead are signs she surrenders control to you.

I meet girls like that from times to times. Usually I spot them immediately. What I normally do then is an "all-or-nothing", ultimate screening move, by attempting a pull, on the same date. If they excuse themselves, they are off my list and I move on.

Her excuse in itself doesn't matter. These girls are trying to take validation from you without giving you sex (or anything) in return.

Some remarks:

• You had enough negative compliance from her: (1) You tried to kiss her on date one and she deflected; (2) she avoided dance and touch from you on date 2 because "too early"; (3) she left when you started escalating touch. Be careful of negative compliance. It stacks up and grow bigger with time until it bursts. It's partly why attempting a kiss before you had sex is a double edged sword: you're giving her an opportunity to build up negative compliance.
• You took her in an isolated place where sex should happen, and sex didn't happen. Remember that she wants to feel that "it just happens". So if sex doesn't happen when it should logically have, she takes a negative message home. In my opinion, a man cannot afford to take a woman home and not make love to her, so when she's home you have to escalate aggressively. If you fail at that, you may not have another chance, and if you do, she will have much thicker barriers for you next time - which was the case here.

Overall, don't beat yourself. You did relatively good given her actual motivations for dating you.

Forget about this one. You will be better off moving on to another girl with, hopefully, actual interest in you.

Seppuku
PS. And yes, LMR normally means the resistance she puts in when you are about to make love to her.

 

[quiteastory]

@Seppuku
Thanks for a detailed breakdown, it's always good to hear a feedback from a 3rd party I had an initial thought that I did as good as I could and I had no problems with letting her go.

What are your thoughts on LMR "I've just broke up" in the future, for both ONS and relationship? With ONS I'd go for sex all the way, but with relationship girl, I have a feeling that pushing her super aggresively for sex could do her a lot of damage + kill the interaction.

EDIT: just to be clear - I've read what Fuck This wrote (great comment by the way), so I understand that girls like that either go all the way or keep their distance. Let's assume that the girl is hot, the chemistry is good, but she's not ready. I'd like to keep her around with the least effort possible, which means:
-not waiting for her and dating other girls
-being effective with my time and giving her at least attention as possible

The goal would be to make her come back when she's ready. Any advice on that?

 

[Fuck This]

Did you read the Blackdragon article? He specifically mentions what to do and how it worked out.

 

[quiteastory]

Thanks for the article, great piece of content. Just what I've needed!

 

[Seppuku]

Let's assume that the girl is hot, the chemistry is good, but she's not ready. I'd like to keep her around with the least effort possible, which means:
-not waiting for her and dating other girls
-being effective with my time and giving her at least attention as possible

The goal would be to make her come back when she's ready. Any advice on that?

Well I haven't read the BlackDragon post, so not sure what he advises.

I have managed to make some "not available" girls come back to me, but they were girls I previously had sex with, so it's not quite similar as a girl you've never had.

But yes, it was very similar to what you describe. Having sex with other girls, and being lightly in touch with the "target" girl. Like texting a bit. Then off for a few weeks. Plenty of outcome independence, like your life doesn't depend on it. And there *has* to be some amount of her initiating texting. So with a girl you've never had sex with, I guess it's going to be difficult to pull off.

Just don't have high hopes, and make sure you see plenty of other girls.

Seppuku

 

[quiteastory]

Thanks for your feedback guys!