Lower Attainability

[Ryan0802]

In recent interactions I notice I’m getting better and better at having value and charming girls. They get really into me, but somehow I make myself too attainable. I’m a stereotypical nice guy & hopeless romantic at heart - it isn’t due to a scarcity mindset bc I honestly feel confident & able to meet women. It’s more me being a passionate person and wanting to do everything possible to see encounters through (at least the women that fit my gf criteria). I don’t text them frequently, but you can noticeably see that I put more into my texting replies than the other individual. I often feel my attainability after the 1st ‘date’ is too high, but my value Is high too which keeps attraction there. Often during interactions in person they ask ‘why don’t you have a girlfriend?’ Which I respond that ‘I’m far too busy for a girlfriend right now. It wouldn’t be fair to her.’ Or ‘I just got out of a relationship’. I kiss passionately and sensually, romantically I suppose, and women can sense I’m a bit of a nice guy - but I’m also very sexual and incirporate a lot of touch/slamming her against the wall if we kiss/etc..

How do I fix this attanability problem? Especially on those that I don’t sleep with the 1st date but that are still seemingly into me. How do I get them chasing again?

 

[Inowtakethelead]

Hmm what is your end goal with women at the end of the date? are you esclating with then sexual? Throwing in chase frames, physical touching them, 2 steps forward one step back, use the search tab to find out what you want to learn about.


check out this link viewtopic.php?f=3&t=17635&p=88098&hilit=Lower+attainability#p88098

 

[Ryan0802]

Thanks for the link! That really resonated a few things for me. Took some detailed notes to remind myself.

I think the trouble is that I don't use enough chase framing or qualifying her to be 'in my league' - I automatically assume she thinks I am due to our positive initial confrontation (subconsciously I've been doing this). Before I know it this causes a power shift, and it to seem like I put her on a pedestal in comparison to myself.. That isn't what I ever intend, nor think in my mind, but that is how things are perceived by the vibe/words I give. I can offset this with dominance and devil may care attitude in person, but I need to stop giving off that vibe to begin with..

My initial goal is sex, and if she meets the criteria, potentially a girlfriend. But we all know that you don't really know if she meets girlfriend criteria until after sex because she could very well be wearing a mask, which would slowly start to fade over time afterwards.

 

[Inowtakethelead]

Thanks for the link! That really resonated a few things for me. Took some detailed notes to remind myself.

I think the trouble is that I don't use enough chase framing or qualifying her to be 'in my league' - I automatically assume she thinks I am due to our positive initial confrontation (subconsciously I've been doing this). Before I know it this causes a power shift, and it to seem like I put her on a pedestal in comparison to myself.. That isn't what I ever intend, nor think in my mind, but that is how things are perceived by the vibe/words I give. I can offset this with dominance and devil may care attitude in person, but I need to stop giving off that vibe to begin with..

My initial goal is sex, and if she meets the criteria, potentially a girlfriend. But we all know that you don't really know if she meets girlfriend criteria until after sex because she could very well be wearing a mask, which would slowly start to fade over time afterwards.

Make her win you over

Projecting confidence and making a girl laugh are common tips for how to attract any girl. But there’s another tip that’s equally important that doesn’t get nearly as much discussion. It’s called qualification.

Qualification is all about getting the woman to prove that she’s a cool, interesting girl. It shows you’re a guy with standards who doesn’t invest his time and attention in just any attractive girl. When you actively filter women like this they see you as a high-value guy. They will then put more effort into keeping your interest and attention.

After bantering with a girl you can start qualifying by asking questions like “So what’s your deal?” or “What are three things I wouldn’t know about you by looking?” These questions are great because they’re open-ended and allow the girl to share as much information as she feels comfortable. They also give you a great chance to get to know her. You can then find out if she truly is a cool, interesting girl.


Also be unattached to a outcome- unattached to the outcome. That is, don’t get hung up on whether or not you get a phone number, a date, or even get the girl to like you. Just enjoy the process of meeting women and focus on having fun. If you’re not looking to get anything from your interactions with women then you’ll have no trouble being confident, fun, open, and sexual with women.

The best way to make this your natural way of being is to get lots of experience talking and flirting with women. Make a point to talk to at least three women a day and practice the techniques mentiond, The more experience you get the less you’ll care about each individual interaction. Hope this helps.

 

[Seppuku]

Hey,

Often during interactions in person they ask ‘why don’t you have a girlfriend?’ Which I respond that ‘I’m far too busy for a girlfriend right now. It wouldn’t be fair to her.’ Or ‘I just got out of a relationship’.

Maybe, for a start, you can avoid being an open book, and leave some mystery. Especially on the GF question.

In your example above, I'm not sure how the question came about. Did she ask you if you have a GF first, and you said no? Or did she directly assume you don't have one? The first case is bad, the second even worse. Let me illustrate.

Case 1.
Her: Do you have a girlfriend?
You: No, I don't have one. By answering this, you are calling some problems upon yourself. Because next:
Her: Why? The question is now framed to imply there's something wrong about you. Now you need to justify yourself...
You: I don't have time for one right now... or whatever justification - which will always confirm the frame that there is something wrong about you.

Case 2. She just assumes you don't have a GF.
Her (out of the blue): Why don't you have a girlfriend? there is something in your communication which says "I'm single". Bad karma for you!
You: I don't have time for one right now...

Both scenarios above, you're like an open book. No mystery. Plus, you're telling her "I'm not fucking anyone right now". Girls stay away from guys not fucking anyone. Instead, they chase the guys who are fucking every other girls. Even (and especially) if they are stating otherwise.

See my proposed answers for the two cases:

Case 1.
Her: Do you have a girlfriend?
You: No. You take a thoughtful expression, frown eyebrows, and start counting on your fingers. You keep counting for a little while...
You: Sixteen!
Her: What?
You: I have sixteen girlfriends... I think? This number is stupidly high, so she knows you must be kidding. But now she simply doesn't know anything for sure. Do you have a GF? Or not? Or maybe more than one... But if she tries to ask further, you stand firm:
Her: Come on.... tell me!!!!
You: I told you! I have sixteen girlfriends (wink and smile)

Case 2.
Her (out of the blue): Why don't you have a girlfriend?
You: Do you know that for a fact? (wink and smile....)
Her: Yes I do?
You: How? Question is now turned back on her. Let her justify herself! If need be, you can start the counting on your fingers scenario above...

In both cases, she is left in complete mystery with respect to her initial question. Trust me, that will make her super excited!

In general, keeping some mystery around you will work on the sexual tension and put yourself away from the nice guy thing.

Seppuku
PS. You will know you're more experienced when they start asking "How many girlfriends do you have?" instead of "do you have a girlfriend?" LOL

 

[Ryan0802]

Excellent observation! I am terrible about keeping any mystery about myself. That will drastically help - it's my plan this week to read to and apply what I learn.

The example; that is an excellent way to answer the question and keep humorous/playful. I will certainly be using this, as well as adding some other pre-meditated responses to common questions I get.

I incorporate a bit of qualification at first, but tend to slack later in the interaction. I need to be more persistent with this; not allow her to feel she 'has me'.

Thank you both for your help!

 

[Ryan0802]

Throughout an interaction while assessing attainability, how would you adjust for too high of attainability on the fly - for instance to think of a witty remark? (ex. the fingers and response to the girlfriend question)

I know repeating their question with another question works.
I know telling them things you look for in another person. (getting them to qualify themselves)

I guess what I'm asking is what is your thought process to create something like that, or how to respond?
Obviously experience helps a lot.

How I usually address things..
Are you a good cook? "Why, were you going to cook something for me?"
What do you do for a living? "What do YOU do for a living?" or "Why do you ask? Sizing me up for boyfriend material already?"
Why don't you have a girlfriend? "I've been looking to be a stay at home husband, but nobody can afford my expensive taste."
-Sometimes it's hit or miss if I can think of this on the fly. But typically that's how I would respond in an ideal outing.