Maintaining Value During Lockdown

Andrew718

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Nov 29, 2020
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Hey guys,

What I want to figure out now is how to reset my value in my current LTR under the circumstances.

I work from home, she goes in to work. Obviously, there are no venues, no hangouts with friends, nowhere I can really be for too long. She knows that I'm basically just home, unless I went for a quick grocery run or shot of espresso or a bike ride, so there's really never any time I can be truly unavailable.

At least where I am, that's the way things are. Nobody will hang out, invite or visit.

Despite my best efforts, I'm becoming too predictable and I see early signs of her starting to take me for granted.The way things are going, she leaves it up in the air. She gets out of work, and either says "hey can I come over?" or "I feel kind of tired and just wanna go home".

I don't want to come across as "butt hurt " (as the kids say) or over-invested, so I just go about my business and don't wait on her or expect her and go somewhere if I feel like it now. I used to hold off on going for coffee or shopping because I thought she was coming over, but now I just go on with my business as if she's not coming so I'm not waiting around if she can't make it.

I have previously brought it up but it didn't do much good. I said "listen, I know you don't take our relationship for granted, but sometimes it comes across that way when you just leave things up in the air till the last minute. Just because I work from home doesn't make my time less valuable. This doesn't have to become a problem; I just like knowing what I'm doing".

For a little while afterwards she started communicating better about plans, but now it's gone back to leaving it up in the air.

Other than that, she shows high interest. Constantly texting me from work and calling me during her breaks,being affectionate. She's still the best girl I've been in a relationship with and, despite this one thing, I love everything about the relationship. She never kicks up drama or acts bitchy, is sweet and kind, and basically says and does everything I had always dreamed a partner would do. I can trust her and never second guess her, and I think she is legitimately tired after work sometimes and I don't want to turn the relationship into something negative or some implied obligation or seem needy.

I didn't have this problem pre-covid. I was always out doing stuff and girls had to make plans with me way in advance. I would never accept an "I'll let you know" or "maybe later" kind of vibe. My ex said she never knew where I was or what I was doing. We lived together and she still had to make plans with me.

But how things are now, there's really nothing plausible for me to be busy with to make her feel like she has to make firm plans with me. Even if I'm home working, I can't say I'm busy to build value because she'll just say "well I'll just come over and watch tic tocs on my phone or take a nap till you're ready for me". If I say just "NO not today" it will cause unnecessary negativity and who needs that?

Thanks so much in advance,
Andrew




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