Manhattan Solo DG

[bkw]

2/5/26 — Scheduling getting on top of me, and me not on top of my scheduling

This is the first week I've been really testing out my new schedule, which is tight. I've been a little loose with it however, and I'm not doing certain activities/goals within the proper window(s). Because of this, I missed my opportunity to DG today, which I actually wanted to do but made a mistake not going earlier, then losing time to do it later.

This is somewhat expected. I know now what I can do to make sure I'm on top of my schedule moving forward, and not the other way around. Basically, I need to do certain tasks when I get back from work instead of taking a nap or whatever (depending on the time of day).

I'll get on top of it. These things are important to me.

Things I did today:

1. Gym
2. Van research
3. Work
4. Couldn't code because I need to set up hotspot for Internet on laptop
5. Failed to do DG within the correct time

 

[bkw]

2/6/26

Things done today:

1. Work
2. Van prep
3. DG
4. Gym

Finally, got some DG in today. Only about 1 hr. Goal was to simply walk around and get a feel for things again. I saw at least 3 within that time I should have approached. I need to lower my expectations a bit.

Next DG goal:
1. Approach 2

I'll ramp up my DG goals the more I'm out. I like using momentum in my favor.

 

[bkw]

2/7/26 - approach 1 (DG)

Still not really getting on top of my schedule. Would have liked to stay out two hours, but only managed one hour.

Within that one hour I saw 2 girls for certain to approach. I approached the first girl, but she politely refused to stop. Second girl passed me up. She was walking fast. I turned around to approach. She quickly turns right and runs across the road. I should have stayed right behind her, but I walked a little ahead then turned to cross the road. By that time, she was gone.

I've been doing DG starting at 8pm due to many reasons. It's good for the weekends, but I'm not entirely sure it's the best for DG on weekdays. I'll keep testing it out.

As far as any AA or whatever. I have zero. I feel comfortable. I haven't rehearsed anything or whatever. I know my opener from doing this for years I typically use, and the rest I just free flow. I think all my experience in the past leaves me feeling comfortable, at least recently.

Anyway, I'm not happy only doing 1 approach, or even 2 per session. The ultimate goal has always been 10 approaches/day, or 30 approaches/week. A lot of things have to line up for this time happen. Right now I don't think I can meet these expectations unless I am better on my scheduling. Momentum also helps.

What I did today:

1. Gym
2. DG (1 hr)
3. Van research
4. Coding set-up
5. Work

Goals for next DG outing:
4 approaches

Weekly stats:
1 approach

 

[bkw]

Update on the previous week

I had saved almost a whole week of entries as a draft, and now it's gone, but that's OK because it's probably better I sum it up in one post anyway...

Basically, there are two "issues" I'm dealing with when it comes to DG:

The first is my schedule. I keep mentioning this because my schedule is tight and I have to follow closely or else all my goals get offset, etc. After failing on my schedule for the first week, I modified it again, and this one seems more reasonable. There's not a single thing on my daily/weekly schedule I don't want to do, so they are all important to me.

The second is apathy when it comes to DG — like, no interest or motivation when out. This always happens to me when I start from zero momentum. Unfortunately, I really just have to force myself when I have apathy, which seems so counterintuitive emotionally, but that's what I have to do I guess. Like, I literally have to motivate myself before going out, and hyping myself up with goals like "2 approaches today", or at least until I build the right kind of momentum where emotionally I'm in it. Right now, it's pure apathy. I've approached only 1 for the whole week prior.

It feels almost nonsensical when I think about it — where is the motivation? Why do I feel motivation before and then when I'm out it goes away? Do I really even truly want this? Why am I doing this? Etc. These types of questions I ask, at least at this stage.

I realize there are guys out there who wake up DESPERATELY wanting to talk to pretty women; DESPERATELY wanting to get laid—ironically, it's these people who tend to get the results faster, and it's because they truly want it, so when they are out they don't face this resistance someone like me faces, unrelated to AA; they don't have to trick themselves for reasons/motivations to approach. This is why I often say "I don't have the 'desperation' needed right now" when there's apathy. The problem with forcing yourself into momentum, and, therefore, into emotional investment, is the rejection then weighs heavier. For me, it's not like the gym where I can go in with no emotion and just do it. For me, I need emotion with DG or it's like asking me to do something I'm not into. I'm also a massive introvert and love being alone with zero interest in socializing in general, so I'm sure my introversion plays a big role in my disinterest.

Anyway, like I said, I realize I will need to force myself out of my apathy while out. I will try to aim for this next session. Following my schedule, however, I have the next two days off from DG, and on Thursday I'll be back at it.

 

[Orchard]

Update on the previous week

I had saved almost a whole week of entries as a draft, and now it's gone, but that's OK because it's probably better I sum it up in one post anyway...

Basically, there are two "issues" I'm dealing with when it comes to DG:

The first is my schedule. I keep mentioning this because my schedule is tight and I have to follow closely or else all my goals get offset, etc. After failing on my schedule for the first week, I modified it again, and this one seems more reasonable. There's not a single thing on my daily/weekly schedule I don't want to do, so they are all important to me.

The second is apathy when it comes to DG — like, no interest or motivation when out. This always happens to me when I start from zero momentum. Unfortunately, I really just have to force myself when I have apathy, which seems so counterintuitive emotionally, but that's what I have to do I guess. Like, I literally have to motivate myself before going out, and hyping myself up with goals like "2 approaches today", or at least until I build the right kind of momentum where emotionally I'm in it. Right now, it's pure apathy. I've approached only 1 for the whole week prior.

It feels almost nonsensical when I think about it — where is the motivation? Why do I feel motivation before and then when I'm out it goes away? Do I really even truly want this? Why am I doing this? Etc. These types of questions I ask, at least at this stage.

I realize there are guys out there who wake up DESPERATELY wanting to talk to pretty women; DESPERATELY wanting to get laid—ironically, it's these people who tend to get the results faster, and it's because they truly want it, so when they are out they don't face this resistance someone like me faces, unrelated to AA; they don't have to trick themselves for reasons/motivations to approach. This is why I often say "I don't have the 'desperation' needed right now" when there's apathy. The problem with forcing yourself into momentum, and, therefore, into emotional investment, is the rejection then weighs heavier. For me, it's not like the gym where I can go in with no emotion and just do it. For me, I need emotion with DG or it's like asking me to do something I'm not into. I'm also a massive introvert and love being alone with zero interest in socializing in general, so I'm sure my introversion plays a big role in my disinterest.

Anyway, like I said, I realize I will need to force myself out of my apathy while out. I will try to aim for this next session. Following my schedule, however, I have the next two days off from DG, and on Thursday I'll be back at it.

Are you hitting a gym up ever?

 

[bkw]

Are you hitting a gym up ever?

Yes, as part of my new schedule, I've been doing 5xs per week

 

[bkw]

2/19/26

Went out today. Didn't approach, but it was good because emotionally I was more in it, even though today I felt very tired overall.

Good news is a saw some girls I was attracted to but didn't approach. That sharpness wasn't there, but I'll remember that next outing, and basically just keep building on my momentum.

For the record, I'm not doing this for recognition, and I'm under no illusion I should be "good" at this—this journal is just an honest reflection of what I'm thinking and experimencing from my lens. If I sense any negativity from anyone related to what I'm doing in these forums, I will likely stop posting here because it's uncalled for and unnecessary. Constructive feedback is always welcome, and I appreciate that, but pure negativity for no other reason but to be negative toward me is not something I have the tolerance to deal with. I'm being 100% honest with myself, and I try my best to avoid comparing or ego delusions. I'm writing here for myself and also because I do get a sense of accountability when I feel people are paying attention.

With that said, I'm very serious that this is something I want right now. I'm just not beating myself up over getting back into it. There's no reason to beat myself up over it. Momentum does work for me.

Right now, I guess the goal I like the most currently is to approach 2 girls next outing. As I get more "sharp" and take more action, this number always rises.

I noticed a mistake in my schedule I need to fix today, and I also figured out a way to possibly free up some time on my schedule without reducing my current goals, but it's a little too drawn out to write here, so I'll leave it there for now.

 

[D. Gately]

If you're in/near midtown a place I used to do some casual DG was either inside or outside of Jimmy Choo. Women in NYC love to talk about their high heels, nothing could be easier to start up a conversation, as long as you're dressed appropriately.

If I was inside I would pretend to be browsing to buy my 'sister' something. They were always impressed with how thoughtful and generous I was to her, lol.

 

[bkw]

If you're in/near midtown a place I used to do some casual DG was either inside or outside of Jimmy Choo. Women in NYC love to talk about their high heels, nothing could be easier to start up a conversation, as long as you're dressed appropriately.

If I was inside I would pretend to be browsing to buy my 'sister' something. They were always impressed with how thoughtful and generous I was to her, lol.

Lol epic. Thanks for these tips

 

[bkw]

Update:

This one is mainly for those who remotely give a shit about this thread, and a little for me as well...

I apologize for being extremely boring lately and off-and-on when it comes to updates or posts related to dating. I sincerely am navigating "internal questions"—i know how lame that sounds, but it's honest—with regard to my interest and time-availability related to dating/pickup. I've pretty much stated my thoughts already, so I won't talk too much about it...

Alright, so, my tiny brain has figured out lately that I'm motivated by visuals of women. Sounds like an obvious statement, but I basically mean I can sit all day sometimes and think about approaching women and often not be motivated; however, when I actually SEE that girl, with her ass, chest, face, skin, etc., that's when it all makes sense and motivation is triggered. And, yes, I've been trying to understand "why am I not motivated", then I see a hot girl and suddenly I'm motivated, so then I go home write up a post about how I'm going to start daygame again, then wake up the next morning and no motivation, and then questioning lol. I know, I sound fucking pathetic, but I don't want to chase shit I'm not motivated or that interested in doing...blah blah blah...

Anyway, so now the weather is better, and women are showing what I'm VISUALLY motivated to see, I will just fucking go out and see if my theory is correct in the sense of becoming motivated when I SEE the girl—yes, I know this is true already, but my issue isnt fear or whatever, it's lack of motivation, so if I just do my part and put myself in the situation to see a girl and get motivated then maybe perhaps that solves my motivation problem? Sounds incredibly stupid as I write this...

Whatever. Needless to say, I settled my schedule again, and I will start just going out and test my motivation hypothesis and report back. If it's correct, then I'll stop flip-flopping and actually commit to daygame again.

Will post again shortly

 

[AspiringStoic]

Update:

This one is mainly for those who remotely give a shit about this thread, and a little for me as well...

I apologize for being extremely boring lately and off-and-on when it comes to updates or posts related to dating. I sincerely am navigating "internal questions"—i know how lame that sounds, but it's honest—with regard to my interest and time-availability related to dating/pickup. I've pretty much stated my thoughts already, so I won't talk too much about it...

Alright, so, my tiny brain has figured out lately that I'm motivated by visuals of women. Sounds like an obvious statement, but I basically mean I can sit all day sometimes and think about approaching women and often not be motivated; however, when I actually SEE that girl, with her ass, chest, face, skin, etc., that's when it all makes sense and motivation is triggered. And, yes, I've been trying to understand "why am I not motivated", then I see a hot girl and suddenly I'm motivated, so then I go home write up a post about how I'm going to start daygame again, then wake up the next morning and no motivation, and then questioning lol. I know, I sound fucking pathetic, but I don't want to chase shit I'm not motivated or that interested in doing...blah blah blah...

Anyway, so now the weather is better, and women are showing what I'm VISUALLY motivated to see, I will just fucking go out and see if my theory is correct in the sense of becoming motivated when I SEE the girl—yes, I know this is true already, but my issue isnt fear or whatever, it's lack of motivation, so if I just do my part and put myself in the situation to see a girl and get motivated then maybe perhaps that solves my motivation problem? Sounds incredibly stupid as I write this...

Whatever. Needless to say, I settled my schedule again, and I will start just going out and test my motivation hypothesis and report back. If it's correct, then I'll stop flip-flopping and actually commit to daygame again.

Will post again shortly

As someone who remotely gives a shit about this thread, let me chime in.

First of all what you wrote here does not sound stupid at all. I have experienced something similar since the end of last year.

When I was new to doing SOLO cold approach in 2023-24, it was all about setting targets and pushing myself because I needed to overcome AA and the spotlight effect etc as I thought everyone would be looking at me for being alone just walking around trying to talk to girls. Once, I got through that phase, and I began getting results things changed.

The urge to prove to myself that I can cold approach solo and the frantic desire to learn this skillset died down. I knew "I could approach, if I wanted to". I had sufficient evidence of having done it already. Also I began seeing some girls regualrly so I also was getting my fix of regular, semi-regular female companionship.

At that point I went exaclty into a state you are describing. I would go out one day approach a few girls and feel wow this is amazing, I need to do this everyday so that I can finally nail down abundance which I know I still did not have.

Then the next day I would wake up and after work, I would not really feel motivated at all and would want to work on other projects instead of go approach girls.

Then I would be out either going to or from work or to the gym or running errands etc and then would see pretty girls around me and the desire would come back and I would think to myself what an idiot I am from living in a city with so many great looking girls around and not approaching and would go back and decide to start approaching again from the next day and then have the cycle repeat again.

The Solution (That has been working for me)
Nowadays I never decide before hand that I am going to approach or that I am going to approach x or y number of girls that day. I lift weights in the gym but absolutely hate doing cardio in the gym. So instead I substitute that with walks.

And what is daytime cold approaching after all, if you forget about the talking to girls bit? Walking!

And nobody can argue that taking some time out everyday to walk is a bad thing. It only has upsides for your health.

So nowadays I go for a walk everyday, sometimes for a half hour or usually for an hour. But instead of going to a deserted area, I just go to areas that are still nice and that I enjoy walking in but also have some level of foot traffic.

As I am out walking without any decision or pressure to approach, I usually encounter a girl that spikes my urge to approach, and when that urge hits, I do it. And that first approach sometimes triggers more desire and I end up doing more.

But again somedays I walk for an hour and just approach 1 or 2 girls, on some occasional days even none. Then some days I am out and do 5 approaches in half an hour.

This way is more enjoyable. The walks are relaxing and pressure free as I have no pre-determined targets I am aiming for. And of course due to the earlier work I have put into approaching, nowadays I can easily manage my emotions and thoughts if I get any negative reactions.

And in this way, for the first time I really feel that cold approaching is turning from a "challenge", "a means to an end" or any kind of high emotion inducing activity to a realxing, pressure free past time and I hope that soon I could really say that it has turned into a "favorite hobby"

But it was this change of frame from looking at it as a heroic grind after getting past the beginner stage to being more relaxed and chill about it and not attaching too much meaning to it that is making this transition possible.

 

[bkw]

As someone who remotely gives a shit about this thread, let me chime in.

First of all what you wrote here does not sound stupid at all. I have experienced something similar since the end of last year.

When I was new to doing SOLO cold approach in 2023-24, it was all about setting targets and pushing myself because I needed to overcome AA and the spotlight effect etc as I thought everyone would be looking at me for being alone just walking around trying to talk to girls. Once, I got through that phase, and I began getting results things changed.

The urge to prove to myself that I can cold approach solo and the frantic desire to learn this skillset died down. I knew "I could approach, if I wanted to". I had sufficient evidence of having done it already. Also I began seeing some girls regualrly so I also was getting my fix of regular, semi-regular female companionship.

At that point I went exaclty into a state you are describing. I would go out one day approach a few girls and feel wow this is amazing, I need to do this everyday so that I can finally nail down abundance which I know I still did not have.

Then the next day I would wake up and after work, I would not really feel motivated at all and would want to work on other projects instead of go approach girls.

Then I would be out either going to or from work or to the gym or running errands etc and then would see pretty girls around me and the desire would come back and I would think to myself what an idiot I am from living in a city with so many great looking girls around and not approaching and would go back and decide to start approaching again from the next day and then have the cycle repeat again.

The Solution (That has been working for me)
Nowadays I never decide before hand that I am going to approach or that I am going to approach x or y number of girls that day. I lift weights in the gym but absolutely hate doing cardio in the gym. So instead I substitute that with walks.

And what is daytime cold approaching after all, if you forget about the talking to girls bit? Walking!

And nobody can argue that taking some time out everyday to walk is a bad thing. It only has upsides for your health.

So nowadays I go for a walk everyday, sometimes for a half hour or usually for an hour. But instead of going to a deserted area, I just go to areas that are still nice and that I enjoy walking in but also have some level of foot traffic.

As I am out walking without any decision or pressure to approach, I usually encounter a girl that spikes my urge to approach, and when that urge hits, I do it. And that first approach sometimes triggers more desire and I end up doing more.

But again somedays I walk for an hour and just approach 1 or 2 girls, on some occasional days even none. Then some days I am out and do 5 approaches in half an hour.

This way is more enjoyable. The walks are relaxing and pressure free as I have no pre-determined targets I am aiming for. And of course due to the earlier work I have put into approaching, nowadays I can easily manage my emotions and thoughts if I get any negative reactions.

And in this way, for the first time I really feel that cold approaching is turning from a "challenge", "a means to an end" or any kind of high emotion inducing activity to a realxing, pressure free past time and I hope that soon I could really say that it has turned into a "favorite hobby"

But it was this change of frame from looking at it as a heroic grind after getting past the beginner stage to being more relaxed and chill about it and not attaching too much meaning to it that is making this transition possible.

Thanks for that post, and this makes complete sense. It's basically what I'm experiencing, but mine is a mix of authenticity -- like, I don't want to do things out of fear; I want to do things that are authentically desired/exciting to me; something I authentically want to do, and in my mind these things cannot be faked; you just know because you cannot deny it's something you want. In the past I was highly motivated by the daygame community, fear, curiosity, trying to prove things, etc., and would just do things based on that.

Anyway, I guess we are all trying to find a reason for us all and that works for us, wherever we are at. Your solution makes sense, and it works for you, so that's awesome. Thanks for sharing.

 

[bkw]

Update:

Right now I plan on doing weekly updates. This is for the week of 4/20/26 - 4/26/26.

I wrote notes down per day, but I don't have them with me so I'll just go off memory. Basically, no approaches this week. It rained a couple times this week, and I'm trying to follow a specific weekly schedule I have as I have many goals, which has forced me to change my sleeping habits.

I went out somewhat solid for 2 days (my goals are 5x a week with DG, which I will continue week-by-week). The first day I only had 30 minutes because I slept in too late. I rode around LES on my electric unicycle cruising with my eyes on the sidewalks on the lookout for girls that would spark my interest. It worked, and I saw a few I would be interested in approaching. So, I kind of proved my theory of just "putting myself in a situation where I'd see something would cause SOME sort of motivation". My intention wasn't to approach, however.

The other day I actually made it with the full 2 hours session I had planned. This was another day where I wanted to test my theory and see if just putting myself in a situation to see girls I'm interested in would motivate me. Can't say I was too motivated by what I saw, and I was only out maybe an hour, but what I can say is the desire/motivation to just follow my schedule is there. From experience I know the more I just go out, the more the motivation grows and transforms to wanting to take action. I know that if I simply keep going out putting myself in DG environments something will trigger and I'll shift from reconnaissance to wanting to approach, and then it'll stick. Momentum has ALWAYS been something I work with, with daygame. There is no exception here. This is expected.

I will continue to follow my schedule. One thing I don't like so far is that I'm allowing weather and crap to dictate the number of times I go out. I will try to stop that from now on.

Will keep updated

 

[bkw]

UPDATE:

No approaching this week.

As I've been saying before, I have sincerely been questioning whether or not "I want this" (dating in general), and its been something I think about a lot from time-to-time for the last couple years, at least. I used to do pickup/dating mostly from fear, or curiosity, or experience, or proving something to myself, inspiration from the community, etc., but I can't really escape this ever-creeping thought that if I really wanted it, I wouldn't be questioning it; it'd be unquestionable; I wouldn't have to force myself into motivation; the desire should just be there inside of me.

I'm basically waiting for something inside of me to give me an authentic signal, not based in any type of fear like FOMO, or not fitting in, etc. It has to come to me in a form of excitement, desire/want, etc., and I don't think I should force it, which is what I've been planning to do with "scheduling" my DG sessions. I also think it shouldn't be a fleeting feeling, and that it should be a persistent want that lingers beyond a tired night, or a few hours, but into days or even weeks. Usually any motivation lasts for an hour or two, then the feeling goes away for a while and I don't care enough to persue it.

For me, I think what triggers this authentic desire is visual. I think when I see the women I'm attracted to then, wham, it hits me and that unforced, natural desire is lit. And this feeling tends to usually come from seeing the bodies of the women, so it comes mostly during warmer weather when I can see the bodies more clearly of the women.

Anyway, I guess I could talk more about this but I guess for now I'm not going to force anything. If the feeling is there then I'll act on it, but I'm not going to put myself in situations I typically wouldn't go to maybe get that spark of motivation. And for the record, this isn't me making excuses, or that I'm afraid or whatever. I simply don't feel it's right to force something I guess I don't want bad enough. Once again, in my mind, I think if I want it bad enough, it'd be undeniable, and I'd go after it. If the desire is not there then I guess it's time for me to accept I just don't want it bad enough for whatever reason. This alone has been hard for me to accept for many reasons, but I think it's true.

With that said, I guess I'm at that point, or reaching that point in my life, where I'm learning to be OK with not chasing girls for sex or validation or whatever else. Nothing wrong with chasing those things, but the pull isn't strong enough to justify all the mental gymnastics or effort on my part.

Anyway, I think you get the point. This is likely where I'll be mentally for the foreseeable future unless something changes. Just wanted to share.

 

[bkw]

*Edit for above:

I'm going to change the way I go about this into more of a "natural approach" thing. I won't force myself into place or situations I typically don't do or go, but rather I will approach when the natural feeling hits in the moment, rather than forcing a motivation or putting myself in situations I expect this to occur. This doesn't necessarily mean "a lingering and lasting feeling to be my trigger, but more in-rhe-moment approach when it naturally occurs, so I need to train my mind to recognize when I notice it and train myself to act when it naturally occurs because it is fleeting. I think I kind of explained why I'm taking this approach from now on from my previous posts. I'll just leave it there for now without taking too much more

 

[bkw]

*Edit for above:

I'm going to change the way I go about this into more of a "natural approach" thing. I won't force myself into place or situations I typically don't do or go, but rather I will approach when the natural feeling hits in the moment, rather than forcing a motivation or putting myself in situations I expect this to occur. This doesn't necessarily mean "a lingering and lasting feeling to be my trigger, but more in-rhe-moment approach when it naturally occurs, so I need to train my mind to recognize when I notice it and train myself to act when it naturally occurs because it is fleeting. I think I kind of explained why I'm taking this approach from now on from my previous posts. I'll just leave it there for now without taking too much more

Already I'm beginning to notice I'm probably deluding myself. But I sincerely felt that way. Idk, I'll report back if I actually do some approaches this time instead of random updates on stuff like this