Meezy's Journal

[Meezy]

I'm your typical late-twenties virgin yada yada etc. Been reading GC for years, but never practiced because:

1. When I first discovered it, I was in a boys school with strict parents.
2. I thought I would stumble into dating naturally as I got older.

Well, I'm older now, that never happened, and I struggle to believe it will. I can now get around dying alone, but I don't want to be old and suddenly realize I didn't try hard enough, so here I am.

I'm not so great socially. I do have friends, but the relationships are not very deep, and I feel uncomfortable after prolonged periods with people. Right now, I'm trying to go out more and work through these feelings. This journal is mostly to document this, and maybe my experiences on Tinder if I get matches. I'm also planning on doing the beginner Girlschase pdf.

Here goes nothing.




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Appendix: Brief Background
Stats:

• I'm 27, Zimbabwean. Grew up and live in South Africa.
• I'm about 5"7-ish. So-so physique. (I have abs and some muscle tone, but my frame is small).
• Tutor by profession; recently finished a Computer Science degree after switching from med school.

Experiences:

• Drunken kiss at 17 at a matric dance (prom) after-party
• Beyond that, only holding hands with girls I’ve had crushes on
  • 1 in high school (2014ish)
  • 2 in college (2018)
  • 1 last year
• No sex, and no kissing since that first experience

Things I've tried:

• Attending hobby groups: I'm a member of an amdram, silent bookclub, and social riding group. Most of my time goes to the first, and the latter two I've only attended a handful of times a year each.
• Tinder: Made a profile at the beginning of the year that didn't get much traction. For the past six months, I've been working on getting better photos. I've done it and set up a new profile recently, but it seems it's still not enough so far.

 

[Meezy]

Great With Women: The Beginner's Guide
Day 1: That One Special Girl
Assignment:
***Sit down and write down the name of a girl you’re caught up on now or were before. Next, write down everything you’ve done to move things forward with her, and how each thing has gone. Have you lost her through action… or inaction?***

• Looking back on the 'special girls' in my life, I have lost them by either doing nothing or taking the wrong actions because I didn't know any better.
• My most common move was a declaration of love after months of knowing them, followed by... nothing.
• Other times, I got drunk in their vicinity and hoped something would come from that chemical reaction.
• More recently, I spent half a year playing the love interest of a woman I really liked, and I did nothing. I let her slip through my fingers...
• At this point, I realize I have no idea what I would do with a woman if things worked out. I like Joker's quote from the Dark Knight: "I'm a dog chasing cars. I wouldn't know what to do with one if I caught it! "
• But I've never believed the advice that I need a career or money or a fancy car to attract women. I know a lot of successful people who struggle like I do and 'bums' who don't.
• It's a challenge, though, because I do think I'm generally unattractive, so I can't see how a woman would be interested in me if I'm not at least following the conventional dating advice. Especially being as old and inexperienced as I am.
• But yes, this assignment has reminded me that my inaction (or poor action) has played a role in my lack of success with women. I do think there are other factors at play, but as long as I'm doing something wrong, there is something within my control.
• Whether fixing that will be enough... we shall see.

 

[OldGuy]

I become uncomfortable after long periods with people (called introversion). Get used to only staying to you become uncomfortable and gradually increase the time you can manage. You sound like me in my twenties, got married at 40, raised 2 daughters.

 

[Meezy]

I become uncomfortable after long periods with people (called introversion). Get used to only staying to you become uncomfortable and gradually increase the time you can manage. You sound like me in my twenties, got married at 40, raised 2 daughters.

Thanks, OldGuy. I will experiment with this and see how it goes.

 

[Meezy]

Great With Women: The Beginner's Guide
Day 2: Your Life is on You
Assignment:
***Are there any women you’re ‘just friends’ with, or have been ‘working on’ for more than a couple of weeks? Write down how much progress you’ve made with them—and whether that’s their fault… or yours***
This is similar to yesterday's exercise.
We'll go with the woman from last year.
We are "just friends", and I've been "working on her" officially for two years.
The 'progress' made:

• Gave her a personalized gift on her birthday (3 months after knowing her)
• We held hands that night, drunkenly, at a party.
• I texted her the next morning, and she took days to reply.
• Over the following months, I continued this fashion, stopping whenever she took too long, which would happen eventually.
• She had a boyfriend in there somewhere, so I put things on hold.
• Then last year, we did two shows together where we played love interests, but I didn't do anything to move things forward besides maybe drunkenly calling her once when I was at a wedding.
• So yeah... my fault.
• There were obstacles, but I think that if I had asked myself, “How can I?” whenever I felt stuck with her, things might have been different. While I don’t believe we would have ended up together, I do think I wouldn’t have felt as bad when the last show, and with it my chance with her, came to an end.

 

[Meezy]

Great With Women: The Beginner's Guide
Day 3: Not Static
Assignment:
***Make a list of things, off the top of your head, that you could probably improve about yourself with just a little bit of effort. Fashion, hairstyle, facial hair, posture, mannerisms, movement speed, and anything else that comes to mind are all fair game.***

• Smiling at will
  • If I need to smile and I don't feel like it, it comes out as more of a grimace.
• Speaking slower and more deliberately
  • If I'm nervous, I get panicky, and I start to mumble my words and stutter.
• Limiting my fidgeting

Obviously, the list of things I can improve is much longer, but these are the three things that I think will take 'just a little bit of effort' to work on.

An interesting passage I saw in one of today's articles, 'Do You Really Need Game to Get Girls?':

She is also a fair template for the kinds of women you do not need game with:

Women who are in full control with you,
Are vastly more experienced than you, and
Who are not especially emotionally attached to you

And,

The More She Likes and Needs You, the More YOU Need Game​

At my age and experience level, pretty much every woman I've run into fits the first list, and women are generally indifferent to me. So if game is not what will necessarily help me, what will?

Something for me to think about..