Need help to overcome oneitis

[cphchaser]

Hi,

I'm a 20 year old guy, and in april I lost my virginitiy to a hot american exchange student, and we spent a lot of time together until she left (1 month timespan). The first few weeks were purely about sex, and she would spend the night at my place, however after a few weeks we started to develop emotions for each other. My emotions were stronger than hers even though I tried not to show it, but she read me like an open book. I went on a few dates with her in the end, where sex was not the focus, so we bonded a lot. Even though this girl is a party girl, she is just my type. Therefore I suggested an open long distance relationship, after a drunk conversation with her, where she was talking about how her parents met each other. She declined, and basically said in a polite way, that she thinks it's better we fnd partners in our local area. The last few days before she left, she was crying, so obviously she had emotions for me and I got approval from her friends at the night club "ohhh this is the guy that treats you so well?"

I had just learned how to pick up girls at my favourite night club, so I thought that I will get over her quickly as soon as I find a hot girl again. I was wrong.

I have slept with 3 girls since she left, and gotten intimate with a fourth. It has not helped me forget her at all, probably because the girls I slept with were not as attractive.

Since she left I have messaged her on facebook, suggesting that I come to the US and visit since I had saved up some money (she left in late may). Initially, she was interested in that, but in the end she told me that the dates I suggested were not possible for her because of sorority pledging, and she didn't suggest alternative dates, so I guess she simply wasn't interested in meeting me again. Even though this was a strong hint to just back off, I messaged her again after a month or so, and got a very short reply. Then I tried again after 4 months, and she simply ignored my message. As stupid as I am I messaged her again a few months later, and she limited my acces to her page, so I deleted her to try and move on. FInally, a drunken night I got home from the club, and I found her page on facebook and I messaged her again with some bullshit about how much I miss her... She blocked me.

Obviously, I'm never going to see this girl again, and the thought of that makes me she has been in my head like every day since she left. However, I have 2 questions:

1. Why did she go from being so much into me to simply ignoring my messages?
2. Any tips to move on? I'm already trying to hook up with girls and I try to keep as busy as possible.

Thanks
cphchaser

 

[Franco]

1. Why did she go from being so much into me to simply ignoring my messages?

I think you subconsciously (or maybe even consciously) know what the answer is to this one. And although it might be hard to hear, it helps to see it in plain text from someone else. By acting needy and desperately trying to get together while the two of you were so far apart, you caused her attraction level for you to plummet. Girls are attracted to guys that they miss and that leave them wondering whether or not they'll get to see them again.

As Chase has mentioned before, girls are supposed to do the missing. The guys are the ones who are missed.

2. Any tips to move on? I'm already trying to hook up with girls and I try to keep as busy as possible.

Use this website. Believe it or not, I come from a very similar situation, and this website is what turned my life around. You need to read as much material on the blogs as possible and begin to go out there and apply all of it so that you can meet new, beautiful women as attractive as the one you were dating. This is the only way to completely get over her. It's going to require tremendous effort on your part, but think of it this way: once you master the techniques on this website, you will never have to feel exactly the way you do right now ever again in your life.

This was one of my biggest motivating thoughts. Hopefully it can help you the same way it helped me!

As a final note, Chase has created a topic that is a GREAT place to start learning what you need to know if you haven't seen it already. I'll link it to you below:

Newbie Assignment

- Franco

 

[cphchaser]

Franco, thank you for your reply. "girls are supposed to do the missing. The guys are the ones who are missed." Thinking back, this makes perfect sense, and I will make sure to remember it in the future! This is probably where I screwed up... My emotions took over my rational mind

Going from an obese keyboard virgin, to sleeping with 4 attractive girls on the same night I met them in a timespan of 6 months did require a lot of reading on the blog, so I'm definitely past the newbie stage, and I'm thankful for finding this blog; without it I would still be a virgin.
I think I need to convert to day game, if I want to find women more attractive than her, because the Copenhagen nightlife is a big sausage party (5-10 guys for each girl on the dance floor, depending on the night). However I'm autistic, so changing from night to day game might take me a lot of time to get accustomed to, so I would like to know if it is worth the effort.

Have you tried day game, and if so: what is your experience with it?

 

[Franco]

Have you tried day game, and if so: what is your experience with it?

I have used day game, but generally my preference is night game. However, I think it is actually much easier to pick up a very attractive woman in day game than it is during night game. The only reason I prefer night game is that I generally love to date high-energy women, and you can usually pick them out rather easily at night clubs.

That's not to say that you can't find women like that during day game, but I've found that it is much more of a gamble. You could approach a gorgeous woman and find out she is a studious, relatively shy, bookworm or homebody, or you may find out that she is a club queen or gogo dancer at your local nightclub. It's really a roll of the dice with day game!

Day game is actually great for starting to build your abundance mentality, which can also be extremely helpful for getting over a girl that you recently broke up with! I have been through a few casual relationships with girls that I met through day game (where they would just come over and we would usually just talk, eat dinner, and have sex). In the meantime, I would be using night game to search for girls that are more my type personality-wise.

I would give it a shot, cph. You might end up finding out that day-game is your forte! I'll link some articles below to get you started.

Using Day Game to Get Girls: 14 Myths Debunked
How to Pick Up Girls Shopping for Gifts or Groceries
Gym Pickup: Dos, Don'ts, and How to Meet Girls at a Gym
Game Openers That'll Get You Girls
Day Pick Up: Take Girls from Street to Bed in a Snap

- Franco

 

[cphchaser]

Day game is actually great for starting to build your abundance mentality, which can also be extremely helpful for getting over a girl that you recently broke up with!

That's exactly what I need. I never had more than one attractive woman in my life at the same time, and even though that is better than no attractive women, I think I need to develop the abundance mentality to get over this girl completely. She probably had no problems getting over me when she returned to the US, since she had +50 guys messaging her on facebook (I saw this when she checked her messages at my place), so this shows that the abundance mentality is really effective.

Since I'm a low energy guy, I prefer high energy girls as well, since it provides a good balance, however I will prioritize developing the abundance mentality for now, so I will start reading these articels that you have posted, and start doing day game.

Thanks again Franco, your replies have put a lot of perspective on what I need to do, to move on