Newbie Assignment

[Temujin]

Inspired by Nino's Newbie Assignment Journal, I have decided to start one to keep myself accountable.

I have been approaching girls here and there but not consistently or often enough, so I haven't been getting the success I want (shocker).

In college, I never had to make much of an effort to go out and meet girls because they were always around. It's a lot easier to meet girls if you live on a college campus that is just teeming with them- there are plenty in class, at the cafeteria, at the on-campus coffee shop, at parties, or just walking around. It's a lot harder when you live half an hour away from a small city where all the hot girls are.

I now realize that I need to be methodical in my approach to meet girls since I am not surrounded by them on a day-to-day basis. I also am pretty busy: I work a 9-5 and also as a barback in the city's downtown. Hence why I have decided to complete the Newbie Assignment.

I will start tomorrow. Any feedback is welcome!

 

[Temujin]

So, the first challenge was to find places that had high turnover and were close by. Since I live about half an hour from the city, I tried to limit myself to anything within a 30 min radius.

Yesterday after work I drove to the downtown shopping district and walked around for about half an hour. There were a good number of attractive looking girls but they all broke eye contact immediately when I looked at them (maybe I look too intimidating). There were a couple that gave me a polite smile and then broke it.

I then drove to an outdoor shopping mall in the most affluent suburb of the city. Unfortunately it was dark by the time I got there. I'll have to revisit it during the day on Saturday.

That night I went barhopping downtown and went to 6 bars. One was a divebar that had only one hot girl. The second was a club that is frequented by a lot of college students. It had hot girls, high turnover, and a balcony where one can talk to people (I hate shouting in people's ear at a club, but I suppose I can learn dance floor game to help). I'll be back there. The third and fourth were more upscale bars/clubs. They were cool but also pricier and it seemed like all of the people knew the bartenders/bouncers. These ones probably had the hottest girls but are also not a good place for a beginner to learn since they don't have enough turnover. The fifth was one where it seemed like a mix of college age people and people in their thirties. Some of the girls were inaccessible since they were in the VIP section but there were plenty of hot ones on the dance floor. I'll be back there The last place I went was a bar that seemed to have mostly a college crowd. The thing that really struck me about this last place was the ratio: about 1.5 girls for every guy. I'll certainly be back there

Today I checked out a mall that was closer to me (~15 min). There weren't many people and hardly any hot girls. I don't think I'll be back but it was worth trying a closer place.

So, for day 1, I was able to find one good daytime area and three good nighttime venues. That's a win in my book, though I now know that I will have to drive half an hour to meet quality girls. With this in mind, I'll have to dedicate larger and less frequent blocks of time to make the drive worth it.

 

[Temujin]

I was busy most of this week, but I completed days 2 and 3 of the challenge on Friday and Saturday at work.

Day 2 of the newbie challenge was to maintain good posture and see how people react so I reminded myself to maintain good posture Friday night at the bar. As a barback/busboy it is part of my job to pull the chairs from the bar at 10pm which means pushing through a drunk crowd with a barstool. As you can imagine, it is always a bit of a struggle to get people out of the way. I yell "excuse me" or "watch out" but they usually can't hear me over the music so I end up having to push through.

Anyway, I found that when I had better posture, people were more likely to notice me coming through and get out of my way before I got to them. It was only a small improvement though.

I also found that sometimes I would forget about posture and go back to slouching. When I would catch myself and correct, I would notice people turn their heads towards me seemingly as if they had just noticed me only to break eye contact immediately.

All in all, I see the difference in how much one can stand out from a crowd by maintaining good posture. I just need to keep it in the back of my head.

 

[Temujin]

Day 3 of the newbie assignment was to hold eye contact with people and watch their reactions. I know this will be hard for me since I am used to breaking eye contact with people at the bar to signal to them that I can't pour them a drink (the persistent ones I have to tell outright).

On Saturday, I arrived in downtown a half hour early and decided to see if I could get some approaches in before my shift started. I approached three girls and got 1 number. When I made eye contact with people on the street, 95% of them break it immediately. The other 5% flash me one of those fake close-lipped smiles and then break eye contact.

At the bar, I started by holding eye contact with the customers but this got annoying pretty fast because I had to keep telling them I couldn't make them drinks. I dropped the eye contact for the sake of convenience.

I did however hold eye contact while bussing the tables or moving the barstools. Having good posture and eye contact was a killer combo for getting people to move out of the way, provided they were not too drunk to notice me.

Right after finishing this post I will complete day 4 of the newbie challenge which is to say hi to 6 girls. It just rained over here so hopefully there are still some people out.

 

[Temujin]

Hey, It's been a while.

I've had a little trouble completing day 4 of the challenge (walk up and say hi to 6 different girls).

I went out right after writing the last post on Sunday but the streets were empty. The least empty bar I could find was a hookah lounge with about 5 girls total. Three had partners but I saw two girls dancing together. I approached one and asked "mind if I borrow your friend?" She hesitated while the the other girl smiled at me so I reached out my hand to her friend and we started dancing. Her english wasn't very good but we exchanged a few words back and forth and she seemed interested. When the bar was about 10 min from closing (they close at midnight), I started asking "who are you here with" and "did you drive down" to figure out logistics since I live far away. She said she was with her friends and she drove down but it turns out she lived near where I live. Then I asked "so your friends would be ok if you came home with me" she laughed and said "I can't do that" she pointed to her friends and said "those two are my brothers!" Maybe I should have gotten her number but I didn't really think about it. I just laughed it off and bid her goodbye.

I was busy throughout this week but I went out Thursday and it was the same sort of deal. I danced with a few girls but there just weren't that many around so I didn't get to say hi to 6 separate girls- not 6 pretty ones anyway.

Then, yesterday I did my shift as a barback. I certainly said hi to more than 6 girls there, but I am not going to count that since that is a different environment. Some girls will come up to me in that setting.

I have learned two things from these failed attempts to complete day 4 of the newbie assignment:

1. I need to manage my time better and find ways to get out during the day. My 9-5 lets me flex my hours so if I work 9 hours a day I can have every other Friday off. I can also work 4x10 and have every Friday off!

2. All of the locations I found to approach girls are very dependent on the weather. People didn't go out on Sunday because it rained and they didn't go out on Thursday because it was cold. I can imagine the outdoor mall area was similar. This means I either need to find indoor areas that are better for approaching on colder days or, I can focus on myself during those colder days so I am more ready to approach during the warmer days. I'll go with the latter option for now until I find a place that is less dependent on the weather.

I am about to start my shift at the bar. Like I said, I am not counting anything that happens there so I will complete day 4 on Sunday.

 

[Temujin]

I told myself I wouldn't post until I completed day 4 so here I am. I went out this past Sunday and was able to open 8 girls (unfortunately, this was a nontrivial portion of all the girls that were out that night. I didn't just say hi like the challenge said to; I introduced myself and tried to move things forward with most of them. I also just find it kinda weird to go up just to say hi and then walk away.

Throughout the week before I was able to open only a couple girls on various days. I went to an oyster boil on Saturday where I opened two separate groups of girls. The Wednesday before that I went out with a friend and was able to open three separate groups of girls. In the gym yesterday I approached a girl at my apartment complex. The Sunday before last I was able to approach one girl while at a dive bar. So, while it has taken me some time to hit six opens in one day, I have gotten more comfortable approaching more, which was the point of the exercise.

Day 5 is mostly the same as day 4 (ask 6 women "how is your day going?"). I am going to skip it because I have already reaped the benefits of becoming more comfortable approaching, and because I said more than hello during my approaches.

Day 6 is an off day so next up is day 7: Walk up to 4 girls and give them a genuine compliment followed up by introducing yourself.

 

[Temujin]

I completed day 7 last Sunday (after a few failed attempts on Friday/Saturday). I did two while grocery shopping and four at a bar. There was a decent crowd there because of the SuperBowl. There were only groups though so it was difficult to approach.

One thing I noticed was that the prettier girls I complemented tended to be warmer, even if I couldn't get them to hook. Another thing I noticed was that the friends only seemed to interfere when I was having a good conversation. I'm not sure why this is, but I have been noticing a similar pattern for a while. Sometimes a girl will be interested and we'll be hitting it off, but then the friend will try to interrupt me or pull her away. Other times a girl will be so-so about me but the friends will leave us alone or sometimes even encourage me to get with her or her to get with me.

This might be because the ones that seem so-so are shier and less likely to get hit on. If this is the case her friends might want her to finally get with someone. On the other hand, the ones that seem engaged might just like flirting a lot and if this is the case, their friends will just see it as her flirting with yet another guy that she isn't into anyway.

One example that happened last Sunday is when I was engaged in conversation with a girl and got her to hook. I was polite to her friends and they seemed to be cool with me. Then her friends left and one of them teased her saying "You're going to sleep here." Essentially, "you're going home with this guy see ya!" Her immediate reaction was to say "no I'm going with you." Then she turned to me and said "I'm going with them. We'll be right over here. It was nice meeting you!" I didn't follow them since I didn't want it to seem like it was chasing. I figured I could always reopen her later. Well, about half an hour later I saw her making out with another guy so he must've done something right that I didn't!

Anyway the challenge for day 8 is to approach two girls sitting down. I might try to do this at a brewery since I work during the day and parks would be a no-go at night. I want to get day 8 done before the weekend as I would like to progress faster.

Thanks for reading and until next time!

 

[Temujin]

I completed day 8 last Thursday and got a lay out of it. The girls I approached sitting down were not super receptive. They were friendly but clearly not interested. After hitting my quota there, I decided to approach more girls.

I flirted with a group of three and they seemed receptive at first. I took particular interest in one of the girls in a red top. However, I wasn't able to continue the conversation and there were some awkward pauses. It's amazing how a girl's opinion about you can change in a split second from something small, especially when they meet you for the first time. It just goes to show that this really is a skill.

I tried continuing the conversation with the red top girl after the awkward pause (her friends had left so it was just me and her) but she was not receptive anymore and kept looking anywhere but at me. She said she was trying to find her friends.

Later, I decided to go to a karaoke bar since I told myself I had done enough approaching. When I got there it was super crowded and there was nowhere to sit. While I was on the dance floor, a girl started hitting on me, calling me attractive and all. She was well below my league, but I didn't dismiss her entirely since I had not gotten laid in a while.

The long and short of it is, she came on super strong and I made sure she stayed the one chasing, pulling away first each time we kissed. Then I suggested we go to her place and she showed me there. Her housemates were still up partying and one of them was super hot and I thought "Goddamnit! Now she knows me as the guy who hooked up with her not-so-attractive friend!"

Oh well, sometimes instincts get the better of us. I won't be seeing her again but it's not a big deal.

This weekend I was able to approach a girl in the grocery store and get her number. She was super into it, but when I texted her to meet up a couple days later, she said she was too tired and asked if we could reschedule to Tuesday. I actually couldn't reschedule to Tuesday because I signed up for a salsa class after work. I invited her to the salsa class- she objected. I said ok, let's just meet up today then- she dug her heels in. Then I basically told her to let me know when she is free and we could figure something out. Moving on.

At the salsa class the next day, I met a beautiful girl on the dance floor and was dancing with her for a while. One of the instructors who was a good dancer but also quite old asked her friend to dance, so I couldn't leave her on the sidelines all alone . Anyway, we got to talking and really hit it off. At some point, her friend left the older instructor and asked to dance with me. I was dancing with her but wasn't as into it: I was still looking at the other girl. I think while she was talking to me I threw her hands away and walked up to the older instructor. "Mind if I steal her back?", I said. We went back to having a great conversation and I took her back to the table where she was sitting. I started flirting with her and she smiled and ate it up.

Then, her friend, probably fed up at dancing with the older guy and bitter at me for being so dismissive of her, pulled the girl away to dance with her on the dance floor. I was a little confused as to what I should do here. On one hand, if I went up and tried to dance with them, it would look forced. On the other, sitting there waiting for them would make me look weak. I decided to look bored, check my phone, and make small talk with the people around me.

As they were leaving, I walked them out. I asked them if they wanted to grab dinner at a place nearby but the friend said they just wanted to go home and cook. I said goodbye and started walking down the street and immediately realized the couple places I screwed up. 1. I didn't propose a date with the girl I was interested in when I got her number. I guess I got too caught up in her spell. 2. I realized that I had been extremely rude to the friend on the dance floor. Again, I was too distracted by the other girl to realize at the time. No wonder the friend tried to cockblock me!

Anyway, I texted her at noon today saying we should meet for coffee sometime this week. She hasn't responded yet.

So, back to the newbie challenge. I see that day 9 is approaching girls on public transit. There are only a few busses in my area so I am going to skip this one. Day 10 is to ask 4 girls if they are single. Come to think of it, I already asked a girl in the gym if she was single earlier today, so I guess I've already started the challenge!

I'll approach the other 3 at the bars tonight.

'Til next time!