- Joined
- Mar 27, 2023
- Messages
- 1,810
2026-04-04
Mom [7:59 am]: [...] A doctor friend of [med school cousin] is working in [local] and she is joining for dinner [...]
Me [8:03 am]: Yes I will be there
So I go work on some stuff in a cafe. Two cute girls come for coffee with their boyfriends. The first girl sits first, outside through the glass right in front of me, but surely clocked me checking her out a couple times and positioned slightly back-turned to me, with her hair mostly covering her peripherals. The other girl was seated 90 degrees but had her body turned in facing me and played with her hair throughout the conversation. It was really odd because there was literally nowhere else to look with me seated directly in the line of sight. Next to me was a group of three girls and a gay guy. One of the girls was cute and seated kind of around a corner, but I deliberately caught her eye very briefly a few different times. When I got up and left she very deliberately turned her head and looked right at me.
At another cafe later, this very pretty girl in a white linen shirt was glued to her phone with earbuds in, waiting for an order and seated among a small crowd. How do you open in this situation? No casual situational comment. Maybe motion the earbuds off to deliver a direct shirt compliment? I've never even done a direct opener. Doesn't seem ideal in a cafe. I can't ask her for the time when I forget to forget my phone. So what does that leave... something playfully stupid?
At dinner this med student turns out to be an Eastern European pediatric med student, taller than me, and like... a teacher's pet. The entire interaction took place not in front of a whole extended family dinner or anything, but a few aunts and uncles and cousins. So we met and she smiles and held the handclasp slightly longer than expected. I talk to several family members in front of her while in the kitchen, and again while at the dinner table. So this would be indirectly DHV'ing, but I did not show any of preselection, leading, protecting, emoting, or risk taking. She just learned about me through family members asking questions, catching up. So that's something to work on.
I absolutely caught attraction in eyes, though not locked focused attention. This would be quite a game of social reputation, state control, etc. Later on she became an AFC victim, suffering conversation about his opinions about her work (I hadn't heard it all while in another conversation). So I asked at a lull what kind of medicine she's studying (should have cold read instead). She meets eye contact, but the AFC keeps talking instead of pausing to let her answer. So she graciously ignores me and lets him continue, then answers something he said and slips in the type of medicine while returning eye contact to me. I smirk and nod slow.
A little later, most of the crowd goes for seconds, and I use the few minutes to start drilling. I learned she gets called on the intercom to resuscitate babies and she wants to reduce stress. I learned what organ she wants to specialize in, "why that [organ]... why not a different [organ]" (from Chase "why finance... why not accounting or economics" or something like that), that pediatrics covers up until 18, if she'd enjoy teaching or if that would not be as fulfilling not using her knowledge to treat patients (discussed the stress aspect from before), what she's enjoyed about living here, which was basically strolling areas outside. I recommended an area near her work and she told the story of going in a shop and the family was making dinner in their house attached to the back, then offered her food.
At one point my cousin yelped loudly from upstairs and soon after came back. I joked we were going to send the doctor but she said she wasn't qualified to treat your age anymore. I didn't have my cousin's age right lol, but the tease showed that I can tease her, and in front of people. It all happened in the time it took for the AFC to go get seconds. She was not as witty as I am used to with girls who have done a lot of dating. I can't even believe how many hours these girls work.
Anyways, she goes upstairs with my cousin for a while and they miss a happy birthday song. When they're back and in the kitchen, I sat next to my cousin with a taken but currently vacant seat on the other side of me. I hoped the girl would take it since she hadn't seen someone sitting there. Instead she went to the other end of the table, maybe avoiding social risk (sexual threat... I will tell myself arousal risk and state control).
I do not see any way I could have isolated and time bridged here. Even then, I'd have to communicate that my cousin would never find out we even spoke alone, let alone got together after. It would have been plausibly deniable to have her come see the sights near my area with one week left here.
Eventually at 11pm I have a bit of a drive back, so start heading out. She's too far to shake hands or anything when I call out goodbye to the group over there, and she stands up from her seat at the other side of the table and gives me a huge squishy smile while saying goodbye.
Around midnight, I see there is a goth event nearby with cheap cover. I walk in and chat with the door guy a bit, then same with the bartender. She seems genuinely appreciative and even a little surprised that I tipped a dollar for tap water. I've had multiple bartenders react like this, which is kind of confusing. She recommends I check out a certain area with vendors. I walk around a bit and it's sort of sparse overall due to the venue size, but a small-to-medium amount of people, including a handful of girls dancing in fishnets and really skimpy goth outfits... some with demonic accessories like horns and tails. A couple checked me out overall, and one kind of hovered past me twice, but from a distance again due to venue size and crowd sparseness. How do you approach when it does not feel natural to overextend and reach out or chase her attention?
I went to a vendor area and one girl had a large, isolated setup selling clothes. She was definitely eye fucking me at the counter, but this was while a guy seated behind her was massaging her shoulders. I think there is a good possibility the guy was gay. I returned her gaze with brief, cordial conversation before browsing. She introduced herself, giving me her name at the end. I noted to return after and hopefully have her alone. I am pretty sure I am mixing present and past tense in field reports when it's recapping immediately after...
So I was in there maybe 20 minutes, then went home and played guitar for an hour and a half. Since I had a wristband and it was going a little later than club hours, I left my place again at 2am and returned. I walked in and a girl in a group of four met my eye contact while walking past, and definitely held it. I should have stopped and got another water at this point to find a natural convergence. How do you open even with a strong approach invitation when she is kind of behind a group and you'd be obviously butting in with your body language? I looped around and the vendor was gone. When I walked back in the other room, the girl who had made eye contact with me met it again and immediately put her hand up to her mouth as if yawning. I took it as an intentional signal, only internally.
I stopped and watched the DJ. Again how do you approach a set if not naturally over the shoulder from another set... I hear "pussy" in the back of my head. Both name calling and it calling me. Do you really just step up to a group and say how's your night going, or butt in with some sort of situation cold read about their night, or you can't look at me like that and not say hi...? I can see doing that when a girl hovers near you, but otherwise it seems like a pretty overt display of interest to physically step to a group.
And what actually happened is I came around to the bar after and the girl was gone, then took a seat and got a water again. Then this girl in an extremely skimpy outfit with fishnets and her face completely painted goth white with other streaks sat down two seats over. I was kind of at a curve in the bar, so it was actually too far to naturally open her. I would have had to lean in significantly (horrible) or raise my voice projecting obviously at her (very direct interest).
Maybe I should go to London and do fifteen wheel of fortune street stops as penance, running after girls and jogging up beside them on the sidewalk. Especially if there was not such a strong approach invitation, I don't know if it's fear, or just wanting to play a good game while not knowing what move to make. I am not convinced going direct is the answer.
Mom [7:59 am]: [...] A doctor friend of [med school cousin] is working in [local] and she is joining for dinner [...]
Me [8:03 am]: Yes I will be there
So I go work on some stuff in a cafe. Two cute girls come for coffee with their boyfriends. The first girl sits first, outside through the glass right in front of me, but surely clocked me checking her out a couple times and positioned slightly back-turned to me, with her hair mostly covering her peripherals. The other girl was seated 90 degrees but had her body turned in facing me and played with her hair throughout the conversation. It was really odd because there was literally nowhere else to look with me seated directly in the line of sight. Next to me was a group of three girls and a gay guy. One of the girls was cute and seated kind of around a corner, but I deliberately caught her eye very briefly a few different times. When I got up and left she very deliberately turned her head and looked right at me.
At another cafe later, this very pretty girl in a white linen shirt was glued to her phone with earbuds in, waiting for an order and seated among a small crowd. How do you open in this situation? No casual situational comment. Maybe motion the earbuds off to deliver a direct shirt compliment? I've never even done a direct opener. Doesn't seem ideal in a cafe. I can't ask her for the time when I forget to forget my phone. So what does that leave... something playfully stupid?
At dinner this med student turns out to be an Eastern European pediatric med student, taller than me, and like... a teacher's pet. The entire interaction took place not in front of a whole extended family dinner or anything, but a few aunts and uncles and cousins. So we met and she smiles and held the handclasp slightly longer than expected. I talk to several family members in front of her while in the kitchen, and again while at the dinner table. So this would be indirectly DHV'ing, but I did not show any of preselection, leading, protecting, emoting, or risk taking. She just learned about me through family members asking questions, catching up. So that's something to work on.
I absolutely caught attraction in eyes, though not locked focused attention. This would be quite a game of social reputation, state control, etc. Later on she became an AFC victim, suffering conversation about his opinions about her work (I hadn't heard it all while in another conversation). So I asked at a lull what kind of medicine she's studying (should have cold read instead). She meets eye contact, but the AFC keeps talking instead of pausing to let her answer. So she graciously ignores me and lets him continue, then answers something he said and slips in the type of medicine while returning eye contact to me. I smirk and nod slow.
A little later, most of the crowd goes for seconds, and I use the few minutes to start drilling. I learned she gets called on the intercom to resuscitate babies and she wants to reduce stress. I learned what organ she wants to specialize in, "why that [organ]... why not a different [organ]" (from Chase "why finance... why not accounting or economics" or something like that), that pediatrics covers up until 18, if she'd enjoy teaching or if that would not be as fulfilling not using her knowledge to treat patients (discussed the stress aspect from before), what she's enjoyed about living here, which was basically strolling areas outside. I recommended an area near her work and she told the story of going in a shop and the family was making dinner in their house attached to the back, then offered her food.
At one point my cousin yelped loudly from upstairs and soon after came back. I joked we were going to send the doctor but she said she wasn't qualified to treat your age anymore. I didn't have my cousin's age right lol, but the tease showed that I can tease her, and in front of people. It all happened in the time it took for the AFC to go get seconds. She was not as witty as I am used to with girls who have done a lot of dating. I can't even believe how many hours these girls work.
Anyways, she goes upstairs with my cousin for a while and they miss a happy birthday song. When they're back and in the kitchen, I sat next to my cousin with a taken but currently vacant seat on the other side of me. I hoped the girl would take it since she hadn't seen someone sitting there. Instead she went to the other end of the table, maybe avoiding social risk (sexual threat... I will tell myself arousal risk and state control).
I do not see any way I could have isolated and time bridged here. Even then, I'd have to communicate that my cousin would never find out we even spoke alone, let alone got together after. It would have been plausibly deniable to have her come see the sights near my area with one week left here.
Eventually at 11pm I have a bit of a drive back, so start heading out. She's too far to shake hands or anything when I call out goodbye to the group over there, and she stands up from her seat at the other side of the table and gives me a huge squishy smile while saying goodbye.
Around midnight, I see there is a goth event nearby with cheap cover. I walk in and chat with the door guy a bit, then same with the bartender. She seems genuinely appreciative and even a little surprised that I tipped a dollar for tap water. I've had multiple bartenders react like this, which is kind of confusing. She recommends I check out a certain area with vendors. I walk around a bit and it's sort of sparse overall due to the venue size, but a small-to-medium amount of people, including a handful of girls dancing in fishnets and really skimpy goth outfits... some with demonic accessories like horns and tails. A couple checked me out overall, and one kind of hovered past me twice, but from a distance again due to venue size and crowd sparseness. How do you approach when it does not feel natural to overextend and reach out or chase her attention?
I went to a vendor area and one girl had a large, isolated setup selling clothes. She was definitely eye fucking me at the counter, but this was while a guy seated behind her was massaging her shoulders. I think there is a good possibility the guy was gay. I returned her gaze with brief, cordial conversation before browsing. She introduced herself, giving me her name at the end. I noted to return after and hopefully have her alone. I am pretty sure I am mixing present and past tense in field reports when it's recapping immediately after...
So I was in there maybe 20 minutes, then went home and played guitar for an hour and a half. Since I had a wristband and it was going a little later than club hours, I left my place again at 2am and returned. I walked in and a girl in a group of four met my eye contact while walking past, and definitely held it. I should have stopped and got another water at this point to find a natural convergence. How do you open even with a strong approach invitation when she is kind of behind a group and you'd be obviously butting in with your body language? I looped around and the vendor was gone. When I walked back in the other room, the girl who had made eye contact with me met it again and immediately put her hand up to her mouth as if yawning. I took it as an intentional signal, only internally.
I stopped and watched the DJ. Again how do you approach a set if not naturally over the shoulder from another set... I hear "pussy" in the back of my head. Both name calling and it calling me. Do you really just step up to a group and say how's your night going, or butt in with some sort of situation cold read about their night, or you can't look at me like that and not say hi...? I can see doing that when a girl hovers near you, but otherwise it seems like a pretty overt display of interest to physically step to a group.
And what actually happened is I came around to the bar after and the girl was gone, then took a seat and got a water again. Then this girl in an extremely skimpy outfit with fishnets and her face completely painted goth white with other streaks sat down two seats over. I was kind of at a curve in the bar, so it was actually too far to naturally open her. I would have had to lean in significantly (horrible) or raise my voice projecting obviously at her (very direct interest).
Maybe I should go to London and do fifteen wheel of fortune street stops as penance, running after girls and jogging up beside them on the sidewalk. Especially if there was not such a strong approach invitation, I don't know if it's fear, or just wanting to play a good game while not knowing what move to make. I am not convinced going direct is the answer.
