No Going Backwards

[Troy]

last night I was sitting down writing a field report and I stumbled on a page that I haven't read in a long time. I wrote that paper a few months ago thinking and writing down a list of every girl that was attracted to me and that had I played my cards right from six years ago when I was in grade 6 up to now senior high school, I would probably have built up a harem of girls and girlfriends. my list had a whopping 107 names of girls that had been from slightly to hot fly attracted to me. I don't know why, but I've always had a something about me that made me popular with girls, well until attraction expired only because of my fault. I have had girls texting me to meet up, girls running up and calling to me and giving me random hugs at school, groups of them at a time, and yet I did nothing with that attention until all those girls moved unto other guys.


there is a old saying though I can't remember who said it " a man is usually his own worst enemy." Think about that for a second. I see so many guys on the forums complaining about how women like them bit is that true, assuming that you aren't bad on hygiene, fashion, fundamentals, and personality? I'm sure most of you can think of st least 1 girl that liked you but you did nothing with. maybe you want a hundred or a thousand women to like you and date you and sleep with you but are you capitalising on that interest?


I'm not posting now to teach anything because I have the same problem. capitalising on interest. it is so Damon true that we are our own worst enemies. life gives you ten dollars bit you want one million so instead of saving up all your ten dollars as you get them, you throw it away. crazy? no it's just fear and every man has it.


im just writing what comes to mind now. I believe field reports are best done when you think carefully and write as my emotions tell me. I have read Chase`s articles on anxiety but I still struggle with cold approaching. when I go out my voice sleeps and scammers and it's one of the main things holding me back.


I'm the article, on going backwards, it emphasises the importance of continuing to always be moving forward. I have been moving backwards a lot my entire life. too many times I meet a girl and we move from name dropper or acquaintances to virtual strangers. or I meet another girl and we move from almost girlfriend_boyfriend to just friends.


the reason why I keep doing this avoidant thing is that I feel every girl I mess up with will tell all her friends about me, word will spread and my reputation will be gone. like I'm protecting myself from hurt. my mind is my biggest enemy because I keep tell if myself I'm short on social status, not well dressed today, I don't feel social, I might mess us with this girl that liked me even if I don't like her. what can I didn't about all this? thanks and if I didn't describe my problem in full detail, please let me know.

P.S. I just edited my post because i saw a few faux passes and hints of negativity. Since I haven't posted a lot on here before I should state that my goal etiquette on the forums is to never purposefully bring negativity, victim mentality, hateful remarks, and especially to USE ANYONE ON HERE AS MY PERSONAL TAMPONS/THERAPISTS. I'm very good at taking good criticism from people so if anyone on their own terms feels to contribute to my posts and they see a flaw with how I present myself, it's very welcome to let me know. I wish to improve and I wish the same for you all.
Troy

 

[Smith]

capitalising on interest. it is so Damon true that we are our own worst enemies.

That is true. It's important to work on yourself and improve your ability with women, but it is also important to believe that you already have all you need to date and seduce beautiful women.

the reason why I keep doing this avoidant thing is that I feel every girl I mess up with will tell all her friends about me, word will spread and my reputation will be gone. like I'm protecting myself from hurt. my mind is my biggest enemy because I keep tell if myself I'm short on social status, not well dressed today, I don't feel social, I might mess us with this girl that liked me even if I don't like her. what can I didn't about all this? thanks and if I didn't describe my problem in full detail, please let me know

Failure is your best friend. don't see it as the enemy. Don't have any expectation of what success is like when you're learning and meeting new girls.

Unless you're going around being a clown and an idiot when you open girls, girls won't spread bad things about you even if you're nervous. They'll forget about u the next morning, and you'll probably forget about them the next day too. I live in a small town of 126000 people. Just last week, I opened a girl, who turned out to be a cousin of a girl I opened a few months ago. I only found out later that day on fb when the girl posted a photo about her cousin visiting her lol. Reputation damage? none. Rumours? none.
Why? because I acted like it's not a big deal when I opened her. and tbh I don't care if there's a rumour. A rumour of what? a stranger telling you how cute you are. Yea...who gives a fuck...

Just another example to show you how the 'reputation excuse' is just the dumbest and smartest excuse your brain could come up with. I was just traveling oversea a few weeks ago, and saw this cute girl at the airport oversea. I opened her and guess what? We used to go to the same high school and she knows all of my best friends. We bonded while we wait for our flight.
Again, I was worried that she might tell everyone back home about this, but it's been two weeks, and so far, I haven't heard any words about it.
So my point is, give the girl a good time when you open her, and don't worry about things that hasn't even happen yet (and probably won't).

"Being a master at seduction doesn't necessary mean you'll never feel insecure again." - Liam Mcrae.

- Smith

 

[Troy]

you're going around being a clown and an idiot when you open girls, girls won't spread bad things about you even if you're nervous. They'll forget about u the next morning, and you'll probably forget about them the next day too. I live in a small town of 126000 people. Just last week, I opened a girl, who turned out to be a cousin of a girl I opened a few months ago. I only found out later that day on fb when the girl posted a photo about her cousin visiting her lol. Reputation damage? none. Rumours? none.
Why? because I acted like it's not a big deal when I opened her. and tbh I don't care if there's a rumour. A rumour of what? a stranger telling you how cute you are. Yea...who gives a fuck..

Hey Smith,

I have become a big fan of cold approaching girls and I quit using social circle to meet girls. What happens is that I'm just not allowed to go out at night. I'm 18 and my parents limit me a lot. The only places I'm allowed to go are school, church, work, charity events, and home. So when I do get the chance to go out (mainly during school time), I do only street, transport centre, and plazas gaming. I keep running into calibration problems when approaching girls in these environments. Lets say for example, I'm going out alone and doing street game. I see a cute girl walking towards my direction as I walk towards her. Normally, I just open my mouth and put up my hand when she is still about 3 metres from myself then I start talking.


Sometimes the conversation goes like this:

Troy : Hellloofgjcdh ( I stammer a lot)

Girl: what?

Troy: hsrcayvsyhdic (stammering and thinking what to say) wats up?

Girl: (puzzled look)

Troy: (just to get out of the awkward situation I say) where can I find xyz store?

Girl: I dont know/it's at xyz plaza (then she looks at me creepily like I frightened her then walks away)

Troy: Thanks ( and I walk on too).


What I fear occurring is frequenting the same area day after day I don't have a choice because my parents have a time curfew as to what time I come home so I find it hard to travel far from school when school is over.


When I'm approaching, like this on the street, I often feel nervous and it shows on my face. I always keep in mind the advice on using my peripheral vision but I normally break protocol when I have to look at the girl to signal to her that I'm telling her to stop.

Things I do also:

When I start talking, I keep in mind the advice on opening body language so I break eye contact with the girl after looking at her first, then initiate eye contact when she does

I stand to the girls side so she doesn't feel trapped

I don't use pre opening on the street when doing this

The conversation normally lasts 30 seconds because my mind goes blank, I start stammering and the girl walks away after I just say "hi" and ask for directions to somewhere I don't even need to go to, when obviously I'm not standing in front of the place.


Street game can feel extremely weird when I go out alone everyday to chat up girls and persons who are in stores frequently see me stopping girls and it looking obvious. Just imagine as I write this that you are out walking on the road just to approach girls and when you finish talking to one girl, it looks really obvious to anyone paying attention that you're out to game girls.


I hope that explains a little more what I'm going through.

How do I approach girls on the street without coming across as totally obvious or weird?

Thanks

 

[Mr.Rob]

How do I approach girls on the street without coming across as totally obvious or weird?

Don't do halfass approaches like this:

Troy : Hellloofgjcdh ( I stammer a lot)
Girl: what?
Troy: hsrcayvsyhdic (stammering and thinking what to say) wats up?
Girl: (puzzled look)
Troy: (just to get out of the awkward situation I say) where can I find xyz store?
Girl: I dont know/it's at xyz plaza (then she looks at me creepily like I frightened her then walks away)
Troy: Thanks ( and I walk on too).

Your trying to do a "low risk" approach so that you don't make it awkward and as a result your making it super fucking awkward (also law of state transfer).

Instead just commit to the approach and go direct and just try and be friendly if your worried about your reputation/aren't sexy.

Good luck.

-Rob

 

[Smith]

What happens is that I'm just not allowed to go out at night. I'm 18 and my parents limit me a lot. The only places I'm allowed to go are school, church, work, charity events, and home. So when I do get the chance to go out (mainly during school time), I do only street, transport centre, and plazas gaming.

Dude, I have a busy schedule and I only get about 1 hour per day after my lectures to meet girls on the street then I have to go to the gym and do assignments and shit, so you can definitely make it work.

Start having fun. Amuse yourself. Be honest with your intention and express yourself.
The key is to relax yourself first. Don't rush your opener. Open + calibration. You need to get out of your head and be aware of her state as you open.

I don't use pre opening on the street when doing this

The conversation normally lasts 30 seconds because my mind goes blank, I start stammering and the girl walks away after I just say "hi" and ask for directions to somewhere I don't even need to go to, when obviously I'm not standing in front of the place.

Street game can feel extremely weird when I go out alone everyday to chat up girls and persons who are in stores frequently see me stopping girls and it looking obvious. Just imagine as I write this that you are out walking on the road just to approach girls and when you finish talking to one girl, it looks really obvious to anyone paying attention that you're out to game girls.


I hope that explains a little more what I'm going through.

How do I approach girls on the street without coming across as totally obvious or weird?

Use preopeners - Let her see you first before u make eye contact with her. It also makes it less obvious that you're hitting on her. (not that people on the street even cares! just so you know)

U need more experience. The reason you don't know what to say is because you're stuck in your head.

Respond/ relate to what she says, and most importantly just say whatever that's on your mind. Don't judge your words. Don't worry about her reaction cuz that's validation seeking.

U need to have fun, make other people have fun and make connections, so you're not just a value taking weirdo trying to take her number.

And don't do a half-ass approach like Rob said, if the girl's walking away, tell her to stay in a chill, friendly way.

- Smith

 

[Troy]

Greetings Mr. Rob and Smith

I implemented your advice on not doing half ass approaches and it has been helping me a lot. I just need practise with this technique. Sometimes while using this technique, I end up just talking about random stuff to keep the conversation from going awkward.vIdeo realize talking too my change can be just as detrimental as talking too little bit.

It's been a while now since you guys advised me so I had to report back saying how it has been going. I got a three weeks job in a pharmacy which put me in the perfect position to practise in a low stress environment. I was in charge of the over the counter drugs section, which no doubt, got the most customers. I really needed the experience, my goals was simply to build more social calibration skills and getting comfortable talking to people.

For the three weeks I spent there (yesterday was my final day) I socialized with kids under 4 years old, children of all ages, teens, young adults, and the elderly.

Punks
Christians
Bus drivers
Professional Women and Men
Poverty struck people
Tattoo Lovers

You name it... I talked to Everyone that came in. I even got comfortable talking. What you say is true, because as the day went on, I built up lots of social momentum.

Conversation kind of flowed and I felt relaxed. I even came across to girls as a flirty guy.

One day a girl came in the pharmacy to look at a few watches and bracelets. I strolled over to her, pre opened her while implementing the advice in Chase`s article " Opening Body Language".

That is, when the girl comes in the store, I wait until 20 seconds passes, then I come close to her, using my peripheral vision and looking at the item in the showcase she is checking out, then depending on what feels comfortable, I say it. Going situational here was my best bet. I want to share with you guys a conversation I had with that girl but first I'll discuss one thing.

Getting a Lot of "No's"

While on the job here, I picked up that persons tell me "no" quite a lot. I ask questions that automatically have a fixed yes or no answer. I tend to ask questions that get negative remarks like:

"You look familiar. Do I know you from somewhere?

" Would you like some help?

To my coworkers when I don't know if something is in stock since I don't see it on the shelves
.
" Are there any Vitamin B complex here?

Things like that have gotten all outright "No's" from people. So I'm working on correcting that.
So as to how I ask questions when I'm going for a simple yes, I have structured my questions differently. So the examples above would be more like this now:

"You look familiar. I can't remember for sure where I know you from. Where are you from?

"Just looking right? (Most people react better when I ask them that and often say "Yes". In the meantime.I make sure they look at me first and many times they reopen me and ask me to sell them something.)


To my coworkers:
" I don't see any more Vitamin C on the shelves and a customer wants a bottle".

(I leave it at a statement. They would know that telling me "No" would be awkward and stupid).



Back to the Street Game

So when I leave work at 5pm, I take a bus to the major town to do some street game. I kind of lose my momentum completely. It's a 30 minute journey and many times I end up struggling to get back socially. If I'm lucky, I trick myself into approaching just one girl before going home.
Street Game has been giving me a bag full of anxiety. I get extremely nervous and I realize the problem.

Many times I arrive at the city and I walk around for 5 minutes to find a girl I like. If she is a little less than what I like, I struggle with lowering my standards and talking to her. She might have the perfect boobs but her butt is way too flat so I next her. Things like that I keep doing. Then the five minutes becomes 10, 15, 20 minutes of walking around town until I got home or just luckily go talking to one girl before going home.

The biggest hurdle I have is:

When I lose momentum, I get negative, feel nervous and fall into depression when I should be approaching. I just feel that people will notice that I come in town everyday from work to approach girls. Imagine crossing the street and a girl is crossing it too and coming in your direction. In the middle of the street, I wait till she walks past me then I turn back to open her from the side. That is totally obvious. If I come in town everyday and keep doing that, then word goes around very fast and people point me out that "yes he comes here everyday day to game girls. What a loser and weirdo"


In fact, yesterday when I got off the bus, a young woman who I never approached nor saw before pointed me out to her friend when I walked passed them saying

"That guy comes here everyday day to look girl"

To be honest, it made me feel bad. Like I was committing some crime. I felt very uneasy after that. All I could think about was if I'm giving off signs to onlookers that I come here everyday to approach girls. What are some ways a man can give away that he comes here to approach girls?



Street Can Be Sweet

I have had a few instances where I went out and approached up to 8 girls in one outing.I just need to be more consistent with how often and how many approaches I do. Just like with my success story I shared above, it was because I talked to a lot of people at regular intervals that allowed me to pick up on patterns. What to do right and what to stop doing.
Any advise, criticism, and success story's are welcome.Thanks Smith and Mr.Rob

Just like you said:

Don't do half ass approaches
Say what's on my mind
Pre open the girl. Get her to look at me first
Relax and get out my head.
Have fun

Troy

 

[Smith]

When I lose momentum, I get negative, feel nervous and fall into depression when I should be approaching. I just feel that people will notice that I come in town everyday from work to approach girls. Imagine crossing the street and a girl is crossing it too and coming in your direction. In the middle of the street, I wait till she walks past me then I turn back to open her from the side. That is totally obvious. If I come in town everyday and keep doing that, then word goes around very fast and people point me out that "yes he comes here everyday day to game girls. What a loser and weirdo"

Don't worried about what other people think. In fact, when it's obvious that you turned around to talk to the girl, just tell her honestly what happened "Hey I was walking on the other side of the street and I saw you here...I had to come say hi...ur really cute" This usually works well. But deliver it with confidence and no apology.

Since you can't change what other people think of you, just accept it. It's the 'dark side' of the coin. The yin and yang. But you worrying about it WILL actually have an negative impact on your life, so stop worrying about it.

You got this! You're making great progress. It doesn't matter if you succeed or fail, just by taking action you're already bringing more value to your life.

- Smith

 

[Troy]

Don't worried about what other people think. In fact, when it's obvious that you turned around to talk to the girl, just tell her honestly what happened "Hey I was walking on the other side of the street and I saw you here...I had to come say hi...ur really cute" This usually works well. But deliver it with confidence and no apology.

Ok, Smith! I'll try it out, analyze it, and report back to you how it went. This time I'll do my best to get it done faster and still properly. I'm going out tomorrow to get some shopping done and of course some shopping and street game.

If I happen to be crossing the street and a cute girl is coming in my direction, I'll wait until she passes me, then turn back and open direct, since it's so obvious that I'm hitting on her, just as you said.
My goals tomorrow are:

1) Call one girl in the evening
2) Practise projecting my voice more. Persons tell me that when I speak I am a bit hard to hear.
3) Use Pre opening and look at the bridge of the girls nose when I make eye contact, after she makes eye contact with me first.

You got this! You're making great progress. It doesn't matter if you succeed or fail, just by taking action you're already bringing more value to your life

Thanks for the encouragement man. I really appreciate it. It would be interesting to hear some of your adventures as well and how much you're making those chicks weak in their knees.
Troy