Preventing unwanted behaviour

1mag1ne

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Dec 10, 2017
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7
So here's the situation:
I am into committed monogamous relationships.

It's been 5 months since I have started dating my current girlfriend. The relationship is sexual and I am her first boyfriend (she is 22) and first ever sexual partner. Despite lack of experience, she is a great girlfriend who I really want to keep.
Now, both of us have a good social life outside of the relationship and recently she mentioned she might grab a drink in the evening with one of her guy friends.
As much as I am cool with her seeing her guy friends sometimes (just like I see other female friends), I am not cool with her drinking one-on-one with a guy at night.
I joked and said, "So that means it's okay for me to do go out drinking one-on-one with female friends at night?" - which I did in my past relationships and it would make a girl change her mind. But my current gf said it's cool and she trusts me. I think it might be due to her not having prior experience with other guys, but might be wrong?

Anyways, I really don't want this kind of things to happen in the relationship, as I see it as something a single person would do. How do I prevent single-like behaviour?
I don't want to say no, cuz that would make me look needy, jealous and controlling.
But I don't want to say yes either, because I'm worried it might make it seem okay for her to do it in the future, i.e. our relationship won't be as serious.

Help.
 

ShampooMonk

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Jun 28, 2019
Messages
10
1mag1ne said:
So here's the situation:
I am into committed monogamous relationships.

It's been 5 months since I have started dating my current girlfriend. The relationship is sexual and I am her first boyfriend (she is 22) and first ever sexual partner. Despite lack of experience, she is a great girlfriend who I really want to keep.
Now, both of us have a good social life outside of the relationship and recently she mentioned she might grab a drink in the evening with one of her guy friends.
As much as I am cool with her seeing her guy friends sometimes (just like I see other female friends), I am not cool with her drinking one-on-one with a guy at night.
I joked and said, "So that means it's okay for me to do go out drinking one-on-one with female friends at night?" - which I did in my past relationships and it would make a girl change her mind. But my current gf said it's cool and she trusts me. I think it might be due to her not having prior experience with other guys, but might be wrong?

Anyways, I really don't want this kind of things to happen in the relationship, as I see it as something a single person would do. How do I prevent single-like behaviour?
I don't want to say no, cuz that would make me look needy, jealous and controlling.
But I don't want to say yes either, because I'm worried it might make it seem okay for her to do it in the future, i.e. our relationship won't be as serious.

Help.
Are you afraid of her guy friend 'sleeping,' with your girlfriend?

I do agree drinking one on one is probably a big no-no, but women are fickle creatures. If you deny them access or tell them no, they will only get defiant and find that as you being 'insecure,' or unable to come to gripes that what their doing is extremely selfish to the significant other.

At this point, I would say your best bet is to trust her. Being obtrusive and refusing her to meet up with her friend will not only result in her being upset at you, but it'll like you say, make you look jealous, and controlling.

At the end of the day, you're the one sleeping with her. Not the guy friend.

If she wants to catch up, and hang out with her guy friends, then she cannot get mad when you do the same.

Just make sure when you do it to her, that it's a rather attractive girl 'friend.' ;)

EDIT:

I just want to expand on this topic.

If someone is doing this in a relationship, it means they are not going to change. Just like how women try to change men, and when they successfully do so, that's when men get weeded out, because they were no longer the same attractive, mysterious or sexy man they fell in love with.

My advice to you is to meditate about your girl, you need to define for yourself whether she’s just friendly or she’s overly friendly to the point of being flirty, after you have this definition clearly in your mind you’ll need to decide whether you can live with that or not.
 
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