Resentment for beautiful/sexy women

[Foxhound634]

Hi, first an introduction.

Right now at 29, my dating life and social life is at an all-time low. I'm overweight and have been focused a lot on trying to lose weight, especially in the past couple of months (and i have a long way to go). I've also gotten to a point where i feel completely and utterly not-sexy. Maybe this is has been reinforced by the fact that i'm using tinder and a dating site with a sexual atmosphere, where looks and body image are especially in high demand. I have zero success with it (written with some, but never leads anywhere), and dating is no fun for me anymore, and i no longer feel excited to meet new women. So IF i miraculously meet up with someone, i feel like it's something that i just have to get over with and get that rejection i've come to expect. These are my only ways of meeting women (though that hasn't happened in forever), because my social life is dead. I only have one friend where i live, so i don't have any parties to go to (he also don't know anyone), so i can't meet new people that way. The only thing i care about hobby/career-wise is video games, so no hobbies to meet new people either. I'm unemployed as well, so basically everything is shit.

ANYway...when seeing a beatiful and/or sexy girl in a picture or music video, i've often caught myself in being resentful of her. When i say 'caught myself', it's because i know it to be a "wrong" reaction. I know it has nothing to do with the girl and everything to do with me, that i despise her because i know i can't get her. I of course also know that getting a girl is a matter of mindset and that being out of her league is a matter of paradigm shift. Basically i KNOW a lot of things, but it's been a long time since my feelings gave a shit about that fact. Also, i've read some people saying "oh it's just men that feel ENTITLED to women's bodies" and the sort, but this is not the case for me. I know that it's up to me to attract a girl, and failing that is on me, but i still have those feelings.

So after unloading that pile of emotional manure, my question is: How do i stop feeling this resentment?

 

[Michal]

...
So after unloading that pile of emotional manure, my question is: How do i stop feeling this resentment?

Hello Foxhound,

Not an easy situation there but in a way.. good. You see, sometimes it is better to be at the bottom because your desires kick and you decide "No! Enough! I will not live like this" and you go do something about your situation. And you go haed after the goals you set because if you are doing somewhat pk but not good then you might not feel that push or pull towards to great things. You might just feel like "well why bother putting effort in if I am doing ok?". While if you are at the bottom, if you dont do something, you will die (at least internally). It is like a spiritual suicide and you will feel misserable.

Now, the origin of the resentment you feel toward girls might be similar to what I felt once which is - they have it so easy. You might be subconsciously comparing yourself to her and be mad as a result. But I am not a clinical psychologist so just a food for thought.

I think you somewhat know the answers about what to do - simply put would be: "get your shit together" but more empathical phrasing would be: "focus on yourself for now, focus on key departments like your physical body, hygiene, finding a job". I dont know what your financial situation is like but I would definitelly recommend working out.

So... if you are on a budget and want to lose weight, what you can do is simply buy a skipping rope and keep skipping that rope. Boxers use this after their trainings to shed that layer of fat. Plus, its cheap and you can combine it with like watching some stream channel. I used to play video games a lot and I must say watching streams like tournaments (for example one Counter Strike tournament was very intrnse and enjoyable) for like an hour and skip rope during that.
Next thing, drink lots of water. Find a glass or bottle, put marks on that with time of the day like 8:00, 10:00, 12:00 etc. If you use like 2 liter bottle, that can be enough to refill it only once a day to drink simetjing like 3 - 4 liters. The point is that if your body is hydrated it can function more properly, your skin should be less dry, it will help your body to dump away some toxins and you might have to visit the bathroom more often (therefore more walking). And it should also increase your metabolism in a way. Also, walk as much as you can. Walking is natural and actually helps your posture and straightening your spine.

Next thing is food. It is proven that what you eat not only influences your body but your mind aswell. The glands in your body produce the hromones and other processes trigger neurotransmitter which then influence your thoughs. Yes, pizza can make you feel sad and anxious. Chips can make you depressed because there are mostly empty calories. Again, dunno your financial situation but bananas are somewhat cheap where you live I hope. Anything that contains Vitamin C. Red pepper bells (paprika berry) or what is it called in english are great. It is juicy, it tastes sweet, but it is more expensive. Same for avocados.

Next - weight lift. Because endorphins. I would say strenght training is much more enjoyable than those aerobic exercises where you fe exhausted and you have like 10 seconds between sets to catch your breath. Lifting weighs that are challenging requires power, which means you will burn calories as well. Once you start working on your body, I am sure your self confidence will come back because we men want to feel strong and powerful and feeling that your hands are strong enough to tear a book in half is great.

Keep logging everything, put it in an excel sheet and track your progress by weighting yourself and measuring your body parts. It helps in the begining to see the slow lrogress you are making and motivate you to go further.

I need to go so if anything, I can write something later

 

[Foxhound634]

Thanks for the feedback (and for suggesting actual stuff to do). Looking back on it, i can see that it probably was a form of bitter jealousy like you alluded to. Even though it would probably be healthier to adopt a mindset where looks aren't necessary for my source of confidence, that's easier said than done, and so i've accepted that this is just how i feel right now. I am actually already trying to improve my diet, and am also simultaneously looking for a job and pursuing some long-term career milestones. One thing i didn't mention was that i'm really not that unskilled in social settings like parties. It's just been ages since i proved that to myself, because my social life has completely withered away, and i don't know how to meet new friends without it feeling forced (like volunteering for something i have no interest in). But that's probably something for another thread.

 

[Seppuku]

Hey Fox,

You have too many things going on, and you won't be able to solve all the problems at once. So, you've got to prioritize and fix the problems one by one.

Your first and foremost problem, it seems to me, is your self image. Without a minimum of healthy self-esteem, you can't succeed with women, it's as simple as that. So I would say, fix your overweight problem first, care for yourself, work on your appearance, and forget about getting a woman for now.

Fixing the weight problem is not that difficult, provided you really understand a few principles. First, the overweight problem is the direct consequence of unhealthy eating habits. Just understand this: there is no amount of gym or weight lifting that will make you lose weight, IF you don't sort out your diet. This is where most people go wrong: you see them in the gym sweating for hours, but then they go home and eat the same amount of carbs and processed food, and junk food, and takeaway, and sweets. Result: lots of sweat for very little results. So if you want to start getting better with yourself, consider your eating habits under a very critical eye, and *shed all the junk*. This means:

* No pizza, no pasta, no rice, no bread, no chips
* No fast food, nor any takeaway food
* No processed drinks (fruit juice, coke, etc...)
* No industrial sauce
* No more sweets, cakes etc...

In fact, you should really take yourself in hand and cook your own food, if you are not doing it already, from whole, unprocessed ingredients. On the topic of weight loss, I strongly recommend you read this article from the main GC site. I have tested and applied it to myself very successfully many times. You could fix your overweight problem in two months time with a little discipline.

Once you have your diet and weight under control, then yes, you can start working out. Again, working out is great but you won't get much result if you do not fix your diet. I agree with all of Michal's recommendation. Weight lifting is great.

Then you need to fix the way you dress. Girls Chase has many articles on fashion, I advise you to browse and read many of them.

With a little discipline, you could sort out your appearance within six months, and then, start resolving your self image problem.

On the topics of jobs and finance, you need to move your ass and find yourself a job. Spending your day on video games may be fun, but your life will not have advanced one inch at the end of the day. Video games is just a loss of time, that could have been used productively to advance your life objectives. This realization made me set aside my PlayStation for good some twenty years ago.

So use the freed up time to look for a job. I would also advise you to read more. You could be reading anything (it's good to increase your ability to focus), but why not reading on subjects related to your desired career and improve the chances of getting the right job? I've done that many many times to my own benefit.

When you have sorted out your overweight, self image, and financial situation, then you will be in a much better place to improve yourself with girls.

This is the best advice I can give to you. No one else than yourself can solve these problems. So take yourself in hand and go and fix these, one problem at a time!

Cheers,
Seppuku